What do I do...?

[darkcloud]

Darkcloud makes it sound like she is doing this on purpose just to hurt Goron_3. I think that's bullshit. It's not because you can't understand the reasoning behind this that it means it's simply done to hurt and manipulate. If other girls' thoughts are anything like mine, then she is probably very confused about what she wants right now. She is probably still in love, but has her doubts and insecurities. It's now up to her to figure out what she wants, and the best way to do that is to go on a "break", so to speak. It's possible she'll break up, but it's just as likely she'll come back to you. You just have to give her some space, be the friend you were to her before you became a couple. Don't push for answers and don't say every five minutes that you love her (from time to time is fine though, but not all the time).

 

In the end, it's all up to you. But don't just think she's doing this to have control over you or whatever. I don't think most girls are like that (only the bitchy ones really are); bitter guys like to think so though. ='3

 

Good luck.

 

 

Are you even aware of what you're saying? You're contradicting yourself in that very post.... You say she's not trying to take control etc, but then go on to say she is..... Don't you realise that by saying she wants to go on a break that is infact an attempt to take control of things? There is also no doubt she knows this hurts the person she is saying it to but does it anyway... It's stupid.

[Shorty]

This post may not be my real thoughts as I'm currently under the influence of a serious overdose of J-Drama and a severe lack of sleep...... Taiyou no Uta, GTO and Satorare say hi. ^^d

Onizuka Conor, nijuunisai!! yoroshiku! ^^

 

Err... GTO aside, basically I gotta agree with Darkcloud. OK so the first time I posted I was part of the "Give some space, don't be so overbearing" crowd. But it's not like she doesn't know what's going on, right? What you're doing, what's happening to you, where you stand, it's all in her hands and you're running after it. Don't fall down to your knees and beg for something that she should want as much as you.

 

Of course you know all the intricacies of the situation that you may not have laid down here. To be honest I don't think you can come to much of a conclusion from all the conflicting advice in this thread - just let things unfold naturally...

[Eenuh]

Are you even aware of what you're saying? You're contradicting yourself in that very post.... You say she's not trying to take control etc, but then go on to say she is..... Don't you realise that by saying she wants to go on a break that is infact an attempt to take control of things? There is also no doubt she knows this hurts the person she is saying it to but does it anyway... It's stupid.

 

She is not trying to control things. If she wanted to control things, she would be saying stuff like "I'll break up with you if you do this or that".

And she knows it hurts him, but that doesn't mean that she -enjoys- taking this decision. Don't just assume that every girl is out to hurt you, that's just naive. The mind of a girl is complicated; just because she is hurting him by doing this, it doesn't mean that that's her reasoning for this break.

 

Besides, the only way to "gain control" again (if according to you she's trying to gain control over him) would be to break up with her yourself, or go and say "I'll break up with you if you don't decide by then". And I doubt that's what Goron_3 wants to do.

[Rummy]

Darkcloud makes it sound like she is doing this on purpose just to hurt Goron_3. I think that's bullshit. It's not because you can't understand the reasoning behind this that it means it's simply done to hurt and manipulate. If other girls' thoughts are anything like mine, then she is probably very confused about what she wants right now. She is probably still in love, but has her doubts and insecurities. It's now up to her to figure out what she wants, and the best way to do that is to go on a "break", so to speak. It's possible she'll break up, but it's just as likely she'll come back to you. You just have to give her some space, be the friend you were to her before you became a couple. Don't push for answers and don't say every five minutes that you love her (from time to time is fine though, but not all the time).

 

In the end, it's all up to you. But don't just think she's doing this to have control over you or whatever. I don't think most girls are like that (only the bitchy ones really are); bitter guys like to think so though. ='3

 

Good luck.

 

I never claimed that she is doing it on purpose to hurt him, but that doesn't mean what she's doing isn't hurting him. In the current situation, she does have total control though, it's all down to her and what she's going to do from what I can see. I think if things start off like this, then problems may come about down the line, but I don't think I've claimed that she's intentionally trying to mess him about. As I said though, it doesn't mean it's not happening, and she must know to some extent what this is all having. If you were hurting someone and knew you were, and didn't want to, would you keep on doing it?

