Random, abstract and often non-sequential thoughts and musings about various issues

[dan-likes-trees]

Thread's getting deep innit!

 

 

I want to do something meaningful in this world, but I think the most meaningful thing I could possibly do is adopt a child someday. Unless I find a cure for AIDS or cancer... but since I'm not a doctor that won't happen.

 

This, I feel it too.

I think what I'm most scared about in life is not leaving any sort of a mark, of just coming and going, but with 6 billion others, the prospect of not making much of a mark at all seems painfully inevitable. I think I'm going to try writing a book one day, maybe a teenage fiction thing (cause I remember there being a dry spell of not finding anything to read for ages when I was like 13) but I'm still not sure if it'll satisfy.

 

If anyone's read Girlfriend in a Coma by Douglas Coupland, the first 100 pages totally summarize the kind of depressive nothingness of life.Must read happier books.

 

And like Paj says, I have a load of friends up here at uni but none that I completely click with, noone that I could really share things with.. Always on guard. One of my friends back home I could but now she's 300 miles away, too far.

You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan

And the next five years trying to be with your friends again

And all that

[chairdriver]

noone that I could really share things with.. Always on guard.

 

Silence is so easy.

[jayseven]

Sorry but this whole "I only feel comfortable around certain people" this is nothing new and very widespread and typical. We are all diamonds! We have facets that we only unveil to certain people, and very few have tasted the whole gem. Even the people whom you feel know you best only see (a majority) part of who you are, with your defensive side mostly locked away.

 

THAT'S LIFE. Again, chair and paj, you both strike me as observant yet young individuals. Personally I grow tired of my own self-pity, of my own ill-worth, because I've realised that I am, and have been, illusioned by my own age. What I think/thought and how I feel/felt are partly to do with how old I am/was, and the general coming-to-terms-with-being-alive-for-a-longer-time thing.

 

Paj; your current struggle of identity is to be expected at your moment in life. You have friends who have moved on, who appear to be doing fantastically with their lives, yet in comparison you've not released the ballasts yourself yet, and you worry if you'll be capable of similar feats. While we have to remember the complexities of separate egos, we can never succeed un fully understanding how someone else feels and as such we can feel alienated in our own position. While it can be true, because, simply, nobody else could possibly be (or have) felt exactly how you feel -- but your position is not entirely novel. It comprises a smorgasboard of emotions/feelings/thoughts/'beings' that others have encountered, and in that you should find solace.

 

You are not facing an existential crisis in its entirity. You are not alone in the world faced with walking and talking meat-sacks who occupy your day-to-day traipsing through time. You are feeling *shock* teenage angst :P

 

While the words to describe are immeasurable in comparison to how it feels, they are still vaguely true. People mature at different paces, and you can often feel left behind/isolated ahead of the crowd. The problem with being too closely knit with art in all its mediums (literatrue? intentional? Hilarious if not.) is that you get carried away on the wave of romance, sentiment and fate. Art too often forces the notion that a single moment is an intense, orgasmic eruption of not only information, but meaningful information. Reality dictates that each moment carries the same weight as any other (to the universe), but the power comes from individual interpretation. While art struggles to imitate life in that measure, real life does not have an artist, does not have an intended meaning that you can weigh your own analysis against, and it is this, I think, that is crucial to accept.

 

You talk of feeling 'wrong', of a growing urge to 'change'. These justify what I've said. Discovering a new thing that still draws the cooing from you is what life is really about - discovery, invention, creativity, but all against the canvas of understanding, co-relationships, etc. The key here is to know where to stand when judging your current self. Don't judge your current position as a life quarter/fifth done. Consider that you've only been properly conscious/aware/alive/you since the start of your teens. Consider how rapidly you changed between 10 and whateverageyouarenow. Consider just how old people can be. Consider how much culture and society have evolved in under two decades. Fuck it - consider how far cinema/music/etc have moved on! Where will they/you be in a decade?

