Anti social?

[Ramar]

if you wanna be social, smoke weed. Meet loads of mad people from it, and its generally a good time.

 

Thats a joke post, right?

 

What idiot on earth would turn to drugs to make friends.

[BGS]

Alcohol might loosen me up a bit. I could do with meeting a woman aswell, but where am I going to meet the kind of woman I'd get on with?

 

Hey, I'm about your age too (20) and I suffer from the exact same thing. I don't feel I have any friends at all. I speak to some people online sometimes but in real life, absolutely nothing. I find it hard to talk to people, find it hard to think of anything interesting to say and in the end don't say very much at all which makes people think I'm being anti-social. I'd love to be social.

 

A warning about alcohol though and using it to make yourself more social...

I've had this problem quite a few times before but I'll explain it as it is currently. I'm at uni now with flatmates, I wouldn't consider any of them friends at all but they'll politely invite me along out with them and I'll go. I'll hardly say a word though so I don't really get to know any of them better. This will annoy me so much when I'm out that I drink, hoping the drink will liven me up a bit.

 

After a while, there'll be no effect so I'll drink some more. and more, and more. Until the effect of the alcohol all hits me at once and I practically blank out and don't remember a thing about the night. So any conversations and such i've had with my flatmates are pointless and in the making-friends sense, worthless.

 

Do this enough and you'll feel even worse about yourself, trust me.

 

Often I get people telling me that I'm absolutely hilarious. When drunk. I ask them if it's because i'm being a drunken fool and they say no, its just the things i say are very very funny. Then you start thinking, why can I not be funny, amusing or so amazingly confident in real life when i'm sober. Is there something wrong with me? When you hear the same thing over and over again from completely different people (i love you when you're drunk, you're hilarious!) that gets you down even more.

 

So yeah, just watch you don't fall into the trap of getting too drunk because you hate that you're being so "anti-social" and remember that drink can take a while to take an effect.

 

About meeting women or just friends really - try joining some local clubs about your interests. Okay, it'll be tough to go there the first time but at least you'll have an obvious common interest to initially start a conversation.

 

You find anything else out then message me with tips! I sure could use them too.

 

EDIT: sorry about the fucking essay!

[Kurtle Squad]

I could do with meeting a woman aswell, but where am I going to meet the kind of woman I'd get on with?

 

Like rapture said; you'd be surprised. My gf was originally a mate from the net; now she means more to me than anything else. And we're not into the same stuff (appart from that we both don't like going out too much.

 

She's into real heavy music n stuff and doesn't like gaming at all (especially since I play Pokémon with her lil bro and got him into Advance Wars & Fire Emblem, even thoguh he's not that great at them (he prefers the latter I think)

[Platty]

Do you and your friends like going to music gigs?

 

I find going to gigs some of the best nights out i have... Drinking with some pals, watching a live band, lovely ladies around. It's a bit more interesting than sitting in a pub or going to a club where all the music is crap and pretending you like it along with everyone else.

 

I have quite a big pool of friends. Ive got my friends where i live and hang out with the most but ive also got a lot of work friends and we go out at lunch, after work etc...

 

Why dont you suggest going out with pals from work and make new friends that way?

 

If you just simply do not like going out then it's not a bad thing, it's personal preference and plus im guessing you save a hell of a lot more money that way

[Calza]

I havn't gone out with my friends for ages, I don't mind not going out or anything but it does get a bit annouying when you hear people saying that I just stay in my room my whole life. It's kinda not my fault as I live in a small village with nothing to do and most of my friends live in Greenock. My friends in Kilmacolm do go up to Greenock or Glasgow but I find it really hard to want to go out.

 

About the girl thing, maybe it justs depends. Theres plenty of girls in my school I like, but I pretty much know that nothings going to happen. It wouldn't be much of a problem but my friends usally hang about with those girls

[Aimless]

Personally I think the only problem you have is that you're made to feel guilty about not doing something you don't want to do.