[darkcloud]

She is not trying to control things. If she wanted to control things, she would be saying stuff like "I'll break up with you if you do this or that".

And she knows it hurts him, but that doesn't mean that she -enjoys- taking this decision. Don't just assume that every girl is out to hurt you, that's just naive. The mind of a girl is complicated; just because she is hurting him by doing this, it doesn't mean that that's her reasoning for this break.

 

Besides, the only way to "gain control" again (if according to you she's trying to gain control over him) would be to break up with her yourself, or go and say "I'll break up with you if you don't decide by then". And I doubt that's what Goron_3 wants to do.

 

You're really not getting this.... How is calling a break in a relationship not taking control? Despite what her reasons are, this is what she is doing....

She knows it hurts him..... That's all you need to know. She is doing things despite that because she is selfish, simple as... She is saying, I don't know what to do so I'm going to put you through shit until I decide otherwise.. Selfish...

I also never said that every girl is out to hurt someone..... I'm just saying girls CAN be bitches.... If they are doing something that hurts you then you SHOULD set them straight on it.

 

Yeah the only way to gain control again is to take some form of action on it, saying you're going to break up with them is one way, but, that's how the whole "I want to take a break thing works." Who is going to say that to someone they think will break up with them over it unless that is there actual goal?

Also, if it does backfire and they come out and say they will break up with them over it, how hard is that going to be to reverse? All a girl will have to say is "no, no I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you please don't break up with me!" and I'm pretty sure it will be back to normal..... Well that's assuming they didn't completely misjudge the guy in the first place...

 

 

Seriously, everything you are trying to defend this with is all part of my point in the end. :-/

 

 

 

 

 

Oh and I'd like to know where I said what this girls reason for doing this is... :-/ You seem to be of the frame of mind that I'm saying that her reason for doing it is she is evil....

[Pestneb]

You're really not getting this.... How is calling a break in a relationship not taking control? Despite what her reasons are, this is what she is doing....

 

calling a break in the relationship is putting distance so she can take control of HER life.

thats not necessarily taking control of goron. its only taking control of Goron if he allows her to.

 

at the end of the day, Goron has to look at the situation, and chose what to do.

[mike-zim]

ok i havent read it all, but after reading the first post replace 9 weeks with 4.5 years and that is the situation i am in.

[McPhee]

Its taking control in a "If you want me then you'll stick around while i make my mind up if i want you" kind of way. Breaks are messy, it leaves one person twiddling their thumbs and the other holding all the cards.

 

The right way to do it would be to discuss why she wants a break unfortunately thats a conversation that only she can really start. The only other methods are to wait, make her jealous or give her an ultimatum. Without knowing the girl nobody on here can really tell you whats best to do, only suggest what you can do

[Katie]

I think all this talk of control is stupid to be honest, that's not what this is about. I very much doubt she is intentionally taking control of the relationship, and to say Goron should try to take control back would just be playing games.

 

I'm not saying she should have asked to go on a break because I do agree it is unfair, but if she doesn't know what she wants isn't it better for her to be straight than to just act normal, or worse to break up with him. Anyway good luck Goron I hope you get a chance to talk things out soon.

 

Mike-zim sorry to hear that it must be really hard after such a long time together.

[Kurtle Squad]

It seems to me as if darkcloud has some sort of issues with girls to be honest.

 

Yeah, you do have points darkcloud, liek yeah, she knows what she's doing, and of course she's taking some control.

Girls need that when they get confused in not knowing what they want, they need space, and they know it's hurting to other people, but there's no point being with someone if you're getting confused how you feel. That would also be worse for a guy, to be going out with someone and being all couply, yet not knowing how they actually feel.

 

It's not selfish at all, and to be honest, not being willing to give them time is kinda selfish if so.

By the way, have you ever been in the situation yourself and resolved it so that noone gets hurt in the end?

Have you ever even been in a serious relationship?

And did you know that it's nowhere near Christmas?

