Mock The Thread

[weeyellowbloke]

"Living with me will be a breeze....and by breeze I mean I do some horrific farts."

 

"At last....I think we're alone now. At least there doesn't seem to be anyone around. The beating of our hearts are the only sound. So how about it?"

[Jimbob]

"Welcome. Ignore the blood and them knifes, my last flat-mate was a serial killer. He'll come back for these in a few weeks."

[Fused King]

'Welcome, the name's Fred, but my friends call me Rez'.

[dwarf]

All right man, my name's James, nice to meet ya. You are? Ah right cool. I hope you don't mind, I just need to get some pizzas for the lads tonight, sorry to disappear so soon, hopefully you'll join us later. By the way can I just ask you don't interfere with the recorder, Gok Wan is on in a couple of minutes and it'll be on until half-past, so if you don't mind waiting til then before using the TV. Otherwise help yourself to alcohol and use the Gamecube as much as you want, just don't look in that rucksack. Cheers.

[MATtheHAT]

"And this is where the guys scrub their butt plugs after the parties"

[Goafer]

All right man, my name's James, nice to meet ya. You are? Ah right cool. I hope you don't mind, I just need to get some pizzas for the lads tonight, sorry to disappear so soon, hopefully you'll join us later. By the way can I just ask you don't interfere with the recorder, Gok Wan is on in a couple of minutes and it'll be on until half-past, so if you don't mind waiting til then before using the TV. Otherwise help yourself to alcohol and use the Gamecube as much as you want, just don't look in that rucksack. Cheers.

 

Winner due to immense long windedness.

[dwarf]

Anybody else would think this was a double account

 

Things a nerdy gamer might say to impress a girl they were dating

(don't know if this will be any good, but tbh can't think of any topics)

[Goafer]

Anybody else would think this was a double account

 

Things a nerdy gamer might say to impress a girl they were dating

(don't know if this will be any good, but tbh can't think of any topics)

 

Shit, I didn't look at the name! I'm excluding myself from this round out of fairness.

 

 

My entry would have been:

 

"Sorry I havent been returning your calls recently. I've been in hospital. The plastic surgeon forged my Standard Rod of Averageness into a +6 Rod of Wailing Maidens."

[SPAMBOT4000]

"I didn't kill the companion cube in Portal. I spent 3 days working out how to glitch through the entire game with it. Now THAT is how loyal I am!"

[Fused King]

'Would you like a 1up of coffee, uhm....I mean a mushroom in your coffee, ...uhm NO...I mean, uhm *sweat* *sweat*, some suger in your other castle? uhm........*sweat* *sweat* *sweat* *sweat*..........have you ever played World of Warcraft? *gulp* '

[Epic fail]

"How about i put my Landstalker in your Twighlight Princess and we have a bit of Sonic Rush"

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

"You like Star Fox Adventures? Ad kxuk sujo, A neict cabo ke xulo jop nakx oei."

 

(If you can figure this one out - and are female - consider it an actual proposition.)

[ReZourceman]

"You don't mind if I walk around naked do you?

 

Good, because I always forget to put clothes back on after raping children in my bedroom, and I just wanted to make sure you weren't shocked when I walked out with my full bratwurst on display."

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

"You don't mind if I walk around naked do you?

 

Good, because I always forget to put clothes back on after raping children in my bedroom, and I just wanted to make sure you weren't shocked when I walked out with my full bratwurst on display."

You're behind, ReZ.

[Goafer]

You're behind, ReZ.

 

I fucking hope not.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I fucking hope not.

Aye, he always forgets the lube.

[dwarf]

"I didn't kill the companion cube in Portal. I spent 3 days working out how to glitch through the entire game with it. Now THAT is how loyal I am!"

Winrar. Not many entries, what's up with that? Probably not the best question I guess.

[SPAMBOT4000]

Ah thanks

Nah, I thought it was one of the better questions we've had actually. Lack of entries was probably just because of Christmas/New Year.

 

Things you wouldn't hear a priest say while delivering a sermon

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

"And what is the moral of the story about the birth of Christ? If God taps you, you're still a virgin.

[SPAMBOT4000]

Haha awesome. I'm half-tempted to end this one right here.

[ReZourceman]

I wasn't sure what a sermon was so I checked on Wikipedia.

 

A sermon is an oration by a prophet or member of the clergy.

 

I now am even more unsure of what a sermon is.

[Fused King]

'What if God was one of us, just a slob like one of us, just a stranger on the bus, trying to make his way home?

He'd probably 'ave himself a wank in the afternoon wouldn't he!'

[gaggle64]

"Sorry I'm late. The lead choir boy is a little tied up at the moment..."

[DuD]

Now people, remember last weeks lecture on spliff politics?...

 

...puff, puff then pass, don't forget the pass (i'm looking at you Mary), keep that blunt going left, you're all god's children...

 

..."Boomshanka inta-seption"... well done Doris, i see someone was paying attention.

[SPAMBOT4000]

I wasn't sure what a sermon was so I checked on Wikipedia.

 

 

 

I now am even more unsure of what a sermon is.

 

Haha yeah, I had to check wikipedia too actually just to check I had the correct word and that first sentence confused the fuck out of me!

 

This is what I was going for...

"In modern language, the word "sermon" can also be used pejoratively in secular terms to describe a lengthy or tedious speech delivered with great passion, by any person, to an uninterested audience."