Rejection...

[S.C.G]

Today at work I had my first 'proper' taste of rejection so I figured I'd share my experience and then open this thread up for anyone else wishing to share their own stories and advice regarding the topic, so here goes...

 

 

I decided to ask a girl out as I'd been interested in her for a good 'while' - read as 'a few months' >> - and she was interested in me too, or so I thought, anyway the conversation went a 'lil something like this...

 

(she had just finished her break and was about to head back to her dept - I work in the staff room where everyone takes their breaks - anyway...)

 

*gets attention of girl*

 

Me : 'I won't be here on Monday as I'm on Holiday'

Girl : 'Oh ok, I hope you enjoy your time off'

Me : 'Thanks, I haven't really planned anything though, but I was thinking, would you like to do something?'

Girl : 'I'm busy on Monday...'

Me: 'Oh ok, any day would be fine though...'

Girl : 'I still can't, I'm busy atm'

Me : 'Ah s'ok, no worries'

 

**Rejected**

 

I felt really bad afterward as well :/ not so much for myself - well maybe a little - but more the fact that I'd obviously made her feel awkward when I didn't mean to... I even made sure that there wasn't really anyone else around when I asked her, maybe one person anyway, thats besides the point.

 

After that I just went about my usual work routine, actually I lie, after cleaning the sink more than necessary, washing my hands about 5 times ><, getting a drink of water... THEN I went back to my usual work routine, as the end of my shift got nearer I had calmed almost completely and I realised that I was actually fine with it but I knew that I had to write a wrong because otherwise stuff might be weird and I don't want that because she's a really nice girl and I don't want to ruin any friendship that we might have.

 

So I made sure that I finished a few minutes early then I went to see her, luckilly she wasn't busy and there were no customers about so another conversation ensued...

 

Me : 'Heya'

Girl : 'Hi'

Me : 'I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier...'

Girl : 'It's ok...'

Me : 'Still I'm sorry and I didn't mean to make you feel awkward...'

Girl : 'It's kind of hard to explain...

Me: 'S'ok you don't have to explain if you don't want to...

Girl : 'It's just that... *wait for it...* You're a really nice guy and I'd like to be friends with you...'

Me : 'That's ok, no hard feelings?'

*handshake*

Me : 'See you on Saturday?'

Girl : 'Yes'

Me : 'See you'

Girl : 'See you'

 

So then I left and tbh I was actually happy with the outcome because if I hadn't had asked her when I did, it would have got to Saturday... I would have told myself 'ask her today' - what I'd allready been doing for a while - and then I wouldn't have asked her, I would have been away from work, thinking, wondering etc and I would have set myself up for an even bigger fall lol.

 

At least now I can get over it, move on and be happy now that we both know where we stand, maybe we will do something as friends sometime... who knows but I'm just glad that I talked to her after as now we're both reassured that stuff won't be weird, because I can't think of anything worse atm than someone feeling awkward around me at work who I see everyday because of something I caused :/ so I'm just glad that it won't be that way and that everything had a reasonably happy ending because things could have gone a lot worse, but they didn't, so yay I guess. : peace:

 

Anyway, thats my story that I wanted to share with you all, yes I know that I probably 'fail at life' etc but I feel like I've at least learned a valuable lesson today and have maybe grown a bit as a person etc... and it feels good so... *shrugs* ^^

 

So now over to you... have any of you experienced any similar scenarios based around rejection? What did you learn from it? and how do you feel about things looking back on them now?

 

Go!

[Guest Captain Falcon]

There is something far worse than rejection you know - it's called regret. Regret at the fact you never asked her, at how the opportunity to ask may never present itself again, the thought that you have just missed out on something that could have been really special.

 

It happens to all of us. There was a time when I would never ask anybody out for fear of rejection, but I got so fed up of waiting to be asked out myself that I decided to do something about it - nothing ventured, nothing gained... so to speak. And I quickly found that it gets a lot easier. It only becomes tricky when you have too much of an emotional tie already because those aren't things you can just turn off.

 

So when you say that you've "maybe grown a bit as a person", I'm in no doubt that there is no maybe about it.

[EEVILMURRAY]

Girl : 'It's kind of hard to explain...

Me: 'S'ok you don't have to explain if you don't want to...

Girl : 'It's just that... *wait for it...* You're a really nice guy and I'd like to be friends with you...'

I fail to see what was so hard to explain that. Bloody women.

 

Another good piece of rejection bullshit is the classic "I'm just in a bad place at the moment", then a few days later you see them tongue-wrestling some random bloke.

[Guest Captain Falcon]

I fail to see what was so hard to explain that. Bloody women.

 

Another good piece of rejection bullshit is the classic "I'm just in a bad place at the moment", then a few days later you see them tongue-wrestling some random bloke.

 

Sounds like the words of man who has been burned one too many times...

[S.C.G]

There is something far worse than rejection you know - it's called regret.

 

So when you say that you've "maybe grown a bit as a person", I'm in no doubt that there is no maybe about it.

 

That's exactly what I wanted to avoid - regret - because I know that I would have continued thinking 'what if' etc and I couldn't live with that feeling any longer.

