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Oooohhhhh.... P.E. And this guy got a C in it? ...snufflesnufflesnufflechortleblortHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAAHAAHA! POST MORE!

What's "Pe" and how does one acquire a GCSE in it?

I would if I could, but that would leave me with two dodgy knees. Tell you what: let's cut our bodies in half down the middle and we can approximately make one whole functioning human being And what are these "bumcakes" of which you speak? Small delectables in a double-round shape with pink icing?

And you, have proved to be... ...a real human being. And a real hero.

10/10 and I've not lived in the UK for nearly 6 years...

Got on the Underground (metro) in Shanghai today. Offered an old lady my seat, who promptly burst into tears of voluble gratitude (old lady, not the seat). A lady gets on with her father in a wheelchair: he obviously has final stage Parkinson's and she's struggling to push the chair. Suddenly the chair collapses, the wheel has given out and the chair goes sliding all over. I grab it and stop the old gent from falling out. She panics and holds up the wheel, easy to see that the thread is loose so I grab the tape from my bag and lash the wheel back on. A long conversation about Parkinson's follows as well as the difficulties of caring for people. Off she trots. Then I lean up against the door.... Next thing I know I'm being choked half to death by an eight-month-old baby with an iron grip on my scarf. I manoeuvre the scarf out of his chubby vice-like hands and he starts howling... Off with the scarf and back into the baby's hands. Cue one cheerful baby. We pull up to my station and there's a loud "THUD" about halfway down the carriage: someone has fallen over. I push my way through the onlookers and everybody is all "no, don't help!" and I see the guy sprawling on the floor drunk as a skunk. I check his airway breathing, and circulation - all fine but he's out cold. No-one else is lifting a finger. I get him into a seat and luckily the station manager comes along and we drag him off the train so everyone can get on with their journey. Out I trot. Next thing I know, I'm being mobbed by a bunch of locals gabbling at me in their heathen lingo. From what I gather, I've been a good boy. Of course, now my legs ached from the hour of standing, my hands are smothered in wheel grease, I've got a cold neck and I stink like cheap booze.

I was 3 and at home one lunchtime watching the Open University on BBC 2. They had an episode which was just these backlit white line drawings against a black background of a beach. I'm still turned on by backlit drawings even today... Sometimes they have teeth. You're well out of it, to be honest. *press* A friend of mine was a bit freaky - he would eat toast without butter, milk with sugar and cornflakes without milk... He used to stuff Barbies down his pants then take them out and cover them with talcum powder. *press* I found my Dad's stash at 12, some friends and I were playing Warhammer 40,000 for the weekend, so I took them over with me. *press*

1) Don't care. 2) Not fussed. 3) *press*

*press* Happy birthday!

*press* *press* *press* *press* ... mmm...

If I could, I'd be pressing my man-parts on everyone and everything.

I'm sorry, but I think we have to get married. When I'm stressed, my Compulsions kick in. I usually start with a little tooth brushing...about twenty times a day, hand washing say twice or thrice as many times as I go to the bathroom. Or a nice run.

stabstabstabstab... ...did you find the knife? I left it in an obvious place... ...YOU! Sorry, had a bit to drink.... it's been a rough day.

"It's always in the last place you look!" Of course it is, fuckwit! Once you've found it, you stop looking and therefore by definition it is the last place you look!

Enquiry? They were actively encouraging him to break his contract and making a bad situation worse. It's practically tapping. I'm sure the legality or illegality is open to debate, but they were definitely acting in a "bringing-the-game-into-disrepute" fashion.

Colo has lost my respect. "Personal Reasons" have never been expanded on, and the whole "tapping up" of the Argetine club has shown contempt for the way the game is governed. 1) Report the Argentine club to FIFA and demand compensation. 2) Do not release Colo from his contract and pursue him through the courts if necessary. 3) Buy another defender!

YES. It was either the Royal Variety Performance or Prince's Trust gig where he was talking about "getting piss on your hands" at about 7pm. Thoroughly inappropriate for the time, place and audience.

The WORLD was better off with just Revelations. RE6 was...just...oh... It was like someone had dug up your favourite deceased pet and was using them in a ventriloquist act. Horribly, horribly disrespectful but in some mesmerising way, you just couldn't tear yourself away from the bastardisation of the thing you loved so well. It was marginally better than 5, however.

One word, people: Maaaaaaayyydaaayyyyyyy.

Don't seem to have many characters like him these days - people who are extremely respected and capable within their art but who are opinionated lunatics. And I mean that it the most positive way possible. Too many "characters" these days are just offensive - they are rude and brash without really earning their eccentricities. People like Frankie Boyle and Russell Brand spring to mind. Anyway, a controversial figure, much like Patrick Moore, but one that I certainly respected. RIP.

Oh bollocks. I am back to my pre-Christmas sleep pattern of 12am -1:30am 2:30am - 3:30am and then no sleep until alarm at 6:00am. FUCKINGFUCKFUCKWANKITYFUCKFUCKBASTARDSFUCKFUCK.

"I'm made up, mate!" IN WHAT WAY, SHAPE OR FORM ARE YOU A FICTIONAL CHARACTER?

Upstairs man used to beat his wife. Then I went and had words with him. Problem solved.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride...

I had that once. They were all like "Hi, I'm Dom Esposito and this is Dom Ackland." "Doms, get out of my shoulders, yeah?" And they were "Nah bra, we like it here." True story.