Jack

Congratulations - it's a toothbrush!

Ask if they're doing Sunderland, or anywhere in the North East.

Les Claypool is pure sex. Jesus God, no.

They're a crock of shit. Unless each card acts as a beam shield generator and you wear it on your wrist, I don't see how they'll stop people being killed by terrorists.

You're about two and a half years too late. There's only about six people still playing the game worldwide. Offline, it's a chore unless you can find three other people to play multiplayer.

Blatantly the best episode is You Only Move Twice. For me, this moment is the absolute peak of the series, never to be matched again: Homer walks into a giant missile hangar to talk to Scorpio. Homer: You got any sugar around here, Hank? Scorpio: Sure, here you go, Homer. (Scorpio dumps handfuls of sugar into Homer's cup straight from his jacket pockets) Sorry it isn't in packets. Want some cream? Homer: Yeeeeeeeeeee... no.

Family Guy's been more consistent, but classic Simpsons edges it. The Simpsons before series ten > Family Guy > The Simpsons post series ten I've never seen American Dad.

Yeah, mushrooms are fucking wicked.

"Does not equal".

Stuart Campbell's a very hot blooded guy. I think he has a speed habit.

Yeah, but's that not stealing. Stealing involves remove something from someone's possession without paying for it or having their permission. When you download a song, the original is still intact, hence it's not stolen. Stuart Campbell sums it up nicely here, even if the title of the article's a bit bullish.

The new series was fantastic. The trailer for the first Dalek episode was brilliantly done, especially the bit at the end where you see the eyes flash slowly and hear it go "DOOOOOOOC... TORRRRRRRR?". Anyway, I like the new design for the Cybermen. Looks like Bryan Hitch's design for Ultimate Iron Man.

"Hah! God didn't protect you from my massive fist!"

Downloading music isn't stealing music.

If you want to make Labour realise they're supposed to be on the Left, vote for a party on the Left then. Voting for the Tories will only make them think that the general opinion is swaying to the Right, and they'll play their cards to attract that vote.

I wasn't aware the Conservatives were hip in the first place. Hip replacement operation, perhaps.

Too right, man. I thought it impossible, but it's less funny that Jimmy Carr.

How could I possibly do that? Yes. Yes it is.

The cliche of meal and cinema worked for me the other night. So well, that it turned out the new wife's a swallower. THANK GOD, THANK JESUS, THANK BUDDAH, THANK KRISHNA, THANK EVERY FUCKER UP THERE.

I'd pay millions of dollars to hose the fucker down. FUCK OFF, YOU SHIT RAPPER. LISTEN TO MF DOOM AND LEARN HOW IT'S DONE, ****. Ahem.

The X800 GTO2 is an excellent value for money card. Why? Because you can unlock it to be the equivalent of an X850 XT PE. http://forums.overclockers.co.uk/showthread.php?t=17481933 Plenty of testimonials in there too.

FEAR might run well with 4XAA now.

Don't bother with a USB ADSL modem - get yourself a router. Saves time on connecting, and you can get one with a firewall built in to save system resources and improve security. This should do the trick.

Good thing you let us know - I've been getting great usage out of mine and it does everything I want to, but now that I know it sucks, I'm throwing it in the bin. I could have been embrarrasing myself if you hadn't warned me.

My ancestors were alll honkies.