The Confessions and Advice Thread

[Eenuh]

I found my only two boyfriends on the internet. *fail*

 

I honestly don't know where people find their girlfriends/boyfriends. Unless you go out often or have a big circle of friends, I really don't know where you get to meet these possible fuck buddies/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.

 

 

Confession: I still have a ton of AIM conversations and hundreds of emails from my ex. I never really read them but I can't get myself to delete them. It just feels safe to know they're still there I guess?

Plus we still email each other so I guess it's not too bad. Maybe.

[Beast]

I met my long term girlfriend who I split with early this year at uni she lived next door, girl who I briefly saw in May I met at work. I have to admit I find myself facing the same problem. I'm thinking friend of a friend type thing or heaven forbid.... dating websites, urgh maybe not.

 

Friend-of-a-friend. Thing is, I really loved her and she messed it right up. It only lasted for three months but I instantly fell in love with her (which normally isn't like me). I didn't speak to hardly anyone for months (I still posted here since it was one of the very few things that kept my mind off her and made me happy). I'm talking to everyone now and I'm pretty much back to normal but there are some very rare nights when I think what could have been...

 

I still have the text messages from girl-I-go-on-about-alot from when we hooked up for one night. I read them when depressed and/or drunk.

 

I dunno, I kinda have a good feeling about the new Facebook girl. Hopefully I can bump into her at school even though I'm not in any of her classes and have a chat irl, then hopefully again we can both be at the same party at some point in the near future. This is my tactic when it comes to girls.

 

Heres hoping?

 

I looked at her pictures when I was depressed but it didn't help one bit, just made me more depressed but kind of happy...

 

And I wish you the best of luck Giz

[Mr_Odwin]

In Mormon land there are relatively few young people spread throughout the UK so they hold "conventions." They hold them over Bank Holiday weekends - all the 18-30 single peeps gather and do loads of activities together (I did go-karting, horse-riding, pottery, yoga, dances, etc, etc) while staying locally (quite often they'd hire out a school, and all the lads would sleep in the sports hall, and the girls would go to local members) . They were really fun - a few hundred people at each one. I went to a few (met my wife at the first, but met her properly at uni a month later).

 

I was married at 23 though so couldn't go anymore. I think it probably got more depressing as you got closer to 30, and you were hanging out with 18 year olds.

[Paj!]

Do Mormons have to get married to other mormons?

[flameboy]

Friend-of-a-friend. Thing is, I really loved her and she messed it right up. It only lasted for three months but I instantly fell in love with her (which normally isn't like me). I didn't speak to hardly anyone for months (I still posted here since it was one of the very few things that kept my mind off her and made me happy). I'm talking to everyone now and I'm pretty much back to normal but there are some very rare nights when I think what could have been...

 

 

 

I looked at her pictures when I was depressed but it didn't help one bit, just made me more depressed but kind of happy...

 

And I wish you the best of luck Giz

 

Oh dear that sounds where I am at the moment, although I know its only a stage I've been here a few other times in my life...get loadsa gaming done though which is good...shit tons of reading as well...

[Beast]

Oh dear that sounds where I am at the moment, although I know its only a stage I've been here a few other times in my life...get loadsa gaming done though which is good...shit tons of reading as well...

 

Same here. The 360 became my fixation. Also, I started reading in my Library (which is a nickname for my room seeing that it is actually like a library) and I got through about 3/4 of my books.

 

Also done quite a few games while I was at it. My ten-year-old cousin borrowed me a few games but I did them in a very short amount of time.

[Mr_Odwin]

Do Mormons have to get married to other mormons?

 

It makes life easier/it is desirable.

[Ashley]

In Mormon land...

 

Mormon Land!

 

Come one, come all. Hear the story of Joseph Smith in The Carthage Jail attraction located in Little Carthage! There's fun for all the family in our Smith Stone Search! And at the end of the day relax with your family and enjoy our daily enactment of the Hill Cumorah Pageant.

