Sexuality Thread

[Slaggis]

it woulden't bore me, but it would certainly start me arguing against the psychodynamic (freudian) approach to psychology.

 

Oh totally (A fellow Psychology lover, Yay). I just liked how what I was discussing, suddenly made me think about that whole topic, and how odd some of it is.

[Paj!]

I love the purposely obtuse sexual imagery in Stela Gibbons' Cold Comfort Farm.

 

I started laughing in class today when we read it (Our teacher reads it so well, really passionate and a good actor), talking about "voices sounding like throbbing rods" etc. Literally my favourite book, since it's a hilarious satire. And the way he main character Flora generally purses her lips at the abundance of sex, controversially (for the 30's, the book was banned in Ireland) promoting condoms.

[Chris the great]

Oh totally (A fellow Psychology lover, Yay). I just liked how what I was discussing, suddenly made me think about that whole topic, and how odd some of it is.

 

some of it is decent stuff, i did a few essays using it as a comparison to outher areas of psychology. find it wierd how its still so dominant in america, despite being almost totaly disscredited

 

 

sexuality wise however, im totaly in a rut. gotta get out more.

[Gizmo]

This seems like the most appropriate place to put this.

 

Forgive me for indulging in a bit of a rant, but it's something I would like to vent; I'm usually quite private with stuff like this so it might turn out quite half hearted but I will try and get it into a post-able state, and do so.

 

I seriously recommend checking the length and considering whether you can be bothered to read it all.

 

Basically, why the hell do people drink?

 

For the last few months I've been thinking to myself that I should really improve my social life. I'd been kinda drifting along, my sister (admittedly 2 years older, but still) going out every single Friday and Saturday night and me never doing anything. I could feel how my parents were looking at me and noticing this "loser" ethic I seemed to have built up. I've always been capable of school, I mean in my exams last year I got straight A's at (the easy) Standard Grade and Int2 levels, and this year I've gotten straight As at the more difficult Highers, all the while barely making any effort in studying or anything. So I was kinda pigeonholed into this mould, and I didn't like it; it wasn't how I wanted to be perceived. So gradually over the last few months I've been trying to expand my horizons and have sort of gotten into a couple of social groups whereby I may be invited to these parties and stuff thats happening. I went to one, open invite party, which was kinda fun but all in all a rubbish party. I was just glad of the experience. Some more time passed, and I continued my efforts.

 

Recently I've been seeing improvements. I was invited to a birthday house party, which was a "surprise" party for one of my friends who is (so far as I can tell) in a similar mood about life as me. She becomes important later. It was a no alcohol party, and it was pretty boring, but I was glad to have gone as it further got me into this group of people. I had another invite the following week to a get together of this group, though I didn't go as I was working that day. Since then, I haven't had much from this group again, but I'm still sort of "in" and I think for most people I would be invited to the parties.

 

Anyway, this weekend I was invited to an 18th birthday party (of someone I knew, but not well; I went because there were people from the aforementioned group going). This party was great; talking to friends, messing around, generally having a good time. I had a half drunk discussion about socialism for gods sake. Then, 3/4s through this party, me and girl-from-before find ourselves sitting together, trying not to watch another friend "getting to know" someone else.

 

Now, important girl; She is someone I've always had a thing for. I asked her out 3 years ago, and was turned down. I took this, and after a while, moved on. We became reasonably good friends, but for me there has always been something else just under the surface that I have suppressed for those 3 years. Indeed, a mutual friend tried to suggest "setting us up", but both of us rubbished this and said just friends; though I, underneath, kinda liked the idea. Indeed, I am now trying to angle myself into asking out another girl, who is also on the outskirts of the group, who is good friends with important-girl. I am going to the school dance with her, though officially it is "as friends". This dance is in around 4 weeks time, and I have been pondering asking her out properly beforehand, or possibly making a move at the dance, or something else, for some time.

 

I feel like I'm giving my life story here, but I am somewhat enjoying letting this all out and letting everyone see how pathetic and useless I am. I have moved beyond the point of caring.

