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It depends where you go. The Blind Massage places are completely free of that kind of thing. Most of the chains are as well. The general rule is that if they have a price list on the door, then they won't offer. If they have a sign saying "30 RMB!" (£3) then they will have a second revenue stream. That's not certain though, as I've been to some extremely well-kept places that have tried to sneak a hand down my man-pants. Also you have to look at the front desk: is it one person in a uniform with a name badge? If so, 80% sure it's legit. If the shop front is girls dressed in clothes inappropriate for standing around for a long time, chances are you're in for a few fingers up the bum when the whole massage is over. Seriously that happened once: a finger (not sure which one) was unceremoniously inserted and I was asked in a supposedly "sensual" voice if I wanted anything extra. Toilet paper was requested, but apparently that wasn't what she meant.

Physically? Attractive toes. Can't be doing with a lady who has the human equivalent of pigs trotters. Mentally? A girl who makes me think.

Get your ass to 中国 where massages cost as little as £5 for an hour. Have a blind lady does my head, and it's magic. £8 for an hour of the pain going away.

Has your lot even discovered fire yet?

Ah, now here we have someone I wanted to start a separate thread about, but here will do: "Be more ladylike!" Translation: Acquire a small set of semi-useless skills; be able to talk relatively coherently about the weather and food; wear dresses all e time even in winter; speak only when spoken to; find some rich twat to marry you and produce babies. Conclusion: Shut up. "Man up!/Be a man about it!" Translation: I am not smart or emotionally mature enough to accept that males have complex emotions, therefore I am forcing a stereotype on you in order to deal with something I don't understand. No, I don't mean grab a spear and go hunting; no, I don't mean have forced painful sex with females who get nothing from the experience; no, I don't mean go chop down a tree, just... Just... Just do what I expect you to do! Conclusion: Would you say it to a woman? Shut up then.

It means you're not getting the house in the divorce!

What THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY? WHAT was that UTTER, inexcusable BULLSHIT that came out of that GAPING SHIT CREEK that is your mouth?* *Said by Yours Truly to someone who said that to Yours Truly a few weeks ago in the UK. Yours Truly had been having a pretty tough day. Yours Truly is unlikely to be invited back to that particular party next year.

"Touch base" is slang for "masturbate together in the break room, keeping eye contact the whole time". So you should feel free to run away screaming through plate glass windows when someone says "Let's touch base next week". "LOL" written or said. Both are equally annoying.

I'm a bit old-fashioned in that I like to have a physical copy. Lord knows why - I'm well aware that downloads are cheaper, more efficient and more convenient in many ways. But I still like the physical sensation of owning something.

Happy birthday! 'Pologies for the lateness...

I'm very sad about this because my oldest friend (I've known him for 29 years) just managed to reconnect after a five-year absence in December. He's a security guard at HMV and one of the genuinely nicest people you could meet. His girlfriend is a bit of a bitch, but she injured her back last year and has been drawing disability allowance because she can't go back to work for the local council. Essentially he's the sole breadwinner and they have a mortgage. On the other hand, I hate pe the fact that the place seemed overpriced even when there was almost no online competition.

Redundancy packages usually go with service... one year is the minimum and it's something like a weeks' pay for every year. You only really "hit the jackpot" when you've been working at a place for 20 years or more. That said, it varies from employer to employer.

Thanks for *ahem* remembering guys!

On your door... Oh, and has nobody noticed again this year? This is a big one...

I will smear poo on your door while you are sleeping.

As an interesting aside: I've never, ever changed my avatar since I joined the forum ten years ago.

Er, check my avatar and re-word.

I got into trouble this year at Christmas with my family, they told me that they feel I am "Too smart, and insult our intelligence." Apparently the correct reply was NOT "How can I insult that which you do not possess?" So, I don't think I'm invited next year.

Ah, I understand. Accountants are well known for their love of dragon-breath as a pencil-sharpening aid, so I'm guessing he's got a small-to-medium-sized dragon locked up in his room. Also, dragons are ALL about playing the banjo: so I bet the dragon is up until the wee hours strumming on its banjo and singing off-key American folk songs. Furthermore, EVERYBODY knows that accountants only eat the freshest leprechauns, better if killed on the day of consumption. Leprechaun blood is a BITCH to get out of the carpet so I wouldn't be surprised if he's always using up all your fabric stain remover. God, I feel terrible for you, man. We're all here for you.

Christ, iused to use this place all the time from about 2002-2007, my old order history runs to about 120 items. The free shipping was the best part, just gave them an edge over Amazon - during my year in France they were an absolute godsend. But yeah, the whole Marketplace thing gave them a much more sleazy edge and pulled the feel of the place down. Also, they have been having trouble processing orders from foreign credit cards in the last 6 months. In June I ordered a book for my dads' birthday and that was convenient: come September their site shut down completely every time I entered my Chinese Visa card details.

AAaaaaaAAAAAaaaaaah! My underwear is in sufficiently large to hold this much "excitement"! No HMs kthxbi.

Birthday Saturday, I will be 30. Depressed about that, but what is most saddening is the hope that I'd have a big bash or something to take the sting away... I looked through my address book and realised that well, I actually have no friends. Everybody I know are people I work with/my staff. New Years Resolution: Get some friends, you sad fuck.

Precisely. Ineligible for the position of Best Post and ineligible for the benefit of kudos/praise it would elicit.

My man-boobs. Kudos for Magnus for getting this off the ground.

THE FIRST ONES HAD RUBBER SKIN and were really shitty sex doll knock-offs WE SPOTTED THEM EASY...