S.C.G Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 So I'm going to meat her for coffee tomorrow. We had a good conversation on the phone. She was surprised that I remembered stuff about her. I brought up the vegan thing subtlety and she said she's cool with meat-eaters but finds it a bit gross but she's okay with me being one (no jokes, heard it all day, haha). I hope your meating goes well. Nah, but seriously I'm happy for you Animal.
Goafer Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 You should steak out the coffee place first, make sure it meats her expectations.
bob Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Let's not mince words. It's rare to find a grill who is both a vegan, and OK with you eating meat. Sounds like a keeper.
stuwii Posted February 11, 2017 Posted February 11, 2017 Tinder has gone very quiet ... In fact everything has gone quiet , starting to accept I may be single for the rest of my life . Oh joy
Naar Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Tinder has gone very quiet ... In fact everything has gone quiet , starting to accept I may be single for the rest of my life . Oh joyTried Happn? Or a bar?
Beast Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 Let's not mince words. It's rare to find a grill who is both a vegan, and OK with you eating meat. Sounds like a keeper. True. I'm going to put it to the test and go to a place that caters for both of us and have chicken, should today go well. I've never felt this excited to have coffee, haha. Tinder has gone very quiet ... In fact everything has gone quiet , starting to accept I may be single for the rest of my life . Oh joy You're talking to a man who is still single after 9 years (not in serious relationships)...trust me, it takes patience.
Raining_again Posted February 12, 2017 Posted February 12, 2017 you need to find out if she can handle you eating meat with her on a regular basis, so good thinking on that. A relationship will go nowhere if shes constantly sniping at you, or you have to make a major change in your life to accommodate her. I hope it goes well!
Beast Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 you need to find out if she can handle you eating meat with her on a regular basis, so good thinking on that. A relationship will go nowhere if shes constantly sniping at you, or you have to make a major change in your life to accommodate her. I hope it goes well! It went great...but I don't know if we're meant to be and I don't know where to go from here. So we both sat down with our drinks and we were basically talking for two hours straight. We were talking about our families, our lives...everything. she said she wants to stay single but would be willing to take things slow, which is what I'd want anyway. Eventually, the subject of relationships popped up but not in a stalker-y way. I asked her about her vegan thing and she set it straight that she's now vegetarian and she's fine with me eating meat. She said it'd be easier for us both to be the same thing but she'd be okay with me because I'm 'too good of a man' and I respected her lifestyle. She asked if I wanted kids and I said "In the future, yeah, but I need to find the right woman for that first". She then dropped the news that she never wants kids. My heart sank, I can't lie. I've always wanted to be a father. I know nothing serious could come out of it, most likely. I know things change but the worst thing would be for me to fall for her and her mind is still set on never having kids. She's interested in me and really likes me but the kids thing...I want a relationship eventually... So what do I do? Carry on seeing her? Do I go on another date? Just have fun for now? I'm a bit unsure...
