Dating/Relationships Thread.

[darksnowman]

Better to be on the shelf than in the wrong cupboard.

 

Right?!!

[Molly]

Truths from the first post...confidence, humour and to some extent aloofness, really depends on the situation though. I don't generally go clubbing to meet guys, I find the sleaze factor really unappealing.

 

Not that you would lol, but here's an example of what NOT to do (I was in third year of Uni, for reference)...

 

A guy started talking to me in a club, he seemed nice and we got on well. A while later I said I'd see him around because it was my friend's birthday and I wanted to spend time with her. He asked for my number so I gave it to him (I would come to regret this). A couple of hours and many cocktails later, my friends and I were mad dancing and loving it. He comes over, asks to dance and moments later asks if he can kiss me. Considerate to ask but spoils the passion really. Anyway the night ended, said goodbye, fine.

 

Next day he texts me early afternoon asking what I'm doing. I text him back and then comes a barrage of about 8 texts in a row, none of which I had replied to because I was out and steadily becoming freaked out by the over-keenness/stalkerish nature of the texts. This guy was about 25, not someone younger of whom I could perhaps understand such behaviour. I'd thought he was ok the night before, but it really put me off and that was the end of it. Oh, apart from him then texting every few days for no reason at all, gah.

[Chris the great]

jeez, theres over keen and then theres that guy.

 

 

i do love clubbing, mostly for the fun of beign with mates and being stupid. its actualy pretty fun when you totaly fuck up chatting some one up (happened to me on saterday) cos you can laugh about it.

[Haden]

Seeing that Princess Leia avatar reminded me of two great bits of advice.

 

If a girl says "I love you" the correct response is "I know" and secondly, always go for a boob grab if a girl you like gets injured. It shows you are both caring and a sexual hero.

 

[Retro_Link]

Next day he texts me early afternoon asking what I'm doing. I text him back and then comes a barrage of about 8 texts in a row, none of which I had replied to because I was out and steadily becoming freaked out by the over-keenness/stalkerish nature of the texts. This guy was about 25, not someone younger of whom I could perhaps understand such behaviour. I'd thought he was ok the night before, but it really put me off and that was the end of it. Oh, apart from him then texting every few days for no reason at all, gah.

Maybe he's on here right now...

 

"Creepy club guy, COME ON DOWN!!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No Rez' not you!

 

much love!

Edited April 20, 2009 by Retro_Link

[Molly]

Lol, amazing. Hilarious how they've made the pain sound so sexual.

Maybe he's on here right now...

 

"Creepy club guy, COME ON DOWN!!"

Oh no, don't! I still have the same number so I live in constant fear

[Haden]

Lol, amazing. Hilarious how they've made the pain sound so sexual.

 

Oh no, don't! I still have the same number so I live in constant fear

 

The best bit is you can see Carrie Fischer beginning to laugh in the last frames of the super slo-mo version lol.

[Fierce_LiNk]

i do love clubbing, mostly for the fun of beign with mates and being stupid. its actualy pretty fun when you totaly fuck up chatting some one up (happened to me on saterday) cos you can laugh about it.

 

Haaaaahahahah, there have been some classic cases where a friend has thought that they were in there, or tries to be smooth, but ultimately fails.

 

My housemate was out with me the one night, and was sorta standing at the side of the dancefloor resting, because he was a bit tired. Anyway, two girls came near to him and put their drinks next to his, and he tried to say something funny. Anyway, the next thing I know, they've picked up both their drinks, about two seconds after putting them down and have buggered off somewhere else.

 

I was in stitches. The thing is, he wasn't even trying it on, I think he was just trying to be funny or pleasant.

[chairdriver]

I just need time to pass by to get over my asphyxiation* with Calum. I think it's unrealistic that I'd ever be with him in a eros-fuelled relationship. That said, I'm too scared to ask him about it- I'm scared of ruining what we have.

 

*I just made up a new meaning for that word, and you know it.

[Fierce_LiNk]

Looking back at that initial quote, do I think Nice Guys finish last?

