Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

[Rummy]

Do black women have a thing for ginger guys? Is that a stereotype? Most of my matches since I've moved to Reading have been with black women. There are a lot of black people in Reading but they're still the minority, so it seems strange to me. And it's not because I'm more likely to swipe right on black women because I swipe right on everyone and whittle it down later (I have no racial preferences, I wouldn't say i have any "type"). I don't really have any black friends (as I've met very few black people) but I've been on dates with quite a few black women.

 

Random musings, just seems unusual to me.

 

Dunno if it's a thing(and you've suddenly made me realise my lack of racial diversity in my social circle, especially black women) - but I have known a couple who love the gingers.

 

However I must say I'm a little with King_V myself - I do slightly love me a ginger. Sucker for the Irish too.

Edited May 29, 2016 by Rummy

[Raining_again]

The irish accent would grate your brains after a while, its a novelty for a few days then you wanna throttle them lol (especially that belfast accent @soag)

[Julius]

I have zero idea as to what to do about the girl in physics.

 

Then again, if it ever works in physics, you're doing it wrong, so...

[soag]

The irish accent would grate your brains after a while, its a novelty for a few days then you wanna throttle them lol (especially that belfast accent @soag)

 

I have a lisburn accent so I wouldn't know haha. Buy god yea the Belfast accent is the worst! !!

[Shorty]

I have zero idea as to what to do about the girl in physics.

Which of these two things would be worse?

 

1. Say something, get shot down.

2. Say nothing, she meets someone else or you just finish this class and never see each other again and wonder forever what might've been.

[stuwii]

I think I have to be brutal with myself and say my really mild autism cost me this relationship . Basically it makes you a nearly person in everything you do . Little things in interviews cost you getting a job . You'll get with girls , sleep with girls but then just lack something that gets you into a relationship . It also means you misread body language and I should have known we were in trouble . I basically ruined my entire year on new year by unintentionally ruining it for her . It's an awful awful thing to have minorly as well , people don't know you have it so you don't tell them . And in this relationship too late

[S.C.G]

I think I have to be brutal with myself and say my really mild autism cost me this relationship . Basically it makes you a nearly person in everything you do . Little things in interviews cost you getting a job . You'll get with girls , sleep with girls but then just lack something that gets you into a relationship . It also means you misread body language and I should have known we were in trouble . I basically ruined my entire year on new year by unintentionally ruining it for her . It's an awful awful thing to have minorly as well , people don't know you have it so you don't tell them . And in this relationship too late

 

I too have mild Autism so I can completely understand - or at least to a degree as it affects people differently - though I find it's best to be honest about these things from the outset, it's not something I shout from the rooftops but I'm sure I've mentioned on here before that I have Asperger's Syndrome, of course it makes life challenging and if you didn't tell the person you were in a relationship with until recently then I could see how that could make things awkward but really... I hope that's not the reason that your relationship ended? If the person you were with couldn't accept you for who you are then maybe it's for the best as harsh as that may sound, there may be more details I'm unaware of though.

 

My last relationship ended for various reasons - long distance is never easy - but I would say that ultimately we were two conflicting personalities looking back so I'm glad to have finally moved on even though I don't regret being in the relationship but I have learned a lot.

 

Just try to take something postive away from the whole experience, I know it's never easy but if you can be happy in who you are then hopefully the rest will follow, it's not always true but it can be good to try and have a positive outlook where possible.

[stuwii]

I too have mild Autism so I can completely understand - or at least to a degree as it affects people differently - though I find it's best to be honest about these things from the outset, it's not something I shout from the rooftops but I'm sure I've mentioned on here before that I have Asperger's Syndrome, of course it makes life challenging and if you didn't tell the person you were in a relationship with until recently then I could see how that could make things awkward but really... I hope that's not the reason that your relationship ended? If the person you were with couldn't accept you for who you are then maybe it's for the best as harsh as that may sound, there may be more details I'm unaware of though.

 

My last relationship ended for various reasons - long distance is never easy - but I would say that ultimately we were two conflicting personalities looking back so I'm glad to have finally moved on even though I don't regret being in the relationship but I have learned a lot.

