Posted January 5, 2012 Why not make an online dating profile while you're still looking to use those "other methods" you mention? It's not that you have to pick one or the other, you can try different methods at once. So while you're looking to meet people when out and about, you can also still have an online profile at the same time. You won't lose anything by making one, in fact it will only make your chances of meeting people higher. Use both options, double your chances! Win win! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 5, 2012 Serebii, you're breaking my balls here. Online dating shouldn't be seen as a last resort. It's an alternative option. A different way of doing things. In fact, it's perfect in your case because: - You can get the chance to meet somebody you wouldn't have the chance to meet otherwise. If your friends are not going out enough, and this leads to you not meeting people, then this is perfect. You can meet people this way. - You can speak to someone and get to know them in a good amount of detail before you actually decide if you want to meet them or not. - If you find it hard talking to people face to face, this is much easier. - In a club, you don't always get the chance to have a stimulating conversation. You're not always sure what the other person wants or needs. Through this, you can find it out in a much easier way. - It widens your search for people. At a club, you're limited to what is there at that moment in time. You could join several dating sites. At the very least, if you're profile is there, it's in the open, so there's a chance somebody will see it and take a likening to it. If you're sat at home, there's a lesser chance that somebody will notice you...the profile at least puts you out there. - If you find the conversation is not going well with them, you can stop. In a club, this would not be as easy... I don't know how long your dry spell has been going on for. But...surely if your current method is not working for you right now, why would it change tomorrow or next week? It's not working for you, so surely it's time to try something different? At the very least, it will help you to gain some confidence talking to people, albeit from a distance. Maybe after that, you will find it easier to go out there and talk to people. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 5, 2012 Thanks for the compliment. I'm not really a fan of online dating. I feel it's a last resort for me. Don't get me wrong, my sister found her significant other through it and has a child with him and I know of others who met through it. I just want to exhaust all other methods before resorting to it. The problem is, getting through those methods I don't see why - it's not what it used to be. There's no real taboo to online dating, the only people that may look down on it are parents who might think it's nerdy, but that's because they're fossils who associate it with nerds rather than just about every young person who uses it today. Also you say you're not socially gifted, so it seems practically ideal for you. I don't see the point in you sitting at your computer saying how you're rubbish in social situations and that you hardly ever go out, when you could be chatting to ladies and creating those 'going out' situations yourself. And as for last resort...it does seem like you're kinda at the last resort stage. Not that you should see online dating as a last resort! Meeting someone online can go completely tits up (remember dynastygal), but that doesn't mean it necessarily will and especially not if you get to know them more beforehand. It's the same as real life if you like, but there's probably more chance of success. In real life, people can often meet in nightclubs and the like which are hardly great places to find relationship material. Edit: Shall one of us go ahead and make a profile for Serebii for him? =P Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 5, 2012 I think Serebii's impression of courtship, much like many of my friends', are caught up in the idea of a conquest, and the idea that any encounter with the opposite sex isn't valid and legitimate unless there's a sense of social challenge. Perhaps you're thinking that if a ladies affections aren't hard won they won't be gratifying, in which case you need to re-evaluate the reason why you're looking for women in the first place. Give it one shot, and I swear, the instant you hit it off with a lady you met on the internet you'll forget all these abstract ideas you have of it being a "cop out," if that is indeed what you think. I donno, I'm just theorising. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 5, 2012 Yeah that'd probably cause me to have a panic attack :P I'm just not good with social situations. Programming? I'm all on it. Physics & Maths? Perfection. Social? God no...kill it with fire Hey, I used to be like that too. I avoided parties and social gatherings all through my undergraduate degree. To be comfortable in social situations requires practice and motivation - actually wanting it. Dispel the negativity in your mind (easier said that done, I know) and make yourself like people, or at least try to see the good, interesting sides of people. No one is 100% asshole or 100% stupid. I like this quote by Neil Gaiman: Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe. You're probably sick of people trolloping on about you in this thread, but I just personally think you have a lot going for you - you seem hardworking, funny, you run a