 

Hmm, I don't think they always do. The problem is that we just assume that badboys get all the girls. What we need to look at is which girls they "get" and for how long. The more I think about it, the more I think that the best, longest and most loving relationships that I know are the ones with nice people.

 

Yeah, it may seem cool to go a club and pull someone, get their number, never hear from them again and then repeat the process...but it's actually not all that great. You don't get to know anyone that way. To me, a relationship is the best kind of friendship, and then so much more. I've barely been on dates, because I've never needed to go on them. You build up that trust through friendship before moving onwards.

[tapedeck]

I've barely been on dates, because I've never needed to go on them. You build up that trust through friendship before moving onwards.

 

Your actually being the selector. (And acting like you have value as a relationship isn't needed/your not needy - it's like your using the female line of "we can be friends" on them.)

I guess it comes across like your weighing them up and keeping them on their toes. Very powerful.

 

Smokers:

 

In regards to those wishing to take up smoking (Jav!), just carry a lighter. Works just as well and you get to spark (cringe) a conversation up. True that you don't want some chain-smoker on your arm but hey, whatever floats your boat. Anyway, you may be her next habit...

 

Missing signals:

 

It was interesting to read DuD's comments about missing signals from women. Men may think they are rejected a lot but women are rejected MUCH MORE. Everytime a man misses a signal, BAM! Rejection. And us fellas do this all of the time. I feel for you ladies I really do. Only last week I served a 40yr old guy at my till and a women next to him starts saying "hi, long time no see" and they engage in a conversation about the old days. She's then dropping hints all over the shop that she's having a party at her place at the weekend. And he doesn't even bat an eyelid at this throw away comment. It stuck out like a sore thumb to me. I can read signals - this guy couldn't. (Neither were wearing wedding bands but the guy didn't even entertain the idea.) I could actually see the woman's dissapointment as I served her.

These are generally called buy signals and can come in many forms. Something common is that (generally) a woman won't talk to a man for any length of time if she isn't interested in him. If she purposely comes looking for conversation your onto a winner. When a girl physically touches you...it's 'on'. When she says she was "thinking" about you (or involving you in an emotion) it's 'on'.

 

Taking it to the next level:

 

If it's "on" - your more likely to create a reality which can move things to the next level.

To clarify what 'On' means...read the following:

 

I remember hearing a story about a guy partying at a late night event and the guests saw him strip off and jump into the pool. They thought "what's that dick doing?!"...next thing some of the women are doing the same. Here he was swimming in a pool with ladies, all naked. Dickhead or smart? People crave leadership and when that leadership is exciting or "on" (as in generally engaging on a rewarding level) it's amazing what can happen.

Make things the expected norm and you'll be startled at what you can make happen. I've tried this in relation to getting women to kiss their friends (for research and fun) and it works. It's all about making things seem normal and as far away from societies taboos as possible.

This is what needs to happen for you to take things to the next level (usually that physical level). You have to expect it to happen. Then, when you lean in for the kiss or physically flirt - it's perceived as natural. And yes...the man has to do this. Be a man and take control. It makes a woman feel like a woman.

 

Looks:

 

As the awesome Charlie said, looks don't matter. As I said in the first post, women are more into emotion (how you make them feel) than looks. It's us men who obsess over looks. Forget about looks. If you see a 10/10 hot stunner and you wont approach her as you worry about your own looks your creating a barrier which doesn't even exist to her. It's all internal. Don't worry about looks, women are too busy thinking about their own looks and seeking emotional satisfaction to wholly judge you on how you look.

 

Clubbing:

 

Clubs are a great way to practice talking to new people as well as places to be generally social (hey,we decided to hit a club rather than play Warhammer/Watch Hollyoaks - we seek interaction on another, more sociable level). I wouldn't say you'll really get to know someone from a club meet. People are expecting to be chatted up (which puts you at a disadvantage as you don't wanna appear too keen remember). And so the best place to meet the opposite sex is outside of clubs - places like the supermarket/cafe/wine bar where it's not expected, these can be very powerful seduction areas.

