Love? Relationships? Boy girl stuff? Complaints and appraisals! Gifs be welcome.

[Magnus]

Everyone's a little bit shallow.

 

Except me. I just have high standards.

[Dan_Dare]

So I was thinking about something earlier and I thought here might be a good place to ask- are guys really as shallow as they seem? I think this may be why I don't have much luck with relationships, or anything really, as it feels like i'm often judged before anyone gets to know me, which is a little unfair. It's probably just the guys i've known in the past, not stereotyping you all on here!

 

Just a random late night thought I wanted to share to see what you think : )

 

Guys aren't shallow per se, but the way we're attracted to women can be quite physical. More interesting girls are always going to be better girlfriend material long term but in bars and clubs guys are looking for more immediate sex appeal to get them interested. We need to know you're sexual, to put it bluntly. It's like an 'on' switch.

 

If that's not your scene, then I'd suggest trying something else like (broken record time) online dating. It gives you an immediate hook with mutual interests and stuff so you can feel more confident in talking about what you're in to and stuff rather than just trying to attract attention.

[Kaytee]

Shallowness is determined by the person, not the gender - imo. Also, what do you mean by shallow? In terms of looks, or...?

 

I agree, girls can be just as shallow as guys. And by shallow I do mean in terms of looks, yes.

[Goafer]

My theory is that guys are shallow in the sense that they want someone physically attractive (possibly as well as a good personality, depending on the guy), but their tastes vary, meaning that even "ugly" women will have someone that finds them physically attractive.

 

I've been attracted to girls who I would consider "ugly" by most people's standards. I'm sure others on here are the same.

[Coolness Bears]

Guys are shallow. particularly in clubs and bars I have noticed this. (pretends he goes out.) BUT women are equally as shallow, I feel maybe not to the same degree.

 

I've grown a beard so that when I get rejected I can fall on that as an excuse. "it was the beard probably weirded them out." :p (My beard is the most fail thing.)

 

...not that I've ever tried to ask anyone out.

 

I despair at my gender and I personally would not be that shallow. I don't really judge people it seems rather unfair when I myself are far from perfect.

 

*goes back to the embracing arms of gears of war 3*

[Goafer]

It also depends what you mean by shallow.

 

To me, shallow is wanting looks and not caring about anything else.

 

I see nothing wrong with someone who wants good looks and a good personality. There's no point going out with someone you're not physically attracted to. You can't tell someone's personality (much) just by looking, so guys will go to good looking girls, then find out if the personality is good as well. At least that's the way I do things.

[Coolness Bears]

I'm on about looks and looking at nothing beyond that.

 

The other thing is just like natural human selection, man.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Goafer speaks much of my mind. Yes, on a very basic and generalised level, guys seem to be more focused on looks and sex than girls (girls are just as "shallow" when they're out, but there are other things that attract them besides looks).

 

However, there are so many different types out there, both among men and women; so many variations in looks and personality, so many different turn-ons and tastes - the perfect man/woman for one person might very well be a nightmare for another. It's about finding the right one for you, and like Dan Dare said, internet dating is a great way of finding people that are to your tastes. A night out on the town is actually a very restricted experience when it comes to finding people because everything is so limited, from the number of potentials to the things you know about them and have to judge them on.

[Serebii]

I admit, I am a shallow person somewhat. Part of me thinks that, since I lost 120lbs, I shouldn't need to "settle" for less than perfect, and when I'm out clubbing that's what I'm aiming for.

 

That said, recently I've had a thing for a couple of girls who aren't exactly at that standard I focus on.

[Emma]

So I was thinking about something earlier and I thought here might be a good place to ask- are guys really as shallow as they seem? I think this may be why I don't have much luck with relationships, or anything really, as it feels like i'm often judged before anyone gets to know me, which is a little unfair. It's probably just the guys i've known in the past, not stereotyping you all on here!

 

Just a random late night thought I wanted to share to see what you think : )

 

Men and women find looks important. Why be in a relationship with someone who you are not physically attracted to? Also, would you want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't find you attractive?