 

Just try to take something postive away from the whole experience, I know it's never easy but if you can be happy in who you are then hopefully the rest will follow, it's not always true but it can be good to try and have a positive outlook where possible.

 

I did the say something very very stupid on New Year's Day that was taken out of context by her and that was it . If she had been told of my condition this would have been avoided

[Raining_again]

Why are you dredging this up again? You can't change the past, just learn from it and move on to better things

[stuwii]

I think the reason why I'm finding it so hard is that to get over a breakup you need a network of people ... That are at the uni she is at and I stayed at hers to meet them on numerous occasions

[Zechs Merquise]

I did the say something very very stupid on New Year's Day that was taken out of context by her and that was it . If she had been told of my condition this would have been avoided

 

I explained this to you. You did NOTHING wrong, people annoy their partners all the time - sometimes by accident and sometimes even deliberately. No two people will always get on, but if you are in a loving relationship you would never end it over something so trivial.

 

Your girlfriend left you because she didn't want to be with you and she used this as a pretext. Most people are quite cowardly when it comes to leaving someone - they don't want to have to look their partner in the eyes and tell them they don't love them, or they haven't been happy for a long time or it was never quite there for them. Instead people look for something trivial to justify a breakup.

 

Your girlfriend clearly wasn't happy and used this small thing as a reason to end it. That sounds harsh - but it is true. But the truth should set you free and you can stop hanging yourself on that one incident and move on. If you hadn't done that one thing, it would have been another thing weeks later. You couldn't change things - somethings aren't right and won't last anyway.

 

What you need to do is move on - and by move on I mean start focusing on other things. Start focusing on good things. Firstly and most importantly clear out her stuff or things that remind you of her - and DO NOT look her up on social networks. By following your ex partner's trail around the internet you might as well be dragging yourself over broken glass. DO NOT DO IT, it only leads to further depression and anguish - especially if they are doing well for themselves!

 

Secondly, once you have taken your focus away from your ex, focus on yourself. Improve yourself and make yourself the best version of you possible. Join a gym, get yourself out exercising, buy yourself some new clothes and get in great shape. Get looking your best - and with this will come confidence and positivity. Confidence and positivity are two of the most attractive traits a person can have.

 

No one wants to date someone who is wallowing in self pity and manufactured guilt over another relationship ending - and whilst you are in that state you can't seriously think about looking for someone new.

 

What's more, as an extra bonus to self improvement - not only will you feel more confident and be more attractive to others, but if you do ever run into your ex, she is much more likely to think she made a big mistake. But if she runs into you and you're dishevelled and looking worse for wear, that will only cement it in her mind that leaving you was a positive mood.

 

So in short the three steps:

 

1) Stop blaming yourself

2) Get rid of her from your head and personal space - and don't look her up

3) Focus on self improvement and making yourself the best version of you possible

 

Once you have done this, you will find yourself in a happier place and success will follow...

[Blade]

@stuwii

 

Listen to @Zechs Merquise

 

He helped me massively getting over my break ups. The one last year was particularly horrific.

[MoogleViper]

Went on a date last night with a really hot girl. It went well, we had a good time.

 

Messaged her a few times this morning. Normally I go straight for the "do you want to meet up again?" but I think I'm going to leave it for a while first. How do you guys normally play it?

[Happenstance]

Went on a date last night with a really hot girl. It went well, we had a good time.

 

Messaged her a few times this morning. Normally I go straight for the "do you want to meet up again?" but I think I'm going to leave it for a while first. How do you guys normally play it?

 

I usually go with sheer panic

[Shorty]

Went on a date last night with a really hot girl. It went well, we had a good time.

 

Messaged her a few times this morning. Normally I go straight for the "do you want to meet up again?" but I think I'm going to leave it for a while first. How do you guys normally play it?

It depends massively on how much she's texting, but I'd say for me playing it cool and texting minimally has been a winner. I'm very aware that it's possible to come across too keen, over-message, embarass yourself, and then when they don't respond you hang onto it for ages wishing you hadn't sent that last text.... I'll go massively in the other direction to avoid this feeling.