 

All of this is obvious!

 

Like I said in my first post, we aren't taught the laws of attraction traditionally. We learn from experience and some of us get shot down back in high school, and some of us get laid. This can then affect the whole future romantic endeavours of an individual. The laid guy may then go on to seduce more women, or the shot down guy may go on to live a chaste lifestyle clamouring for more.

Expectancy comes from what we know (our experience). If we think we are going to be rejected because it happened the last time - you'll lose confidence and withdraw from attempting. Congratulations! You just let your past (your expectancy) rule your present. (That's simple psychology meaning don't live in the past!)

If this is all obvious to you, contribute with how your demeanour has worked for you. Help your fellow man!

 

Keep sharing the stories and learning experiences. We all have them afterall.

I'm really enjoying reading this

Edited April 21, 2009 by tapedeck

[Dan_Dare]

I currently consider my dating life to be in the worst situation it's been in...either for some time or ever. I realised the other day that I basically only hang out with dudes and don't know anyone I'm attracted to- at all. Traditionally, I've only been interested in people I know properly so it's all a bit shambolic

 

I should try and galvanise my friends in to action this week, probably.

[Jav_NE]

 

Smokers:

 

In regards to those wishing to take up smoking (Jav!), just carry a lighter. Works just as well and you get to spark (cringe) a conversation up. True that you don't want some chain-smoker on your arm but hey, whatever floats your boat. Anyway, you may be her next habit...

 

Take up smoking?! I never said that! I wouldn't suggest anyone do that for the sole purpose of meeting people. I already smoke, have done for years, so that door is already open for me, thats all. And its a pretty good one. I've met loads of girls smoking, but i'm happy in my relationship so i was always a good boy.

 

On a similar note, i've also had lots of girl interest when out wearing a hat. Not just a trucker one or something regular, but something a bit strange. Once we went out wearing stupid animal hats after a day at Alton Towers. The girls were just swarming it seemed! Another time i was well into wearing this bowler hat thing, and that got just as much attention. I guess it makes you stand out and they see you as a fun guy or something, plus they always want to try it on (the hat) and that gives you a window to introduce yourself.

 

I suppose it depends on the type of club you go to, but i can personally vouche that it works in indie/rock clubs.

[DomJcg]

My friends the other day said i knew every woman on campus (simply because we walked to the shop and i saw/chatted to about 7 or so girls on the way) and i suppose the reason i do is because i never usually talk to a girl and expect something more (there were reasons for this longtermrelationshipended) and i guess it seems like something different to them, they relax more and take you in to consideration because you aren't trying to get with them.

 

On the total other hand, the longest/best relationship i ever had i met the girl at a party so...

[Ellmeister]

My friends the other day said i knew every woman on campus (simply because we walked to the shop and i saw/chatted to about 7 or so girls on the way) and i suppose the reason i do is because i never usually talk to a girl and expect something more (there were reasons for this longtermrelationshipended) and i guess it seems like something different to them, they relax more and take you in to consideration because you aren't trying to get with them.

 

On the total other hand, the longest/best relationship i ever had i met the girl at a party so...

 

You never met me at a party

[DomJcg]

You never met me at a party

 

online party?

 

does that count?

[Aimless]

I find the whole idea of approaching someone with a strategy rather... depressing. It's a bit, "Being myself isn't good enough, but I can totally pretend to be someone they'd be interested in!" It just strikes me as rather hollow and disingenuous, like lying on a CV just to get a job. In fact I think that nails what I dislike about it: it's impersonal manipulation, designed to attain a predetermined goal rather than allowing things to happen naturally.

 

That said I'm not claiming to be 'right'. Personally I can't think of anything less appealing than going to a club looking for casual sex, but it's abundantly clear that I'm in the minority. If that's what people want to do then who am I to judge? Clubbing and the like are based on a consensual agreement, a common knowledge of said activity's purpose, so it would be rather silly for me to get all holier-than-thou over such victimless enjoyment. I might wrinkle my nose at my brother for 'wasting' his money going out several times a night, but when it comes down to it I spend a fortune on videogames, debatably the most worthless medium of the moment; as far as this pot is concerned the kettle can be as Gothic as it likes.

