Posted May 18, 2016 Is it odd to feel highly suspicious if someone on a dating site talks to you first and seems to have very similar interests?The girl I'm seeing now messaged me first on Tinder, quite the rarity but it can work out Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Is it odd to feel highly suspicious if someone on a dating site talks to you first and seems to have very similar interests? Isn't the point of dating sites to match you up with people with similar interests? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Unsurprisingly you don't have much idea of how these sites work :p That is the point yes, but girls get 1000x the interest that guys get, it's relatively unlikely that they message first. A girl using a dating site has to sift through a constant stream of (often awful) messages, cross referencing non-creeps and similar interests. A guy has to send out a million opening messages, trying to strike the balance between original enough to stand out and non-lame enough to save face, and hope vainly for a response. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Oh I see, I was wrong about which part he found weird. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 I wouldn't say so, I'd probably feel the same way to an extent. Oh, definitely. We have a mutual friend (well, not exactly a friend as I just know her from school), so I know she exists. The girl I'm seeing now messaged me first on Tinder, quite the rarity but it can work out It was the same here. Not that I'd use a dating site like Tinder, of course. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 That is the point yes, but girls get 1000x the interest that guys get, it's relatively unlikely that they message first. A girl using a dating site has to sift through a constant stream of (often awful) messages, cross referencing non-creeps and similar interests. A guy has to send out a million opening messages, trying to strike the balance between original enough to stand out and non-lame enough to save face, and hope vainly for a response. I think you've summed it up rather perfectly! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Online dating really is the best. You can get to know someone before you meet up in person so theres no shitty dates (at least in my experience anyway). I do get though that lots of people want to send like one message and then meet up but thats just not for me - its more the behaviour of hook ups than actual dating, and 'hooking up' has never really interested me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Online dating really is the best. You can get to know someone before you meet up in person so theres no shitty dates (at least in my experience anyway). I do get though that lots of people want to send like one message and then meet up but thats just not for me - its more the behaviour of hook ups than actual dating, and 'hooking up' has never really interested me. Meh. Online dating was nothing but an ego destroyer. So many messages unanswered. It was painful Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Meh. Online dating was nothing but an ego destroyer. So many messages unanswered. It was painful I guess I'm remembering it in a more positive way because I met my life partner on a dating website. But yes, thinking back there were a lot of unanswered messages. It was hard at times. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Meh. Online dating was nothing but an ego destroyer. So many messages unanswered. It was painful No different to bring shot down after approaching at a bar. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 (edited) Actually I think it's nowhere near as bad as being shot down at a bar. It's disheartening, but doesn't come with anywhere near the courage requirements, so you feel less like you revved yourself up for nothing. And far less resultant embarrassment. You can just review where you went wrong and try again, you get near unlimited attempts to tweak your approach and give it another shot in your own time. Tbh I'm glad I found my first couple of relationships so easily and then skipped way ahead into the online dating world. At first it was weird and difficult, but now I know it's definitely much better for me than trying to meet someone at a bar. Welcome to the boards by the way, @Nuntendo Edited May 18, 2016 by Shorty Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 You do need to get into the headspace where you shouldn't expect a response. It makes things a lot easier. And then if you do get a response don't expect it to lead to a date. Low expectations help! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 No different to bring shot down after approaching at a bar. Only in terms of quantity. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Only in terms of quantity. Not necessarily. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Meh. Online dating was nothing but an ego destroyer. So many messages unanswered. It was painful You need to man up! These women aren't rejecting you, they are just getting hundreds of messages from hundreds of men. They will flick through and just pick out the profiles they like best and maybe message back a couple. You need to chill out thinking that they are personally rejecting you. Just write a short hello message in a word document and copy and paste it to 10 to 20 girls every day that you like the look of. Sooner or later you will start getting responses. Just keep the message short and light hearted. If you set about online dating from the perspective that you are going to view hundreds and hundreds of profiles, pick one girl from them all and send her a very personalised message and then sit and wait for her to reply, you'll end up disappointed, online dating does not work that way. It's like with Tinder, you don't just swipe 'yes' on one profile then sit there waiting for that one person to swipe 'yes' on you. On Tinder you go through and say 'yes' to dozens at a time, then you will get some matches and then the matches will talk to you and you narrow it down further. You need to approach this with the right mindset otherwise you're dooming the whole process from the start! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Apparently you need to catch up a bit on recent events, I don't think Serebii needs to do any of those things. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 It's fine though. He's found his Luvdisc. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 He is right though, far too many men take it as a personal insult if you don't reply. I've had a few actually get really nasty! I found the men I contacted myself to be the ones I had any connection with. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 A lot of times, also, people need help writing their profiles in ways which will entice people to be interested in them. Thats not to say that their profiles are awful... just a bit average, unimaginative and maybe not positive enough. Welcome to the boards by the way, @Nuntendo Thanks :) He is right though, far too many men take it as a personal insult if you don't reply. I've had a few actually get really nasty! Its the same as when a guy buys you a drink or talks to you for a while... they feel entitled to you because they've put some effort in. A lot of men feel entitled to women. Its a big problem. And a dangerous one at that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 For me, it's just common courtesy. In all elements of my life, including my site, whenever someone sends me a message, I always respond. Even if it's just to say "No, sorry". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Looks like he's about to declare a rave in The White house That'd be about right for him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 For me, it's just common courtesy. In all elements of my life, including my site, whenever someone sends me a message, I always respond. Even if it's just to say "No, sorry". Sorry but nobody is under any obligation, social or otherwise, to respond. It's nice you do, but because they don't it doesn't mean they're rude. Is "sorry no" really going to make you feel that much better? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 Sorry but nobody is under any obligation, social or otherwise, to respond. It's nice you do, but because they don't it doesn't mean they're rude. Is "sorry no" really going to make you feel that much better? Na I know. It just sucks :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 18, 2016 I remember using Tinder for 3 weeks. 80% of the women I got matched with didn't respond when I texted them and I didn't think it was rude, it didn't upset me and quite frankly I didn't give a shit. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
