Emma Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I have some great girl friends I've known a lot longer than my girlfriend who I've been with for two and a half years. My girlfriend has accepted she's quite insecure but now essentially wants me to stop seeing them. Every time I go somewhere with my friends that includes more girls than guys she gets annoyed and find some way to cause an argument. She now says she can't change and that its a choice over what's more important...her or my friends I said she can't control me to tell me who I can or cannot see and who I can or cannot see. I care about my friends a lot but only platonically and I've given her no reason to be insecure about me and those friends. What should I say/ do? Its becoming a reoccurring argument. As others are saying.. is there reason for her insecurity? What explanation does she give for not wanting you to see them, does she believe the girls flirt with you? Possibly she's feeling left out, you could invite her along next time you go out with friends?
Ellmeister Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 We live away from each other and my friends are usually still at uni so she hasn't really met them! As for her insecurity, she has admitted that she's just generally insecure about this things. I did say she should change and she just said '...I can't' which I just became more annoyed about. Who can't change if they don't want to? I also put the idea that if I don't get to see my friends just because they are girls she doesn't get to see any of her friends boy or girl. She doesn't have a lot of guy friends and so that wouldn't affect her. Basically, I'm missing a good friend's birthday this weekend and seeing her instead, but I'm due to see said good friend at a gig next weekend in London anyway so it should be all cool. The friend who is one of my best friends is a girl but our relationship is strictly platonic and my girlfriend should have accepted that by now! I've know the girl a lot longer than my girlfriend. I told said friend I couldn't go to her birthday and she was miffed. My girlfriend asked why she was so miffed and I said it's because she cares that I'm not there to which my girlfriend then replied saying why does she care about you so much its weird. I then said I care about the girl too, if she didn't come to my birthday I'd be bothered! Giving my girlfriend the perfect chance to seize me saying I care about another girl. Thus the argument. She has finally agreed to let it go and work on it. I'm just still so unsettled about her trying to be controlling like that. Not usually like this or at least as bad. Anyway, thanks guys for the advice/ help!
Cube Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Well, I would say that her trying to be better is a very good sign.
Emma Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Okay, I'm trying to see this through your girlfriend's eyes. It's easy to think she's just trying to be horrible, it's very unlikely that that's how she's trying to be... even though it seems to be coming across like that. I still stand by my view on her being lonely, especially now that you say that you live far away. It seems to me from what you have written so far (even though that might not be the case!), that you value your friends far above your girlfriend.. maybe this is what she thinks, and feels hurt by this. I guess if she likes you a lot, she might be hurt by any unreciprocated feelings. My opinion is that you need to have a good talk together when you next see her and find out how she's really feeling, no-one is insecure for no reason. I'd recommend finding out why and help her get over her insecurities, if that's how she feels.. she will need some help
The Bard Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 That's fucking bizarre. You should let her know in as gentle a way as possible (or not) that you can't set up roadblocks in the course of your own life just to keep her personal neurosis at bay.
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I don't think it sounds like Ell values his friends over her, but I do think it sounds like she has some great insecurities. I know how hard it can be to deal with stuff like that, so I understand that she simply says she can't change. I agree that you need to have a proper talk with her about it, about why she feels so insecure. As someone else pointed out, you mustn't indulge her insecurities, because that won't help anything - in fact it might even make things worse. She needs to start realising that she can trust you and that she has nothing to fear from you being with your female friends, but it will be difficult, so you need to go easy with her. Turning it into an argument will only make things worse, because that'll simply reinforce her lack of trust in you. I hope you two manage to work it out.
Ellmeister Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 We'll get through it, she has long term plans for me. I do value my friends but I've proven many times that she comes above them. She needs to be reassured about that every so often as well. She does control me to some extent because I just find it easier to put up with what she wants sometimes. If it's something more serious though I'll simply say no... but in a nice way obviously. I've tried talking to her about her insecurity but she just says that's the way she is and the conversation falls flat there. Maybe she reads my facebook messages to Ashley and thinks I'm cheating on her.
Diageo Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 If my girlfriend said I couldn't hang out with certain people she would be out of a relationship before the sentence even finished.
heroicjanitor Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 "You can't hang..." FUCK YOU *storms out* "Ten! You can't hang ten! Now who do I share this trip to California with :("
Charlie Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I'll be joining you boys in a few couple months as the current girl in question will be leaving to go back home to Ireland, permanently. Think it's going to be sooner than a couple of months. Met this girl 2 1/2 weeks ago. Had an amazing time with her, last week we spent practically every night together. Left hers on Sunday mid afternoon, going great. Text her yesterday and organise to go out tonight. I text her mid day today to decide on plans for this evening, about 4 hours later she finally replies saying we should wait until another night because I won't get there until too late (she has something on) and we should do another night instead. I say it'll only be 9 or so which is earlier than we sometimes meet up. She then says she's too tired and to just leave it. I asked her what night would suit instead and she says Thursday. I ask what she wants to do and she says she'll have a think and get back to me. Now it could just be me being crazy and reading into things too much - her texts are always short and to the point - I'm feeling like she's blowing me off a bit and I've got no idea why!
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Hard to say, really, but to me it just sounds like you're being a bit paranoid.
Charlie Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Hard to say, really, but to me it just sounds like you're being a bit paranoid. Yeah I know but it's the fact that she went from me getting there too late to her being too tired that I'm thinking about. It could be true for all I know but the last few weeks we've been staying up til 4am together chatting in bed. Im probably just being crazy because her texts are so short and she'll very rarely text me first.
Dannyboy-the-Dane Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Meh, I don't know. There's a reason I suck at flirting and all that, I'm horrible at signals.
Ellmeister Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Perhaps it's because after those long chats she's realised how much of a playa you are :p
The Bard Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Yeah I know but it's the fact that she went from me getting there too late to her being too tired that I'm thinking about. It could be true for all I know but the last few weeks we've been staying up til 4am together chatting in bed. Im probably just being crazy because her texts are so short and she'll very rarely text me first. Perhaps, shockingly, there's some correlation between it being late and her being tired?
Charlie Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Perhaps, shockingly, there's some correlation between it being late and her being tired? Yeah but she does that all the time. Anyway, you'll all be glad to know that I was just being a whiny little bitch. She text me later on and asked me to go round and watch TV. Naturally, I drove over to hers like a maniac.
nightwolf Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Fuuu- you lot I swear..I thought I had issues. Anyway, not much on my front, I'm not really interested in boys (or girls before you lot start), find myself getting very very bored.
MoogleViper Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I'm not really interested in boys Oh I get it. You're looking for a man.
nightwolf Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Oh I get it. You're looking for a man. I've told you, you're not a man.
MoogleViper Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I've told you, you're not a man. And I've told you, I'll show you that I am.
ReZourceman Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I hope you like seafood....because Moogle has a shrimp. A small penis. But not as small as mine.
Magnus Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 It would have to be pretty small to be smaller than Moogle's. ... Is it an innie?
nightwolf Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 So much of an innie that it looks like a vagina?
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