Iun

You should push forward a bill that bans the University from recruiting Chinese students from government-connected families: The wife of a mayor in China premeditated and arrived out the poisoning of an English business associate while her son was studying in Oxford. Also: Xinjiang, Tibet and pollution. In fact you could also ban American students who are pro-Iraq war.... ...blah blah blah. There's a reason to ban everyone and anything, but the fact is it's not pragmatic.

The Matt Varnish?! And he's bringing you coats?! Holy crap, dude's a legend. I've drawn up a budget for the 20 or so people in my family who I buy for, currently running to a balance of about £340. Horrible. I will get Just Dance 4 for my littlest sister, probably some kind of panda for my 10 month-old niece, the rest of the Game of Thrones series for my dad (he's halfway through the first one after beginning it in July) so that should set him up for the next few years. Not sure about my Wicked Stepmother. Actually, I'm thinking about buying a truck load of wax on the Internet, some essential oils and making candles for a lot of the ladies. Might save money.

Cover me in butter and it will be.

And your response "I could have been sleeping with that hot new bird at the office, or doing lines of cocaine with Moogleviper, or attending an orgy with Iun but instead I came back home and watched TV quietly. So yeah, if the worst thing I did today was not doing a wash... Then you got it lucky."

Reminds me of my first PC: 1: Saved up 1000GBP and bought the highest-spec PC I could from Dixons (When it was still Dixons) and also paid another 200 GBP for the extended warranty. 2: The first day I got it, the whole thing completely cocked up after an hour and would only work if I rebooted the system from the original system CDs. 3: Went to University, within a week, the floppy drive (before USB, I know...) which I used to back up all my lecture notes started to corrupt files on the floppy disk and on the hard drive. 4: By the end of the year, it had started to completely collapse at random - sudden, unprovoked BSOD or shuit down. This computer had NEVER been on the internet, by the way. 5: Got back for the summer. Spent about 50 GBP in phone calls to tech support before they sent out an engineer, who took out a "faulty" RAM stick. 6: Week later, precisely the same problem. Another 20 quid on phone calls, another visit from the engineer. Removes the second "faulty" RAM stick which he installed. 7: The fan subsequently dies, frying the CPU. I got another call-out and another CPU and fan. 8: Same shit, again. 9: This time I go back to the store where I bought it and say "Hey, what about your "no lemons" policy? Two problems within a year and I get a replacement?" to which the response was: it has to be exactly the same problem with exactly the same un-replaced component. Which obviously is impossible as they ALWAY replace defective parts immediately. 10: Eventually, the store manager comes around and gives me a replacement. 11: That breaks down after about 15 months. I call to get it fixed... but the warranty I bought only covered the original machine. To get the new one fixed, it would cost 50 squids for the call-out plus costs of parts. 12: First suicide attempt.

This. When I meet someone new: Me: "Hi, Iun Hockley, generally handsome guy and sexual magnet." Them: "Hi, I'm Will." Me: "You poor, poor bastard..." Them: "Excuse me?" Me: "You're forever getting shot at." Them: "What?" Me: "You know...'FIRE AT WILL!'" Them: "Oh... no, I never see that as being about me." Me: "That's what the last Will I met said... then they shot him... it'll be your turn soon."

We should, and stop calling me Shirley.

After four years of marriage, all I can say to you is TREASURE THIS TIME! Walk around in a dressing gown scratching your balls! Sit on the sofa watching TV idly fondling your balls! Stand around naked in the bathroom pretending your balls are an elephant and make trumpeting sounds with your schlong! Have breakfast in just a pair of undies and fiddle with your balls while you read the newspaper! It's not that you can't do these wonderful ball-related activities when you're married, but when you have someone else living with you, you will get HASSLED and SHOUTED AT for your continuing LOVE AFFAIR with your NUTS. "You TOUCHED your BALLS AGAIN! You must have a DISEASE! Go to the HOSPITAL!" "Leave your BALLS ALONE! There must be something WRONG WITH YOU because you KEEP TOUCHING your BALLS!" And so on. Enjoy your testicles why they still belong to you. :/

Where did you get an Evee from?

You finished the 4th gym at level 30? I'm on number 6 and most of my Pokemon are level 28... Am I doing something wrong?

Sorry to hear about that, stick by the phone, your friend is going to need you.

Moved back in, "reasonable' has yet to be achieved. Socially? Iplan on hiding under a pile of coats and flinging frozen peas at people in absolute silence. Same place I'm going to bury yours *eyes narrowed*

THIS POST IS NOT IN ENGLISH.

What do you mean "Thanks everyone"? NOBODY ELSE NOTICED EXCEPT FOR ME.

He and Richard Herring were AWESOME on Fist of Fun and TMWRNJ. Both of them apart are just not as good. It's like Mitchell without Webb. I saw Stewart Lee at Glastonbury in 2001 and he was good, but again, without Richard Herring, the spark wasn't there. Ross Noble quite literally rubs shit in the face of every other stand up, ever.

1: Avengers is, was and will remain "The Tits". 2: Batman is, was and will remain "The Shits". 3: The next time I hear "Gangnam Style" I am going to murder someone's face. Things like... I don't know is everyone still singing "Go COMPARE!" all the time? And is Churchill still doing insurance and saying "ouh, yes!" Who won Dancing with the Stars? Was anybody funny on one of those godawful X Factor shows?

Just noticed! Bit late! Blame time difference! (And unfeeling members of N-Europe who just think about themselves and their lovely Sunday spent in bed in their pajamas with the telly on, a nice cup of extra-weak strength tea and a bacon sandwich, oh god how I envy them...) .... Happy birthday!

'Sup my Pokemanizzles? I'm coming back to the UK for a brief two-week Christmas stay from the 16th of December. Two important things: 1: Anyone up for a mini meat? Canterbury is the nearest transport accessible hub for me, but I can also do London as The Allfather works in Orpington and travels every day. I'm thinking either the 18th, 19th or 20th. I should be on the road to recovery from jet lag by then (8 hour time difference) 2: What, if any, important pop culture shit did I miss? I'd like to be at least reasonably upon the things my family are going to yak at me about. No YouTube links. Ta muchly, yo.

It's wrong for me to "thank" that post, but... You know what I mean. Consider me showing appreciation. Take care of yourself.

Phad enormous fun with this picking it up again after about a fortnight of no time to play. I walked through Join Avenue, having completely forgotten what I had set as my special words, when I hear a cry of: "Amazing sainted MINGE!" Really, really made my day.

No... ...she wasn't either!

Accidents are understandable, but exiting the vehicle and kicking the animal away like it's a nuisance? That's not good.

Thanks guys, I appreciate your support. The worst thing was that just that morning, a little adolescent female tabby "adopted" me and the school, and I spent about 20 minutes having a cuddle while she purred sleepily like a motorboat on my lap. Then I see that happening, and suddenly I feel such terrible rage mixed with grief.

I....euthanised a cat on the side of the road today.