jayseven Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 FULL STOP. I hate being with people and wanting to say stuff but not saying stuff because I'm afraid that the stuff I'm about to say isn't interesting and heard of. I delete entire messages. I write hundreds of words then trumpet-call for the long black line that flashes every heartbeat to erase all that I've not said, to ensure nobody will ever read it. But in real life it's impossible. There is no vanguard. There is just failure. In real life, there is no erase. I think that's why I don't TRY. I can pretend everything is a draft copy. But regardless of perfection. I succeed in happiness. I will not leave a mark on this planet - even if I do, the mark is erronerous to the universe. At what scale are my 'achievements' worth remembering? THREAD POINT. Recap; we live for 100 years, in a good span of calculus. We have certain abilities genetically framed onto us; learn, speak, breed. While my main goal is essentially to produce a child that can grow into a better, smarter version of me, I hold no truly mesmerising (or, indeed, possible) worthiness for existense in the first place. I spend my time well-wishing and allowing others to stamp their mark of life on my blue-collared existence. But I have dreams. I wish to furnish my own house. I want to have a tree and maybe a bench dedicated to my rotting corpse. I'd like to have a large enough DVD collection where I could arrange it both generically and alphabetically. I want to have a blue plaque placed on every home I've been in. But how? I'm not a notararyarayaysyary anything. I'm known for having a beard and drinking lots. I want to be known for my wisdom and my serenity. So after this stupid essay... What are you known for? What would you say is your reputation, or your characteristics? How different are these to your actual being? (sorry for long thread. I have words I need to let out.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diageo Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Well some people think I'm a happy, bubbly, sunny guy, considered even the younger brother of the group. Other's think I'm a blunt, cold, robotic mass. But I'm sure other people would come up with different things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razz Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Well some people think I'm a happy, bubbly, sunny guy, considered even the younger brother of the group. Other's think I'm a blunt, cold, robotic mass. But I'm sure other people would come up with different things. I've always seen you as a girl in my head. No offence, I just do that with some people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurtle Squad Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I have no idea how people view me, other than knowing people on here realise I can rage. I've always seen you as a girl in my head. No offence, I just do that with some people. It's probably the Samus avatar... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diageo Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I've always seen you as a girl in my head. No offence, I just do that with some people. Haha. A mild suspicion that you're just trying to mirror the event where I did that to Paj creeps up. But I don't care. Strange that you decided to tell me this now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razz Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Well to be fair I used to think Paj was too waaaaay back. Well I knew he wasn't, I just pictured it. And I mentioned it because you referred to yourself as a little brother. I rarely post so you're right it's random but I was taking a leaf out of J's book and saying what I was thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paj! Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 It terrifies me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bard Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 (edited) This is uncanny. Also why in real life I'm very reticent until intoxicated. Or if I know you well, in which case I pretty much won't stop talking at you. I don't know what I'm known for, because the only people I've ever asked are people who are close to me, who will obviously and undoubtedly have a bias and interest in keeping me happy, as the only other state of mind I have been known to possess is that of rage. I guess, out of my friends I'm known/ falsely percieved as being the "smart" one, with a borderline unrelatable/ annoyingly contrarian sense of esotericism. As far as self perception goes; I overburden myself with ambitions that I have not the time nor the talent to fulfil. Everything I've done in my life has been on the back of an unwavering sense of want, that has, for the last year or so, been quickly dimishing. I'm not depressed; I'm just bored, with everything, and the only thing that's propelling me is a sense of duty to the weight of expectation that I owe to other's perception of my capabilities. In all honesty though, its only because I've isolated myself from the people I care about, moved back home, don't have (and don't want) a job, and just finised a degree that has taught me more than anything else, how wrong I often am, and to dwell on this point as much as possible. I feel, at 22 years of age, old. Old to the point that since no talent I may possess has crystallised into something I can use as a cudgel to keep my own sense of disappointment at bay, it will always remain this way. Which is not true, but fuck, when you're trapped alone in a house for two weeks, you tend to be possessed by morbid thoughts. Inevitably, I guess I'm known for things that I don't wish to be known for. Actually, I just wish to be known, not with flattery or reverence, just as an acceptable, normal dude who bears no real grudges. Despite all this, I have quite a positive disposition. I know I'll be fine; I've just got end of an era syndrome. I don't want to leave uni. So much so that I'm considering moving to San Francisco and doing another undergrad. ...where's the fucking valium. Edited June 19, 2011 by The Bard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grazza Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Er, well strangers call me "Tall Man" for obvious reasons (even though I'm 6'2", which I would call "tall", but nothing notable). Amongst friends, I'm known as "Muscles" or "The Tank", again, for obvious reasons, but I'm not exactly Schwarzenegger. So, that's good, but in terms of legacy... I love trees. If only I could plant an acorn that would grow into a giant Oak, I feel that would be fitting. The other thing I'd like to do is plant a Fir tree forest, I'm talking 200ft trees here. The one thing I'd like to achieve one day is to get out all the stories in my head. I've mentioned it before, but I have a character who is sort of an alter-ego to me. Actually, he's not even that, I just like him. When I was a teenager, I invented a handful of stories for him - I'd like to redraw the first one (they're comics) and complete at least the 3rd (which I've started a few times and is almost fully-formed as a script). I've mentioned before I have a few psychological barriers that have stopped me doing it so far (which I won't derail the thread with), but I'd like to do it some day, as it keeps coming back to me as something I should do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razz Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 