ReZourceman Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 - How do you measure how much of a homosexual someone is? - Use a gauge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iun Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 - How do you measure how much of a homosexual someone is? - Use a gauge. Ouch... that's so bad I think you gave me herpes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 So fucking proud of this gag. Scientists argue over what to call the newly discovered pubic critter. Scientists from the University of Alahan, Texas believe they should be called Spunk-lice, whereas across the pond in Manchester they believe they should be called Cum-fleas. But really its all semantics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Doggy style. Now theres an idea I can get behind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goafer Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 A nun is taking a bath when she hears a knock at the door. "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The nun thinks to herself "Modesty is a sin and I guess there's no harm if he's blind" so she lets him in. Once inside the blind man says "Nice tits, where do you want this blind?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape ----- To be frank, would involve changing my name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirkatronics Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 What has 8 legs and terrifies women? Gang Rape. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goafer Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 What's worse that biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being raped. My Grandad died at Auschwitz. He was laughing so hard he fell out of his guard tower. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iun Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 AUSTRALIAN MANUFACTURED CABINET FOR SALE Cabinet for Sale - details below DISPLAY CABINET, one of the most elegant and functional display cabinets currently on the market. Features o Fine timber details o 4 leadlight options o 4 side access doors (there is maximum frontal display) o Adjustable shelves are extra deep to accommodate large items o Halogen down lights o Mirror back with glass shelves provide max illumination of collectables from top to bottom. To give indication of size of the Cabinet it previously held the following: o Rugby League World Cup o Rugby Union World Cup o International Rules Trophy o Tri Nations Trophy o Super-12 Trophy o Trans-Tasman Touch Football Trophy o Davis Cup o Hockey World Championship Trophy o Bledisloe Cup. o Ashes urn. All these trophies are now overseas and the Cabinet is excess to requirements. To make an offer call R Stuart, R Ponting, S Mortlock or P. Fitzsimons who once commented "The Australian Cabinet is groaning under the weight of all the trophies!" They can be contacted on: 1800-LOST-THE-LOT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daftada Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Why is David Beckham like a diamond? He's dense, expensive and comes in a posh box. *cue tumbleweeds* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arnold Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 My Grandad died at Auschwitz. He was laughing so hard he fell out of his guard tower. Shit, mine too, he died when some guard fell on while doing his patrols. anyway a joke, Three men went to hell. The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3" He then opened the doors to the three rooms. Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor. Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor. Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee. The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee. They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chairdriver Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Shit, mine too, he died when some guard fell on while doing his patrols. anyway a joke, Three men went to hell. The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3" He then opened the doors to the three rooms. Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor. Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor. Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shit up to their knees and drinking coffee. The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee. They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads." To be fair, you'd be grateful for a coffee break, and standing on your head on wooden/cement floors would be more painful. You'd deal with shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 To be fair, you'd be grateful for a coffee break, and standing on your head on wooden/cement floors would be more painful. You'd deal with shit. The coffee break would keep you saner for longer. Therefore prolonging the torture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raining_again Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Guys.. you are forgetting one thing; its only a joke. *facepalm* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EEVILMURRAY Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 To be fair, you'd be grateful for a coffee break, and standing on your head on wooden/cement floors would be more painful. You'd deal with shit. You wouldn't drown in shit in the other rooms though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chairdriver Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Guys.. you are forgetting one thing; its only a joke. *facepalm* Yeah, but a joke has to make sense for it to work well. It's not funny if, when you look at it properly, the choice they are tricked into isn't the worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Yeah, but a joke has to make sense for it to work well. It's not funny if, when you look at it properly, the choice they are tricked into isn't the worst. So if somebody gave you those three choices you'd choose to stand on your head in the shit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goron_3 Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Anyone hear about the leper