Posted January 12, 2007 My and my girlfriend have just split up after I found out yesterday that she has been cheating and lying to me over the past two weeks or so. We were watching some tv and then she went to the bathroom. Something deep inside was telling me to check her phone. I know this makes me a terrible person, but I really couldn't care, what I found just really shocked me. There were some messages to this guy called Chris. There's another little story about him. Last April, my girlfriend and her friend (laura) went to see this guy, as Laura was an old mate of his. Laura ended up cheating on her girlfriend with this Chris guy. It wouldn't be so bad if she had cheated with another girl, but to cheat with a guy after she had been with her girlfriend for 2/3 years or so...thats wrong. I found some messages to this Chris. It was hard to get the jist of what the messages were about...at first. I had to read back over the older messages to understand what was going on. They were about sex, and they were basically flirting with each other about their night. There are no words to describe how I felt at this moment. What If I was wrong? Occassionally, I do get things wrong. But, deep down I knew I was right. As soon as she came out of the bathroom, I confronted her. She lied at first, but then admitted that something did happen. It was on a night out a few weeks ago. She and Chris were saying goodbye before she came back to Uni, and she told me she only stayed out til 12. She rang me the next morning at 11 am. What a load of bullshit. She stayed at his overnight. They had sex on his living room floor, and she stayed the night at his. They were both pissed out of their minds, but thats no excuse in my book. She got a taxi home and she then rang me from her place, at 11am, so she had lied to me about getting home early. I asked if it had happened more than once. There was some really disgusting messages on her phone that almost made me physically sick. I rarely feel that way, but words cannot describe what was going through my mind. She confirmed my suspicions...they had sex another time. This time, they were both stone cold sober. We came back to uni on sunday, but I wanted to come back Saturday. However, she told me she had family stuff to do. A pack of lies. On Saturday, they arranged to meetup and have one last fuck before she came back. Sorry for my swearing, but I really couldn't give a shit about my language at this point. I am angry, I feel betrayed, I feel sick to my stomach. There's some bruises on her leg and back, and I thought she got them when we were having sex the other week. Turns out, no. She got them with him. I read the messages out loud to her, and we both knew what had happened. I was angry, and I let my temper get the better than me. She went to sleep in the spare bedroom, but I didn't want her there. I made her go downstairs, but she refused. I pulled her off the bed and threatened to throw her down the stairs. She could see how angry I was, so she went down by herself. I went through her phone, and sent a message to that Chris bloke. I told him I knew what was going on, how if he ever came near any of us again, I would fucking kill him. I asked him how he could do such a thing especially as he knew we were together, and I told him if he tried anything funny again it would be the last thing he ever did. He sent a message back, saying he didn't appreciate me sending him death threats at 5 in the morning, and that he would continue sending her messages. That sent me over the edge. I forced my girlfriend to send him a text saying it was the worst mistake of her life and how he had fucked both our lives up. I used emotional blackmail, which is wrong, but I wanted him out of our lives. She has left to go stay at a friend's house, and I have a friend coming over at 7. I dunno what the fuck I am going to do. We've been together for almost 3 years, and now that has gone down the pan. We had dreams, prospects, ideas of where our future was leading and now its all gone to shit. She feels remorse for what she has done, which eases the pain a bit, but I do not know what to do know. I've never had anyone cheat on me before. What the hell am I gonna do now? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 I'm really sorry to hear that man. First those problems with your brother, and now this. You're very right to be angry at her and that Chris guy. Just don't do anything you might regret doing, and hang in there. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Shit man...that's fuckin awful. I can't really offer much advice to you but I think I speak for everyone here when I say we're here if you need a vent or someone to talk to. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Bin her and move on - I know that sounds harsh but can you really truly trust her again? Oh and if Chris makes any smart arsed comments to you tell him you were told he was a lousy fuck and punch his lights out. Move on man I know it hurts but it will get better with time and you will (when your ready) meet someone else trust me - been there done that I'm an old hand - I'm 36! Ok well hope that helps - and keep your chin up - get shitfaced tonight! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 That sucks, but you're best off out of it tbh. And leave the Chris guy alone it sounds like he wants a confrontation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Sorry to here that Flinks, it's a tough decision from here on. Does what happen change the way you feel about her? If not then maybe you can continue to go out, but she defo needs to earn your trust again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Do whatever makes you feel better (so long as it's not illegal). I don't really know what to say as I've never been in the position; but If Jo did that to me my life would be pointless; so I can understand how you feel. Sorry to here that Flinks, it's a tough decision from here on. Does what happen change the way you feel about her? If not then maybe you can continue to go out, but she defo needs to earn your trust again. You're an idiot. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Get her stuff and throw it out, break or burn her really important stuff, and change the locks if she has a key. : peace: Don't fret you'll get over it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Fucking hell Flinky, i know how much you care about Beckie. This is just soul destroying, there are simply no words i can tell you to make you feel better but please god, don't do anything too rash. You need to keep your head, at moments like this. Remember that we the users and especially the staff are with you at this time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Sorry to read all that. I dunno if you're considering how to fix it (you probably are since you've been with her for three years) but I advise you not to. Really, it'd not be the same and you'd not be able to trust her or totally put all that behind you completely. It'd always be in the back of you're mind and you'd never believe her about what she was doing when you werent together. It would drive you insane. I know that this time yesterday you were happy in having a relationship with great prospects and today you've not, but just hold it together and you'll be ok. A day at a time! A cliche of doom but hey, heed the advice. Two other things, dont be going on the rebound and dont just go and get trolleyed for the heck of it. Itll solve nothing and just prolong your healing process. Oh and so what if Uni's back on, you're not final year, come over for a visit to get away from it all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Sorry man, that's pretty messed up... Now I can't say shit because I don't know you but just keep your head straight and don't do anything that you'll regret. Just call some friends round for a shoulder to lean on, I guess you're in a pretty emotional state right now. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 I can't give decent advice, as I've never experienced anything like this, but it looks like you should keep yourself calm and think about what to do rationally... also, you should probably stay away from this Chris guy. I'm sorry to hear it though... you don't seem to be having much luck at the moment. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Write a poem on DeviantArt. OR! Do what Karl Kennedy did and write a song about it, River Of Lies. Although that song was rather good in a sense. Joking aside, fuck her. Not literally but block the bitch out of your mind. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Do whatever makes you feel better (so long as it's not illegal). I don't really know what to say as I've never been in the position; but If Jo did that to me my life would be pointless; so I can understand how you feel. You're an idiot. Shut it Fag. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Shut it Fag. Thats not really constructive is it? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Thats not really constructive is it? And calling me an idiot is? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 I don't think this thread should be derailed by getting into arguments, that's not what it's about. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Im really sorry to hear about this Flinky, truely I am. I myself was at the end of a similar situation a few years back and know how heartbroken you must feel at this time. The best thing I can say is to try and move on with your life, which is alot easier said than done. If you do still feel something for her, and know doubt you do due to how long you have been together, then getting over her will be a rough ride. The fact that she has cheated on you once proves that she cant be trusted so IMO a 2nd chance is not an option. Best bet is to get some close friends around you and try to keep your mind occupied and positive. Again all of this sounds easy but I know it aint. Thats all I can think to say at this time. Keep your head up man your clearly deserve someone who will treat you right and with some respect! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Jesus H. Sorry to hear about that, Fierce, but if you want my (admittingly very hollow) advice, you seem to hint at the end that you don't really want to end this relationship, so basically don't do anything rash and in a few weeks see how you feel. You may consider forgiving her, or you may be just as angry and feel like moving on, but I'm just saying don't do too much too soon. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 Sorry to here that Flinks, it's a tough decision from here on. Does what happen change the way you feel about her? If not then maybe you can continue to go out, but she defo needs to earn your trust again. It sounds stupid, but she's still the person I love. I really do love her, but its the whole trust issue. How can you trust someone who does this? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 It sounds stupid, but she's still the person I love. I really do love her, but its the whole trust issue. How can you trust someone who does this? With time, trust can be regained, but at the back of your mind you're always going to think shes done it again. Which is what makes this kind of thing extremely difficult. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 And calling me an idiot is? You two are bickering - Flinks got problems either offer advice opinions etc or butt out - it's not your party. There's plenty other topics suitable for slagging each other off on - this isn't one of them. Now you and Kurt kiss and make up! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 ..I'm really sorry to hear that.. even me reading it got me angry, so I have no idea how you're feeling right now ..you'll get through it.. I feel for you, man.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2007 It sounds stupid, but she's still the person I love. I really do love her, but its the whole trust issue. How can you trust someone who does this? Its not stupid at all to feel the way you do. You have been with her for a very long time and you are used to having her around. As for the trust issue, like I said before IMO you cant trust that person again. You may think you can just for the sake of getting back together but in the end there will always be that doubt in your mind which cant come to any good. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