 

We don't listen to our elders enough. We get bored of them talking because they know... they remember when they were our age, and they recognise in us how they responded when an elder tried to tell a story.

 

While we can feel utterly alone/isolated/etc, the most exciting way of coping is to sit back, go with the flow, and see what happens.

 

P.S. I don't like this lieutenant business. By sheer dedication I was promoted to a general years ago and now I sit in my country estate, sipping whiskey, smoking cigars and twirling my moustaches, retired and proud of my uniform that is more medals-of-honour than fabric.

 

If I make no sense then fuck off. I make no apologies for my empathy.

 

EDIT: the whole 'I don't have a best friend'... well again I think it's largely the media that tells us people like Joey and Chandler actually exist. Because they don't. Even fully grown adults will have different 'best' friends every 6 months.

[chairdriver]

It's easy to say "everyone goes through the same thing", but alot of people don't. Some people just go through life doing exactly what they're expected to do, accepting how life is led by the majority as the best way to live life. Some people have never had, or perhaps more accurately, have never acted upon, a political thought in their lives.

 

I've come to recognise political involvement on some level is so essential. I've always associated politics with shite bills about hospital budgeting, and boring old men sitting in the House Of Lords, but having gone to Queer Studies (seriously the most ground-shaking thing I've ever done) and radical discussion circles, I'm so held under by politics.

 

Yes, it may be teen angst and probably reads alot like it (I'm aware the way I am read and the way I actually am in person is massively different), but it's not the "I'm going to wear black and listen to emo music" teen angst which is commonly associated with the term. It's more that I'm so tired of having to deal with shite people.

 

P.S. I don't like this lieutenant business.

 

She's turning in her undug grave.

 

 

By sheer dedication I was promoted to a general years ago.

 

You assume far too much; namely that there is the rank of general.

 

 

EDIT: the whole 'I don't have a best friend'... well again I think it's largely the media that tells us people like Joey and Chandler actually exist. Because they don't. Even fully grown adults will have different 'best' friends every 6 months.

 

I'd say that PMA is my best friend, in that I communicate with him every day, where I haven't spoken to anyone else from school (even if I did actually like them) at all.

 

Like, when I was crying at Courtney Love's feet, he was the first one I called.

[Supergrunch]

Lol, I think I'm the only person who read Chair's initial post and thought of algebraic rings rather than anal sex.

 

I think a lot of the problems people have with self identity revolve around the fact that it's a fluid construct, especially when you're "developing" and all that. It's entirely normal to act very differently around different people, and though when overdone this makes you false, it's usually just a necessary personality shaping that goes on to aid communication. You shouldn't worry that you're not showing people your true self as that doesn't really exist, given people are just shifting bundles of thoughts. Similarly, there's not really any way any individual person can totally know you - even the people I'm closest to aren't aware of parts of me as it doesn't make sense for them to emerge, and that's completely normal - it would be far weirder for people to know you totally.

 

As for doing something with your life, note that just by existing you've already done a hell of a lot. And while it may seem that some people stand out for their achievements while others are largely insignificant, note that this is partly a comparative thing - what's more important is doing something that you yourself consider to be worthwhile. And we've all got an awful lot of time for this.

What happens if you get animals drunk? do they become hilarious or do they just keel over and die?

The Stoic Philosopher Chrysippus of Soli died of laughter after feeding wine to his donkey and watching it try to eat figs.

[jayseven]

Chair; my post was mostly aimed at paj. I never meant that everyone goes through the same precise, more that we're a cocophany of songs already sung, albeit blendered and poured into different vases/cups/shoes. I think (hope) he'll get more from my post than you. Unlike most of the forum, I do see you two as very distinct individuals.

 

I do agree that it, at least, seems that most people and their common sense are able to plod through the field of poppied ambition as if they're just acting out a preset path, but it's clear that none of us actually give a shit about these people, nor do we consider them much more than proles.

 

As for politics, your new aesthetic - politics, in my opinion, is too eager to please everyone, and lacks the brute honesty that is actually needed for successful relationships.