 

Anyway, back to Saturday night. As you probably guessed from my earlier description before I went off on a rather large tangent, me and her kissed. Both of us were very drunk, and sitting there talking, me with my arm around her back and her my chest, head resting on my shoulder; me thinking nothing of it in my drunken stupor. It was her who moved in, though I of course did nothing to stop it. I was just realising what was happening, and beginning to enjoy it, when she pulled away. We remained seated with my arm around her for about 30 seconds, when she leaned in and we again kissed.

 

(as pathetic as this is, this was my first proper kiss. I'm 17 tomorrow)

 

This second kiss was far shorter, and lasted only about 10 seconds. Again, she pulled away, and immediately left, saying nothing. I did not follow her; I was recovering from the suddeness of it, and considering the implications, all the while being absolutely leathered. I avoided her the rest of the night. The fact that she had ran away suggested something, though at the time I did not have the mental acuity to decipher it. I spent the rest of the party attempting to do so, being counselled by about 4 other people, which was all very positive. A very good learning experience for me, though not one I had expected.

 

Sunday I spent in my bed. The hangover combined with my tiredness from paintballing that same day restricted me to it. In the afternoon, I got a text from her, saying "That was just a drunk kiss, right?"

 

Infact, here is a rough transcript of the text conversation:

 

Her:"That was just a drunk kiss, right?"

Me:"You tell me"

Her:"It was just a drunk kiss too me. Why, what was it to you?"

 

At this point my patience, strained over three years, wore out.

 

Me:"My view on it is this: My primary concern is our friendship. I don't want it to ruin that. But you probably already knew that for me ther was always potentially something else bubbling underneath. I leave it up to you. If it meant something to you, great, if not, thats fine. It doesn't have to be a big deal. There was obviously something that made you do it, indeed, do it twice; but it's up to you to decide what that was. Just don't let it become a big thing"

Her:"I was drunk and cant really remember what happened. I was just having fun, but I dont like you in that way at all. Sorry if I led you on but I dont have feelings for you, I was just drunk"

Me:"Okay, thats fine then. No big deal. See you Monday"

 

As far as I was concerned, the matter was over at this point. There would inevitably be some tlak of it at school, "X+Y kissed, oooh, whats happening there?" but I assumed we would laugh it off and call it a drunken accident. As she walked in to class Monday morning, I offered my hand for a traditional high five in a sort of peace offering, lets put it past us kinda way. But she turned her head and ran away from me. This set the tone for the day; I spent all day getting talk from other guys of "well done, I hear you got into her, nice one" and I was spending all day rebutting, saying it was her who initiated things. From girls, I was getting the pity treatment; "how are you? I hear you and her kissed..." and again, I was trying to make clear that I was not bothered by her reaction. I have unfortunately become accustomed to it, and I did not want this to become a big deal and compromise my whatever small, tiny, minute potential chance I had with the other girl.

 

I would understand if, had I made the move, she would feel uncomfortable around me. But I do not understand her reaction given that she made the move and I have made it clear to her I did not want it to be a big deal, and that I was in no way hurt by her later rejection. It has only made things worse, and I fear that this may now hurt anything I do in regards to the other girl. Will she feel like I am only making a move on her because I was rejected? Will she feel that she does not want to do anything given the proximity to what has happened? Does she even like me in the first place? I'm feeling so frustrated about it; I seem to have become the bad guy in what happened. She kissed me, not the other way around. So why do I feel like it's all my fault? I was supposed to resist the kiss, considering I was drunk and liked her in the first place? I'm unlikely to do that if she made the move in the first place despite not liking me; if shes drunk enough to do that, I'm too drunk to stop it. I feel like I need to talk to her properly, no text messaging or bullshit like that. But I get the feeling that's not going to happen. I just don't understand her reaction at all. Is it to do with the fact that I told her I have always had feelings for her? I find this unlikely; she easily identified that I liked the other girl simply from my behaviour, so must have had an inkling on it beforehand. And why did she manage to text me on Sunday, then be completely unable to talk to me on Monday, especially considering I had made it clear I wanted only to downplay the whole damn thing? The reaction I was expecting was of the two of us laughing it off; of me suggesting she tell the other girl how good a kisser I am, and for me to laugh about how she never gave me the time to take in what was happening. But there was not a hint of this at all.