Agent Gibbs Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 It went great...but I don't know if we're meant to be and I don't know where to go from here. So we both sat down with our drinks and we were basically talking for two hours straight. We were talking about our families, our lives...everything. she said she wants to stay single but would be willing to take things slow, which is what I'd want anyway. Eventually, the subject of relationships popped up but not in a stalker-y way. I asked her about her vegan thing and she set it straight that she's now vegetarian and she's fine with me eating meat. She said it'd be easier for us both to be the same thing but she'd be okay with me because I'm 'too good of a man' and I respected her lifestyle. She asked if I wanted kids and I said "In the future, yeah, but I need to find the right woman for that first". She then dropped the news that she never wants kids. My heart sank, I can't lie. I've always wanted to be a father. I know nothing serious could come out of it, most likely. I know things change but the worst thing would be for me to fall for her and her mind is still set on never having kids. She's interested in me and really likes me but the kids thing...I want a relationship eventually... So what do I do? Carry on seeing her? Do I go on another date? Just have fun for now? I'm a bit unsure... Pull out now! Seriously its just not worth it as that is something you cannot compromise on when i started dating My girlfriend stated she didn't really want kids but wasn't sure, i weighed up things and kept at it...........and at times i've regretted that decision 9 years i've been with her and she's slowly gone from probably not, to probably when we've bought our house (which we no have) a massive part of that was seeing her twin sister have a kid and falling in love with her nephew but waiting for the change in her has been excruciating and has caused some almost relationship destroying arguments between us. It even caused friction with my parents because they know i want kids and she didn't seem to so they were concerned i'd end up not having them, resenting her and splitting up down the line when its too late to have kids So as much as i know you were excited by this, i think if she is adamant she never wants kids, then you will have a bad time and will have to give up on having kids, which will breed regrets and resentment. just take this as a boost to your confidence, you got the girl and you are back on the horse
Beast Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Pull out now! Seriously its just not worth it as that is something you cannot compromise on when i started dating My girlfriend stated she didn't really want kids but wasn't sure, i weighed up things and kept at it...........and at times i've regretted that decision 9 years i've been with her and she's slowly gone from probably not, to probably when we've bought our house (which we no have) a massive part of that was seeing her twin sister have a kid and falling in love with her nephew but waiting for the change in her has been excruciating and has caused some almost relationship destroying arguments between us. It even caused friction with my parents because they know i want kids and she didn't seem to so they were concerned i'd end up not having them, resenting her and splitting up down the line when its too late to have kids So as much as i know you were excited by this, i think if she is adamant she never wants kids, then you will have a bad time and will have to give up on having kids, which will breed regrets and resentment. just take this as a boost to your confidence, you got the girl and you are back on the horse That's exactly what I'm afraid of. I know that people say that some people change their mind but I know of others that knew from a young age that they never want kids and still don't. I've always wanted to be a father from a young age (sounds weird but it's true) and for me, it's a big deal-breaker. There are things I can compromise on within reason but there's only one thing I refuse to budge on and that's having kids in the future. Obviously I wouldn't have them with anyone straight away but they'd be in my future. I can't allow myself to be in a relationship living in hope that she will change her mind on it because that isn't fair on me or her. It's such a shame because we seriously hit it off. We both really like each other and I think she wanted me to kiss her but I didn't just in case it complicated things. I wanted to, badly, but I won't be one to put us in complications.
Kav Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 you got the girl and you are back on the horse I think Agent Gibbs has given you the right advice there @Animal, and most of all, pay heed to the line above!
Agent Gibbs Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Its a hard decision but if she is adamant now she does not want kids, not even a glimmer of hope like i had, i'd say its not worth it, as you said its not fair on either of you. If you don't want to decide now, just ask her more about why she doesn't want kids and you'll get the feeling of whether or not she could change her mind, but if she is sincere then that's it I'm afraid there isn't any point hurting both of you.
Daft Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 I am a patient person (for the most part) but every other week I end up having a discussion with the other half that becomes pretty heated. It's never an argument about us, it's about something that's happened in the world. And he just has this relentless need to understand my thinking while somehow not being able to actually take on what I'm saying. (It kind of easy to identify so just now I said 'I don't think we're going to agree about this', 'Let's stop talking about this because we're going round in circles.' etc,. But he literally would not stop.) I'm happy to agree to disagree; I like hearing what people think but I'm not militant about inflicting my own views. Now, I chalked this up to me not getting my point across well enough but I think it's actually him. Because he gets this reaction from a lot of people. And when he tells you the story it usually comes with the comment "He just wasn't making sense." Or, "I point out these contradictions and he just got annoyed". This is all conflated by his self-admitted enjoyment for playing Devil's advocate. And it finally clicked (maybe); you have a problem with one person, they're being difficult; you have a problem with everyone, you're the difficult one. So.... Yeah. I'm a bit baffled. Oh and I blocked him on WhatsApp just now because he wouldn't STFU. Which wasn't mature of me but, like I said, relentless. He's unblocked now (not that he knows it) but it's the only thing I could do to get him to stop.