[Raining_again]

I agree with Mr Kurtle. I'd imagine shes not trying to fuck up things - she has things in her head that need time.

 

All the girls here seem to understand why she is doing what she is - guys, doesn't that say something?

 

Imo give her a little nudge reminding her what shes missing, by remaining just friends. Spend time together by all means, but not as a couple, like with other friends, or at a school situation as you were talking about.

[Rummy]

I think people are misunderstanding what we're saying. We aren't saying that she is doing this TO have control, but whether she is or not does not mean that it doesn't put her in total control, her intents may not be what the situation is, if you get me. My original point was that this is still a rather young relationship, and I don't think it's a good way to start one for fear of later Goron becoming taken for granted, because of how he may have acted in this situation such as just hanging around constantly waiting, totally at the mercy of this girl.

Just to clarify, I am not saying that is WHY she is doing things like this, I'm just saying that is HOW the situation seems to be.

[Katie]

We understand that she is in control whether that was her aim or not, of course she is. We just disagree that Goron getting control back will help the situation.

 

I wonder how freaked out she'd be at a forum debating her relationship.

[Rummy]

lol, probably pretty freaked out, if she ever finds out then everything will probably be beyond repair. I'm not suggesting he plays games or anything to 'take back control' I just think he should be careful about how much she has, as in he should just give her her space and get on with his life rather than waiting on her constantly for some sort of decision or reassurance. I think he should totally just act like he would have before they were going out, as if they never did, as much as he doesn't want to.

[Ellmeister]

You need to fight for her! All this stuff about control, you lot are getting confused with what each other is saying. Personally I think goron should leave her be for a little bit, still talk to her but not purposely go and try to spend too much time with her.

 

I want an update on whats happening!

[Raining_again]

We understand that she is in control whether that was her aim or not, of course she is. We just disagree that Goron getting control back will help the situation.

 

I wonder how freaked out she'd be at a forum debating her relationship.

 

Exactly, she can't control how someone else would react, takes two to have a relationship.

[darkcloud]

It seems to me as if darkcloud has some sort of issues with girls to be honest.

 

Yeah, you do have points darkcloud, liek yeah, she knows what she's doing, and of course she's taking some control.

Girls need that when they get confused in not knowing what they want, they need space, and they know it's hurting to other people, but there's no point being with someone if you're getting confused how you feel. That would also be worse for a guy, to be going out with someone and being all couply, yet not knowing how they actually feel.

 

It's not selfish at all, and to be honest, not being willing to give them time is kinda selfish if so.

By the way, have you ever been in the situation yourself and resolved it so that noone gets hurt in the end?

Have you ever even been in a serious relationship?

And did you know that it's nowhere near Christmas?

 

Yup I must have issues with girls..... O.o;; How is knowing that girls aren't perfect classed as having issues? :-/

 

Yes, my point is however that saying lets go on a break isn't fair... Putting someone you supposedly love through hurt like that isn't right.... Infact putting anyone through something like that isn't right, why should someone be able to get away with that because they "need the space"? It's stupid. I also never said to "take back control".. I said that she should be told it's not fair that she does what she's doing.. :-/

 

It's not selfish at all? Saying to someone "Sorry, but until I say you have to hang around me just like normal, but, you can't act like my boyfriend because I'm not sure right now" isn't selfish?

Have I ever been in the situation and resolved it so that no one gets hurt in the end.. Well ermm yes and no.... I've never been in the situation and had the relationship last forever, but I've been in one and had it last past it...

 

Have I ever been in a serious relationship.. Nope never..... *Looks over at baby*

 

It's not near christmas? Never would have guessed! Please remember to tell me this last year as well.......

 

 

I agree with Mr Kurtle. I'd imagine shes not trying to fuck up things - she has things in her head that need time.

 

All the girls here seem to understand why she is doing what she is - guys, doesn't that say something?

 

Imo give her a little nudge reminding her what shes missing, by remaining just friends. Spend time together by all means, but not as a couple, like with other friends, or at a school situation as you were talking about.

