Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

[Ashley]

Razz is socially awkward. Every time we meet he sits there muttering "puttana" under his breath and after about half an hour gets up, exposes himself to a homeless person and then runs away crying.

[Goron_3]

Edit. Originally wrote a pretty emotional response after having talked to her again, best just to forget about it tbh.

Edited June 21, 2011 by Goron_3

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Ah, now this I am not bad at. Or rather, I'm not bad at getting girls to flirt with me. Do men actually flirt? It seems more like a feminine thing to me.

 

Anyway, make them laugh. I know it's a cliché, but it's true. I'm not much of a comedian (as N-Europe will testify) - so the secret is to be relaxed. If you're relaxed, they'll relax and it'll be much more natural for them to laugh at anything even mildly amusing that you say.

 

Flirting, chatting ... just generally communicating in a way that sends the right signals. I appear to suck terribly at it.

 

I think I may have figured out what one of my main issues is.

 

Most of you know I battled terribly low self-esteem some time ago, and it had me really down in the basement. I got some great advice from some great people, and it helped me change my focus and acknowledge my own self-worth.

 

However, even after that, I still seem to be battling the issue, and I may have figured out why. As many of you also know, I was diagnosed with autism as a kid, and through my childhood and upbringing I had a lot of obstacles that needed to be overcome, which I have. However, it seems to have affected my self-view; no matter what I do or how well I fare in life, no matter how much I acknowledge my own self-worth, I never actually feel any self-worth. It's not actually low self-esteem per se, nor is it making me sad or depressed, because I've already fully and genuinely acknowledged my own worth as a human being; but I think, due to having always started behind my peers as a child, having always had to fight my way up to the normal starting point, having always been different from the others, I've never actually felt like a "full" human being. It sounds terribly depressing, but it's actually a realisation I've come to with surprising calmness; I have trouble showing confidence because I genuinely have no confidence in myself as a genuine human being - I actually don't think of myself as a person like everyone else.

 

Maybe it's the very reason I've even been so fixated on the whole relationship thing; maybe I believe/hope it will make me feel validated as a human being, will help me gain this sense of self-worth. Maybe it's the reason I've always tried so hard to make friends and fit in. Maybe it's what I've always been pursuing throughout my whole life in everything I've done. Maybe everyone feels this way and it's just been augmented in my case because of my autism. Maybe I'm spewing bullshit and have no idea what I'm talking about.

 

 

Looking back at all the stuff I just wrote, it feels unstructured and messy, but remembering jayseven's thread I decided to leave it there instead of just deleting it all, in case people might want to read it. You've been warned.

 

The short version: I think I'm so heavily battling a lacking feeling of self-worth because of my autistic childhood, and no amount of acknowledgement of my own self-worth seems to be helping. And I feel strangely calm about this realisation.

 

Maybe this should have gone in one of jayseven's self-reflection threads.

 

Also it's late, and I'm tired, and I think I just needed to get all these thoughts out and down on paper ... screen ... whatever.

 

 

Oh sweet baby jesus, I just spoke to her (as in, my ex) and she apologised for the way things had worked out, and I've literally just been sitting here, completely broken down since. I can't believe it.

 

I explained it to her a few weeks ago that I've never ever felt truly 'happy'. My dad left us when I was just a few months old (i've never actually told my friends that, so Zell, if you read this, apologies for hiding it, I'm so sorry) and well because of that, I've felt I've always been missing a big part of me. I've always felt that because of the way I was brought up (mum struggled a lot financially for a few years) that I've always been quite aware of the real outside world; there is so much for me to learn, so much for me to understand and certainly I have a lot to give, and I won't be properly happy until a culmination of those things comes together and I feel 'complete'. Now, she understood this completely and I remember there was this one specific moment when we were in bed together and she told me how much of a good father I would be and how proud my mum surely is of me, and for the first time I actually felt it. Like, I felt somewhere near complete. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess the best way I can explain it is by quoting the film Rocky, where Rocky says (when talking about his relationship with Adrian) 'She fills gaps, I fill gaps, together we fill each others gaps'. For those few minutes I actually forgot about my past and what my mum has gone through over the years...and I'm not going to get that again for so long. Those gaps were filled.

