Goron_3 Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Ok, here's the story: I've been going out with this girl called Sophie for like 9 weeks. Everything was going great, perfect in fact; I loved her and she loved me and last Saturday we had sex for the first time (as in, it was the first time for both of us). Everything was awesome and i felt that it was a very important part in our relationship; she's not the kind of girl who goes to parties and gets with lots of people so I really felt that she trusted and loved me as of Saturday...I was so happy. Now, naturally, I told a couple of people (although I did tell my girlfriend I was going to tell a couple of my close friends, and she said she was going to tell her best friend aswell). Anyway, there was this one girl I told who i've basically told everything to over the past 2-3 years (and I mean everything; she's helped me a lot). When I talked to Sophie after school on Monday however, she said that word had gotten out about it, and that the girl i told (her name is Rishika) had told a few people, and naturally Sophie was really upset by this, especially seeing as a lot of girls in her year are a bit judgemental, and the fact that we'd only been going out 9 weeks means, you know, lots of judging and stuff. So on Tuesday, I started talking to Sophie about it and she said that she wanted us to be on a break, yet still be really good friends. So at this point I got really confused so i just kissed her, and she kissed me back, and this went on for about 10 minutes lol. However, she still really wanted the break to happen so it did... Now, the following day (wednesday) I planned to go to school late, as I had 2frees in the morning. Sophie missed the school bus so i told her to come round mine and we'd get the bus together. When she got to mine, we talked for a bit (not about the break) and we didn't even hold hands or anything like that. Once again, i just went for it; I kissed her. To cut a long story short, we got pretty far (no sex this time, though i don't really care). However, she still wanted to be on a break (God girls are so weird). Now basically i've felt shit about this all thursday and Friday, and friday afternoon i had a little rant about it to her, and told her that if she still loved me, like she said, we should still be girlfriend/boyfriend. She then said that she thought we should just have some time apart...WTF! This is coming from the girl that not only was all over me literally a minute of wanting a break, but also spent like 4 hours with me on Wednesday morning. Also, to make things worse, she told me that she still wants me to talk to her a lot and spend time with her...how the hell can i do that?!?! I kinda got really sad about it so i walked off and i think i left her a bit Soo....I text her saying sorry and basically we went for a walk in the evening. We held hands during this walk, and we behaved exactly like we did before the break (except we didn't kiss and stuff). We did hug a lot, and the hugs lasted like 10-15 seconds (very nice). Now, i really enjoyed this time with her but after she went home, i basically cried..a lot. Why? Because I can't do it...I can't spend time with her just 'being friends' because all i wanted to do during that walk is kiss her. I told her i loved her during the walk and she said it back, but then i don't understand what is going on! i feel so SHIT right now! Everything is going wrong. This time last satursday i was so happy and now i feel bloody awful. Does she still love me? Does she always want to be 'just friends'? Does she realise how much this is hurting me? I mean, i'm in love with this girl and all she wants is for us to be friends! I mean, it's actually KILLING me to be with her and not show my love for her. I feel so shit just having to be friends with her for now. I mean, yesterday was the first day in 9 weeks that i said bye to her and didn't get a kiss from her...felt so awful. I reckon i could go on like this for a week and not show her how depressed I am, but seriously if it goes on longer than a week I think i might just break down...I can't do it, i just can't... I'm going out to a park so i can regain my thoughts (its been a badddd day), but your opinions would be good. What do i do? Do i just be friends with her and keep everything in no matter how much it's hurting me? I'm so confused...
Fierce_LiNk Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Well, reading this all, to me, it sounds like maybe she's just a bit confused about stuff in general. You said she felt a bit hurt about people judging her, so maybe that has a lot to do with it. But, imo, friends don't kiss, and do all that coupley stuff you said. If it really is more than just friendship, then she'll make the right choice in the end. You're playing the waiting game, my friend. Welcome to the world of love. The awesome highs and the lowly lows.
Katie Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Have you actually spoken to her about it property, or asked why she thinks a break is a good idea? She's obviously just feeling pressure from everyone else and worried about what they think of her. It doesn't sound like she actually wants to be away from you so maybe you just need to make her understand a break is a stupid idea. I'm not sure how though sorry!