 

Its the Happiest Place on Earth for Mormons!

 

(note, we in no way believe in the existence of Stephanie Meyer and the muck she has bought onto our religion)

[Charlie]

Advice:

I want to be in a relationship again. I just miss having someone to be there for and knowing that someone would be there for me. Thing is, I have no idea where to meet girls because I always end up trying to get girls who either have boyfriends or kids. To all the fellas who have/had girlfriends, where did you meet yours?

 

I met my girlfriend through uni. We got talking during a tutorial, I added her on Bebo (because that's what everyone liked to use when I first started uni, thankfully they've changed to Facebook) and we started talking on there. Started out as just Bebo, then went onto texts. Then 18 months later we started 'seeing' each other and then started going out about 4 months ago.

 

I thought I was totally stuck in the friendzone with her. I'd liked her on/off since we first met and she told me she started liking me at the start of the Summer.

 

In regards to meeting other girls, have you tried joining sports clubs, societies etc? Although obviously you shouldn't join these places just to find girls but you should join them for what they are. But girls do go to these things so its a great place to make new friends. I've been meaning to join the Strathclyde Badminton and squash clubs, kept on putting it off last year but I wanted to this year (and actually would've because I found a friend to go with) but due to injury I can't play.

 

If you want to meet girls/people you actually have to get yourself out there. People are on the whole, friendly! People like talking to other people and making new friends.

 

My ten-year-old cousin borrowed me a few games but I did them in a very short amount of time.

 

Bad grammar makes Baby Jesus cry...

[Beast]

I met my girlfriend through uni. We got talking during a tutorial, I added her on Bebo (because that's what everyone liked to use when I first started uni, thankfully they've changed to Facebook) and we started talking on there. Started out as just Bebo, then went onto texts. Then 18 months later we started 'seeing' each other and then started going out about 4 months ago.

 

I thought I was totally stuck in the friendzone with her. I'd liked her on/off since we first met and she told me she started liking me at the start of the Summer.

 

In regards to meeting other girls, have you tried joining sports clubs, societies etc? Although obviously you shouldn't join these places just to find girls but you should join them for what they are. But girls do go to these things so its a great place to make new friends. I've been meaning to join the Strathclyde Badminton and squash clubs, kept on putting it off last year but I wanted to this year (and actually would've because I found a friend to go with) but due to injury I can't play.

 

If you want to meet girls/people you actually have to get yourself out there. People are on the whole, friendly! People like talking to other people and making new friends.

 

Bad grammar makes Baby Jesus cry...

 

I haven't joined any clubs to be fair. I'm kind of shy because of my weight and stuff which I try my best to lose but it's like a yo-yo kind of weight loss.

 

And as for the grammar thing, clearly wasn't thinking :p

[jayseven]

That's not bad grammer as such - it's a vernacular disease, but I'm sure supergrunch, who is browsing the thread, will specify further.

[Supergrunch]

It's just a different dialectal form of the verb borrow which has a wider range of uses than its equivalent in standard English, but people tend to get annoyed if you use it. (more techically, it is a different lexical item and so does have different argument structure and syntax, but syntax can't really be "bad" if you're a native speaker, though use of written conventions can be)

 

Anyway, as I've said previously on irc, I pretty much met my girlfriend playing hide and seek.

[Goron_3]

Just read the last few pages having never even paid attention to this thread before and just wanna say to Flameboy that it's happened to all of us before and we all know the feeling. Don't worry though, i'm sure in the long run it'll only strengthen your friendship and the fact that she clearly values your friendship and cares for you a lot; you are very lucky to have that! There were times where I had feelings for a girl who was close to being one of my best friends; after i told them i liked them (seperate occasions obv, about a year apart) I completely backed off them and by the end of it lost 2 people very close to me...totally regret it.