 

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything. Don't worry, that's a perfectly natural reaction to my posts. Rather more unusual is this: I actually do have a point! You see there's plenty of other people out there who get rather Bajoran¹ at the prospect of clubbing and its stable mates, many of whom are sexy, sexy ladies. It's the way of the world that like-minded people are drawn together, flotsam and jetsam on an endless sea of possibility; sorry if such phrasing sets off your pollen allergies. So don't fret about looking for people, because as long as you're there to be found — obviously locking yourself away in a lead basement complicates things — someone will happen upon you eventually. If you're at peace with who you are and be the person that you want to be, out there is another looking for someone just like you.

 

 

¹If you're not sure what I meant by that just be thankful.

[tapedeck]

Heh, we lost a good 2hrs of posts...Bizarro, I had this in an inactive window.

 

For example, the bit about "girls will only talk to you a certain amount of time if they're interested" and "if they touch you, it means 'on'" - those statements practically rule out that a girl simply wants to spend time with you as a friend. Some of your advice I find great - but some of it just seems like old stereotypical "rules" that seem, to be honest, quite silly.

 

I get (and like) where your coming from. Maybe I didn't explain it clearly enough that I'm talking about bridging the gap for guys who are seeking relationships with women and are finding stumbling blocks along the way by falling into the friend camp all of the time when that's not what they want. Of course you can just be friends. You can let a girl talk to you for aeons. But, the next thing you know, (if you don't take it onto the next level) your going to find yourself in the friend zone. Obviously, I'm not condoning having female friends - variety is the spice of life and women are brilliant sources of friendship/and info. But these are like markers of sorts. I do believe though that if a women actively seeks your conversation/company on a personal level and if a woman is touching you - there's definitely something more there (mainly buy signals) which means you can take it to the next level.

 

I always found the following statement very interesting in regards to relationships/dating: "We don't fall in love with the person, we fall in love with the feelings we get/are given when we are around that person." - Feel free to agree/disagree.

 

So yeah, the advice I gave about it being 'on' primarily applies to getting out of the friendship circle. (Which seems to happen to a lot of guys (like I used to experience!))

And yes this may appear to be stereotypical in parts. But, arguably things are stereotypical for a reason - at one point they were extremely popular circumstances (or social undercurrents/standards) which dictated many peoples lives. Presenting something in a stereotypical way isn't always a bad thing - just a recognition of how things once/currently were/are. My thoughts on this are that, from a sexuality viewpoint, being a stereotypical man in many ways can only be a good thing for your dating/relationship game. Afterall, it seems that where I live, the guys who act stereotypically 'manly' get a lot of female attention.

 

The information about wearing a hat, having some kind of long hair etc... was all very interesting. A lot of women love having their hair played with (and seem drawn to fashion) - maybe there's more to that than meets the eyes?! Maybe the silly hats in particular insinuate that you're just out for a laugh and not out to merely pull?! Maybe this is why fancy dress garners attention.

 

Jay mentioned about some guy called mystery who basically claims to pull anyone, anywhere...well worth looking at on youtube - just so you can say "bloody hell". Mad jedi skillz. Keep expecting him to say "these aren't the droids your looking for".

Anyway, also talked about walking slower. Being more confident and appearing different. Walking slower is good. Clearly it's best in the right places (not dallying down the street like a pensioner!). In bars etc...

[Charlie]

 

On a similar note, i've also had lots of girl interest when out wearing a hat. Not just a trucker one or something regular, but something a bit strange. Once we went out wearing stupid animal hats after a day at Alton Towers. The girls were just swarming it seemed! Another time i was well into wearing this bowler hat thing, and that got just as much attention. I guess it makes you stand out and they see you as a fun guy or something, plus they always want to try it on (the hat) and that gives you a window to introduce yourself.