successful Pokémon site (may be irrelevant to people who don't care about Pokémon...), and from your pictures, you're hardly hideous-looking. Take control of social situations and control your mind! Don't be so scared of talking to girls - don't you talk to girls in everyday life? Don't you have a sister (I forget)? She's a girl. Girls are everywhere, they are people too! Like you! I'm a girl! /crazypost Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 5, 2012 It's not that I avoid social situations...I never turn down a night out. It's just the crippling shyness around people with whom I haven't had much, if any, prior contact. With my friends, while I'm still a quiet person, I can manage to hold a conversation and everything but new people...that's what gets me. It'll even happen if I did online dating. First time I meet, bam! I'm a quiet shy person. I know you guys are pushing me for this, and I really appreciate it. It's just a gradual process. I was much worse in the past when I was a fat recluse with only one friend and drinking 4litres of coke each day. This is really part of the problem. Most people start their social development when they're children, mine began when I was 19 and so I'm far behind in terms of social development Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 5, 2012 I know you guys are pushing me for this, and I really appreciate it. It's just a gradual process. I was much worse in the past when I was a fat recluse with only one friend and drinking 4litres of coke each day. This is really part of the problem. Most people start their social development when they're children, mine began when I was 19 and so I'm far behind in terms of social development Are you going to go to the Meet this year? If so, you haven't seen pushing yet. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 5, 2012 Are you going to go to the Meet this year? If so, you haven't seen pushing yet. Well there's incentive to go :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 5, 2012 If you don't do something to change you situation soon Serebii, I'm going to rape you just so you can say you've ended your 'dry spell' and the whining can stop. :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 5, 2012 Even more incentive to go to the N-E Meet! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 5, 2012 If you don't do something to change you situation soon Serebii, I'm going to rape you just so you can say you've ended your 'dry spell' and the whining can stop. :p I'm trying Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 9, 2012 Picked my cute bf from the airport this afternoon. (Story to come later.) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 9, 2012 I love NE! Always have, ever since I've been a wee THE ganondorf (who remember me!!) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 9, 2012 Picked my cute bf from the airport this afternoon. (Story to come later.) "Dear N-E. Today I went to the airport to pick up my boyfriend. The end." I'm sure it'll be more exciting when you tell it, though! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 9, 2012 Are you going to go to the Meet this year? If so, you haven't seen pushing yet. That you Moria mate? Loved your posts dude! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 9, 2012 Picked my cute bf from the airport this afternoon. (Story to come later.)"I'll haaaaaaaave............. that one!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2012 Picked my cute bf from the airport this afternoon. (Story to come later.) Aw, this is so cute! :3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2012 One of my new years resolutions is that I need to ask out one of the girls off my course. I'm friends with her and the group that she is always with in lectures, but I never see her alone. I've decided that come the new term I'm going to ask her to go for a drink. Which might be difficult / awkward, but I'll find a way. Time for me to move on with life. Weirdly, I think this may have actually worked. No solid plans have been made, but a trip to the IMAX has been agreed in principal... Definitely punching above my weight too, heres hoping I don't cock this up Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2012 Weirdly, I think this may have actually worked. No solid plans have been made, but a trip to the IMAX has been agreed in principal... Definitely punching above my weight too, heres hoping I don't cock this up My god, talking to a girl and directly asking her out actually works?! (I am fully aware of the hypocrisy of this post.) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2012 My god, talking to a girl and directly asking her out actually works?! I like to think you're genuinely shocked by this realization. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2012 Your pointing it out leads me to believe you are aware of the sarcasm in my post, though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2012 I always assume people are sarcastic. It makes me seem smart. It kind of makes it hard to pick up girls, though. Who knew questioning someone's sincerity when they give you a compliment was a turn-off! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2012 Now I have an image of a constantly suspicious, almost paranoid Magnus going around, making shifty eyes at everyone. :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 10, 2012 He doesn't do that all the time? Must be just at me then... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