 

Saturday I am going to a small party for another mutual friend who is having a "movie night" for her birthday. A small amount of alcohol, and only about 20 of us. At this party, theres no way for me to avoid her, and the other girl I am interested in will be at this one. If things are not resolved by Saturday, I fear things will get much worse. I am really angry about this. I found myself unable to eat Sunday night thinking about things, and that was before I saw her reaction. Despite having had virtually no food all of Sunday and no breakfast on Monday, I found myself force feeding myself lunch simply because I felt weak. I had no appetite.

 

Of course, all this would be solved in a moment if I were to ask out the other girl, get a yes, and then have an amazing time on Saturday sitting with a beer (not enough to get drunk; just enough to get social, is the supposed limit of alcohol at the Saturday party) and her, with the previous issue resolved. Of course, this will never happen. It's inevitable it will be an issue, in both the party and the other girl. And I don't even know if the other girl likes me or not; she probably doesn't, considering much of her behaviour towards me is similar to important-girls. Plus, if I were to ask her out, and be rejected again, I would feel so fucking empty. Just thinking of that posibility makes me scared: I fear I may do something dumb in that case. Just the Saturday incident has made me angry enough about everything to discard my previous private nature and post this epic warhorse of a post. I don't think I've ever posted more than 3 paragraphs in General Chit Chat before. I have felt for some time that I wanted either things to improve: ie, get with one of the two girls, and improve my social life, or for something drastic to happen so that I could decide to fuck it all and stop worrying about everything. If I could stop worrying about what everyone thought, about fitting in, about improving my life: such a weight would be lifted. I would have a shit life, and would have to endure the consequences of it for the next 15months as I finish my school career and move on to University, but it would feel so good at the time. This middleground I have been living in the last few months fucking sucks. This incident has pushed me towards the "fuck it all" option, but girl 2 still exists and is the only thing stopping me doing something really dumb. That, and my strong desire for the university lifestyle that I have idealised for some time, keeps me from doing something dumb. I have had thoughts in the past that without the University thing keeping me going, if all I had to look forward to was another 6 years of High School, I would either

 

a) do whatever the fuck I want, regardless of what laws I may be breaking. I'm thinking rape of whatever girl I fucking want, murder of any cunt I feel like, theft, arson, anything.

b) Pack my shit up, give my current life what for and have an epic speech at everyone at school one day. Really fucking unleash, and then just leave. Move out of my house, get as far away as I can, and try and make something else work. The less appealing option, but the more realistic.

 

In reality though, I would never do either of these; my hopes for the future force me to endure these shitty times. Yes, it's no actual real problem. It's hormonal, meaningless, teenage problems. I've probably come across as a right whiny little shite, especially in the last few paragraphs. But I've been wanting to let all my thoughts out for so long; and this has finally pushed me over the edge and made me do it. Maybe I will feel awful tomorrow when everything resolves, and I have unveiled my true character on here. Maybe I'll feel so much better; talking about things is meant to make you feel better, right? I haven't held back a single thing. I have never, ever let even the most remote mention outside my own thoughts of option a) before, not even to online people who I talk to alot about. But I have decided I want to get it out of my head. Perhaps a shrink would help; it would have a greater effect than this, but it's not something I would want to do as it means making public in real life, not the internet, the fact that I have these problems that I want help with. I overheard my parents discussing the fact that I spent all of yesterday not eating, and in my bed; admitting to them I want psychatric help would not be a pleasant experience. I have not yet been pushed that far.