 

Also thanks, I do feel like I have grown a bit as a person just that I guess even though I'm happy about it, I'm still finding my feelings but yes I do feel that progress has been made and in a positive way.

[EEVILMURRAY]

Sounds like the words of man who has been burned one too many times...

Not especially, I've been having to do some rejecting myself recently. The latter however is technically from experience, but I've tightened the details somewhat.

[S.C.G]

I fail to see what was so hard to explain that. Bloody women.

 

I know but... when I approached her the second time to apologise, even though there weren't many people around, I still felt that maybe I was making her feel a bit awkward, hence I said that she didn't have to explain but I respect the fact that she did.

[Wesley]

...but I knew that I had to write a wrong because otherwise stuff might be weird and I don't want that because she's a really nice girl and I don't want to ruin any friendship that we might have...

 

I read this was "write a song" (because of 'write'). It made everything seem so different.

[S.C.G]

I read this was "write a song" (because of 'write'). It made everything seem so different.

 

Lols, nah I definitely meant 'write a wrong' as I figured that in that situation I could have just left work without saying anything but I didn't want to do that because it would have made things so much worse in my eyes and probably hers.

 

But writing a song... hmm now theres something I didn't think of, i'd imagine that if I had done something like that though it would have been very creepy anyway lol thanks for that, thinking about it gave me an amusing mental image in my head involving singing that made me laugh. : peace:

[Raining_again]

Good on you for going for it! Regret isn't so awesome.. And it could have been so much worse!

 

I always have to build up the courage to take action when it comes to men... And it usually goes horrendously wrong.

[EchoDesiato]

Ugh, the motherfucking "friend zone". That's what you get for being a nice guy, I guess.

[S.C.G]

Good on you for going for it! Regret isn't so awesome.. And it could have been so much worse!

 

I always have to build up the courage to take action when it comes to men... And it usually goes horrendously wrong.

 

Thanks ^^ I am genuinely glad that I at least asked as I feel better for it now.

 

I did kind of have to build up the courage just to ask her and at the time right after I did initially feel that it had all gone horribly wrong :/ so I'm just glad that I was able to redeem at least our friendship.

[Chris the great]

rejection sucks, i'll regail you with a couple of tails, but nothing mundane like a flat out no. that would be to easy, no i shall show you a couple of the ways in which my self essteme has been knocked in the past.

 

incident 1. the head fuck.

 

 

so id started college and was getting to know this girl, i liked her alot, it was the first time id been free of my glasses and felt like a non repuslive person. i asked this girl out, she said yes, and that wed sort a date out later. i was like all "yeah!" and thought i'll play it cool, not bombard her with txts. so i try and bump into her, sort it out. dont see her for 3 days, decide to give her a call, she dosent answer and txts saying shes at work. also, she dosent want to go out, blah blah blah. so there we go, builds you up and breaks you down. think it cant get any more humiliating then that? think again.

 

in a club, my mate is being a right downer, i spy a pair of hot girls, say "lets see if we can pull em!" to cheer em up. hes like "yeah!" then fucks off without telling me. hence i introduce the girls to thin air. not one to be detured i start chatting to one and its going ok, shes responding, we have a click. then she turns to her friand and does a "what do you think?" face her friend pulls a blaitent "urgh, what the hell are you thinking, hes a freak" face. ladies walk off, im stood alone. again.

 

theres also a night when i tried to chat up every girl in a club in sunderland. not a single possitive response. rejection is the new one night stand.

[Raining_again]

Thanks ^^ I am genuinely glad that I at least asked as I feel better for it now.

 

I did kind of have to build up the courage just to ask her and at the time right after I did initially feel that it had all gone horribly wrong :/ so I'm just glad that I was able to redeem at least our friendship.

 

hahah I think i'd have been the same with that reaction tbh!

 

At least you got it resolved in the end! I think if you like someone like that, it only affects the friendship (read: drives you insane ) if you don't tell them..

[S.C.G]

Ugh, the motherfucking "friend zone". That's what you get for being a nice guy, I guess.

 

Yeah... but I honestly don't mind, in fact somewhere in the back of my mind I kind of 'knew' that it would turn out this way so the 'reality check' has done me some good I think.

[Wesley]

theres also a night when i tried to chat up every girl in a club in sunderland. not a single possitive response. rejection is the new one night stand.

 

Hum... you tried chatting up every girl in the club... and got rejected... how strange.

[S.C.G]

I think if you like someone like that, it only affects the friendship (read: drives you insane ) if you don't tell them..

 

I was definitely getting to that point, you know when you keep inventing scenarios in your head about what you should/would/could have said... :/ and that is so not a good place to be and is why I think it feels good to have done the 'right' thing.

[Raining_again]

I was definitely getting to that point, you know when you keep inventing scenarios in your head about what you should/would/could have said... :/ and that is so not a good place to be and is why I think it feels good to have done the 'right' thing.

 

oh god yes. Thats when the madness starts to take over! Lucky escape man!

