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Pff, bet your galpal woul be happy if you ALWAYS came second... And yes, comiserations.

The. Cake. Is. A. Lie. Happy birthday, the noo'!

Oh, crap, how did I miss this? Props to you, Sam, props!

For sure! And, possibly the funniest picture ever:

I have the opposite feeling - I actually actively dislike Spider-Man as a character, but I enjoyed films 2 and 3.

Urgh... Old boss called for a favour earlier: new teacher was supposed to be going from Shenzhen to Wuxi tonight, but his flight got diverted to Shanghai. Because of a visa mix up he's been left with zero cash. Phil called me two hours ao to beg me to meet this guy at the airport... Now his flight has been delayed from 10:30 to midnight. I have agreed to go there, give him some money, ferry him to a hotel and get him hunkered down before directing him to the train station tomorrow morning. It's a hot, humid, sweaty evening here with a temperature of about 34 degrees and a nice summer storm brewing. All I wanted was a quiet evening. The upshot is, all the costs plus an extra £60 will be reimbursed. Bad news is I won't get it til Thursday at the earliest and I'm on short rations as it is. Oh, and the rented apartment I moved into on Monday has (a) no TV controller (b) only one working AC © a broken hot water heater.

GO TO YOUR ROOM AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE! Also, I can't see what they are going to do with this. There will probably be some retconning and a MacGuffin that they magically need to save the dying planet etc. etc.

Drums? DRUMS! In. Control. Happy Birthday!

That is quite possibly the hottest dressing gown I have seen this side of Coronation Street. I didn't read the rest, mesmerised by the hotness. Something aout stroking a guy in an ambulance?

Alright, well, maybe not "kill" how about I do two maimings instead? Four GBHs? Sixteen saying something off colours in the middle of the high street?

Dude, man hugs! Tell us all about it? What the fuck happened? WHO DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL?!

"I noticed she was sitting on her sw-sw-sweet can..."

How should it end? Soon, and with an apology for every episode since 1999.

I'm gay for you, and you know it.

I have a member of staff from the Phils, and she is a tremendously hard worker. Constantly sends about half her money home as her dad died and mum has poor health. She has the opportunity and she takes it, and kudos for her, but I do get the feeling from what she says that it encourages a little laziness and a slightly slapdash approach to finances by her family "oh, Aileen will send us more money if we need it, so just get whatever you want". It's her choice, and I respect it, but there'd be strings attached if it were me i.e. spend half and save half, not spend double and save less because now you have more.

My parents thought I was gay, apparently. But I think they just liked saying that in front of people, it was yet another of their little ways of thoroughly humiliating me.

@Zell That is awful. But seriously, kudos to you for how you handled it. You absolutely did the right thing. @mokong I feel for you, man. Especially as the guys said he wouldn't do it again. I hope, for the sake of your wife, that he recovers and reforms. However, about six months down the road you need to sit her down and tell her in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that the bank is now closed for that boy and you expect that every penny will be paid back. yes, I know the average wage in the Phils is about 100 GBP a month, but if he can afford to drink, he can afford to pay you a few quid a month. It's harsh and she will squeal and cry over it, but seriously, you cannot bankroll her family: you can send them money every month that they should put by for a rainy day and that is it.

Observe how many kisses I used in my last email: .x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x .x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x. .x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x. It should be obvious to EVERYONE that I and I only VERY CLEARLY have the monopoly on MOST LOVE in this relationship. Don't make me START a full-on SNUGGLE WAR.

No, I clearly love YOU more. Moved back to the hotel last night.

What has a hazelnut in every bite?

He absolutely MUST stay in London, he looks too shifty to go anywhere else.

Jesus, he honestly couldn't find another way to work? I had dinner with Madam the other night.... we did it... I stayed the night, but was desperate to escape... she called last night... misses me so much.... offered to become my anytime-sex-bunny even if we divorce... I'm running out of dots.

Your parents are making you couigh up for all this? Jeez... are you sure we're not brothers? Because that's precisely what my parents did.

Don't minimize your own feelings, you stupid Clefairy! Two-and-a-half years is a lifetime in love, and you had that love. You are lucky SO LUCKY to hav had that feeling. And for him to tear it away from you is devastating - that's another good word! When you first met, you were just two pilgrims on the road, looking for a placed to settle. You pitched your tent, then a tent wasn't enough: you needed a house, so you built it. Then you needed food, so you made a shed for the cows and sheep. And slowly, from this one house a whole community was built - tennis on Tuesdays, beers on Fridays, Sunday rest and those dreadful Monday mornings... ...one day along came a storm, and it washed everything away - every single thing the whole town, the thriving community was devastated by the wind and rain. There's nothing left, just a pile of dirt and some memories. And you're sitting there where your house used to be, wondering if ever you can start again... ...well you can, believe me. Because love is addictive. Once you've felt that high, you need it again and again. You have to be ready to meet someone on the road again, or you'll never hit that euphoria. In the meantime, go visit a few other towns and have a little fun. It'll do your confidence the world of good.