It terrifies me. If I only could, I'd make a deal with God and get him to swap your perceived gender. Don't give up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wesley Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 It terrifies me. That's generally how I feel. I hate even having a trace. I can't have Facebook for a similar reason. Or Tweet. Especially because they involve "real" friends. But it's horrible. I don't even know what the point of this post is now I've become so fucking depressed. I hate it all. I miss so many people but fucking hate having anyone at the same time. "Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." Thanks JayToTheSeven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diageo Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I don't understand, why is everyone so terrified and depressed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beast Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 (edited) I'm normally known as either "The One Who Makes You Laugh" or "The One With The Smile". Basically I can make people laugh and apparently, I have a gorgeous smile and I never stop smiling. I've even had random compliments off the street and in work and school and college saying I have a beautiful smile, which is an odd thing sometimes. People also tell me I'm such a great friend and I'm a laugh to be with and whatnot. Also, I'm known for my strength and my height. I'm 6 foot 2 and my nickname used to be Muscles as a baby because I was strong and had little muscles. I suppose it'd be a great thing to be remembered as and I'm happy people do think I'm these things that are optimistic. I'd like to be remembered by doing something fantastic or being written in a book or something. I would love to try and break a Guinness World Record for the amount of hours on DDR (the only achieveable thing in the books I could beat). I'd like to achieve to get my books published. I've written about 3 or 4 and some short stories, though I don't think I'm such a good writer. Also, I'd like to be a famous movie reviewer, not for the fame but just to see something written in a newspaper or magazine and I can say "Hundreds have read this magazine and have read it". Edited June 19, 2011 by Animal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paj! Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 If I only could, I'd make a deal with God and get him to swap your perceived gender. Don't give up. I was actually referring to the original post but it's a hairflip, it's whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daft Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 This is uncanny. [...] ...where's the fucking valium. You are the Pokémon Red to my Pokémon Blue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paj! Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Don't forget Pokemon Green. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diageo Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 So what exactly are you terrified about Paj? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paj! Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I can't be bothered as I've gone into it on the x amount of these kinds of threads we've had since I joined. Death/lack of existing. You strike me as the type who would think 'We don't know we're dead, it doesn't matter.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chairdriver Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Don't forget Pokemon Green. One of my favourite images ever. I love how his facial expression could be from an early 00s pop single cover, like Britney Spears trying to be sexy / Victoria Beckham trying to pull of future:scifichic, vacant stare. Yes. Yessaid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dwarf Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I can't be bothered as I've gone into it on the x amount of these kinds of threads we've had since I joined. Death/lack of existing. You strike me as the type who would think 'We don't know we're dead, it doesn't matter.' Strike him as an idiot? P.S. relevant blog post I made a while back about this topic: http://matthew-serendipity.tumblr.com/post/3475415595/potential-and-our-doomed-desire-to-be-the-best-in-the P.S.2. (lul) Bard, you're good. The future has a place for you somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diageo Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I can't be bothered as I've gone into it on the x amount of these kinds of threads we've had since I joined. Death/lack of existing. You strike me as the type who would think 'We don't know we're dead, it doesn't matter.' I didn't think that that was really what he was referring to, while he can feel free to correct me. I thought it was more about, being known, being remembered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nolan Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I'm generally viewed as an emotionless robot. By actual friends and co-workers alike. I view myself as a pessimist though. Nothing I do will amount to anything, everything we all know will cease to be someday and no one will care. Plus, some point shortly here the God Emperor of Mankind should be showing up at some point to lead humanity into the golden age of the 31st Millennium...which is followed by the Grim Dark of the 40th... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diageo Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Strike him as an idiot? What are you trying to say here? Because if you were trying to insult me, surely "Strikes you as an idiot" would have been the way to go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramar Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I delete entire messages. I write hundreds of words then trumpet-call for the long black line that flashes every heartbeat to erase all that I've not said, to ensure nobody will ever read it. I do that all the time, I feel like I need to get involved more in the N-E Community having been here since C-E and yet people still don't know who I am. So in my quest I try and post more, but I delete most of them because it's a bit ridiculous/pointless/sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) I see your Shakespearian side is oozing once again, Jay. Je t'adore - Ne changeras...jamais. I like the idea of 'what people think of me is none of my business' but I'm much too self-involved to actually apply that thought. I'd say some think of me as quite a talented guy. Can I be big-headed for a change? Unafraid to be great? I'm known as the guy who loves art(in practise&the history). I'm apparently known for my art skills. Known for playing the piano. Known for intelligence. Many seem to think I'm quite intelligent and cultured. I've also had a few mesmerised (probably too strong a word) by my physical appearance. Of course, I don't see most of this - particularly looks-wise. Average at best I assume. Oh! Also the guy who's a little odd due to my preference in the arts. Love most 'old' music+film. I'm talkin Edith Piaf and Hitchcock. The HARDCORE stuff. Thanks what I think, anyway. Probably viewed as Dickinson nouveau. (reading over my comment. Ugh, what a dick. I hate myself) Edited June 20, 2011 by Frank Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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