Shorty Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 I'm always playing Devil's Advocate too, so I really see where he's coming from.
Raining_again Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Definitely don't hang on for a relationship if you have two very different fundamental views. Women can and do change their minds, but you can't wait on a maybe it'll happen one day if you are set on a definite yes. Just be friends! You're a lovely person, and totally gorgeous, there will be LOADS of ladies willing to have lovely chocolate babies with you
Beast Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Definitely don't hang on for a relationship if you have two very different fundamental views. Women can and do change their minds, but you can't wait on a maybe it'll happen one day if you are set on a definite yes. Just be friends! You're a lovely person, and totally gorgeous, there will be LOADS of ladies willing to have lovely chocolate babies with you True. I just can't help but feel gutted, especially today. It's not like she's someone random either, it's someone I knew a couple of years ago and really liked then but (cliche alert) because I was so overweight, I didn't have the confidence and constantly bottled it. I was kind of the same this time but I pushed myself to do it. I know I sound right selfish and weird and stuff but it's like meeting winsome who is literally perfectly your type apart from one major thing. Ugh. However I've taken a lot away from this: I had the confidence to ask her out, she said yes, I actually went on a proper date that ended well (trust me, with my record, this was probably the best one). If I've done it once, I can do it again. Still gutted though. Can't help it. Love you all though so happy Valentine's Day!
Ramar Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Animal have a few dates see where it goes. You really shouldn't over think or even think of your future. I became a dad on the 27th, I definitely didn't see that coming when I started dating my other half 3 years ago.
Cube Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 The kids thing is extremely difficult. It's usually something that isn't easy to discuss at the start of a relationship, as there may be a lot more factors than people are willing to discuss at that stage. Not to mention there's still kind of a "taboo" on people who simply don't want kids (even though there shouldn't, nothing wrong with it). A friend of mine has said for a while that she doesn't want kids, but only very recently told me that it's because she can't (well, she potentially could, but it would almost certainly kill her). It's something she's accepted and she isn't interested in adopting or anything like that. I actually felt a bit guilty because I was kind of glad that I didn't have to deal with that dilemma. I honestly don't know what I would do in a situation like that. Having to end a relationship over something like that would be extremely upsetting.
Naar Posted February 15, 2017 Posted February 15, 2017 I became a dad on the 27th, I definitely didn't see that coming when I started dating my other half 3 years ago. But congratulations ofcourse. =]
Beast Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 So the girl called me up a couple of days ago. We just had a general conversation. She mentioned how much fun she had before and that we should do it again. I agreed. I don't exactly know what to do in a situation like this... I know in my heart of hearts that it most likely won't work due to the children thing. I don't mind us being friends but I still do like her. Someone suggested asking why she doesn't want children but I don't know whether to yet. I mean, we do both know each other due to working together but I don't want to cross boundaries. What would you guys do? Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Tapatalk
Raining_again Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 I dunno you risk her feeling very pressured to have to justify something she really shouldn't have to.
Beast Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 I dunno you risk her feeling very pressured to have to justify something she really shouldn't have to. That's what I thought. It could be something sensitive.
bob Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 I'd just go out with her for a while and see how it goes. You can always have that talk further down the line.
Raining_again Posted February 19, 2017 Posted February 19, 2017 Even if she just doesn't want kids, its a very insensitive topic. As a woman who does not want kids I am honestly quite fucking tired of having to justify myself to people that I meet. A surprisingly large amount of people judge or imply that i'm just a stupid woman & my body clock will start ticking etc yada yaaaaahhh yaaaaaaaaaaaawn. So please don't be one of those people, even if she can change her mind, she still deserves respect on her decision right now. I don't think there's any harm in dating, you need to get out there and experience relationships and stuff, this doesn't have to be forever! Just as long as you both know where you stand and see how you feel in a few months time.
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