 

First off, I'm in a very similar situation with one important difference: I'm quite happy being anti-social¹. I don't think I'm a particularly great person, but I don't fly solo for my company, I'm just quite content with getting on with things on my own, be it playing games, reading, watching DVDs, or lurking on here annoying you all.

 

I'm sure a lot of people think I'm a loser, or someone with no life, but I feel far more pitty for all the people I see that live only for the next weekend, spending their paycheque on copious amounts of alcohol or drugs; I may not be setting the world on fire, but at least I'm not stuck in a Groundhog Week, earning to drink, and drinking to forget.

 

No, I'm not really one for parties. I don't drink for a start, which can make going to pubs with friends a rather uncommon occurence — the smokiness is a real turn off for me, too. I'll still do things like going to the cinema, a restaurant, or the beach — although Uni has taken a lot of people away — and whilst it might only be once every week or fortnight, I don't think there's any problem with that.

 

Now you might be thinking what a loser I am, and you know what, that's fine; judging by the comments from people in the street, it's a fairly common opinion. Maybe I am. The important thing is that I'm happy the way things are and that, even if it's taking me a while, I'm slowly getting on with my life — although some might contest its existence.

 

Now, you don't sound happy — why would you make this thread otherwise? If the only reason for this is that you're worried you're not 'normal', then... don't. If you're happy living as you are then more power to you, and if anyone tells you how to live then I don't see how they can contest your happiness. If, on the other hand, you -aren't- happy with your life, and the problem is deeper than just people criticising you, you need to sort things out. If that's the case then listen to the other suggestions in this thread as (bar Fatrox's post, in my opinion) they all offer plausible ways of becoming more sociable — I can't really give you advice from experience.

 

Oh, and the girlfriend thing: don't look or you'll miss it. You can find love² in the most unlikely of places — and I think I'm living proof of that — and personally I don't think you should try to force the issue. You won't see it coming, but it will.

 

(Sorry about the length. I guess 'Don't worry, be happy' would have made a good synopsis...)

 

 

¹Technically I'd say I'm more non-social, as whilst I don't actively seek to go out I don't mind going places with friends; kind of an agnostic instead of an atheist, if you will.

 

²I've gone off on one about 'accessory' partners, so I'll spare you this time.

[Stocka]

I personally kind of dislike the english culture of just going out drinking with friends. I prefer things like going out for a meal in a restaurant, e.g. chinese/indian with friends, or going to Arsenal. I still go to parties sometimes, but I don't seem to enjoy them as much as everybody else, as I just don't see the big deal. Whether you enjoy parties or not usually depends on whether you like the music though.

[Iun]

Well, it's a toughie. Some people will say just get on with what you like to do as it is, and that is fine. But do try to open your mind to new experiences.

 

For example, I am p*ss-scared of heights and flying. However, over the last week, I have been in a plane and I am seriously considering going skydiving. I may only do it once in my life, but I'm not going to deny myself the opportunity to experience it because it scares the shit out of me.

 

All the same, life is not a rehearsal, so don't get yourself too badsly caught up in doing things that you don't enjoy just to please other people.

[DanielTimothy]

Yeah, I agree with not doing anything your uncomfortable with. But, everyone needs some type of social development. I can't imagine not being able to stick up for myself considering all the dick heads there are out there or not being able to talk to a pretty woman. Bite the bullet, go out and do something to help rid you of that feeling. So you can actually say what you prefer, being hermit or going out trying to make friends (or any middle ground).

[That Guy]

I think that at the end of the day, it is simply a case of me not wanting to do something. I'll stick up for myself if someone comes to have a go at me, and I can talk to girls (thinking about it, theres a gorgeous girl at work who came down to the office the other day, and I wasn't nervous talking to her, but at the same time I didn't want to ask her out). I also had a chat with the hairdresser yesterday.