 

It's interesting hearing people come up with comments like 'it's too hard to find someone'. Honestly, if you're looking for someone it won't happen. The best thing to do is just forget about finding someone/how hard it is to find someone and BAM you will meet someone. I spent the year before uni constantly wanting a relationship and getting with loads of girls in my year at school but didn't go out with any because 2 of them only wanted the whole 'friends with benefits' thing and the rest happened to be friends with my ex so obviously nothing could happen. Really pissed me off so my approach for Uni was just 'let's pull if the oppotunity comes up but not want more'. Now what happens on my 3rd day there? Bump into a girl at freshers fair and end up spending the night at hers and before you know it, we're a couple...fantastic.

 

Also, I'm saying this from past experience....ALWAYS tell a girl you have feelings for her if you do. If she's a real friend you'll still be friends afterwards (assuming she doesn't like you) and if she does well, yeah I told my girl i liked her just a few days into knowing her because I knew we had chemistry but also knew I would be in the friends zone very soon if i was careful...told her I liked her and got the idea in her head, and believe it or not she was the one who kissed me first Crazy times.

[flameboy]

Just read the last few pages having never even paid attention to this thread before and just wanna say to Flameboy that it's happened to all of us before and we all know the feeling. Don't worry though, i'm sure in the long run it'll only strengthen your friendship and the fact that she clearly values your friendship and cares for you a lot; you are very lucky to have that! There were times where I had feelings for a girl who was close to being one of my best friends; after i told them i liked them (seperate occasions obv, about a year apart) I completely backed off them and by the end of it lost 2 people very close to me...totally regret it.

 

It's interesting hearing people come up with comments like 'it's too hard to find someone'. Honestly, if you're looking for someone it won't happen. The best thing to do is just forget about finding someone/how hard it is to find someone and BAM you will meet someone. I spent the year before uni constantly wanting a relationship and getting with loads of girls in my year at school but didn't go out with any because 2 of them only wanted the whole 'friends with benefits' thing and the rest happened to be friends with my ex so obviously nothing could happen. Really pissed me off so my approach for Uni was just 'let's pull if the oppotunity comes up but not want more'. Now what happens on my 3rd day there? Bump into a girl at freshers fair and end up spending the night at hers and before you know it, we're a couple...fantastic.

 

Also, I'm saying this from past experience....ALWAYS tell a girl you have feelings for her if you do. If she's a real friend you'll still be friends afterwards (assuming she doesn't like you) and if she does well, yeah I told my girl i liked her just a few days into knowing her because I knew we had chemistry but also knew I would be in the friends zone very soon if i was careful...told her I liked her and got the idea in her head, and believe it or not she was the one who kissed me first Crazy times.

 

god your making yourself sound like quite the stud!

[Goron_3]

god your making yourself sound like quite the stud!

 

Haha. Basically I got ill during AS level exams so had to stay on a year at school and the older guy image kinda helped me out But yeah, there are tonnes of girls out there who you can just 'get' with, but meeting someone special can take time but it is most definately worth it.

 

Hmm come to think of it this has been my longest relationship and its only at 10 weeks, how poor is that. My first girlfriend and I were together for 9 weeks and i was with a girl earlier this year for a staggering 2 days (LOL).

[flameboy]

Haha. Basically I got ill during AS level exams so had to stay on a year at school and the older guy image kinda helped me out But yeah, there are tonnes of girls out there who you can just 'get' with, but meeting someone special can take time but it is most definately worth it.

 

Hmm come to think of it this has been my longest relationship and its only at 10 weeks, how poor is that. My first girlfriend and I were together for 9 weeks and i was with a girl earlier this year for a staggering 2 days (LOL).

 

LOL! I've only had 3 relationships but more long term: 2 years, 3 1/2 years, 2 months...

[Ellmeister]

I like reading this thread but I don't agree with some stuff written.

 

I've had an on off relationship for 3 years, and I'm now in a very happy relationship with a girl for around 2-3 months? No idea.