 

While typing this, about half way through the previous paragraph, I received a text from her. "Sorry if I was being a dick, I didn't mean too". I shall reply with "I don't see why it needs to be a big deal. Why can't we laugh about it? Theres no need to pretend it didn't happen, but equally no need to give it any sort of meaning. We were drunk; drunk people do stupid things." Should this text resolve the issue as I hope, this post will have been done in unnecessary haste. If it is though, I still feel happy I have finally typed this all out. I have tried to in the past, but every time I sat down to do it after quiet thoughts in the shower or whatever I lose confidence. Finally getting this all down, though it has taken me around an hour to do, feels good, at least for now.

 

My reply to her came out alot longer than the above, but I am too lazy to type it up after all of this. Essentially, I summarised my view on it as I have done here, saying I dont attach any importance to it and that we should laugh about it, and ask her what she is attaching to it that is causing her different reaction. We shall see.

 

 

I think that's pretty much everything. I didn't mean to ramble so much, but I wanted to get it all down, every single bit of it. I wonder if this forum has a maximum message limit? Because if so, I think I've exceeded it. In fact, I'll spoiler all but this part. Forgive any typing errors; I'm too lazy to proof read.

 

If anybody, honestly, reads all of that, I will owe you a beer, and if we ever meet, promise to pay the debt.

 

Edit: Wordcount tells me that that is 2880 words of pure teenage hormones. But like I said, it has been building for a long time: I needed to let it out eventually, and feel much better for doing so.

[Daft]

Looks like you've come to quite a few conclusions by yourself so I'm just going to think out loud.

 

She sounds like a bit of a bitch to be honest. Personally, I don't have time for people who mess me around (granted I can spot these people a mile off so I don't really have a problem). If I actually cared enough about the person to not discard them I'd have a right go at them; ultimately the cruel truth is what is needed in these cases. I blew my top at someone I love dearly recently and things have gotten a lot better.

 

That probably didn't help. Forgive me, I've been in the library for the last six hours.

[jayseven]

LONGEST POST EVER! Only Longcat can beat you for epicness...

 

Few things; You remind me of myself, and several other members on this forum. Overthinking the situation and eager to fix any problems with words as quick as possible, but there are some flaws with this plan.

 

Do not send her massive texts that ultimately say "I don't want it to be a big deal", you create several new opportunities for her head to fuck itself while she tries to figure out her own emotions and thoughts regarding this whole shitstorm. She is clearly confused about the situation as much as, if not more than you.

 

It is teenage hormones. It is the fact that you are stuck in a close proximity to her with college and social circles. It is the crossroad of your life, which seems to be taking absolutely forever to arrive so you can get to the next stage. You are right about a lot of things, but wrong to worry so much. I've been there, I've done that, and I just overworried and made a fool of myself.

 

You need to make up your own mind; if you just want to be friends, then say that specifically ("Look, I just want to be friends. I do not want to go out with you.") - this will solidify your friendship, and leave her mess up to her to sort out. If you want moar, then say that ("I don't think it was a mistake. I was drunk but I'd do it sober.") - which will let her know how you feel, leaving her to sort herself out :P

 

The problem with girls is you don't know if you can trust them to tell you the truth when they're telling you about their feelings. I don't know if you've noticed, but it's always teh men on this forum blurting their hearts out about love and whatnot.

 

The problem with boys (mostly teenage, but not limited to,) is that when faced with two options (girls) they will try and hold onto each choice for as long as possible, not willing to dismiss one because that one might be the one that you have a chance with! Boys forget that they are young. Boys forget that the correct answer is that probably neither is the 'one', and that there are plenty more choices awaiting them in future stages of life.

 

Feeling depressed/lost/confused about this, or anything, is not lame, or anything to be ashamed of. No matter how small you think the matter will appear to anyone else, it feels like a massive problem to you so you need to share it. Even if other people only help you deal with a handful of the stress, that's still a handful less than you need to carry by yourself.

 

Mixing in with a new crowd of people is stressful, especially because their interest in you is going to make this whole issue predominent in your mind by asking you/reminding you about it constantly.

 

I'm blurbling on here, forgetting what I've said and what I wanted to say, but my advice to you would be; simmer down with the girl. Tell her precisely and succinctly not how you feel (because feelings are indecipherable and long-winded :P) but how you are with the situation. Decide yourself and make it known to her.