hockey match? Had to get cancelled cos there was a face-off in the corner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Vauchian Dolzski Gate. I am posing as an obese black man with glasses, pretending to know my girlfriend Claire from school. At first to be polite she went along with it, claiming to me she didn't and doesn't remember him. I am making her wish she didn't go along with it. The brilliant thing is she talks to me about what she says and how she's feeling, so I can play her off against Vauchian. I don't quite know where I'm going with it, but it might be asking her and ReZ (me) to meet up with her, and her trying to squirm out of it, and then Vauchian getting really offended and upset. Brilliant. Vauchian Dolzskihello claire. lol i was worried you werent gonna remember meh i was only at cottesloe for a few years how are you i didnt know you knew michael jameson i knew him from aylesbury college lol how you ClaireHi! What a small world... I'm fine thanks, how are you? At this stage you can see shes playing it cool, trying to give and gain as little info as possible so hopefully he will go away. No chance. Vauchian Dolzskii am good i still live in prince risborough lol. i remember when i fell over at that party that luke had lol i think that was the last time i saw you. what you up to now i am working how are you ClaireI'm working as well... that's about it really lol, I'm still in Aylesbury living with Michael which is a pleasure!.... I love it really though Vauchian Dolzskilol yeh where you working. im working too im working in a flower shop in prince risborough part time nad part time at tesco lol but its okay. lol did you remember that party at lukes omg so embaressing. i remember that. ClaireI work at Bucks County Council, I'm sorry I really don't remember that party at all! Vauchian Dolzskioh you work at the council that is cool. my friend works there he is called barry marlow do you know barry marlow. oh you dont remember luke martin party. omg lol maybe that is a good thing. you were definite there i think. you hang out with tall alan didnt you. how was your day at work today. did you have loads of people complaining about the council lol ClaireI don't know Barry Marlow I'm afraid, he doesn't work in my department, yeah Alan Smith, haven't seen or spoke to him in years, he was lovely! My day was ok, tired now, long day Vauchian Dolzskioh no that is bad. hopefully this week will be better for you lol. i was away this weekend had to look at flowes for my work in wales lol i like wales but i prefer england. i will have to ask barry marlow if he knows you but maybe he is in a different department to you anyway what you upto this week. are you on holiday this year. This was so funny. She said to me after (as I pretended that I knew Vauchian very breifly from college) she said "This guys such a retard, I already told him I'm not in the same department" etc. ClaireNot up to much this week, off work on Friday, don't know what I will be doing yet, Michael's off work as well so we will do something together.. I went to Cyprus is April that was my main holiday for this year, had a few weekends away as well. Vauchian Dolzskithat sounds nice where did you go on your weekends away. i have never been to cyprus or spain at all actually but i have been to france and i have been to greece lol. i asked barry marlow if he knows you and he said he doesnt know you so you must be in different departments so lol not suprisin that you dont know him cos lol you probabl never even seen him !! so you off on friday lol decieded what you gonna do yet. i remember michael from college lol. when did you to get together lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayseven Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 How's she going to react when she finds out it's you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 How's she going to react when she finds out it's you? I'll film it (assuming she finds out on my terms. I'm certain she will though) She'll be mainly relieved and hate me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayseven Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 She must have one of those army suits with all them medals on that looks ridiculous for being with you. Anyway, just read this on MLIA and thought of you ReZ. Today, I had just finished a tour of the top of the Seattle Space Needle. After we had finished we had to go down on the elevator. After the elevator guy had given his speal he asked if we had any questions. I asked,"Is it fun being an elevator guy?" He replied,"It has it's ups and downs." I was the only one who laughed the entire way down. MLIA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goafer Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Vauchian Dolzski Gate. I wondered who Vauchian Dolzski was and why he added me. Arsehole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happenstance Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 I wondered who Vauchian Dolzski was and why he added me. Arsehole. Didnt take me long to figure it out, his email address has rezourceman in it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReZourceman Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Didnt take me long to figure it out, his email address has rezourceman in it! Wait,......my email is visible? Oh shi-- Update to Vauchian. Claire I went to Bognor Regis and Brighton.. I haven't made up my mind about Friday yet, might go to London shopping.. me and Michael got together 4 years ago, we met at college. Vauchian Dolzskioh right i met mihcael at college. did you do art too he did art lol. bognor regis i have been there to the butlins there where did you go did you go to the pier did you do the arcades. brighton did you go on the pier there witrh the rides and that is where norman cook fat boy slim lives. he is my favourite dj i think. who is your favourite dj. london sounds like a good idea on friday. i have friday off work too and was wondering what i should do lol...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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