 

I don't agree that simply telling a girl just like that is the way to go. It can turn bad very very quickly if they don't agree because if the feelings you have are strong enough then I'd find it hard to forget that she brushed me off straight away. Over time it would be okay but I personally find it hard to get over someone just like that. My feelings linger I suppose is a half decent way to put it.

 

Although the rush of adrenaline when you tell a girl you like her and you wait to hear her reply is astounding. Was like a drug to me. Soooooooooooo tense. And when they say yes, its exhilarating. My cheeks go red and get hot and struggle for what to say.

 

It'll happen one day. Heck, if people can like me, you lot must have a good chance!

[jayseven]

That 'rush of adrenaline' finds me in my near-sleep nightly. The temptation to proclaim my adorations to The Current Loin-based Fixation rock my cradle each time the sun finds shaaadde....

 

I'm continuing my course at the university of 'say nothing until it is too late'. Except at work, where I've decided to not treat the pretty customers any differently and talk to them as if they were ugly. This leads to fluttering eyelids, tittering and gauze-laden smiles. On both parts.

 

I think girls like the confidence the most.

 

Or something.

 

This is the new 'sexuality' thread, isn't it?

[Jav_NE]

I've met three or four girlfriends online, each had varying success. The longest lasted just over a year, others were as short as a month. But, i do think meeting girls online is fine. It's weird for like 10 minutes when you first meet, but its great once you break the ice.

 

I met my currect gf at university though. Well, more precisely, I met her in a club as she wasn't at my uni or on my course. It's one of those things. I used to go to clubs and have a laugh, get drunk and dance, and once in a while i'd catch a girl smiling at me, so i'd go over and dance near them to see what happened. Sometimes it worked and i'd get 'with them' but it never turned into anything. It was different with my g/f though. She was very forward actually! She grabbed me and said 'youre fit! - how old are you?' and after that we just spent the whole night together. We met at the same club, same night each week until finally i got her number and arranged a daytime date, and the rest was history.

 

The problem is, we cant be that brash as guys. Women would immediately think we were jerks, but it was different when my gf did it. It was refreshing.

 

As for the friend-zone stuff, it sucks for both sides you know. A girl at my old work had a crush on me. I could kinda tell because we would have a laugh on staff nights out and stuff and she would e-mail me at work when she was bored etc. I never really imagined that she thought anything of it though as she had a boyfriend.

 

But one night out of the blue, she told me she had always liked me and wanted more. I had to turn her down because i was with my g/f at the time too. It makes you angry at them really because it was a stupid idea to tell me knowing i was involved in a serious relationship already. Makes you think they are selfish.

 

Anyway, i dont know what kind of advice i'm giving. I guess you just have to pick your moments, stay positive and dont linger over one girl, hoping your situations will change. If it doesn't work out, its time to heal your wounds for a short while and carry on with life until someone else catches your attention.

[Ashley]

I'm continuing my course at the university of 'say nothing until it is too late'. Except at work, where I've decided to not treat the pretty customers any differently and talk to them as if they were ugly. This leads to fluttering eyelids, tittering and gauze-laden smiles. On both parts.

 

But the Hot Rule is one of the most sacred of unwritten retail rules! How dare you!

 

This is the new 'sexuality' thread, isn't it?

 

Not in its intent. Who knew a forum of guys who like gaming would need such advice for (non)relationship woes eh? :p

 

Okay here's something non relationshipey (or at least non romantic relationship I suppose); how do you solve a problem like My Father? Doing my, and everyone else's, tits in. Yes okay he's bound to be a bit mardy at this time of year but he's just moping and being a dick. I said I want to see him on Christmas day and he said no point, no regard to how that seems to me ("I don't want to see you Christmas day") Urgh.

 

Plus the family dog is getting on and we're all pretty sure she has a water infection or something but he won't take her to the vets, just blames it on her getting old. We've all had a word with him but its falling on deaf ears >_>

 

Okay that was more a rant, but if someone wants to weigh in feel free.