 

I suppose it depends on the type of club you go to, but i can personally vouche that it works in indie/rock clubs.

 

That's called the Peacock theory. Wear something outrageous and you'll get noticed and the girls will like it because you're appearing confident by wearing something like that and it also makes you stand out from the crowd a bit.

 

 

Another theory is the AMOG (Alpha male in group). Basically, women tend to be attracted to the dominant male in a group of guys moreso than the less dominant ones. This is actually good fun to try out (we were doing it last night) and doesn't really involve any girls. Basically, you have to make yourself seem like the big guy in the group. Ask someone else to get you a drink, appear to be running the groups conversation. You can 'neutralize' an AMOG by making a counter comment. Another example of an AMOG is jokingly punching someone on the arm softly and saying "shut up" or similar.

 

We were just pissing around when we were out last night and it was a good laugh. Wasn't really approaching any girls or anything but still had a great night. I actually really like the nights out in big groups of guys where you all just go out to have a good time together and do what we like to call, "fannying around" in clubs. Dancing stupidly, singing along badly and just generally having a good time without worrying about the girls.

[DuD]

"fannying around" is the best way to have fun in clubs. When i lived in manchester we used to go out as a group of just guys (pretty lairy guys) and i've gotta say its much more fun than say going out with more subdued people and women (no offence to yous ladies as i've got plenty of female mates, you just seem to keep us in order ).

When your clearly having fun the amount of people (both male & female) that come over and want to get involved in said fun is great (no swings both ways jokes perlease )

[Guest Jordan]

Truths from the first post...confidence, humour and to some extent aloofness, really depends on the situation though. I don't generally go clubbing to meet guys, I find the sleaze factor really unappealing.

 

Not that you would lol, but here's an example of what NOT to do (I was in third year of Uni, for reference)...

 

A guy started talking to me in a club, he seemed nice and we got on well. A while later I said I'd see him around because it was my friend's birthday and I wanted to spend time with her. He asked for my number so I gave it to him (I would come to regret this). A couple of hours and many cocktails later, my friends and I were mad dancing and loving it. He comes over, asks to dance and moments later asks if he can kiss me. Considerate to ask but spoils the passion really. Anyway the night ended, said goodbye, fine.

 

Next day he texts me early afternoon asking what I'm doing. I text him back and then comes a barrage of about 8 texts in a row, none of which I had replied to because I was out and steadily becoming freaked out by the over-keenness/stalkerish nature of the texts. This guy was about 25, not someone younger of whom I could perhaps understand such behaviour. I'd thought he was ok the night before, but it really put me off and that was the end of it. Oh, apart from him then texting every few days for no reason at all, gah.

 

Warning: If you're easily offended don't bother reading below.

 

I'm sorry but... What the fuck? I know i'm probably going to be the most hated person on the forum (which isn't particularly a surprise... considering how little people think of me anyway :p). Seriously, the guy was being considerate. If he had just out right kissed you, you would have probably have been just as pissed.

 

I bet you, 90% of guys do not get "signals". Its complete bull shit, if you want something just fucking say it rather than tease us with stupid dating stuff.

 

I'll be honest, I don't want a relationship at the moment, for a while anyway. Through my life I've met so many women are just completely fucked up in the head anyway. Either they just like to play with you or they'll fuck you about for a while then dump you or whatever. This has happened to myself and so many friends.

 

The girls that are out there that are nice permanently keep you in the friend zone when you try to be really there for them, then go fuck some random twat anyway.

 

*releases steam*:P

[tapedeck]

When your clearly having fun the amount of people that come over and want to get involved in said fun is great...

 

Exactly. Women are very curious beings and if you're effectively selling yourself as "here is where the fun is" (like that story about the guy swimming in the pool naked I told earlier) you're going to be a cut above the rest.

Furthermore, it's the acting like you couldn't give a hoot which is also alluring.

