Up or Down? And Other Toilet-Related Stories

[Pancake]

 

WHY!

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

If they prepare for diarrhoea that bad, they probably should leave a loaded gun for those who prefer to end their misery.

[Pancake]

My theory is that the toilet attendant is really lazy and figures they'll come back in 6 months to restock the toilet roll.

[Cube]

My theory is that the toilet attendant is really lazy and figures they'll come back in 6 months to restock the toilet roll.

 

Or the toilet attendant is male.

[Pancake]

But going by that logic surely he would have left the seat up!

[Goafer]

But going by that logic surely he would have left the seat up!

 

Nah, he would have pissed all over the seat. The idea that men raise the seat is a myth.

 

All men think their aim is perfect enough to get through the slightly smaller hole a seat provides, and it often is, but nothing is perfect and sometimes there is a good seat soaking. At that point in time, a mans thought process often heads to the "when was the last time I had a shit? Ages ago I think. Good, that means I won't have to use the seat any time soon" and walks off, leaving the pissy mess to someone who will need to use the seat soon.

[The fish]

Nah, he would have pissed all over the seat. The idea that men raise the seat is a myth.

 

All men think their aim is perfect enough to get through the slightly smaller hole a seat provides, and it often is, but nothing is perfect and sometimes there is a good seat soaking. At that point in time, a mans thought process often heads to the "when was the last time I had a shit? Ages ago I think. Good, that means I won't have to use the seat any time soon" and walks off, leaving the pissy mess to someone who will need to use the seat soon.

 

That annoys me to no end - how fucking hard is it to simply lift the fucking seat?

[Goafer]

I think the idea is that lifting the seat involves bending down, better aim doesn't. Also, the seat only makes the target slightly smaller. Bending down to gain an extra inch or so on the target is not a good enough effort/reward ratio.

 

I'm not actually sure what I do myself. I don't piss on the seat either way though and if I did, I'd certainly clean up after myself.

 

People who don't wash their hands after going to the toilet annoy me more than seat pissers. I tend not to shit in public toilets that often, so pissy seats don't effect me that much.

[EEVILMURRAY]

People who don't wash their hands after going to the toilet annoy me more than seat pissers. I tend not to shit in public toilets that often, so pissy seats don't effect me that much.

Depends on how long it's been since I've had a shower dictates whether I wash my hands or not. Assuming I don't get piss on my hands (which warrants instant cleansing), all I'm doing is touching another bit of skin.

[jayseven]

I lift the seat to piss, then put the seat and the lid down afterwards. Means the next person after me has to lift something, which means there's an element of equality in it all :P

 

*senses possible thrip coming...*

[Ellmeister]

I lift the seat to piss, then put the seat and the lid down afterwards. Means the next person after me has to lift something, which means there's an element of equality in it all :P

 

*senses possible thrip coming...*

 

Me too. I'm one of those that shuts down the lid due to all the bacteria that escapes if the lid is left up and the toilet is then flushed.

[EEVILMURRAY]

I lift the seat to piss, then put the seat and the lid down afterwards. Means the next person after me has to lift something, which means there's an element of equality in it all :P

 

*senses possible thrip coming...*

Unless it's you/another bloke needing a piss. Then you're just doubling the effort.

[jayseven]

The way I see it is that if I have to lift the seat, why shouldn't the person after me have to lift something? By putting the lid down, it's more likely that a male following me will lift the lid and the seat, thereby ensuring less piss-on-seat, making ladies more happy. That the ladies do not put the lid down only encourages men to try their luck :P

 

What I'm saying is my method is the most equal and fair of all of them :P Except for having separate male/female (and male poo) toilets. Which is silly.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Why is it that toilet topics always end up generating so much discussion on these forums?

[EEVILMURRAY]

The way I see it is that if I have to lift the seat, why shouldn't the person after me have to lift something?