[Beast]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I've had quite a few relationships, all short (longest being my last one, 3 months) but I met all of my past girlfriends either in school or college and now I'm in neither and I'm not at work, I just have no idea, haha.

 

Not in its intent. Who knew a forum of guys who like gaming would need such advice for (non)relationship woes eh? :p

 

Okay here's something non relationshipey (or at least non romantic relationship I suppose); how do you solve a problem like My Father? Doing my, and everyone else's, tits in. Yes okay he's bound to be a bit mardy at this time of year but he's just moping and being a dick. I said I want to see him on Christmas day and he said no point, no regard to how that seems to me ("I don't want to see you Christmas day") Urgh.

 

Plus the family dog is getting on and we're all pretty sure she has a water infection or something but he won't take her to the vets, just blames it on her getting old. We've all had a word with him but its falling on deaf ears >_>

 

Okay that was more a rant, but if someone wants to weigh in feel free.

 

Ugh! I KNOW what you mean. I used to have some relatives who were moody at Christmas. The best thing to do is get a bit of alcohol, make him drink it, he'll be merry!

 

In all seriousness (unless you do wanna do that), I advice in telling him to cheer up and stop making people who are happy as miserable as he is because he don't like Christmas, lol.

[Ashley]

 

Ugh! I KNOW what you mean. I used to have some relatives who were moody at Christmas. The best thing to do is get a bit of alcohol, make him drink it, he'll be merry!

 

In all seriousness (unless you do wanna do that), I advice in telling him to cheer up and stop making people who are happy as miserable as he is because he don't like Christmas, lol.

 

He's driving Christmas day. Drinks heavily all year around anyway. It doesn't cheer him up, it just numbs him. He just doesn't listen to advice at all, which is why I've pretty much given up on helping him (my brother, and moreso his girlfriend, who still live with him are trying but as I say, deaf ears).

 

It's not that he doesn't like Christmas (well...I suppose he nothings Christmas) but he just gets mardy because he's alone. Yes it must be tough but its been two years. I don't think it helped that my mother was his first proper relationship, he never learnt how to handle being dumped.

[Fierce_LiNk]

About the keeping old messages and texts and stuff from your previous boyfriends/girlfriends: It can be nice as a little reminder of the fun times you had in the past. But, ultimately, it's you clinging onto "them" (as in the person). The whole point of them being "an ex" is that they are no longer your other half.

 

When I broke up with my last girlfriend, we had a very awkward situation. There were a few months that went past where we were together unofficially, and it was a bit uncertain for many months whether we would be back together properly or not. In the end, when I moved out of our place and into my new house, I deleted all our messages and tore up the few photos that we had together. I didn't need her anymore, and these photos and messages would make me angry thinking about the past and some of the things that she had done.

 

That doesn't mean you should all go on some mass photo burning or message deletion marathon. But, I think there's more to it than not being bothered to delete the messages, or something. It's because you can't let go of that person. Which...is a bit bad for your own sanity.

 

I like reading this thread but I don't agree with some stuff written.

 

I've had an on off relationship for 3 years, and I'm now in a very happy relationship with a girl for around 2-3 months? No idea.

 

I don't agree that simply telling a girl just like that is the way to go. It can turn bad very very quickly if they don't agree because if the feelings you have are strong enough then I'd find it hard to forget that she brushed me off straight away. Over time it would be okay but I personally find it hard to get over someone just like that. My feelings linger I suppose is a half decent way to put it.

 

Although the rush of adrenaline when you tell a girl you like her and you wait to hear her reply is astounding. Was like a drug to me. Soooooooooooo tense. And when they say yes, its exhilarating. My cheeks go red and get hot and struggle for what to say.

 

It'll happen one day. Heck, if people can like me, you lot must have a good chance!

