Jon Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 I'm with sir Rummy here, you need to cancel on her, as it's starting to seem your like an obsessed mad man. Make her see that it's her loss and you don't live and breathe her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamba Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 No, NEVER do stuff like cancelling on purpose. It will start a pattern of actions not reflecting feelings and lead to a lot of confusion and eventually heart-ache. Goron, nontendohnut's advice is the best i've seen here. You're not trying to change the way you feel about her or how hard you press her. She is feeling confused and by setting down those guide lines of what's on and what's not depending on you status then you are giving her structure. This will actively help her figure her shit out and keep you from getting hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fierce_LiNk Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 I'm with sir Rummy here, you need to cancel on her, as it's starting to seem your like an obsessed mad man. Make her see that it's her loss and you don't live and breathe her. Maybe that's what I've been doing wrong all these years. Hmm. I now have a new outlook on women. Thank you, Mr Rummy and Mr. JonScoTsman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goron_3 Posted April 29, 2007 Author Share Posted April 29, 2007 Thanks for the advice guys. i'm seeing her twice tomorrow (before we get on the bus and as we get off it). Now, when we were going out we would spend about 30mins together at the bus stop, so what should I do tomorrow? I should just be myself right and show her what she's missing? I mean, no need to like ignore her or anything..? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshMat Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 You should ask her if it's fun to mess you about so damn much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoogleViper Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 You should ask her if it's fun to mess you about so damn much. And then spank her. But not in a sexy way, in a punishing way. Seriously though I think you should at least tell her that you aren't happy with the break. Even if you don't issue an ultimatum it's better that she knows how you feel. I know it's cliched but a good relationship is built on trust and honesty. I personall have the latter, but I'm lacking the former. I need to change if I want to have a long term relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rummy Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 You should ask her if it's fun to mess you about so damn much. I'm not sure why, but this made me let out a real loud snicker as I started laughing and tried to hold it back. If you see her before the bus, and after the bus, what's happening in between that you don't see each other? Do you remember what things were like before you were going out? Act like you did then, pretend you never actually went out(obviously, dont literally pretend it, but act as you would have before). Act as if there was nothing between you, acting like there's still something whilst you're supposedly on a break seems a bit...paradoxial to me? I dunno. Or, you could get it on with someone else, and if it ever comes up in future constantly refer to that fact you were on a break, ross style. Well no, don't do that last bit, just all this talk of being on a break and I feel like this thread needed a reference to it. What I think you do need to do though, is to seriously sit down with yourself, and consider the fact you may never ever get back together, and fully accept that fact too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McMad Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Or, you could get it on with someone else, and if it ever comes up in future constantly refer to that fact you were on a break, ross style. I have no constructive advice to offer here because I've really had no first hand experience, but I need to quote this for its awesomeness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goron_3 Posted April 29, 2007 Author Share Posted April 29, 2007 I'm not sure why, but this made me let out a real loud snicker as I started laughing and tried to hold it back.If you see her before the bus, and after the bus, what's happening in between that you don't see each other? Do you remember what things were like before you were going out? Act like you did then, pretend you never actually went out(obviously, dont literally pretend it, but act as you would have before). Act as if there was nothing between you, acting like there's still something whilst you're supposedly on a break seems a bit...paradoxial to me? I dunno. Or, you could get it on with someone else, and if it ever comes up in future constantly refer to that fact you were on a break, ross style. Well no, don't do that last bit, just all this talk of being on a break and I feel like this thread needed a reference to it. What I think you do need to do though, is to seriously sit down with yourself, and consider the fact you may never ever get back together, and fully accept that fact too. Firstly, she sits at the front of the bus and i sit at the back, so i don't talk to her on the bus. Also, she's in the year below me so i don't really see her round school. Also, it's weird because I didn't talk to her for almost all of last year or the year before at the bus stop...but i rekon i'll just talk casually (she watches most of the TV programmes i watch so i can talk about that). I've just got to try and get the balance right between being her good friend, giving her space, and letting her know i still care for her right. HARD! What makes it even harder is that she told me that if we don't remain close we might drift apart and split so she wants us to remain close together, yet I don't want to make her feel like i'm spending toooo much time with her. Grrr girls... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 No need to blank her completely, just a quick 'hello' and 'what's up'. I'd also avaoid talking to other girls, don't want her getting the wrong end of the stick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshMat Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Now it sounds like before you went out. Like you're trying to get with her. Go sit at the front of the bus with her, there's no segregation anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nintendohnut Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 No, don't sit at the front with her. That makes it look like you're wanting to spend all your time with her. She's asked for some time away from you, she wants some space, so don't go crazy and start spending more time that you would with her normally. Just be a friend to her at the bus stop tomorrow, nothing else. Keep this up the next few times that you see her and I think soon enough she'll see what she's missing and want to be with you again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bard Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Well, you want to know what I would do? It's nothing like whats happening with your girl, but I was going with this girl, only for a couple of months about 3 years ago, and basically, I got wasted and may have embarrassed her slightly in front of her family (and other stuff, which is personal :p), so she said we should go on a break for a bit, and she was pretty nasty about me to her friends. So I say, fuck no, you either want me, or you don't, so we split. She pestered me for half a year after that about getting back together, and I turned her down every time. I fucking hate it when girls think that when guys care about them, that they'll be their little bitches, you might not want to do that, cause you're probably not as vindictive as I am, but you gotta show her that you're not gonna be fucked with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goron_3 Posted April 29, 2007 Author Share Posted April 29, 2007 No need to blank her completely, just a quick 'hello' and 'what's up'. I'd also avaoid talking to other girls, don't want her getting the wrong end of the stick. No, don't sit at the front with her. That makes it look like you're wanting to spend all your time with her. She's asked for some time away from you, she wants some space, so don't go crazy and start spending more time that you would with her normally. Just be a friend to her at the bus stop tomorrow, nothing else. Keep this up the next few times that you see her and I think soon enough she'll see what she's missing and want to be with you again. Great peaces of advice I reckon i'll see her, say 'hi' and ask her how her weekend was. When i get off the bus, i'll just entertain her like i do, give her a smile, and walk home. I'll do the same for a few days and see where it goes. It does hurt me a lot though, to be with her and not hold her (its not that i even want to kiss her, just hold her). I guess i can kind of hide the part of me that's a bit ' ' and it should be good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkcloud Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Great peaces of advice I reckon i'll see her, say 'hi' and ask her how her weekend was. When i get off the bus, i'll just entertain her like i do, give her a smile, and walk home. I'll do the same for a few days and see where it goes. It does hurt me a lot though, to be with her and not hold her (its not that i even want to kiss her, just hold her). I guess i can kind of hide the part of me that's a bit ' ' and it should be good. This thread is pointless....... You're only listening to the advice that you want to hear in the first place anyway..... :-/ It's the reason you're sticking with that line about showing her what she's missing when you know damn well she knows exactly who you are and what she's apparently missing. It's stupid. I also think you're wrong about the reason she took this break with you, but, finding out the real reason is down to you tbh... I'm not here trying to tell you that she's going to break up with you if you do take the advice others have said, I'm just saying you shouldn't let people play with you like she is..... Don't you find it offensive, even if you're right about her reasons, that she'd consider breaking up with you over it? And if she isn't considering breaking up with you then does she really need a break? I mean atleast if someone breaks up with you and you want to get back with them you have some kind of leg to stand on as you don't have anything to lose... With this break shit you've just gotta float about there giving them complete control over you... You can't do anything without worrying if they're going to break up with you. This is obviously effecting you as you're talking about spending to much time with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshMat Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Well, you want to know what I would do? It's nothing like whats happening with your girl, but I was going with this girl, only for a couple of months about 3 years ago, and basically, I got wasted and may have embarrassed her slightly in front of her family (and other stuff, which is personal :p), so she said we should go on a break for a bit, and she was pretty nasty about me to her friends. So I say, fuck no, you either want me, or you don't, so we split. She pestered me for half a year after that about getting back together, and I turned her down every time. I fucking hate it when girls think that when guys care about them, that they'll be their little bitches, you might not want to do that, cause you're probably not as vindictive as I am, but you gotta show her that you're not gonna be fucked with. Hahaha, that post made me say "awesoooome". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rummy Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 This thread is pointless....... You're only listening to the advice that you want to hear in the first place anyway..... :-/ It's the reason you're sticking with that line about showing her what she's missing when you know damn well she knows exactly who you are and what she's apparently missing. It's stupid. I also think you're wrong about the reason she took this break with you, but, finding out the real reason is down to you tbh... I'm not here trying to tell you that she's going to break up with you if you do take the advice others have said, I'm just saying you shouldn't let people play with you like she is..... Don't you find it offensive, even if you're right about her reasons, that she'd consider breaking up with you over it? And if she isn't considering breaking up with you then does she really need a break? I mean atleast if someone breaks up with you and you want to get back with them you have some kind of leg to stand on as you don't have anything to lose... With this break shit you've just gotta float about there giving them complete control over you... You can't do anything without worrying if they're going to break up with you. This is obviously effecting you as you're talking about spending to much time with her. I swear, this guy is reading my mind or something. I second everything in this post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasper Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 This discussion is worth every second of reading. If you guys were replying to me, well, I wouldn't know what to do. You all have a different story.... Just do as you see fit. It's best to learn the hurdles yourself. In the end, it's all up to the decision you have to make. We can tell you your options, but the choice is entirelly yours and we shouldn't meddle with it. And, off course, we'll not always be there to whisper in your ears the words you should say. And just for the cheer fun of it: here's a rather useless quote from a lyric of Dead Man Ray: "If you learn to love me, I'll learn to like you. If you learn to hate me, I'll learn to love you - simple things, they always tangle up." A Single Thing, Dead Man Ray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshMat Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I swear, this guy is reading my mind or something. I second everything in this post. Second, that's the second time DC has posted exactly what i was thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jordan Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 Women can be down right evil, i've just been incredibly lucky with Letty. Alot of girls enjoy playing with mens feelings, where the hell does this come from? Womens magazines? Its sure worrying anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goron_3 Posted April 30, 2007 Author Share Posted April 30, 2007 This thread is pointless....... You're only listening to the advice that you want to hear in the first place anyway..... :-/ It's the reason you're sticking with that line about showing her what she's missing when you know damn well she knows exactly who you are and what she's apparently missing. It's stupid. I also think you're wrong about the reason she took this break with you, but, finding out the real reason is down to you tbh... I'm not here trying to tell you that she's going to break up with you if you do take the advice others have said, I'm just saying you shouldn't let people play with you like she is..... Don't you find it offensive, even if you're right about her reasons, that she'd consider breaking up with you over it? And if she isn't considering breaking up with you then does she really need a break? I mean atleast if someone breaks up with you and you want to get back with them you have some kind of leg to stand on as you don't have anything to lose... With this break shit you've just gotta float about there giving them complete control over you... You can't do anything without worrying if they're going to break up with you. This is obviously effecting you as you're talking about spending to much time with her. That actually makes a lot of sense, especially the last part. i've got a load of things on my mind atm and I keep having random mood swings about this shit. Grrr so annoying! I was talking about it with some friends, and that didn't really help, because 2 of them were like 'She clearly still loves you' whilst the other were like 'omg she's being ridiculously harsh to you'. I'm personally learning towards the first one (because that what i'd like), but who knows what she's thinking. She wasn't in school today so i didn't get to talk to her. I text her asking why she wasn't in and she didnt tb, so i reckon from now i'm going to give her a lot more space; even though she said she wanted us to spend a lot of time together incase we drift apart, i think it's better she thinks through what she wants. Also, apparantly some people have gone round spreading shit to Sophie telling her that i don't want to be with her or something (i didn't get given all the details), and seeing as I won't be in school tomorrow (i feel really ill atm lol) i need to wait until Wednesday to find out if this is true. It's strange; there's a part of me that keeps thinking 'she loves me' but then there's this other part of me that keeps thinking 'Maybe it's going to be over soon'... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurtle Squad Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 This thread is pointless....... You're only listening to the advice that you want to hear in the first place anyway..... :-/ It's the reason you're sticking with that line about showing her what she's missing when you know damn well she knows exactly who you are and what she's apparently missing. It's stupid. I also think you're wrong about the reason she took this break with you, but, finding out the real reason is down to you tbh... I'm not here trying to tell you that she's going to break up with you if you do take the advice others have said, I'm just saying you shouldn't let people play with you like she is..... Don't you find it offensive, even if you're right about her reasons, that she'd consider breaking up with you over it? And if she isn't considering breaking up with you then does she really need a break? I mean atleast if someone breaks up with you and you want to get back with them you have some kind of leg to stand on as you don't have anything to lose... With this break shit you've just gotta float about there giving them complete control over you... You can't do anything without worrying if they're going to break up with you. This is obviously effecting you as you're talking about spending to much time with her. You're wrong; it's got nothing to do with them having control over you or playing with you in a situation like this. Girls are complicated, and when they get like this, with all this break shit, they make no sence at all, and there's also no 'reasoning' with them. My gf's done this and now we're fine (only cos I started to like another girl though and that gave her a kick up the arse to realise she really did want to be with me. It's not a question of whether she loves you or not Anil, i expect that to her it's whether she wants to be in a serious relationship, whether she really wants to make that comitment to you; and this was probably caused by people talking. If you show you really care about her, but also care about her enoguh to give her space, she should see the light:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkcloud Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 You're wrong; it's got nothing to do with them having control over you or playing with you in a situation like this. Girls are complicated, and when they get like this, with all this break shit, they make no sence at all, and there's also no 'reasoning' with them. My gf's done this and now we're fine (only cos I started to like another girl though and that gave her a kick up the arse to realise she really did want to be with me. It's not a question of whether she loves you or not Anil, i expect that to her it's whether she wants to be in a serious relationship, whether she really wants to make that comitment to you; and this was probably caused by people talking. If you show you really care about her, but also care about her enoguh to give her space, she should see the light:) Eh? Where are you showing me that I'm wrong here? :-/ If anything I think your first paragraph explains more how I'm right in this situation... Girls aren't retarded, despite the fact they may act that way sometimes... They do know what they are doing and what they are putting other people through.. What's the point in making excuses for someone when they are in the wrong in a situation? I want to take a break? That is clearly a way to gain control of a situation and it shows with the way she came back to you when she started to lose control... Seriously, sometimes I think people take women for fools, like they are too kind hearted by default to do anything bad to someone. There is of course a problem with what I'm saying. It's easier to say this from the sidelines then in the situation the OP is in... Of course this is why he was looking for the nice responces because it's hard to act on something when you don't want to lose someone. However it is somewhat in the best interest of those on the outside of the situation to remind people that there own feelings count and that they shouldn't let someone play with them in such ways. That's just my view on the situation anyway, the OP can do what he wants to do. Ganbatte ne! hehe NOTE: This post may not be my real thoughts as I'm currently under the influence of a serious overdose of J-Drama and a severe lack of sleep...... Taiyou no Uta, GTO and Satorare say hi. ^^d Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rummy Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 I'm still with darkcloud on this one too. Now, maybe it isn't the best way to go about things, but if you do happen to be friends with any other girls, start talking to them a little bit more, and talking to her a little bit less. Obviously, I'm not saying to actually get involved with another girl, but show some interest and see what happens. Then again, it might be better if you don't, in case it backfires and pushes her further away. How have things been in the last few days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eenuh Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 Darkcloud makes it sound like she is doing this on purpose just to hurt Goron_3. I think that's bullshit. It's not because you can't understand the reasoning behind this that it means it's simply done to hurt and manipulate. If other girls' thoughts are anything like mine, then she is probably very confused about what she wants right now. She is probably still in love, but has her doubts and insecurities. It's now up to her to figure out what she wants, and the best way to do that is to go on a "break", so to speak. It's possible she'll break up, but it's just as likely she'll come back to you. You just have to give her some space, be the friend you were to her before you became a couple. Don't push for answers and don't say every five minutes that you love her (from time to time is fine though, but not all the time). In the end, it's all up to you. But don't just think she's doing this to have control over you or whatever. I don't think most girls are like that (only the bitchy ones really are); bitter guys like to think so though. ='3 Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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