Because you're not a fan of consideration? Then the next person will have that logic and you'll be spending all day lifting and putting down the toilet seat and lid. You have a piss, you put seat and lid down after. Person X comes in, lifts seat and lid to have slash, puts lid and seat down after. You come in later, have to lift the lid, sit down to have a crap and then put the lid down after for a bit of fun? It's ludicrous.

What I'm saying is my method is the most equal and fair of all of them

No, it's the most spiteful. The doing it when required method is the fairest for everyone. Man lifts up when he needs a piss, woman puts it down when she needs to piss/shit. If a bloke needs a shit and it's already down = bonus. If he has to put the seat down himself, call it karma.

[Goafer]

I put the lid down. Habit really.

 

I do love the cliche of "men leave the toilet seat up" and "women leave the seat down" arguments. My response is usually "you're an adult now. I'm fairly sure you're capable of putting the seat up/down yourself" in the most patronising way possible.

 

 

 

Why is it that toilet topics always end up generating so much discussion on these forums?

 

Because everybody poops.

[jayseven]

Because you're not a fan of consideration? Then the next person will have that logic and you'll be spending all day lifting and putting down the toilet seat and lid. You have a piss, you put seat and lid down after. Person X comes in, lifts seat and lid to have slash, puts lid and seat down after. You come in later, have to lift the lid, sit down to have a crap and then put the lid down after for a bit of fun? It's ludicrous.

 

No, it's the most spiteful. The doing it when required method is the fairest for everyone. Man lifts up when he needs a piss, woman puts it down when she needs to piss/shit. If a bloke needs a shit and it's already down = bonus. If he has to put the seat down himself, call it karma.

I'm genuinely surprised at how much lifting and setting a toilet seat bothers you.

 

Just imagine the scenario, where the bloke enters to see the seat down, and is, like you, completely exhausted with life and finds the trivial task of lifting a seat unbearable. They instead choose to take aim and hope for the best. If they splatter, then the act of cleaning the seat with loo roll will surely be an even more insurmountable feat for such a lazy cunt. As such, this individual will, when presented with a lid-down toilet, be forced to exert a minuae of effort -- but in doing so will not only avoid any clean-up operation but also avoid a male shitter of female toilet user any stress of being faced with another's excrement.

 

It just makes the most sense, when thinking of all scenarios.

 

If someone comes in to poop, then they should put the lid down anyway, to attempt to contain odours (at the least), so lifting to sit/shit, then placing afterwards is just courtesy.

 

And that's it! Courtesy. My actions offer far more in the way of courtesy -- courtesy which outweighs the split-second it takes to actually lift/set. PLUS people who touch a toilet seat are more likely to actually wash their hands, thus encouraging good personal hygeine.

 

Also, you talk about spite and fairness. Your imagined world where everyone inputs the correct response is rather naive in assuming that a bloke will, in all circumstances, lift a seat when they need a slash.

 

'Consideration' includes not pissing on the seat in the first place. my method is more certain to avoid such inconsiderate actions than running the risk that one will choose not to just risk pissing on a seat.

 

At worst, my practice is just as good/bad as any other.

 

I lost my train of thought ages ago because I was genuinely baffled that you found going to the toilet so laborious and potentially offensive.

[Diageo]

I am similar to Ell and jay in that I put the lid down to.

 

I've never thought about it, I just do it. Unlike some others who seem to have spent a lot of time calculating fairness in seat-lifting work ratio.

[ReZourceman]

I just sit down yo.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I'm genuinely surprised at how much lifting and setting a toilet seat bothers you.

 

Just imagine the scenario, where the bloke enters to see the seat down, and is, like you, completely exhausted with life and finds the trivial task of lifting a seat unbearable. They instead choose to take aim and hope for the best. If they splatter, then the act of cleaning the seat with loo roll will surely be an even more insurmountable feat for such a lazy cunt. As such, this individual will, when presented with a lid-down toilet, be forced to exert a minuae of effort -- but in doing so will not only avoid any clean-up operation but also avoid a male shitter of female toilet user any stress of being faced with another's excrement.