Rummy Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Yeah, it sounds like she's worried about the judgement from others, I can't see why else she'd suddenly want to have a break. Maybe she just wants to work some things out for herself, you'll just have to wait it out like Flink said. It's only been what, 4 days? Just give her some space. I'd say to give her a good amount of space and just don't keep pestering and hounding her, maybe she'll realise she misses you. I dunno though, that plan might backfire, I'm not really in the position to be giving advice about it.
Goron_3 Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 Yeah, it sounds like she's worried about the judgement from others, I can't see why else she'd suddenly want to have a break. Maybe she just wants to work some things out for herself, you'll just have to wait it out like Flink said. It's only been what, 4 days? Just give her some space. I'd say to give her a good amount of space and just don't keep pestering and hounding her, maybe she'll realise she misses you. I dunno though, that plan might backfire, I'm not really in the position to be giving advice about it. I was talking to her and she said that she doesn't want me to like not talk to her and stuff because it means that we might not get back together or something like that, so it does seem that she still does care about me. Hmm....
Rummy Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 So everything's going to happen her way and on her terms? It's upto you, but I just think eventually that'd lead to problems down the line...
Jon Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 It's pretty simple really. Just tell her to take however much time she needs, and you'll be there for her. She'll come crawling back.
flameboy Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 God I'd miss school romances... Mate I'd put all your cards on the table and tell her how you feel about the situation, I mean everything... See what she says from there, but you can't just let it all pan out by her terms,it'll set a precedent, trust me been there done that and it isn't good.
Goron_3 Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 God I'd miss school romances... Mate I'd put all your cards on the table and tell her how you feel about the situation, I mean everything... See what she says from there, but you can't just let it all pan out by her terms,it'll set a precedent, trust me been there done that and it isn't good. Wow i was content with just being patient but now my mind has blown right open.
AshMat Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 ASk her seriously why she wants a break? All this bull that it has to happen her way.
That Guy Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 One thing you shouldn't do is let yourself get messed around. I'm not saying she is, but like you said, you're feeling like crap at the moment, so don't let her have everything her way. Some women seem to think if they hang around then the guy will feel better. Believe me, that wont be the case if you're never a proper couple again.
Slaggis Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Like I said to you on msn, Tell her how you feel. If you both told people, then the person she told could have also spread it about. She seems to be blaming you for everything. If after you tell her how you feel she still wants this break, then i;d just stuff her. Go and talk to this other girl you told me about, at the hospital of you can. Maybe she wont mess you about like this other girl seems to be.
The fish Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Just tell her to take however much time she needs, and you'll be there for her. This man is a genius, people! A genius! It's a bit of a win-win option. She gets the break, and it shows that you respect what she wants, but it shows you really do love her, although you only need to say it once, instead of pestering. Oh, and the first paragraph of your (Goron_3's) post is really sweet... Don't take it personally, and don't apologise or anything, as it's not your fault, with your post made me really sad. It reminded me of how fucking shite life can be for some people. I hate it when relationships are destroyed by the actions of others. I've seen it too many times in my school. There's been too much rumor spreading, lying, accusations of cheating, and general bitchiness concerning couples going around for my liking. It leaves others who've heard this crap thinking of the members of the ex-couples as bad people, even if they're not. He may murder me for saying this, but Domjcg, who lurks in these parts, had this happen to his previous relationship. Although they broke-up for alternative reasons, there had been rumors going around about her doing things at parties, and other things, putting them under pressure to break, and leaving those who believe the rumors (pretty much everyone bar her and me) with a tinted opinion of them both, especially her. I'm still trying to work out who started the rumors, as both Dom and his ex are very good friends of mine. I swear to god I'll beat the crap out of whoever it was, they were (they'll both kill me for saying this) the sweetest couple I've seen for a long time. Oh, and sorry for appearing to divert attention from the matter at hand. It was never my intention.
MoogleViper Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Don't give her space. She'll think you don't care. But you said yourself that you can't be around her as "just friends". So just tell her that you love her too much to be just friends. Tell her how you feel. Don't let her have everything her way. It won't work and it's not fair on you.