 

Then again, you meet rules 1 & 2 of dating so I'm not sure advice from me is particularly relevant...

[MoogleViper]

It depends massively on how much she's texting, but I'd say for me playing it cool and texting minimally has been a winner. I'm very aware that it's possible to come across too keen, over-message, embarass yourself, and then when they don't respond you hang onto it for ages wishing you hadn't sent that last text.... I'll go massively in the other direction to avoid this feeling.

 

Then again, you meet rules 1 & 2 of dating so I'm not sure advice from me is particularly relevant...

 

I think that's what I'm going for. Not over-keen and fretting constantly.

 

What are rules 1 & 2 of dating?

[bob]

1) Be attractive.

2) Don't be unattractive.

[MoogleViper]

[stuwii]

I explained this to you. You did NOTHING wrong, people annoy their partners all the time - sometimes by accident and sometimes even deliberately. No two people will always get on, but if you are in a loving relationship you would never end it over something so trivial.

 

Your girlfriend left you because she didn't want to be with you and she used this as a pretext. Most people are quite cowardly when it comes to leaving someone - they don't want to have to look their partner in the eyes and tell them they don't love them, or they haven't been happy for a long time or it was never quite there for them. Instead people look for something trivial to justify a breakup.

 

Your girlfriend clearly wasn't happy and used this small thing as a reason to end it. That sounds harsh - but it is true. But the truth should set you free and you can stop hanging yourself on that one incident and move on. If you hadn't done that one thing, it would have been another thing weeks later. You couldn't change things - somethings aren't right and won't last anyway.

 

What you need to do is move on - and by move on I mean start focusing on other things. Start focusing on good things. Firstly and most importantly clear out her stuff or things that remind you of her - and DO NOT look her up on social networks. By following your ex partner's trail around the internet you might as well be dragging yourself over broken glass. DO NOT DO IT, it only leads to further depression and anguish - especially if they are doing well for themselves!

 

Secondly, once you have taken your focus away from your ex, focus on yourself. Improve yourself and make yourself the best version of you possible. Join a gym, get yourself out exercising, buy yourself some new clothes and get in great shape. Get looking your best - and with this will come confidence and positivity. Confidence and positivity are two of the most attractive traits a person can have.

 

No one wants to date someone who is wallowing in self pity and manufactured guilt over another relationship ending - and whilst you are in that state you can't seriously think about looking for someone new.

 

What's more, as an extra bonus to self improvement - not only will you feel more confident and be more attractive to others, but if you do ever run into your ex, she is much more likely to think she made a big mistake. But if she runs into you and you're dishevelled and looking worse for wear, that will only cement it in her mind that leaving you was a positive mood.

 

So in short the three steps:

 

1) Stop blaming yourself

2) Get rid of her from your head and personal space - and don't look her up

3) Focus on self improvement and making yourself the best version of you possible

 

Once you have done this, you will find yourself in a happier place and success will follow...

 

1) It wasn't new year in hindsight as we planned to see her after

2) Out with a girl tonight

3) Hitting the gym hard after a break that should have occurred but leaned up significantly and have a big job now so one day maybe it'll be good

Edited April 15, 2016 by stuwii

[MoogleViper]

Got a second date with the girl.

 

Also got a date with another girl on Monday.

 

Aaaaand I never broke things off with the other girl.

[stuwii]

Got a second date with the girl.

 

Also got a date with another girl on Monday.

 

Aaaaand I never broke things off with the other girl.

 

Girls like assholes I hate to tell you . I was not exactly looking to settle down when I met my girlfriend . She turned me from a bit of a ladies man to all committed and stuff

[MoogleViper]

Girls like assholes I hate to tell you.

 

Can't say I'm into that but I'm willing to try anything.

[Raining_again]

"girls like assholes"

 

Way to be stereotypical...

[Ashley]

"girls like assholes"

 

Way to be stereotypical...

 

Isn't that why you hang around with us folks?

[Cube]

I sent a message to a girl about books (there wasn't a lot else in her profile), and her response surprised me. She's currently reading the Richard Castle books. There can't be more then 20 people in the country who know that they even exist.