 

Didn't say she was trying to fuck things up, she is still in the wrong though.....

 

Yes a girls oppinion on something that effects a GUY is like perfect.... Go girls! :-/

 

So do exactly as she asked and it will work out.... Well ermm yes.. If you did exactly what a girl said and you still ended up losing that would be seriously fucked up.... I'm talking about this moment now whilst someones upset over something.. :-/

[Eenuh]

Yup I must have issues with girls..... O.o;; How is knowing that girls aren't perfect classed as having issues? :-/

 

Yes, my point is however that saying lets go on a break isn't fair... Putting someone you supposedly love through hurt like that isn't right.... Infact putting anyone through something like that isn't right, why should someone be able to get away with that because they "need the space"? It's stupid. I also never said to "take back control".. I said that she should be told it's not fair that she does what she's doing.. :-/

 

It's not selfish at all? Saying to someone "Sorry, but until I say you have to hang around me just like normal, but, you can't act like my boyfriend because I'm not sure right now" isn't selfish?

Have I ever been in the situation and resolved it so that no one gets hurt in the end.. Well ermm yes and no.... I've never been in the situation and had the relationship last forever, but I've been in one and had it last past it...

 

Have I ever been in a serious relationship.. Nope never..... *Looks over at baby*

 

It's not near christmas? Never would have guessed! Please remember to tell me this last year as well.......

 

 

 

 

Didn't say she was trying to fuck things up, she is still in the wrong though.....

 

Yes a girls oppinion on something that effects a GUY is like perfect.... Go girls! :-/

 

So do exactly as she asked and it will work out.... Well ermm yes.. If you did exactly what a girl said and you still ended up losing that would be seriously fucked up.... I'm talking about this moment now whilst someones upset over something.. :-/

 

Why are -you- getting so worked up over all this? You sound like we're personally offending you...

If it's not fair of the girl to do this, then do you suggest it would be better if she just suddenly said "I'm breaking up with you"? Wouldn't that be worse? I don't even get how taking a break is "not fair". If you can't take it, then you should just break up yourself. =/

[MoogleViper]

If she wants a break then fair enough. But she didn't talk it over with Goron (from what I understood) she just told him that they were on a break. And if you "need space" then have some space but don't tell him to stay around you but not like a couple. That's unfair.

 

In my opinion going on a break rarely works and usually ends up ruining the relationship. If you have problems then you should talk it over. If you need some time on your own then you don'g have to go on a "break" to do so. Just don't see him/her for a while. But if you are going to do it you need to talk it over and make sure both parties are ok and willing. When one goes on a break but the other doesn't want to that's unfair.

[Rummy]

Now now, let's not break out into a war of the sexes, I don't think we'll win.

I also think alot of people have jumped on what darkcloud has said and accused him of saying she's doing this solely to toy with goron, which isn't true.

 

Why are -you- getting so worked up over all this? You sound like we're personally offending you...

If it's not fair of the girl to do this, then do you suggest it would be better if she just suddenly said "I'm breaking up with you"? Wouldn't that be worse? I don't even get how taking a break is "not fair". If you can't take it, then you should just break up yourself. =/

 

I, personally, would rather that because then I would know exactly where I stand rather than spending however long just waiting and wondering. I like to know what's what, and I don't like uncertainty, but maybe that's just me. Being 'on a break' isn't fair imo for the reason it leaves the other person just in a state of wondering and uncertainty, no idea what's going on, and fretting about the worst and not sure what's going to happen and what isn't, which is why I don't think it's fair. As Moogle has also pointed out, from what we've been told she didn't even give him a real reason for it.

[DCK]

As a total noob on relations I shouldn't say anything, so take this with a pinch of salt.

 

As Moogle said breaks do not work. Breaks are just a confused extended version of break-ups. If I was in your shoes, I'd go to her, tell her how I felt and that the indicisiveness is killing and it's not leading anywhere. If she cannot decide, it'll have to be you because all you'll be getting is more agony from this. You got nothing now, and you won't get anythin until either of you two does something about it.

