Jack

The '87 date is for when SMB was released in Europe. Lost Levels' date is from the Japanese release, as it was never released in Europe.

L'eau d'Issey Pour Homme. You don't need anything else.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=bWVWppDPpDg

Megan Fox looks like Nadia from Big Brother. You know - the guy? WE DESERVE THE TRUTH.

Aw man, the change to vampire horror in that film is immense. I love showing the film to people who haven't seen it and not letting on about the second half of the film. Plus it's got that amazing table dance with Salma Hayek in it.

So you're happy to go and watch bad actors? That's a bit silly.

It would have been good if they'd given it to someone who knows how to direct action films where you can actually see what's going on. As it is, Michael "More fast cuts! Shake the camera more!" Bay shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a camera.

You mustn't have watched many action films then.

Yeah, the BBC are going to kill off their most successful show in years.

Why go into a blockbuster expecting great dialogue? Because blockbuster films can have great dialogue. I don't know why people think that it's OK to say "Well, it's a blockbuster" to try and cover for bad cinema. What about Star Wars? Die Hard? Jurassic Park? There's three blockbuster films off the top of my head which don't treat the audience like idiots.

I watch films to be entertained, not to have brand names flashed up on screen constantly. I wouldn't have minded if they just said "We tracked you down using the Internet", but to keep shouting "THE TRANSFORMERS FIND HIM FROM EBAY" is just tiresome. It's Transformers, for Christ's sake! I doubt there's a person alive in this generation who hasn't heard of it. It doesn't need to have advert money pumped into it. And read what I said about the effects again. I said I hated the design of the Transformers - they look like spindly Meccano kits. Horrible to look at. And I hated the humour. I don't think wanking and pissing jokes really go well with Transformers. I don't care if I'm "in a minority" on that, I'm not going to change my opinion because other people think differently. That would be stupid. He was hardly amazing. He looked like he was reading his lines off a card most of the time. I lost count of the number of times that he shouted "Nonononononono!" or "Blockemblockemblockemblockem!".

I like good films where lots of shit gets blown up, like Commando or Predator. Michael Bay doesn't do good films where lots of shit gets blown up, he does shit films where my faith in cinema gets blown up. And yeah, I was a fan, but not an amazingly hardcore one. I had a few of the toys and watched the old cartoon a lot. Nothing in this film led me to believe that Shia is a good actor. I've heard he's in Disturbia as well, so there's a good reason to avoid that.

Four questions: Yeah? And? So? What? There's so much wrong with that film, I'm amazed it was even made. Terrible childish "humour" - Ohoho! "Seamen" sounds like "semen"! And his mum thinks he was having a wank! Incredible. Endless shots of Michael Bay's American Army Porn where we have lots of pans around Jeeps, tanks and guys standing around with guns. A lead actor who can't act, and spends half the film shouting "Nonononono!". Awful graphic design - the Transformers themselves look like they're held together with kitchen cutlery and paper clips. The Citroen C4 advert had better looking Transformers than this piece of shit. Speaking of the Transformers, bit part characters got more development and screen time than most of the robots! And then there's the battle scenes where the camera's so shaky, it's apparently being held by a caffeine-bombed Parkinsons sufferer. If you're going to spend millions of dollars creating intricate CG models, have the decency to actually let us watch what's going on. Not to mention product placement that's so blatant it's offensive: IPODS! HP COMPUTERS! XBOX 360! PANASONIC! EBAY! EBAY! EBAY! EBAY! EVERY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES! It took the Hollywood product whoring crown from I, Robot within the first half hour. I've been a fan of Transformers for a while, but I don't remember the one that turns into a Mountain Dew machine. Seriously, why do people keep giving Michael Bay money? He's never made a good film in his life.

Transformers. An utter pile of shite made by an enormous retard to entertain other retards.

There's been nothing said about the Mandarin at all. The Iron Monger's the only villain in this one.