 

You say "only 20" people are going to this movie night thing -- dude 20 people is a lot of people, and either you'll be watching a movie in teh dark/silence, or people will be mingling so you will have 18 whole other people to concentrate on. Stay in the present, stay in the now. Do what you want to do, not what will hurt others less, not what will make you look better in the eyes of new people, just do what you want to do.

 

Can you owe me a cider? I much prefer cider.

 

EDIT: Geez daft - twelve self-references in a reply to another dude's problem! Sensitivity kiing

 

LOLEDIT: I counted twelve self-references in my post too, mind. Not counting these edits!

[Daft]

EDIT: Geez daft - twelve self-references in a reply to another dude's problem! Sensitivity kiing

 

I can only use my own experiences as the basis for my advice. Why should I pretend that I know exactly what he is going through? We're all different, and in different situations.

 

I'm pretty sure he's smart enough to figure this out, without the necessity for highlighting.

[Gizmo]

Looks like you've come to quite a few conclusions by yourself so I'm just going to think out loud.

 

She sounds like a bit of a bitch to be honest. Personally, I don't have time for people who mess me around (granted I can spot these people a mile off so I don't really have a problem). If I actually cared enough about the person to not discard them I'd have a right go at them; ultimately the cruel truth is what is needed in these cases. I blew my top at someone I love dearly recently and things have gotten a lot better.

 

That probably didn't help. Forgive me, I've been in the library for the last six hours.

 

I don't think it's that she's being a bitch; just that she's just as lost as I am. Posting all that has helped me sort it out in my head, though.

 

LONGEST POST EVER! Only Longcat can beat you for epicness...

 

Few things; You remind me of myself, and several other members on this forum. Overthinking the situation and eager to fix any problems with words as quick as possible, but there are some flaws with this plan.

 

Overthinking things is definately my character flaw. It's my nature to be analytical.

Do not send her massive texts that ultimately say "I don't want it to be a big deal", you create several new opportunities for her head to fuck itself while she tries to figure out her own emotions and thoughts regarding this whole shitstorm. She is clearly confused about the situation as much as, if not more than you.

 

Oops. Did that. Haven't had a reply yet.

It is teenage hormones. It is the fact that you are stuck in a close proximity to her with college and social circles. It is the crossroad of your life, which seems to be taking absolutely forever to arrive so you can get to the next stage. You are right about a lot of things, but wrong to worry so much. I've been there, I've done that, and I just overworried and made a fool of myself.

 

You need to make up your own mind; if you just want to be friends, then say that specifically ("Look, I just want to be friends. I do not want to go out with you.") - this will solidify your friendship, and leave her mess up to her to sort out. If you want moar, then say that ("I don't think it was a mistake. I was drunk but I'd do it sober.") - which will let her know how you feel, leaving her to sort herself out :P

 

Thing is, I do as you say later. Hold onto both options until I cant any more. So doing that isn't easy for me. I want to hold onto one of them, and putting all my eggs in one basket would admittedly either make things 100% better or 100% worse: I tend to find myself, inspite of the knowledge it's a stupid thing to do, holding onto 50% of each.

The problem with girls is you don't know if you can trust them to tell you the truth when they're telling you about their feelings. I don't know if you've noticed, but it's always teh men on this forum blurting their hearts out about love and whatnot.

 

This times a million. Theres never any closure; even if she says "i dont like you", it could be her saying that so theres no conflict between her and the other girl. If she says "i do like you" it could be her saying that because she feels she has to after initiating everything. There is no such thing as an absolute, especially when most of it ends up happening digitally.

 

The problem with boys (mostly teenage, but not limited to,) is that when faced with two options (girls) they will try and hold onto each choice for as long as possible, not willing to dismiss one because that one might be the one that you have a chance with! Boys forget that they are young. Boys forget that the correct answer is that probably neither is the 'one', and that there are plenty more choices awaiting them in future stages of life.

 

This.