 

It just makes the most sense, when thinking of all scenarios.

 

If someone comes in to poop, then they should put the lid down anyway, to attempt to contain odours (at the least), so lifting to sit/shit, then placing afterwards is just courtesy.

 

And that's it! Courtesy. My actions offer far more in the way of courtesy -- courtesy which outweighs the split-second it takes to actually lift/set. PLUS people who touch a toilet seat are more likely to actually wash their hands, thus encouraging good personal hygeine.

 

Also, you talk about spite and fairness. Your imagined world where everyone inputs the correct response is rather naive in assuming that a bloke will, in all circumstances, lift a seat when they need a slash.

 

'Consideration' includes not pissing on the seat in the first place. my method is more certain to avoid such inconsiderate actions than running the risk that one will choose not to just risk pissing on a seat.

 

At worst, my practice is just as good/bad as any other.

 

I lost my train of thought ages ago because I was genuinely baffled that you found going to the toilet so laborious and potentially offensive.

 

Are there any topics you don't have deeper thought processes about? I mean that in an entirely positive way, of course.

[jayseven]

Not really :P Gotta use up my mental energy somehow!

[Murr]

On topic with the toilet discussion, I feel this rage comic can create another sub category in the toilet habits,

 

Wiping the seat before shitting.... do you do it? I do at work all the time, and this rage comic totally sums up how I feel on the occasions I have 'slipped'

 

[EEVILMURRAY]

Just imagine the scenario, where the bloke enters to see the seat down, and is, like you, completely exhausted with life and finds the trivial task of lifting a seat unbearable. They instead choose to take aim and hope for the best. If they splatter, then the act of cleaning the seat with loo roll will surely be an even more insurmountable feat for such a lazy cunt. As such, this individual will, when presented with a lid-down toilet, be forced to exert a minuae of effort -- but in doing so will not only avoid any clean-up operation but also avoid a male shitter of female toilet user any stress of being faced with another's excrement.

If I was, as you said, a lazy cunt, I'd probably just sit down to piss. Fight the power.

If someone comes in to poop, then they should put the lid down anyway, to attempt to contain odours (at the least), so lifting to sit/shit, then placing afterwards is just courtesy.

That's what the magic of Glade touch n' fresh things are for. Which can be done with the other hand whilst flushing with no need to bend down and reposition the lid in an attempt to block the smell with a bit of plastic. And sometimes it smells nice. Depends how much you use.

 

But that's just the layout of my toilet area.

'Consideration' includes not pissing on the seat in the first place. my method is more certain to avoid such inconsiderate actions than running the risk that one will choose not to just risk pissing on a seat.

I concur, I guess I'm basing my experiences on being around those who:

a) lift up before having a slash,

b) have good accuracy.

 

It also helps that out of the four people who inhabit the house, only one is female. So the odds of finding the seat already up are already in my favour.

I lost my train of thought ages ago because I was genuinely baffled that you found going to the toilet so laborious and potentially offensive.

I don't find it laborious, what I find baffling is why you make the experience more so. But if that is how you have been programmed, so be it. There are too many factors/assumptions to make here, so we'll never agree... Unless we both move in together. We can talk about that in the future.

 

But on a similar vein before the rip inevitably occurs. What material do you prefer for your toilet seat? I prefer wood, it's sturdy and warm. Unlike plastic (or Heaven forbid, metal) which will chill your arse into retracting the shit in the middle of the night.

[Konfucius]

Wiping the seat before shitting.... do you do it? I do at work all the time, and this rage comic totally sums up how I feel on the occasions I have 'slipped'

 

I put toilet paper on the part where I'm going to sit. No need for wiping and acceptably clean.

[Goafer]

Wiping the seat before shitting.... do you do it? I do at work all the time, and this rage comic totally sums up how I feel on the occasions I have 'slipped'

 

How hard do you wipe the seat?! Do you use your full weight or something?