 

(I'll never go to General on my Wii anymore )

[McPhee]

If she wants a break then fair enough. But she didn't talk it over with Goron (from what I understood) she just told him that they were on a break. And if you "need space" then have some space but don't tell him to stay around you but not like a couple. That's unfair.

 

In my opinion going on a break rarely works and usually ends up ruining the relationship. If you have problems then you should talk it over. If you need some time on your own then you don'g have to go on a "break" to do so. Just don't see him/her for a while. But if you are going to do it you need to talk it over and make sure both parties are ok and willing. When one goes on a break but the other doesn't want to that's unfair.

 

Well put

 

This has pretty much been the advice since the start. Find out where she's at and why she's on a break, if she's messing you around then get shot

 

I think its time to let this topic die, its getting a bit nit picky. Its an advice topic, you're not meant to attack people over their opinions

[darkcloud]

Why are -you- getting so worked up over all this? You sound like we're personally offending you...

If it's not fair of the girl to do this, then do you suggest it would be better if she just suddenly said "I'm breaking up with you"? Wouldn't that be worse? I don't even get how taking a break is "not fair". If you can't take it, then you should just break up yourself. =/

 

Why am I getting worked up over it? Because it's a stupid concept and I hate it when people defend stupidity? :-/

 

I've already stated earlier in the thread that a girl should either break up with the person or move on with them in a mature way, you know, have a relationship..... Infact I'll go over this point again as you probably missed it....

 

If someone breaks up with you and you don't want this to happen, you have the option to try to win them back correct? You don't have anything to lose really, no worries just do your best..... If you succeed then you have to work on your problems in the relationship..

 

If someone "goes on a break" you don't really have too much you can do. In this situation you are faced with the problem that a) they want space and b) they have voiced there desire that they may want to get back together with you. Goron just so happens to have stipulation c) that she wants him to hang around her like a little puppy, or a very very very very good friend, whatever... Now taking these things into consideration it's hard for someone to take any form of action other then sit it out and wait, which is obviously a painful experience, made worse by stipulation c in Goron's case.

The only real way to possibly stop the suffering of the person playing the waiting game is take some form of action. This is obviously a risk though, you could make things worse, what do you do?

I suggested Goron talks to the person about it, sort some thing out and try to end the stupidity.

 

What do you think the best idea is? Follow someone, supposedly your loved one, who is knowingly putting you through pain, or, try to stop the stupidity of a "break" and move on as a normal relationship should?

 

 

As for what I'd really prefere a girl to do when she is unsure of something.. Come out and say it. Speak to the person about there problems, be mature about the situation.

 

**I'm tired and I'm going to struggle to type this next part out from a 3rd person perspective, so I'm going to do it from a first person perspective despite the fact it's got nothing to do with me. lol**

 

If you have a problem with something I've done I expect you to tell me, get through it with me OR break up with me.

 

If you have problems in your life outside of our relationship, well, I still expect you to come to me and talk to me about it because that's what relationships are. If not you're just in it to be entertained. Not a serious relationship.

 

Now, if this solution can't be solved with me being inside a relationship with them then I'll break up with them myself. If there is no room for me in said persons life then why would I want to waste both of our time on it? :-/ This situation is the end of a relationship. Maybe you'll end up with them again down the line, but, at this point in time it's not going to function. You get sad, you go emo for a while, eventually you get over it.

 

 

I'm hoping you're more understanding of my point now on why it's stupid.. If not then I dunno. lol

 

 

MoogleViper and Rummy are pretty much spot on. lol

[Goron_3]

Grrr i'm so annoyed. I've got tonsilitus so basically haven't been to school all week and therefore haven't seen her .

 

Not good! Also, i've really enjoyed some of the comments people have left, especially Moogleviper's one that i kinda agree with (well put indeed ).

Well if she wanted space from me, i think she got it, seeing as I've been away from school all week lol.

[Kurtle Squad]

darkcloud's going round in circles now.

 

Breaking up with someone is worse than a break to a girl, because then to them the string is cut, being on a break keep that connection in their mind. End Of.

 

It is also easiest to hurt those who love you.