 

Feeling depressed/lost/confused about this, or anything, is not lame, or anything to be ashamed of. No matter how small you think the matter will appear to anyone else, it feels like a massive problem to you so you need to share it. Even if other people only help you deal with a handful of the stress, that's still a handful less than you need to carry by yourself.

 

Thank you. This helps me.

 

Mixing in with a new crowd of people is stressful, especially because their interest in you is going to make this whole issue predominent in your mind by asking you/reminding you about it constantly.

 

I'm blurbling on here, forgetting what I've said and what I wanted to say, but my advice to you would be; simmer down with the girl. Tell her precisely and succinctly not how you feel (because feelings are indecipherable and long-winded :P) but how you are with the situation. Decide yourself and make it known to her.

 

I shall try.

 

You say "only 20" people are going to this movie night thing -- dude 20 people is a lot of people, and either you'll be watching a movie in teh dark/silence, or people will be mingling so you will have 18 whole other people to concentrate on. Stay in the present, stay in the now. Do what you want to do, not what will hurt others less, not what will make you look better in the eyes of new people, just do what you want to do.

 

Well, the party on Saturday was at a venue with seperate rooms and 200 people. This Saturday is 20 close friends in a living room, so it's a bit harder. I feel as if I probably shouldn't go, because it might make it awkward; but I feel like I shouldn't be punished (by not going) for her kissing me. If someone doesnt go, it should be her, even though she is more solidly in the group than me. But I wouldn't want that either.

 

Can you owe me a cider? I much prefer cider.

 

I'm a Cider man myself, so yes.

 

EDIT: Geez daft - twelve self-references in a reply to another dude's problem! Sensitivity kiing

 

LOLEDIT: I counted twelve self-references in my post too, mind. Not counting these edits!

 

It's ok, lols, Comparing me to yourself helps me put it in perspective; don't feel like your being insensitive if you reference yourself.

 

Thanks alot, both of you, for even indulging me by reading it.

[jayseven]

Sorry daft, I have to admit my love for highlighting irl I probably say stuff with my head sideways or shout things a lot without realising it. Underline my statement with a sweeping hand gesture!

 

Gizmo; go to the party. Neither one person nor the other is 100% to blame, and considering the initial incident is something you've told us through your (drunken) memories means that there's no way you can truly give us the full picture of the moment. You might've said something without realising it, placed your hand somewhere unwanted, threw up a little in her hair -- I don't know :P But from what you've said, I would say that it was simply a drunken kiss (only, of course, even drunken kisses have some meaning/purpose/cause/reaction).

 

This is a great experience for you. For a start, the gossip will mean that these new people will keep an interest in you (thus you can start building/strengthening new connections) but, as I said before, they will make it harder to simply get on with what should be 'an evening with friends'. No doubt your mind is predicting some sort of perhaps-drunken one-on-one moment with this girl where you get to clear the air. I will tell you now that if you get this chance it will be because someone has orchestrated it to be this way. Life doesn't work like the movies where you stumble into one another as you enter/exit the bathroom, or sneak outside for a cigarette or whatever. I would suggest you simply stay out of the manipulation and just try and enjoy the night for what it is - a chance to meet these other people again and get to know them better, and a chance to watch a movie and drink.

 

She's not going to want a scene in front of loads of people, so she's going to keep her distance. You won't get a natural chance with her alone, so don't even fucking worry about what you'd say if you did. It never works out the way you want. Just go to the party for the party! Who knows. A whole entire other girl might be into you as we speak, fearfully plotting her own map of your feelings, watching from afar, stalkerish-but-cutely. Don't clog yourself down into the minute, blinkered world of girlproblemdonia!

[Daft]

I don't think it's that she's being a bitch; just that she's just as lost as I am. Posting all that has helped me sort it out in my head, though.

 

Fair enough. I guess I'm just trying to say, sometimes people need to be more direct. Whether this is the case or not in this instance I can't say, but I thought I'd mention it.

[Eenuh]

Super long post indeed. But yeah, it's probably best to let it all out, so don't feel restrained to post your feelings on here.

