Posted June 28, 2008 But.... but.... Smash Bros was just released today and you're going to be wasting your time fucking a girl!!?? What are you? Some kind of MONSTER!!? Also, I think there's too much advice in this thread. I always thought you just needed to open up her legs, and insert your penis in her vagina, then proceed with pelvic thrusts until a wave of involuntary muscular spasms take place, followed by a "post pictures on N-E" event. Then, lulz. I guess I'm terribly wrong. I'm taking notes right now. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Just been reading through this thread, some really funny comments here! Anyway, Just relax and do what comes natural at the time, if you get to stressed about it your 'solider' may not rise to the 'occation' so to speak. (disaster) Reading other ppls advise i agree and i wish i had done the ol wank before my first time (yes i was one of them males that inserted and it was over in like 5 seconds...) If that happens just do what i did, afterwords talk a little bit and then go again Foreplay is a good idea also, alot of women do seem to love that, and what you do you normally get something back in return, hehe. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Waitaminute...holy shit. What Mcoy said...if the populations rising by 3 every second....and count in the number of people who are having protected sex...whats that like...80% of all sex? Is that accurate? Well then thats like... At least 20 ish people ejaculating into a womans vagina every second. God, thats so fucking hot. "Can you kiss it better?" Sorry, I had to say it, before ReZ did... No proof I would have said that.....no proof. Whatsoever. Woulda looked better in green. Manslaughter i would imagine, get banged up for a long time. Banged up for banging someone up. Now thats ironic sex. Not to be confused with Iron sex, which is something I wont be trying again soon. Anyway, todays the day. Whatever you do, when you ejeculate don't think of me. Like when you cum...do NOT picture me. Don't get me wrong, it'd make it better, but you had better not for her sake. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Haha, this thread is absolutely legendary, I'm gonna be late for my degree results/brawl tourney cos of it. Genius though! My only advice, do everything you do for her, be totally unselfish and get her off as best you can before you go in, because I don't think you'll last more than a minute inside if it's your first time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 ...y'know... i'm looking forward to the conclusion of this thread nearly as much as i'm anticipating the next episode of doctor who O_o BEST BE UPLOADED ON TIME! ...that goes for the info update here AND dr.who! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Today is the day you cum on your first face. Enjoy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 OK time for my ill informed advice... If she knows it's your first time she's not going to be expecting much so that should take away any pressure on you to perform to any kind of standard. Have fun. ---- oh and how old is she? (*setting myself up for sick joke*). If she's over 50/60 then treat her vagina like a pork pie. You'll have to bite away the crust and lick away the jelly to get to the meat... ... ... *ba dum tsh* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Good luck tonight. I've been getting some tips from this thread too. New girlfriend! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Oh dear. People are actually following tips for sex from a nintendo forum. I'm joking of course =) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Oh dear. People are actually following tips for sex from a nintendo forum. I'm joking of course =) "up, up! down, down! left, right! left, right! B! AAAaaaaaaaaaa!" p.s. ^ knows it's konami~ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 "up, up! down, down! left, right! left, right! B! AAAaaaaaaaaaa!" p.s. ^ knows it's konami~ It won´t work if you won´t finish it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 What a thread, wish I'd checked it sooner. My one piece of last minute advice is important.... Do not go down on her! Not cool on the first time, some girls don't like it anyway (at this age at least - I reckon most older ladies do simply coz they're more willing to try things) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 "up, up! down, down! left, right! left, right! B! AAAaaaaaaaaaa!" p.s. ^ knows it's konami~ Thats basically the hottest thing a girl could say to me during :p Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Looking forward to the "results". If no teabagging takes place I'll be dissapointed. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teabagging Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Thinking of organising an N-Europe mass lay now. Get it on in honour of the King's first trip to candyland. Anyone else? I'm a man of my word. Chalked up a lovely lady in a coffee shop. The rest is up to you King. Good night, and good luck. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 "up, up! down, down! left, right! left, right! B! AAAaaaaaaaaaa!" p.s. ^ knows it's konami~ Best cheat in Gradius III, so long as you get the correct left and rights. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Thanks again for all the good lucks and well wishes...She'll be coming for about 9...and I haven't masturblahed yet...:/ Anyway, i certainly will be posting my results soon after. Gotta love the internet for grime like this. ^^ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Show her this topic after you're done. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 If the entire thing fails, just come to Porto, and I'll give you a discount with an experienced brazillian hooker. She'll teach you a few things. I'll hold you to that bro. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 Thanks again for all the good lucks and well wishes...She'll be coming for about 9...and I haven't masturblahed yet...:/ Anyway, i certainly will be posting my results soon after. Gotta love the internet for grime like this. ^^ You gotta masturbate soon then mate, if you dont, its gonna sting. First times always insanely hurt. lul Also, suprise pooper for HUEG POINTS! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 You gotta masturbate soon then mate, if you dont, its gonna sting. First times always insanely hurt. lul Also, suprise pooper for HUEG POINTS! STING!?!?! :0 wtf...Stop trying to sike me out me dude...Cos its kind of working. Show her this topic after you're done. Hmmm, might do that actually...In a year or so. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 STING!?!?! :0 wtf...Stop trying to sike me out me dude...Cos its kind of working. Its nothing serious, just feels like some tabasco sauce is being rubbed on your cock for like 10 seconds. That kinda sting. Nothing too bad. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 I actually have no idea what O_G is on about..yeh it's sensitive afterwards, but sting? ;O good luck, reeeeeeeeeeeeelax Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 I actually have no idea what O_G is on about..yeh it's sensitive afterwards, but sting? ;O good luck, reeeeeeeeeeeeelax Haha fine I may of been lying about the stinging. But theres always a chance you could suffer from Sex Fever which usually unlocks itself in adult males once they have had their first time. It removes some of the restraints of your mind and unlocks states of minds similar to a rapist, thus increasing your chance to sexually assault another. Be careful. Jail time is never a good thing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 28, 2008 STING!?!?! :0 wtf...Stop trying to sike me out me dude...Cos its kind of working. Hmmm, might do that actually...In a year or so. LOL. Tell ya what. Right before you ejaculate, pull out and spit on her back. She'll turn around thinking it's over and WHAM! RIGHT IN THE EYE! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