 

The way you look can also show a lot about your personality, such as how you dress, style your hair, hold yourself and how much you weigh. Men also find personality important, but views on personality are subjective. For example, one guy might find a girl who talks a lot about horses irritating, but his best friend might find it cute.

[Beast]

I'm more personality over looks and always have been. I want someone who's loyal, loving and has a great sense of humour and then looks would come after that. I think everybody's a bit shallow though, like your preference over obese people and thin people or tall people or short people or whether they're great-looking or average-looking, there's always something people prefer.

[EddieColeslaw]

I admit, I am a shallow person somewhat. Part of me thinks that, since I lost 120lbs, I shouldn't need to "settle" for less than perfect, and when I'm out clubbing that's what I'm aiming for.

 

That said, recently I've had a thing for a couple of girls who aren't exactly at that standard I focus on.

 

A friend of mine said something similar - he said that he does care about appearances because if he can take the effort to look after himself, why can't other people (in terms of relationships/dating)?

 

In this case it's more about the effort behind it than looks.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Men and women find looks important. Why be in a relationship with someone who you are not physically attracted to? Also, would you want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't find you attractive?

 

The way you look can also show a lot about your personality, such as how you dress, style your hair, hold yourself and how much you weigh. Men also find personality important, but views on personality are subjective. For example, one guy might find a girl who talks a lot about horses irritating, but his best friend might find it cute.

 

And as with personality, looks can be quite subjective - it's interesting that if you have feelings for someone, you'll likely find that person physically attractive regardless of how he or she compares to the culturally determined "standards" of beauty.

[Jamba]

Kaytee I would say a lot of what you find will be dictated by how you meet guys. If you meet them in a more social situation then I think that people get to know you a bit better. If you meet someone in a club where it's hard to really interact properly then I think looks come into play a lot more (espeeeecially when Captain Alcohol is in town).

 

Also I think if you are either very attractive as a woman or striking looking (say your style for instance) then I think that causes a distraction for a lot of people and you will get prejudged more so on that.

[Emma]

And as with personality, looks can be quite subjective - it's interesting that if you have feelings for someone, you'll likely find that person physically attractive regardless of how he or she compares to the culturally determined "standards" of beauty.

 

I agree that good looks are generally subjective, even though I know there is a popular 'type' that many people go for. I know my 'type' is not a popular one!

 

However, my ex boyfriend and I were together for nearly 2 years and I had very strong feelings for him. I never thought he was good looking and he was far from 'my type'. Due to that we rarely ever kissed and I always had this lingering feeling that we should just be friends. Towards the end of the relationship I found out he'd recently been cheating on me with other girls. It was a horrible thing for him to do, but I knew he did it because he wasn't getting any attention from me.

 

That's why I tell people they should be with someone they find attractive, looks obviously are important!

[Dan_Dare]

 

That's why I tell people they should be with someone they find attractive, looks obviously are important!

 

 

:yay:

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I agree that good looks are generally subjective, even though I know there is a popular 'type' that many people go for. I know my 'type' is not a popular one!

 

However, my ex boyfriend and I were together for nearly 2 years and I had very strong feelings for him. I never thought he was good looking and he was far from 'my type'. Due to that we rarely ever kissed and I always had this lingering feeling that we should just be friends. Towards the end of the relationship I found out he'd recently been cheating on me with other girls. It was a horrible thing for him to do, but I knew he did it because he wasn't getting any attention from me.

 

That's why I tell people they should be with someone they find attractive, looks obviously are important!

 

I'd say physical attraction is important. Obviously there is a perceived ideal for beauty in society, but it's heavily affected/determined by culture, and it's my experience that a lot of people are attracted to different types that fall outside that ideal - and sometimes very far outside. In the end it's all in the mind, both beauty and attraction, and thus it's essentially just as subjective as most other things up there.

[Emma]

 

:yay:

 

 

:awesome:

[Supergrunch]

I'm with chair - it's not men that are shallow, just people. And even then they're often only shallow from certain perspectives.

 

As for attraction, if enough is present for you to fall for someone, then biological changes should cause you to start thinking of them as more attractive, and to mentally edit out their unattractive features. Yay for dopamine!