 

Quit associating the common with my terms. You're better than that! Bookmark this thread and read it again in 5 years time and lol at the apt, cry at the propos, shiver at the flux, etc.

 

As for the general rank etc; I was refering to the existence of other people before you turned up, and egotistical (sic) notions that largely relate to the me that has grown and existed in the 7+ years I've bared my soul on this forum, and its previous incarnations. If you wish to grade me based upon the me you know, then it's like listening to Tori Amos's latest album and comparing her in her entirity against bjork's discography. It wouldn't work. While some wines mature with age, most whines become more covert and indirect. But I am stunned by the IT'S CHARCOAL megaton, and other such Old Skool memes.

 

I like this thread.

[Paj!]

Really long post that I deleted in the end.

 

Thanks for the input Jay/Grunch/People. Lots of correct points and ways of looking at things. More to it that what I posted (by a large amount), it's not just "angst", but..yeah. Doesn't really matter if you believe that, or, in 5 years myself looking back does or not. But yeah, several points raised that I agree with.

 

RE: the thing about art. I know what you're saying. I've had this as my mantra for a good while;

 

Never get so attached to a poem that you forget truth that lacks lyricism.

[chairdriver]

I've had this as my mantra for a good while;

 

I agree and nod like the character God.

[chairdriver]

Everything makes so much sense now.

 

 

I found out tonight that the reason my friends Jenn and Calum fell out last year was not because of Natalie (Calum's ex, and Jenn's best friend), but because Jenn spoke to him about how it was either unfair that he was leading me on, or on the other hand, unfair that he didn't just admit he's bisexual.

 

Obviously he got really angry at her for this, because it trod on the toes of the underlying issue; from everyone else's perspective he was inexplicably attached to me - I'm 5 years younger than him - and I think alot of people thought: "Calum and John spend alot of time together; John's gay - they must be fucking."

 

I felt something I think is love at the time.

 

One of my favourite memories is me and him sitting on his roof, eating Tesco's own Cornflakes out the same bowl with a limited amount of milk, and being really cold, and he gave me his jumper to wear.

 

And this:

where he piggybacked me down to the street because I couldn't find my shoes.

 

There was reciprocation to some extent. Why else did he keep inviting me round for dinner and for walks up hills and stuff? Either he did genuinely feel something for me, whether it be a romantic love or a brotherly love or a platonic love or whatever, or he was leading me on. I think Jenn was somewhat justified in asking him - but I shake at the ramifications it had.

 

He got really upset at Jenn, broke up with Natalie, and our friendship group was torn apart. It was literally like the loss of my innocence, because I was having to side with both Jenn & Natalie and Calum, and I was telling lies left right and centre to try to stitch everyone back together. And I must have seemed like such a retard for not realising what was actually going on.

 

The whole affair just feels wrong now. I saw him over the Christmas holidays, and it was just really awkward - having been at uni it felt like I had a whole other new life I couldn't really discuss very well. And it was obvious we'd both reflected upon our relationship during the 9 weeks I was away, and both come to the conclusion it didn't work.

 

Basically, I'm debating whether to meet up with him or not this holiday. We got on so well when we got on, but now it feels like I've lost innocence and lost the ability to say funny/interesting/worthwhile things to him, and he's reluctant to let other people see our friendship, so he's building a barrier of indifference. Or he just doesn't like me anymore.

 

I just want to go back to when I loved spending time with him.

 

 

Fuck the whole idea that its wrong to have a relationship with someone of the same sex. The root of so many problems in my life.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

So he had a problem standing by his own bisexuality and could not/dared not accept that me might have some sort of feelings for you? And when confronted with it, he broke off his connections with your friend group? Darn, sounds like a tight not. It sounds like you really got on well, so it seems the only problem was that he was living a lie because he was afraid of the truth. Do you think it was because of fear of judgement from other people that he couldn't admit to being bisexual?

[Paj!]

Hmm.

 

Have you spoken to him since this term/this year started? You could try and see him in an easy context. Amongst others or something, so it's less "...".