 

The weird thing is, I've been completely in love with someone before but I never once felt that happy (certainly very happy, but not on that level). It's amazing, looking back at my last relationship (about a year ago) we were definitely not going to work long term, we argued WAY too much and in hindsight we would have been better off staying as friends. That said, once you fall in love with someone it's so easy to miss all that. I guess what Bard said about love is true, the thing that is written in his status that is.

 

Edit. Don't mean to suggest I'm always depressed, just that I've always felt a bit 'incomplete', the exception being when I was with her. Oh well, life moves forward I guess.

 

 

Epic man hugs, bro.

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

This thread is just so alluring - I can't keep away! :/ :p

 

GoronTheThird, massive man love... I guess we all know that gut-wrenching feeling all too well; but the first steps to 'recovery' (lol) is always about letting it all out, its almost like you're crying it all out... Until nothing comes - and as time passes we just look back in blissful memory; even with those horrid relationships. Its all good really. You know the future is always bright!

 

*Plays Song of Healing with Goron drums*

 

See, this is what I don't get (probably why I'm in a killer dryspell)

 

People shower women with gifts, expensive dates etc. ultimately hoping to get laid

 

This makes the female into a prostitute if successful and yet the females are fine with it. However, if you outright give them money, they'd likely kick you in the balls

 

I agree in some way...

 

I think this modern societal demand of men having to pay for things while the woman just kicks back and watches in-turn turn some women, who don't understand the value of 'give and take', into conceited, whore-like individuals. It is indeed almost like you're paying for love/sex, since culture dictates a date tends to be the official precursor of both.

[The Bard]

Actually cba with a commited relationship for a while though, you find that it doesn't leave time for shit like playing guitar til the sun comes up, or sitting on the toilet for an hour reading Moby Dick. It's man whore time.

[Sheikah]

In other news, does anyone have any advice on flirting? Because it seems the main obstacle I'm facing at the moment is suckage in the flirting department.

 

Sorry, just have to say, my girlfriend spied at this page yesterday and saw this comment and couldn't stop laughing. She thinks that this site is my guilty pleasure, full of people who all probably masturbate to Princess Peach.

[Beast]

In other news, does anyone have any advice on flirting? Because it seems the main obstacle I'm facing at the moment is suckage in the flirting department.

 

Apparently, I'm naturally flirty but I can't see it. I just smile and have a laugh and I don't treat it like it's a life or death thing if she doesn't like me because then you'd start to be panicky. If you get the girl, that's fantastic but if you don't, at least you had the experience of flirting and you had a laugh.

 

I don't know if flirting is something you can teach but I can tell you what I do. Just let your hair down and have a laugh but not so much that you'll end up like The Little Brother She Never Had. Always time it right because if you leave it too late to ask her on a date, she'll put you in the dreaded category.

 

Smile, be nice, have a laugh with her and compliment her but don't reveal everything about yourself otherwise there's no mystery to it. Basically, just be confident in yourself. After all, it's only a girl (by the way, I don't mean that in a totally sexist way but I'm trying to say that she's a human and she's no better than any other person) and if it doesn't work out, maybe she wasn't the one for you but at least you had a good time and had the experience to take note from. She won't be the last girl, there are others out there if it don't work out so don't sweat it.

 

Also, if you do fall in the 'Brother' category and you still really like her, it may not be a good idea to talk to her an awful lot. I know it sounds terrible but it'll be torture to you knowing that it may not ever happen, trust me, I know!

[Dog-amoto]

Sorry, just have to say, my girlfriend spied at this page yesterday and saw this comment and couldn't stop laughing. She thinks that this site is my guilty pleasure, full of people who all probably masturbate to Princess Peach.

 

Go on...you know you want to

 

 

[Serebii]

Going on a massive night out tomorrow, with the hopes that I shall end my 4 year dry spell.

 

Fingers crossed

[Beast]

Going on a massive night out tomorrow, with the hopes that I shall end my 4 year dry spell.

 

Fingers crossed

 

We wish you all the best of luck! haha.

[Sheikah]

Going on a massive night out tomorrow, with the hopes that I shall end my 4 year dry spell.

 

Fingers crossed

 

Here's hoping you Zapdos pants off the girl, give her a Slowpoke and maybe even let her Rhydon you.

