Simon's Dad

[ReZourceman]

I am very eager to get feedback on my latest comedical pursuits. It is hard to get feedback from people, generally speaking (outside of facebook) and even then, a small portion of people reply.

 

I would be greatly appreciative to hear thoughts on this endeavour ;

 

 

 

Thanks in advance.

[Rummy]

Why not go in creative?

 

It's ok.

[Ville]

1) Add some background music to the intro. Also, maybe narrate it?

2) Good idea, but the phone speaker is quite harsh. Might be just my laptop, but it's making my ears hurt. Maybe record the audio separately from further away or something? Or if you're willing to sacrifice the "phone sound", record it normally and not through a phone.

[Ramar]

I laughed.

[Rummy]

1) Add some background music to the intro. Also, maybe narrate it?

2) Good idea, but the phone speaker is quite harsh. Might be just my laptop, but it's making my ears hurt. Maybe record the audio separately from further away or something? Or if you're willing to sacrifice the "phone sound", record it normally and not through a phone.

 

I think he just wanted to know whether it was hilarious or not. I also think it's already overdubbed/effected to give that sound. Especially considering nobody answers the phone. Also considering I think he's reused the call animation given the fadeout/ins.

[Jon]

I chuckled.

 

Only thing I 'd suggest is changing colour/font of the text at the start, make it stand out a bit more and little easier to read.

[Mr-Paul]

I think it would be funnier if we actually saw these conversations acted out rather than over the phone. I think you'd get the character across better that way.

[Happenstance]

Unfortunately I didnt really find it funny.

 

That kind of premise probably could work but I think for me at least it was just a bit too random and as its pretty much just an audio comedy thing I think whatever ending punchline/joke you use needs to be stronger. Also the voice you put on for the Dad kept reminding me of the posh comedian from Fresh Meat.

[Rummy]

Jesus Christ @ReZourceman. I take back my previous question as I see you DID post it in creative, AND the funny stuff thread. Spamming something isn't going to make it funny, and you're genuinely spamming it. I won't touch any of the posts nor this thread right now as I'll genuinely believe you're after feedback, but behave yourself next time.

[EEVILMURRAY]

I first thought this was going to be a prank call thing like Phonejacker/me with an Arnie soundboard. Sadly not.

 

Not your best work. You're better than this ReZ.

I think it would be funnier if we actually saw these conversations acted out rather than over the phone. I think you'd get the character across better that way.

Like a Phonejacker/animated thing? Maybes.

[ReZourceman]

1) Add some background music to the intro. Also, maybe narrate it?

2) Good idea, but the phone speaker is quite harsh. Might be just my laptop, but it's making my ears hurt. Maybe record the audio separately from further away or something? Or if you're willing to sacrifice the "phone sound", record it normally and not through a phone.

 

Music - great point. My music teacher chum practically volunteered himself after viewing, so that should be fixed soon.

 

I think he just wanted to know whether it was hilarious or not. I also think it's already overdubbed/effected to give that sound. Especially considering nobody answers the phone. Also considering I think he's reused the call animation given the fadeout/ins.

 

Indeed, as Rummy says the phone effect is added. Its definitely a little too harsh, I agree, but I couldn't quite get the same effect from fiddling myself.

 

I chuckled.

 

Only thing I 'd suggest is changing colour/font of the text at the start, make it stand out a bit more and little easier to read.

 

I think its clear on HD/good quality, but I'll see what I can do to make it clearer.

 

I think it would be funnier if we actually saw these conversations acted out rather than over the phone. I think you'd get the character across better that way.

 

I half agree, but I also think it would lose something if it became more conventional like that. It would be nice but impossible unfortunately (I can't animate or hire actors etc).

 

Thanks for the feedback guys.

[Happenstance]

I half agree, but I also think it would lose something if it became more conventional like that. It would be nice but impossible unfortunately (I can't animate or hire actors etc).

 

The only thing I thought for that was maybe keeping the current format but at the end pulling back to see Simon listening to the messages?

[ReZourceman]

That would be awesome. It would be a cool thing to do in a "season finale" of sorts.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

As I believe I have mentioned I really enjoyed it. I think the style works really well, and the character has so much potential. This particular episode is quite hilarious and really sets the tone of the series well.

 

I think the format of the phone playing back the messages is perfect, though the vibrate sound and the general phone quality of the recording is a tad unpolished. Reading out the intro could be an idea, but I also like the text-based approach as it puts the whole audial focus on the character himself.

 

Music would be amazing; I imagine something posh and classical playing quietly in the background, but only during the intro and outtro and perhaps in small segments in between each message.