[Serebii]

I'm with chair - it's not men that are shallow, just people. And even then they're often only shallow from certain perspectives.

 

As for attraction, if enough is present for you to fall for someone, then biological changes should cause you to start thinking of them as more attractive, and to mentally edit out their unattractive features. Yay for dopamine!

Alcohol also works in a similar way :p

[Kaytee]

I guess I must have been going for the wrong guys in the past then, everything that's been said on here makes sense. It's just frustrating waiting for something to happen or to find someone, there's only so long you can be single before you start to feel like a total loser!

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I guess I must have been going for the wrong guys in the past then, everything that's been said on here makes sense. It's just frustrating waiting for something to happen or to find someone, there's only so long you can be single before you start to feel like a total loser!

 

Then don't just sit around waiting - seek out love yourself! Being passive rarely gets you anywhere, especially in this field.

[My Buttons are Magic!]

Im a firm believer in that when you least expect it, its gonna happen.

 

Also being single shouldn't mean that you are a looser! Some people just love being single independence etc and dont like to be tied down... s'all good whatever way

 

Also, with the attractiveness thing, yeh its a condition that someone has to be pleasant to look at :p but if they cant back this up with being funny / nice / a decent human being, being attractive looses its appeal.. i mean you can only look at a pretty face so long before even that gets boring

[Charlie]

It's just frustrating waiting for something to happen or to find someone, there's only so long you can be single before you start to feel like a total loser!

 

You, like 99.9% of girls, fall into the trap of thinking that having a boyfriend is the be all and end all! It's really not. Go out and enjoy life being single, don't worry about it at all, be friendly to people and be happy you're not tied down and you can do anything you want, when you want.

 

 

I've been single for about 18 months, although have been seeing people on/off in that time, and I couldn't be happier!

[Ville]

First, online dating: not a success. In the end, it started feeling even a bit repulsive, like you and everyone else were shopping for people o_O Everyone with their "criteria" for a perfect man / woman...wow, talk about picky. I did have a profile that was personal, I did take initiative and contacted many women, but most of them just did not reply anything, or were totally weird. Bottom line: wtf...? xD

 

Anyway, I thought I'd rather do it the old-fashioned way, feels much more comfortable...

 

I think this may be why I don't have much luck with relationships, or anything really, as it feels like i'm often judged before anyone gets to know me, which is a little unfair. It's probably just the guys i've known in the past, not stereotyping you all on here!

 

Well, what could you do to change this? I could say I've had the same kind of problem, being shy, problems with acne, not really meeting people outside school etc. I mean the basic tenet of attraction is that when you get to know people, attraction starts to happen. It doesn't matter how great a personality you have, if people can never see that in person...This has been my big problem, since I don't really care about parties, music festivals, just hanging out with people for no reason etc. I'd much rather do something I really like, e.g. playing games, making music / videos etc. So, I've actually started using this to my advantage: I like creating stuff, so I put in on youtube and approach people via that. I make music and videos, also write, and share the stuff on fb as well. Thus people who might not get to know me otherwise can see what I'm really like...lowering the threshold for contacting me, commenting on my stuff etc I've certainly noticed some people getting more friendly and interested, not to mention all the foreign chicks interested in Finnish and Finland... o_O

 

As for attraction, if enough is present for you to fall for someone, then biological changes should cause you to start thinking of them as more attractive, and to mentally edit out their unattractive features. Yay for dopamine!

 

Yeah, it's weird...I mean there are quite a few interesting women around, many of which actually seem interested as well! Then you start wondering that hmm, which one should you pursue first...? Well, luckily nature seems to do this for you: some people just radiate energy like a friggin' bonfire! Huge energy and attraction, there you go... xD

 

Speaking of which, there's one particular girl that glows like this, at least to me I asked her out for a walk already, but she's having some major school this week, so have to wait until the end of next week and see if she's got any free time then. Of course, hard to say how she truly sees me, but I'm getting a pretty positive vibe myself, so definitely going with that...like fuck, there's an awesome woman in sight, so totally going for it!

Edited October 29, 2011 by Ville