 

At least then it'll be less Gloom for you, you really have to take a Chansey in life sometimes. Just don't Jynx it.

[Kurtle Squad]

Surely this just means you should be much more open to advice on the latter, seeing as you have no experience? (Don't worry, I am aware of the complete irony here. )

 

I am open to advise. I also know myself. The things I question are because I'm me; that doesn't mean I don't appreciate advise, otherwise I wouldn't ask.

 

 

 

A girl I found really attractive came into work last night: I became terrified.

Edited June 21, 2011 by Kurtle Squad

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Sorry, just have to say, my girlfriend spied at this page yesterday and saw this comment and couldn't stop laughing. She thinks that this site is my guilty pleasure, full of people who all probably masturbate to Princess Peach.

 

That's ... harsh. :p

 

Anyway, thanks for the advice, guys. Not really anything I didn't know, but I guess the problem is applying it in real life. I guess I just need to get out there and practice.

 

Also: Man, I was introspective last night. I'm still not sure if I was on to something or just rambling.

 

I am open to advise. I also know myself. The things I question are because I'm me; that doesn't mean I don't appreciate advise, otherwise I wouldn't ask.

 

The problem is that you seem so stuck in your own thoughts about yourself and everything that you dismiss any advice that could lead to personal growth.

Edited June 21, 2011 by Dannyboy-the-Dane

[Kurtle Squad]

The problem is that you seem so stuck in your own thoughts about yourself and everything that you dismiss any advice that could lead to personal growth.

 

I've not dismissed anything outright.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I've not dismissed anything outright.

 

I don't know, you were pretty dismissive of the silly idea that you have nothing to offer. You're much better than you give yourself credit for. You need to realise your own self-worth.

[Kurtle Squad]

I don't know, you were pretty dismissive of the silly idea that you have nothing to offer. You're much better than you give yourself credit for. You need to realise your own self-worth.

 

I dismiss it because I don't believe I've anything to offer appart from things which should be a given, or are negative.

 

Also, me having something to offer isn't a suggestion in the sense of "be confident", "just go for it", "put pressure there" etc, just an assumption that I must have something to offer.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I dismiss it because I don't believe I've anything to offer appart from things which should be a given, or are negative.

 

Also, me having something to offer isn't a suggestion in the sense of "be confident", "just go for it", "put pressure there" etc, just an assumption that I must have something to offer.

 

Even if we do assume, purely hypothetically, that you have nothing to offer but yourself, a great guy, why do you think you need to?

[Kurtle Squad]

Even if we do assume, purely hypothetically, that you have nothing to offer but yourself, a great guy, why do you think you need to?

 

Erm..... Women demand it.....?

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Erm..... Women demand it.....?

 

That's a huge misconception. The attraction doesn't stem from the accomplishments or skills themselves, but from the attitude that often accompanies those things: self-confidence.

[Ellmeister]

Why don't you do something to help you become more attractive to women? Hobby, exercise, better job? Just some suggestions I don't know.

[Kurtle Squad]

I've only just got a job.

I do need to lose weight: a couple of stone.

[Will]

Dating is good fun. I think my favourite time in any relationship is the initial few months of getting to know each other.

 

I'm currently dating a girl 10 years older than me. I like her a lot, but it's becoming clear we're just at different life stages right now. Think I might have to call it a day with her.

[Kurtle Squad]

Dating is good fun. I think my favourite time in any relationship is the initial few months of getting to know each other.

 

I'm currently dating a girl 10 years older than me. I like her a lot' date=' but it's becoming clear we're just at different life stages right now. Think I might have to call it a day with her.[/quote']

 

I'm pretty sure someone middle-aged has no right being called a girl

[nightwolf]

Dating is good fun. I think my favourite time in any relationship is the initial few months of getting to know each other.

 

I'm currently dating a girl 10 years older than me. I like her a lot' date=' but it's becoming clear we're just at different life stages right now. Think I might have to call it a day with her.[/quote']

 

 

This is helpful given I was about to come here and ask..

 

Ages - are they an issue? How far is too old or young for you? I like someone a few years on me, nothing particularly long, but I always find it interesting to see what people think of it?

[Dog-amoto]

Dating is good fun. I think my favourite time in any relationship is the initial few months of humping each other raw

 

Fixed.

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