 

Perhaps I'm confusing shyness with simply having no desire to actually do something. I actually think if there was a girl I liked now I would approach her (although I still couldn't infront of people...).

 

Thanks for the advice, decided I'm going to go for lunch with a friend tomorrow, and probably wont go to Birmingham at the weekend.

[weeyellowbloke]

Hmmm, I find myself in the same situations sometimes, however if I don't go out and meet people for a few days I begin to get bored, lonely and a bit depressed. Problem is that I find I can't talk to people without being directly introduced or them talking to me first, for some reason I feel like I'm imposing myself if I do. It's an odd paranoia. Can't even do it with people I know sometimes.

 

Anyway, if you're satisfied with the situation then what's the problem. Don't feel guilty for something you're not bothered about. However, I wouldn't knock back invitations out places either, you ever know what might happen or who you'll meet.

[Dan_Dare]

The way I see it is that so long as you're genuinely happy, there's no drastic need for change.

 

However

 

Solitude is not, by and large, an ideal pastime. Before you know it all you'll have is work, dvds and sleep. You might find yourself feeling incredibly lonely one day with no stories to tell.

If I were you, I would try to find something to do with people. It might be awkward and uncomfortable at first but at the end of the day you'll probably be able to look back to how you are now and find yourself being a lot happier and relaxed than you are.

[That Guy]

I plan on putting it back until my other friend can go, that way I wont feel like I don't fit in, if you get me.

[DCK]

I've the same feeling from time to time when I wasted a few days and never saw my friends except on MSN. Just go see one helps a lot really. It's not really the feeling of loneliness but you just feel useless.

 

Also:

I was going to Birmingham for a drink this week but my friend has to work, so I was going to go with one other friend, and he decided he'd invite all his mates, and now I really don't want to go since they'll be loud and I wont fit in.

That's what you shouldn't do. Friends of your friend can't be that bad now can they? You don't know if you don't try. I socialise with my friend's mates all the time.

[That Guy]

I've the same feeling from time to time when I wasted a few days and never saw my friends except on MSN. Just go see one helps a lot really. It's not really the feeling of loneliness but you just feel useless.

 

Also:

That's what you shouldn't do. Friends of your friend can't be that bad now can they? You don't know if you don't try. I socialise with my friend's mates all the time.

 

This friend is totally different to when i knew him at school. I didn't see him for like a year and when I saw him he was one of the loudest people I've met, and he used to be the quietest.

 

So I wasn't too into going out with just him anyway, let alone with him and all his loud mates.

[Sarka]

Well I somehow have quite a lot of friends, well maybe not as many as a lot of people, but I think I'm doing pretty damn good.

 

Every Saturday everyone goes to town and there's a big group of pretty hyper, loud people. Me and two girls go and talk and kind of relax alone. We all prefer not being in big loud groups. I would far rather have a relaxing chat with a friend or two than go to a party.

 

I'm sure it's perfectly normal, well - I hope. However, a lot of the time I go to gigs, many many gigs with lots and lots of people - though everyone stands in a big clump at the front while me and a few others dance a little weirdly at the back. I don't like being in a group.

[Iun]

CLubbing is not for me -too noisy, no conversation and too many aggressive drunks. How are you going to meet new people and learn about them in a place where you can barely see or hear them?

[Action]

CLubbing is not for me -too noisy, no conversation and too many aggressive drunks. How are you going to meet new people and learn about them in a place where you can barely see or hear them?

 

night clubs arnt for social gatherings its for cheap drink pulling women and having a laugh.

[AshMat]

I ahven't been out or seen my mates in 2 days. Woo!

[Goron_3]

I remember when I was in year 7,8,9. I had like 1 friend (no joke), and everything really sucked. But I was just myself and loosened up a little, and now (without trying to sounds really arrogant) I'm friends with atleast half of them. Just go out with em, maybe to see a film or something. Just be yourself and everything will be good. Seriously .

[somme]

If you feel alone, you are.