 

After that it's like Charlie was saying, Being the alpha male of the group (AMOG) is important. When you play on that it's awesome the amount of fun you can have. You then just have to look for IOI's (Indicators of Interest) to elevate any nearby women. (This all sounds very primal...because it is. Google "lekking" to see how the male species act on an animalistic level.)

 

Seriously, the guy was being considerate. If he had just out right kissed you, you would have probably have been just as pissed.

 

His stalking wasn't attractive to 'women' though. Sure I have done this in the past and women don't like it. You gotta learn this shit unfortunately. He'd have been better off trying to kiss her there and then - seriously. At least it would have shown he was physically attracted to the Moll and he couldn't control himself in the face of this 'passion'.

 

I bet you, 90% of guys do not get "signals". Its complete bull shit, if you want something just fucking say it rather than tease us with stupid dating stuff.

 

Again, this is the way women work. Learn the signals and you'll start to see things in a different light. It's like the fucking Matrix.

 

Through my life I've met so many women who are just completely fucked up in the head anyway. Either they just like to play with you or they'll fuck you about for a while then dump you or whatever. This has happened to myself and so many friends.

 

You gotta ask yourself why they are like this. Because of MEN. Some other dude comes along who has "game" and knows her signals and picks up attraction and pushes it on a whole other level to her, and the next thing - she feels helpless to it. Stupid aint it?! If you in the loop and your being a doormat, your fucked - and not in the 'all-night screamer' way. Just learn simple laws of attraction. Body language/being the leader/willing to walk away/positive/affectionate in small doses.

 

I've had the same stuff happen to me. That's why I decided to LEARN this stuff. To improve myself as a man and become aware of this. No-one teaches the good guys stuff like this. And we get shat on. From a height. I got sick of it. Sick of putting my heart and soul into women and getting nothing but rejection out of it. So I finally realised there must be something wrong with ME if things keep going wrong. So I'm doing something about it. I'm LEARNING what it takes to have success and how to attract and keep my self-power. It's invigorating and paradigm shifting. I suggest you try it. What have you got to lose?

Edited April 21, 2009 by tapedeck
Automerged Doublepost

[Chris the great]

way i see it is be your self, go to places you enjoy and dont break your neck to get a relatioship. whats the point of acting like soem one who isnt you just to get with some one? and whats the point of going some wher you dont enjoy? a relationship with some one there will probebly just drag you back.

 

 

women are every where, shops, parks, clubs, bars coffee houses, find your scene and look for people there, find some one, talk to em, if you like em, go for it.

 

people seem to have this huge pressure to be in a relationship, it happened to a friend a few years ago, he got with this girl, they didnt really like each outher that much but stuck together for years because they didnt want to be single.

[Guest Jordan]

I've had the same stuff happen to me. That's why I decided to LEARN this stuff. To improve myself as a man and become aware of this. No-one teaches the good guys stuff like this. And we get shat on. From a height. I got sick of it. Sick of putting my heart and soul into women and getting nothing but rejection out of it. So I finally realised there must be something wrong with ME if things keep going wrong. So I'm doing something about it. I'm LEARNING what it takes to have success and how to attract and keep my self-power. It's invigorating and paradigm shifting. I suggest you try it. What have you got to lose?

 

Why should you have to? Why not actually be yourself? Why is it so difficult for people to accept each other as they actually are without going on this stupid as fuck race against other people to get into relationships?

 

If everyone is like this, i'd rather go chop my cock off right now than deal with that.

[Eenuh]

Why should you have to? Why not actually be yourself? Why is it so difficult for people to accept each other as they actually are without going on this stupid as fuck race against other people to get into relationships?

 

If everyone is like this, i'd rather go chop my cock off right now than deal with that.

 

I hope not everyone is like this either. Life isn't all about relationships and sex. If you have to change yourself and the way you do things to attract girls, then I think you're only fooling yourself. Because honestly, it's an act, and if you want a long term relationship, you can't really keep up that act.

 

Just my opinion though. Not that I really know anything about dating. *shrugs*