 

I can't really offer any advice, but it just sounds to me like the girl is really confused about what happened. She kissed you, so that probably means she has some kind of feelings for you, but she probably doesn't know yet what kind of feelings. It could just be that you're a great friend to her, or that she feels more but hasn't realized it yet.

 

In any case, I don't think there's too much you can do, as she has to figure this out for herself first. Girls are not only confusing to guys, but also to themselves. Always thinking about everything, looking at everything from every angle. So yeah, it might take her some time to figure out what she wants.

 

Yeah, sorry I can't be of any help.

[Gizmo]

Jayseven, you are awesome. Everything you say is something I've thought in my head before, and you saying it to me reinforces it. I kinda know it anyway, but don't really pay attention to it, if you know what I mean. Your saying everything I'm thinking, in a far more eloquent way.

 

 

I know what you mean Daft, totally. Obviously though all you know of her is what I've said, but I don't think it's in her nature to be like that. So your point is definately valid.

 

Eenuh: A girls perspective is always helpful - thanks.

[MoogleViper]

Dude I've never even written that much for all of my courseworks combined. So you really do fucking owe me a beer. (Make it a cider?)

 

Seriously though, I've been through that stage, as I'm sure many people have. In fact for the past few months I've been trying to improve my social life, which is why I keep denying Strider's requests for me to start WOW, so you're a year ahead of me in that respect. You will get out of this "phase". I don't know if it's hormones or just that stage of life that you/me were/are in. At the moment it feels like I'm just waiting for uni, which isn't too far away. But you've got another year to go, so continue to keep going out like you are doing, and trust me, it does get better.

[Gizmo]

With regards to the "improved social life" I think I am making some headway. 6 months ago I never went to anything. Last weekend, I was out both Friday and Saturday, and I already have plans for both nights this weekend too. One off or not, this is better.

 

When I started my job I felt so inferior. All the smalltalk at work was "what did you do last night?" because I only work Sat and Sun. I never had anything to say. In fact, I was banking up all the parties I'd been too before (maybe 3 total?) to have as my answer for the next time I get asked, even though it was months ago, not last night. Now, I'm hoping I get asked, so for once I can have a decent, honest answer for them!

[Ellmeister]

That will be a cider please! Like I said on msn, girls can be blergh, so can boys, but in the end its worth it ^_^

[Molly]

I'll have a gin if thats ok! :p Even though this probably won't be helpful...

 

She did kiss you, and personally no matter how drunk I've been, I've not been the one to make that move if I haven't had some feelings for the person. (excluding randoms in night clubs, shhhh). Obviously that's me and I'm not saying it's gospel. It's difficult to guess but there would have been a torrent of possible emotions going through her head after it happened... elation, relief, rejection, regret, fear? What led her to send those texts the next day could have been a number of things...

The problem with girls is you don't know if you can trust them to tell you the truth when they're telling you about their feelings.

This unfortunately rings true. Some of the time. I think pride has alot to do with it and that's not limited to girls; when I was 17 I was on the receiving end of a guy never quite saying how he truly felt, which only led to bad things, ultimately the loss of a friendship. Not that I'm saying this will happen to you Gizmo, I'm saying IT'S NOT JUST US J7

 

Anyway, as others have said; sounds like she is confused and her 'blanking you' at school and then apologising affirms this, as you said...why would she do that if she was the one doing the rejecting and you being totally cool with it. Perhaps you being totally cool with it was her irrational reason for acting weird? Again, it's probably the pride I tell you!

 

I'm not going to give you advice and say... tell her exactly how you feel, ask the other girl how she feels etc. Ultimately you're going to do what feels right and necessary. As for the social networking, keep at it, I didn't start being truly sociable till I got to Uni (I blame the all girls private school) so you're ahead of where I was! Also, you're right about the raping and pillaging, life's never that bad! *wink* (the wink smiley makes me cringe etc).

[Raining_again]

Maybe she wanted you to be totally not cool with it. Molly has a point there...

[MoogleViper]

God women are stupid. I wish I was gay.

