Jack

If you're bothered about noise, get an Antec Sonata II. It looks great and keeps the drone of a PC down. Here's my case - the AOpen QF50A. Roomy, does the job, and doesn't look like shit. It could be referred to as a gaming case because the PC inside can play games very well.

I'm having Jumpin' Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones and Stormy In The North by The Wildhearts played at my funeral. I'm also insisting that the attendees wear hawaiian shirts, and there'll be complimentary rum afterwards.

Only if I scroll really quickly, and then it's just the dot thing on the right.

That is a good deal, yeah. I thought they were still like £300. I'd go for that card then, if you've got the cash. An X850-flashed X800 GTO2 would be a great deal if you haven't got much money to spare though. It's all down to how big your wallet is now.

I didn't even bother with the fan - I read some reviews of the motherboard before I bought it, and ordered a heatsink at the same time. The exact heatsink I got is the Zalman NB32J. It should only cost like a fiver wherever you order it from, and it's piss easy to install. You will need to take the motherboard out though. Or take both sides of the case off, that might work.

A fan on the motherboard? Is it about an inch in diameter? If that's the case, that's probably the Northbridge fan - I had one on my Abit NF7-S V2.0 motherboard, but I dumped it and put a Zalman heatsink on it. Works brilliantly and doesn't make any noise - it's a big chunk of copper, so if it makes a noise, I know I'm definitely in trouble.

You'll probably notice a massive difference coming from an X600 Pro to something better. The extra pipelines will make a massive difference. I went from an 8 pipeline cheapo standard 9800 to an X800 XT PE, and I was like "Guuuuh". There's no point in him getting a 7800 unless he's got something spiffy like an Athlon 64 X2 4000. He'll only end up with a bottleneck if the rest of his PC can't keep up. Other than these new-fangled adaptive anti-aliasing features, I don't see much in the X1800s/7800s other than "Look, my e-penis is bigger than yours". The cost of a PC which would be needed to keep up with these new graphics cards outweighs my desire to have chain link fences look a bit better in Half-Life 2.

If you want to save a bit of cash, get one of Sapphire's X800 GTO2 cards. They can be modified with a simple BIOS flash to reach X850 XT PE standards. Guide here.

What kind of processor have you got? It's probably not worth buying a top of the line card if it's going to be bottlenecked by the CPU.

That test won't work for me, but I know the spec anyway. Processor: AMD AthlonXP 3000+ (2200MHz) Memory: 1GB Corsair DDR400 Motherboard: Abit NF7-S V2.0 Video: ATI Radeon X800 XT PE (540MHz core/590MHz memory) Audio: nVidia nForce onboard audio Throw in two 80GB hard drives, two DVD-RWs, and a shitload of games, movies, music and porn, and you've got my fantastic plastic friend.

I put the theme folders in C:/Windows/Resources, then double-click the .mstheme files to load them.

He's more or less a crack addict who likes little girls.

Azumanga Daioh's alright. The paedophile teacher, Kimura, is easily the best character. Legend.

I've been using it for the past year or so and I've had no problems.

You don't need any software to do that. Run this patcher: http://themes.belchfire.net/index.php?showtopic=8767 And you can use any theme you want without having to run software in the background to do it.

Did you? I suggested an X800 XT PE for the guy at the start, and a 9800 Pro for the guy asking about his integrated graphics machine.

Something like a Radeon 9800 Pro or a GeForce 6600 GT would last you for a while.

That £175 doesn't include VAT. Either way, go for it - it's a solid card and the stock fan is nigh-on silent most of the time.

It's not that difficult. I had a Flight Lieutenant assisting me the first time at (I think) Catterick. I can't remember the guy's name right off the bat, but he had a jolly, plummy old voice and the classic waxed tip moustache. That was in the Bulldog. Second time was at RAF Leuchars, in the newer Grob Tutor. I can't remember the guy's rank or name for that time, but it was just as much fun.

Yeah, seriously. It's fucking awesome. I did loops, rolls and all kinds of stuff. The Air Cadets is great fun.

I've flown two planes before. A Grob Tutor and a Bulldog when I was in the Air Cadets. It's a lot of fun.

With an AthlonXP 3200, anything more than an X800 XT PE is overkill, as you'll be bottlenecked by the processor. Overclockers.co.uk have ASUS's X800 XT PE on their sale this week for £205. It's a fantastic card - I've got one sitting in my machine overclocked to 540mhz core and 590mhz memory, and it runs very well.

47. They have an episode where they don't have to fight each other to the death, meet Nazis, escape from an evil energy gas being or have to go through some real trials and tribble-ations.

Evidently Offerman just doesn't know how to party.

I can only remember up to Saturday night. It's been a bit of a haze. But as for Saturday night, we went to Chambers, hung around outside for like 45 minutes after it closed, then listened to an impressive litany from a mate of mine ranting about "Andrew's fat fuck girlfriend Vicky", which went on for about an hour non stop. I can remember the choice line "Her ****'s so big you could fit the Solar System in it twice, and still have room for an extra large Big Mac meal, which she eats all the time because she's a fat shit with bad breath and a face like my left testicle after it's been in a traffic accident". I went back to my place after and stayed up till about 5AM chatting and drinking with one of my flatmates. At this point, a guy knocked on the window and asked if he could come in. I assumed he was a friend of Shabs, and Shabs assumed he was a friend of mine. He came in and started shouting at some people who'd been chasing him across the car park claiming he lived in our house and they couldn't come in. So we forcibly ejected him from the building and watched the ensuing carnage from the gap in the curtains. No photos, but he did bring a glass of beer in with him which he left behind and I've now taxed.