[EEVILMURRAY]

I half agree, but I also think it would lose something if it became more conventional like that. It would be nice but impossible unfortunately (I can't animate or hire actors etc).

You could easily bang something out Phonejacker/Yahtzee style. It's mainly print screens to the sound anyways.

[MoogleViper]

but I couldn't quite get the same effect from fiddling myself.

 

Well that's not going to achieve anything.

[Shorty]

I couldn't get past the apostrophe in "Parent's".

 

Edit: I lied, I watched it. I liked it actually, I mean I wasn't rofling but it's a funny format. FTB effects were a bit glitchy and the intro could be a bit snappier but yeah, I like where you're going with it. Genuine lol when they couldn't get the car started. Joke idea, right at the end Dad asks about something completely unrelated as though it's at the same level of relevance (nothing springs to mind though).

 

If you can't hire a voice actor, how about mucking with the sound a bit? Kind of like

, but maybe not quite so high pitched. Edited August 15, 2013 by Shorty

[Beast]

I liked it, I thought it was funny as I do with all your videos. I like the character and I liked the actual material itself but like someone on here had said, you reminded me of Jack Whitehall on Fresh Meat (at least I think that's who he's talking about anyway).

[Happenstance]

I liked it, I thought it was funny as I do with all your videos. I like the character and I liked the actual material itself but like someone on here had said, you reminded me of Jack Whitehall on Fresh Meat (at least I think that's who he's talking about anyway).

 

Yep thats who I meant

[Charlie]

I actually really enjoyed it. It reminds me of the type of humour you'd get at a show at the Edinburgh Fringe. It takes a lot for me to watch a random YouTube video so keeping it short was key. Any longer and I would've patched it.

 

Loved the format, great characters and a little bit of that 'wtf' humour that goes down well.

[MoogleViper]

If there's a nasally voiced character with a Derbyshire accent I'll be happy to help out.

[bluey]

I liked the first half of it but then i got bored... i think it might have held my interest more if maybe the setting for the phone changed? like, simon WAS hearing the messages but choosing to do nothing... also, didn't really need the background story - the phonecalls were funny without that, and it could have been told visually (student card in the background or something) or just as part of the phonecalls (hope you're having fun at uni or something..) i think we get that he's crazy immature from the fact that he put a tiger in his neighbours loft for no reason

[ReZourceman]

Cheers folks, really appreciate all the feedback - seriously. Thanks.

 

Joke idea, right at the end Dad asks about something completely unrelated as though it's at the same level of relevance (nothing springs to mind though).

 

This is precisely what will happen (a few times at least). There is some very funny stuff coming up.

[Ashley]

In terms of story:

 

- The scrolling text at the start should be cut. As Bluey says, it doesn't really provide anything to illustrate the story and elements could be worked into the phone call/conversation. I know it was an episode about Simon's Dad, but if its the first episode perhaps messages from other people, to show the contrast between everyone else and Simon's father's perspective of him, may help establish the character. Even if its just the mother and Margaret leaving one of the messages as they were there. As the old saying goes - "show, don't tell" (although don't confuse "show" with "write some text" as that's not quite what it means. SEMANTICS!)

- If he is meant to be listening to the conversation, have the background change subtly between calls. Even if he's meant to actually be missing the calls themselves, he could be coming back, checking the messages and ignoring them still. If its for a reason (i.e. he's building something? guessing from the tools) then have that visually develop.

- Similarly, the lighting should change throughout to reflect the fact its getting later in the day. I know its only an hour or two, but would add a little touch.

- Get someone who is actually old, rather than someone pretending to be old. It's clear this guy is in his twenties. Similarly, a more natural image of the dad would help as it looks like an actor's headshot at present.

- His desk looks fairly neat if he's supposed to be reckless. Smash a hole in that fucker! Or at least coffee stains, scorch marks, tiger claw marks etc. The desk also looks nicer than any I've seen in halls

- Also, presuming Simon's dad is supposed to be at the scene where all this is happening some background sfx would help.

 

If you want an example of a one-way voicemail conversation that I feel works well, check out this:

(poor quality copy, turn the sound up). There's the acting there to help, but the story is told through the voicemail messages.

 

I did like that he started and ended the conversation saying "its dad". Nice naturalistic touch (old people and technology eh?)

 

Good luck with it

[ReZourceman]

I'm working on a lot of the feedback. I have kept the text at the beginning, just for the first few episodes. Anyway, here is Episode 2. In 3 you should see more of the enhancements you have commented on.