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  • 2 weeks later...
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Posted

President Bush tried and failed.

President Clinton tried and failed.

President Obama tried and succeeded.

 

The moral of this is...

If you want someone dead, hire a black man.

 

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Apparently, Bin Laden had a 25 million dollar price tag on his head.

 

What kind of ridiculous, designer turban was he wearing?

 

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I don't think I could ever fist someone.

 

I'm pretty sure my hand would instinctively grope around for a Pringle while it was in there.

 

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My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

 

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Also it would have been funnier without the completely unnecessary expletive.

 

Expletives are always necessary.

 

Makes me sound like a big man.

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

A new device has been invented to reduce the noise made inside your car by 95%...

 

...It fits right over her mouth.

 

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Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that, even though he's happy in Manchester, he does Miss Wales occasionally.

 

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I was stuck on a question in my Maths GCSE exam, so I asked the guy in front of me.

 

"Oi, mate, tell me the answer to question three and I'll let you have a go on my older sister."

 

He said, "Fuck off, I don't fancy your older sister."

 

I said, "Alright, my younger sister."

 

"Pi r squared, now give me her number."

 

Teachers are so easily bribed.

  • 5 weeks later...
Posted

Arnold Schawarzenegger woke up on Easter morning and turned to Maria and said

 

"Easter is fucking great. Where are my Easter eggs baby?"

"Shit, I totally forgot to buy them. I'm afraid there aren't any this year"

"It's ok, I still love easter, baby"


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