 

Then your "friend" starts to think your an utter physcho when you behave strangely xD

[Chris the great]

Hum... you tried chatting up every girl in the club... and got rejected... how strange.

 

well obviosuly not at the same time :p

 

 

in my defence, i was very drunk.

[Retro_Link]

I've got too many regrets where I havn't asked girls out because I wasn't confident enough, and you're right, it suck!

[S.C.G]

rejection sucks, i'll regail you with a couple of tails, but nothing mundane like a flat out no. that would be to easy, no i shall show you a couple of the ways in which my self essteme has been knocked in the past.

 

 

It can be pretty hard to have to deal with it seems, the only positive thing I can think about rejection is that no matter how many times it happens, at least we must somehow learn from our experiences and benefit from them somehow, even if it doesn't initially feel like it.

 

I've got too many regrets where I havn't asked girls out because I wasn't confident enough, and you're right, it suck!

 

I've had regrets in the past when I hadn't had the confidence to even ask as well... come to think of it though, when I did ask today, I was as confident as I could be but inside I was an absolute wreck. :/

[Nintendohnut]

I was in an almost identical situation at work a couple of years ago. There was a nice girl there, and I thought we were getting on well. So I basically was going to a party that weekend, I invited her along and *here comes the sad bit* she made an excuse that she was at a quiz with her parents, and that she didn't think she'd be able to get out of it. Sadly I took that as a 'maybe' and then looked a nob when I asked the next day whether she'd been able to. She was all like 'no' up in my face, and I was all like 'shit' and shit. Not pretty. I feel your pain man! But it makes you a stronger person, so it's all good in the end!

[Gizmo]

Ugh, the motherfucking "friend zone". That's what you get for being a nice guy, I guess.

 

Pretty much this. Something I have learned in the last few months: if you're potentially interested in a girl, don't talk to her until you ask her out. If she rejects you, fully, and you still want to be friends with her (fully understanding nothing will happen) then do so. Never try and be friends with a girl thinking that something might happen down the line. It won't. Do not think that being friends is some kind of gateway. I've experienced this twice in the last few weeks, and so now my approach has all changed. I've actually done a lot of learning on this kind of front recently and feel much better for it.

 

Also: on both recent occassions as mentioned, I (after asking them out) backed down and told them I wanted to stay friends. In one case of the two in particular, I have no idea why. I just don't think I'll ever really see her or speak to her or whatever without wanting to be more. I have no interest in remaining "friends" because frankly, without being more than that, she just annoys me. But it's an easy trap to fall into, which I did. In retrospect now, I wish I had laid it out for her, given her the option, and left it there. Don't ask, get rejected, and then retreat and say "oh thats okay, lets be friends instead" because bugger that. I don't care about that. It's pathetic. You know, on that topic, I've kinda come to this stupid thought: I should cut ties with her, and then bring back the relationship way down the line, and hope I've changed enough for her to consider it. And now I hate myself even more for having such a crap thought. I'm gonna leave this thread. If you want to know more about my situation dig up my epic 3000 word post on the subject in the Sexuality thread.

Edited April 17, 2009 by Gizmo

[Fierce_LiNk]

Rejection is really a good thing to encounter in your life. Without rejection, you just assume that all the time you will succeed in your endeavors, regardless of effort or regardless of other factors.

 

Without rejection, you would succeed all the time. If you won everything all your life, how would you react to losing? Really, you need to "lose" in order to test your character, to really know that you can prevail through the bad. The strongest people are the ones who have failed, but learn from their mistakes.

 

So, first of all, any kind of rejection should be looked at and then you should ask yourself "why did that happen?" Sometimes it might not even have anything to do with you - especially when it concerns other people, hehe. Sometimes they have something on their mind, but you won't know that. You're not psychic, how are you meant to know?

 

The biggest rejection I've faced...hmm. Probably to do with my ex, I think. When she cheated and the relationship turned sour, I think I did a lot of things to try and get things to work again. She tried a lot, too (I think) but she also had many lapses. Once incident is where I went out with friends during the day (after telling her I was going) and coming home to find her crying, thinking that I had left her. I don't understand that either.

 

The biggest thing was around Easter time when she said she didn't want to try anymore. The sense of rejection I felt around then was overwhelming. That situation was pretty bad, especially because I knew there was nothing within my power to sort that one out. Usually, many problems can be sorted. But, now I know that the problems were because of her, so I'm probably best shot of her.

 

So, what I've learned from that is that all you can do is try your best. Then, if things work, they work. If they don't, then you probably deserve better.

[Wesley]

I guess when we talk about rejection then we assume partners and what not... it's probably the worst feeling I can think of... that sudden crush you feel. That's pretty awful - like Link said, it's a siutation where you can't actually do anything, you can't make someone see things your way. It's definately one of the most horrible feelings because you're completely helpless.

 

Feeling rejected from your own family, or members, is something else that's pretty awful. They're supposed to be there for you not matter what... rejection from family hurts.

 

EDIT: I think as an expierment this forum should come together and reject a random member. Then after a month they can post and tell us how it feels.

 

I vote Rez for random member.