[The fish]

I, strictly speaking, should be working, so I'll keep my 2-cents short and sweet - judging by the read through, I'd say it's a reasonable bet she's also very, very unsure about where she stands. I know Eenuh's said it already, but I agree with her.

 

I say go to this party, and see what happens - one advantage of the environment is that, if you accidentally say anything really stupid forward that she doesn't respond well to, you always have the escape plan of being able to laugh it off tomorrow and tell her you'd had too much to drink. If she reacts positively, then game on.

 

I have my own little conundrum, but I'll save it for another day.

[Molly]

Women also probably wish you were gay Moogle.

[chairdriver]

Men are also stupid, so you really can't win.

[Raining_again]

Women also probably wish you were gay Moogle.

 

Cocktail sausages arent much to be impressed by

[The fish]

Cocktail sausages arent much to be impressed by

 

I'm pretty sure you just offended every cocktail sausage on the planet. I can't speak for certain, though - I wouldn't know. :wink:

[Gizmo]

I'll have a gin if thats ok! :p Even though this probably won't be helpful...

 

She did kiss you, and personally no matter how drunk I've been, I've not been the one to make that move if I haven't had some feelings for the person. (excluding randoms in night clubs, shhhh). Obviously that's me and I'm not saying it's gospel. It's difficult to guess but there would have been a torrent of possible emotions going through her head after it happened... elation, relief, rejection, regret, fear? What led her to send those texts the next day could have been a number of things...

 

This unfortunately rings true. Some of the time. I think pride has alot to do with it and that's not limited to girls; when I was 17 I was on the receiving end of a guy never quite saying how he truly felt, which only led to bad things, ultimately the loss of a friendship. Not that I'm saying this will happen to you Gizmo, I'm saying IT'S NOT JUST US J7

 

Anyway, as others have said; sounds like she is confused and her 'blanking you' at school and then apologising affirms this, as you said...why would she do that if she was the one doing the rejecting and you being totally cool with it. Perhaps you being totally cool with it was her irrational reason for acting weird? Again, it's probably the pride I tell you!

 

I'm not going to give you advice and say... tell her exactly how you feel, ask the other girl how she feels etc. Ultimately you're going to do what feels right and necessary. As for the social networking, keep at it, I didn't start being truly sociable till I got to Uni (I blame the all girls private school) so you're ahead of where I was! Also, you're right about the raping and pillaging, life's never that bad! *wink* (the wink smiley makes me cringe etc).

 

But I admitted to her, after 3 years, that I do like her as more than a friend. So what kind of warped "pride" leads to her blanking me?

 

Maybe she wanted you to be totally not cool with it. Molly has a point there...

 

Again, can't see what warped emotion would lead her to want me to fight for her any more than a flat out admission of my feelings.

 

God women are stupid. I wish I was gay.

 

As I said to Ell on MSN: Girls are evil and not to be trusted. but i still want one in my pants

 

I, strictly speaking, should be working, so I'll keep my 2-cents short and sweet - judging by the read through, I'd say it's a reasonable bet she's also very, very unsure about where she stands. I know Eenuh's said it already, but I agree with her.

 

I say go to this party, and see what happens - one advantage of the environment is that, if you accidentally say anything really stupid forward that she doesn't respond well to, you always have the escape plan of being able to laugh it off tomorrow and tell her you'd had too much to drink. If she reacts positively, then game on.

 

I have my own little conundrum, but I'll save it for another day.

 

Saturday should be interesting to say the least.

 

And share, share, share. I can safely now say it feels damn good. I always had this image of being reading my whiney bullshit and just seeing some stupid arsehole, but all I've had is positive. Then again, maybe the people who think I'm a stupid arsehole have just been too well mannered to post and let me know.

 

Edit: Touché, Moogle.

[MoogleViper]

But I admitted to her, after 3 years, that I do like her as more than a friend. So what kind of warped "pride" leads to her blanking me?

 

 

 

Again, can't see what warped emotion would lead her to want me to fight for her any more than a flat out admission of my feelings.

 

Mistake number 1: You are trying to use logic and reason to understand a woman's actions.