 

Although it's good you finally "know" in some way. Cause that whole thing went on way too long.

 

It always seemed like he felt Paddy and I were intruding. Except that one time at the festival where he was jovial to any and all. But I'm over it in the new context everything has been placed in. (Plus we were technically just randoms to him anyway)

[Sheikah]

Why would you want to adopt a baby instead of having your own? Babies are all about passing on your genetics

Says who? Not too long ago, people didn't even know what genetics was. So I guess there was no purpose to having a child?

 

The child might also not be as emotionally attached to you and leave you in search of their real parents once they've grown up. It's incredibly expensive to raise a child (£186,000!) and I'd rather invest that money into my own child's future, by buying a house or something so that they could have a comfortable life and a family of their own.

Now, you are making the assumption that an adopted baby/young child would behave or love you any different than your own biological child. The only definite difference is the genetic relation.

 

Also, take this into consideration. In an already overpopulated world there are millions of (potentially orphaned) children currently suffering from famine, drought and disease. Perhaps one of the most noble and kind things you could do is adopt one rather than bring another into the world; you aren't contributing to overpopulation and you are saving a child from a terrible life.

Edited March 19, 2010 by Sheikah

[Coolness Bears]

Adopting is awesome.

 

I'm 100% for Adoption. Especially people form Paraguay as they make the most cute and hilarious children.

 

Especially if the parents really want a child but are unable to conceive. It can also help to give the child a better chance in life!

 

______

 

 

I'd forgot I'd made that post. Damn Alcoholic Apes!

 

It's seriously cute/amusing/Spicy.

 

 

 

The Stoic Philosopher Chrysippus of Soli died of laughter after feeding wine to his donkey and watching it try to eat figs.

 

That is extremely lulzful!

 

This is how I will die!

[Shorty]

We are all diamonds! We have facets that we only unveil to certain people, and very few have tasted the whole gem.

What sort of metaphor is this? Who licks diamonds?

[EEVILMURRAY]

I couldn't find my shoes.

Everything makes so much sense now.

I would disagree.

 

 

Did you find them?

[Eenuh]

A whole lot of text saying adoption is wrong and orphaned babies should die.

 

Wow I'm sorry, but you sound really close-minded here.

 

Do you really think all men care about is transferring their genes? So in your opinion no man would ever want to raise a child that isn't theirs, even if they already have children of their own? You think they can't care about other children? What about couples who can't even have children of their own? You saying they can't adopt a child either?

 

And why would adoption be wrong? You're helping a child get a decent future. By saying you think adoption should be stopped, you're basically also saying foster families (who help raise children in your own country who live in families with certain problems) shouldn't exist and those children should just stay to rot/get abused/get neglected etc.

 

And saying starving children should just die... wow. So basically you're saying "let nature take care of it" right? What about people who are ill then? Should we just let them die too because it's nature taking care of it? Survival of the fittest?

 

I'm sorry but your "arguments" just sound really extreme and I honestly don't get how you can think in such an insensitive way.

[jayseven]

What sort of metaphor is this? Who licks diamonds?

You can tell if a diamond/gemstone is real by licking it. Trufax, but not intended reference.

 

Leave me alone.

[Sheikah]

What sort of metaphor is this? Who licks diamonds?

 

Uww-uwwwwwwwerrr / (that noise they make).

[ReZourceman]

You can tell if a diamond/gemstone is real by licking it.

 

No dude, you're thinking about vaginas.

[Jon]

I have had the feeling in recent months of just abandoning everything I know and moving accross the world. Probably just a frustrated tourist but I find that this country is increasingly pissing me off.

[Pancake]

I have had the feeling in recent months of just abandoning everything I know and moving accross the world. Probably just a frustrated tourist but I find that this country is increasingly pissing me off.

 

I've been feeling that too, but more moderately. I've just felt like wanting to move to a different town and start again. But then i realise it probably wouldn't solve anything ultimately, and the new town would end up feeling as stale as this town does to me now.