 

I think it depends on the situation, the timing and the person. There's some girls where you have to play the waiting game before you tell them you like them, because you're not sure what their reply will be. But, with some, you just have to plunge in head first and hope for the best, haha.

Edited December 24, 2009 by Fierce_LiNk

[Beast]

About the keeping old messages and texts and stuff from your previous boyfriends/girlfriends: It can be nice as a little reminder of the fun times you had in the past. But, ultimately, it's you clinging onto "them" (as in the person). The whole point of them being "an ex" is that they are no longer your other half.

 

When I broke up with my last girlfriend, we had a very awkward situation. There were a few months that went past where we were together unofficially, and it was a bit uncertain for many months whether we would be back together properly or not. In the end, when I moved out of our place and into my new house, I deleted all our messages and tore up the few photos that we had together. I didn't need her anymore, and these photos and messages would make me angry thinking about the past and some of the things that she had done.

 

That doesn't mean you should all go on some mass photo burning or message deletion marathon. But, I think there's more to it than not being bothered to delete the messages, or something. It's because you can't let go of that person. Which...is a bit bad for your own sanity.

 

It can be a nice reminder but the bad outweighed the good unfortunately. I'm not denying we had some good times, in fact they were great. But whenever I look at the photos, I don't think of the good times we had, I can't help but think of the bad. When I looked at us in the photos, I also can't help but think of the way we ended it (she lied to everyone saying things about me like I used her just for sex and then I dumped her so we had an almighty row). I have trust issues, if someone lies to me, I can never trust them again for a VERY long time. It was hard because she was my first love but I did it and I suddenly felt relieved.

 

I'm happy now though, I was the happiest I've been for a long time when I first met her and when it ended in April, I was the saddest. It was the first time I truly know what depression meant. I was also heartbroken, I never wanted to leave my bed, I didn't wanna talk to no-one. But as the months went by, I got better. I still looked at her pictures sometimes and it hurt. But then recently when I looked at them, I just thought to myself "Why haven't I gotten rid of them?" so I did and then a weight suddenly lifted off my shoulders and I felt happy.

 

Now I feel I can talk about it without feeling hurt, I feel like I've finally moved on.

 

Also, off-topic: Does anyone here like Twiglets or am I the only one?

I've just found out literally almost everyone I know, apart from one person, hates them.

[Fierce_LiNk]

It can be a nice reminder but the bad outweighed the good unfortunately. I'm not denying we had some good times, in fact they were great. But whenever I look at the photos, I don't think of the good times we had, I can't help but think of the bad. When I looked at us in the photos, I also can't help but think of the way we ended it (she lied to everyone saying things about me like I used her just for sex and then I dumped her so we had an almighty row). I have trust issues, if someone lies to me, I can never trust them again for a VERY long time. It was hard because she was my first love but I did it and I suddenly felt relieved.

 

I'm happy now though, I was the happiest I've been for a long time when I first met her and when it ended in April, I was the saddest. It was the first time I truly know what depression meant. I was also heartbroken, I never wanted to leave my bed, I didn't wanna talk to no-one. But as the months went by, I got better. I still looked at her pictures sometimes and it hurt. But then recently when I looked at them, I just thought to myself "Why haven't I gotten rid of them?" so I did and then a weight suddenly lifted off my shoulders and I felt happy.

 

Now I feel I can talk about it without feeling hurt, I feel like I've finally moved on.

 

Also, off-topic: Does anyone here like Twiglets or am I the only one?

I've just found out literally almost everyone I know, apart from one person, hates them.

 

I'm glad you're feeling better now. I think you summed it up when you said that you had a huge weight lifted off your shoulders once you got rid of them. I don't feel like you can properly move on if you have that sort of stuff still around, if it's been a bad experience. If it was a good experience, then I can still see why you'd keep that stuff, but I think it still makes it hard to move on if you constantly look at that stuff or think about the past a lot.