Goron_3 Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 Thanks for all the awesome advice people. I was thinking about doing what she wants until like maybe thursday/friday and then if i still feel this bad, just walk up to and kiss her, and then tell her how much I love her. Good idea?
MoogleViper Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Thanks for all the awesome advice people. I was thinking about doing what she wants until like maybe thursday/friday and then if i still feel this bad, just walk up to and kiss her, and then tell her how much I love her. Good idea? A week is an awfully long time. I think you should do it now. Although I'm in a similar situation right now so I may not be the best man to talk.
The fish Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Thanks for all the awesome advice people. I was thinking about doing what she wants until like maybe thursday/friday and then if i still feel this bad, just walk up to and kiss her, and then tell her how much I love her. Good idea? Aye. If she still wants space, repeat (the whole thing, not just the kissing). If she, doesn't, then feel free to repeat the kissing ad infinitum. :wink:
Goron_3 Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 i think I'm going on a walk with her tomorrow... Gonna be really hard to make myself look happy, but i think it's worth it I'd do anything for her. it's also pretty good because i make her laugh and smile...A LOT, so aslong as i can keep reminding her of how and why she fell in love with me, it should be ok right?
Shorty Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 Sounds to me like you need to back off a bit. She wants to think about things a bit and you just keep coming back with "so whats going on?" and "I can't handle this" and basically thinking about yourself. Note that things went from bad (time apart) to worse ('a break') when you applied pressure. Hold back a bit, if it's meant to be, it will be eventually. There's no need to pretend to be happy, that's bollocks. You're not trying to lie here, who the hell would be happy in this situation? That's like the guy trying to look calm with a shotgun in his face in Heist. But don't bait her into asking you what's wrong by looking like a moody bugger either, guilt trips are not cool. Be reserved, tell her you'll give her some space, tell her you'll wait for her to sort her feelings out. Edit: And I hope you've learnt a lesson. Never trust a schoolgirl with your secrets....
Slaggis Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 And I hope you've learnt a lesson. Never trust a schoolgirl with your secrets.... never?....ever? oh shit lol
The fish Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 i think I'm going on a walk with her tomorrow... Gonna be really hard to make myself look happy, but i think it's worth it I'd do anything for her. it's also pretty good because i make her laugh and smile...A LOT, so aslong as i can keep reminding her of how and why she fell in love with me, it should be ok right? Just don't be too persistant about the "how much you love her" thing. It's sweet, but too much gets annoying.
Goron_3 Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 Just don't be too persistant about the "how much you love her" thing. It's sweet, but too much gets annoying. yeah i won't mention it for a while lol. She keeps telling me that she wants to be good friends so i'll just keep cracking jokes and keep her happy. I think she's got a few personal problems that she's not telling me about, so maybe making her laugh will cheer her up. That said, i don't want to spend tooo much time with her, so i think i won't talk to her after school on Monday....
Zell Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 I think a short break from each other for three or four days will be better for both of you. That isn't to say you shouldn't talk to her at all, as long as it doesn't get into a discussion about your relationship. I'm really happy for you Goron, and I don't think anything like this is going to come between you and Sophie, as I know how much you care for her and how much of a happier person you are. I think everything will work out just fine, just give it time.
AshMat Posted April 28, 2007 Posted April 28, 2007 First: Nice on losing it, my mate lost his last night. Second: I don't have a second... i just wanted to say the first.
Goron_3 Posted April 28, 2007 Author Posted April 28, 2007 I think a short break from each other for three or four days will be better for both of you. That isn't to say you shouldn't talk to her at all, as long as it doesn't get into a discussion about your relationship. I'm really happy for you Goron, and I don't think anything like this is going to come between you and Sophie, as I know how much you care for her and how much of a happier person you are. I think everything will work out just fine, just give it time. Thanks a lot mate You say some awesome things on these boards lol. I've had a lot of time to think about it and i'm sure it's all going to be ok. How can she resist right First: Nice on losing it, my mate lost his last night.Second: I don't have a second... i just wanted to say the first. haha. You're a funny man...
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