[Ashley]

I move every at least once a year (although, in fact, when I leave this house I would have been here for 1 year and 4 months, which will be the longest I've been in one place since 2006). I also tend to shift friends quite a bit because I'm a cunt I change, in ways, quite often and outgrow/disconnect from other friends.

 

If you wanna change everything, do it. Or don't. :p

 

I just plan to be a rollin' stone. Wherever I lay my hat is my home. And when I'm gone all I'll leave 'em is alo-oh-oh-ooooone.

[Pyxis]

Wow I'm sorry, but you sound really close-minded here.

 

Do you really think all men care about is transferring their genes? So in your opinion no man would ever want to raise a child that isn't theirs, even if they already have children of their own? You think they can't care about other children? What about couples who can't even have children of their own? You saying they can't adopt a child either?

 

I'm sorry but your "arguments" just sound really extreme and I honestly don't get how you can think in such an insensitive way.

 

Never get so attached to a poem that you forget truth that lacks lyricism.

 

You call me close minded, but the reason why men are attracted to women is to pass on their genetics. If I was wrong, you wouldn't exist or be talking about husbands. Do you think I am close minded to think that? What are a male and female doing together if its not driven by the instinct to reproduce? Can you explain it other than with a 'feeling'? As a specie, we just go along with what we are all programmed to do and think, no matter whether we are conscious of it or not. Love is not some spiritual entity, its how we have evolved to survive. We live with it and we ignore it...we're even oblivious to why we behave and think the way we do. We find 'comfort' in love, which brings 'satisfaction'. There's no biological need for us to be aware of how robotic we really are, so its irrelevant and counter productive for our brains to acknowledge it. We live our lives in blissful ignorance, pausing every now and again in a state of confusion, which vanishes from existence the next day.

 

I think the gratification brought from fostering a child and the reward gained by mothering it is just a matter of fooling our bodies by making it believe that we are achieving our tasks in life when we aren't. I'd liken it to believing that fictional films are actually real when watching them...you get all those emotions from those films like excitement, sadness, anger n etc when it is all fake.

 

Yes, I think what we do always comes down to how we are programmed. We get good feelings and bad feelings from different things and then base our behaviour on it. I think the way humans live just makes our lives very cloudy. I'd even say that I don't think what I am saying I think because its impossible for me to not be human. I do not think like this, but I have paused for a moment, had a think and now I will go on living my life like the rest of us. Right now, I will get some personal gratification from watching a comedy perhaps. Time for Adam and Jo!!

[Sheikah]

You call me close minded, but the reason why men are attracted to women is to pass on their genetics. If I was wrong, you wouldn't exist or be talking about husbands. Do you think I am close minded to think that? What are a male and female doing together if its not driven by the instinct to reproduce?

It doesn't matter what the reason is for why we're drawn together, we are not purely instinctual beings like you suggest. We live in brick houses and visit supermarkets for food. Thus, your reason for denouncing adoption is ridiculous. Men and women are drawn to each other to have sex since this allows the human race to continue. But that's just an attraction that we are free to use in any way we want - e.g. seeing to yourself, or using protection.

 

In fact, that's a great example. If it's all about genetics, and passing on genetic material is the most important thing, then how is it men have no problem wearing condoms? It's simple. We enjoy the pleasurable feeling provided by sex, which primarily exists to cause us to reproduce, but we are by no means forced to pass on our genetics. Your whole 'it's right because it's natural' argument is balls since there are many who go against this (gays for instance).

[chairdriver]

You call me close minded, but the reason why men are attracted to women is to pass on their genetics.

 

That's such a facile way of thinking about it - it ignores all complexities of the emotional love.

 

I'd liken it to believing that fictional films are actually real when watching them...you get all those emotions from those films like excitement, sadness, anger n etc when it is all fake.

 

You make it sound as though there is nothing to be gained from indulging in fiction - which is very wrong.

 

Your whole 'it's right because it's natural' argument is balls since there are many who go against this (gays for instance).

 

What I was going to say