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Depression


mcj metroid

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You may be in Shanghai but surely you know what's been happening with us...

 

Bah, humbug.

 

Everybody seems to be getting good results except us.

 

Major argument - well, me shouting at the girlfriend last night. She decided to start doing her nails, polish and all at 11.20pm when we both have to be up early. I really feel like I'm turning into a monster with her, she's so inconsiderate though and damnably lazy.

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Bah, humbug.

 

Everybody seems to be getting good results except us.

 

Look at it this way. We have more points so we're winning!...kind of...:hmm:

 

You scored a total of 67.

 

Hmm, Ohwell.

 

I can't imagine you being anything but a picture of happiness! :heh:

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I can't imagine you being anything but a picture of happiness! :heh:

 

Hehe, I think Oxigen is right about the whole is doesn't differ from low self-esteem and depression. I'm definitely have low self-esteem but I don't think I'm exactly depressed.

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Hehe, I think Oxigen is right about the whole is doesn't differ from low self-esteem and depression. I'm definitely have low self-esteem but I don't think I'm exactly depressed.

 

Good...I think. :heh:

 

I worry about anyone who gets a worse score than me. (the score from a couple months ago)

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Oh loneliness, oh hopelessness, to search the ends of time - for there is in all the world not greater love than mine.

 

I have just hit a down period (remember mentioning that I have manic depression?) the first big one for about 3 months, and it comes - you guessed it, right around my birthday. Which happens to be tomorrow, and no-one is available to do anything, as per usual. It's as if the sheer effort of having fun at Christmas puts the world off celebrating the ignominous day when I was spawned.

 

This year, I have a girlfriend, for what that's worth. A girlfriend who you have to tell your feelings to directly and clearly, sometimes even writing them down to get her to take notice. Otherwise it's another "You don't communicate" argument evening, that ends with me apologising for snapping at her. But then I think, how much clearer than "I'm tired and I want to go to bed" can you get when faced with the prospect of yet more dull films. Then of course there's the half an hour pre bed ritual that ends with me half dozing off, or incapable of sleeping because I KNOW when she finally comes to bed she's (a) going to make a damn great noise and (b) start asking questions about future plans, career etc and totally mess up any chance of sleep.

 

Then there are the jobs. Don't get me wrong, being listened to by children all over china is a massive buzz when you know how well the books are selling, but at the same time, I can't help but feel that I could be making more of an impact. Expecially when the Chinese don't seem to know the difference between quality work done by foreigners and that don't by people having a laugh and taking money they don't deserve. And let's not forget the school where I've been writing (from scratch) the curriculum for 4 years of schooling, designing the books, arranging the learning curve and AT THE SAME TIME teaching the supposedly more experienced members of staff how to teach kids.

 

But... this is all just pointless venting, it doesn't do any good because having problems out in the open does not solve them in these cases. The answers, if there are any, are obvious. Solutions however, are not easy to come by when you just want to lay down and die.

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1-up Mushroom

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