DanielTimothy Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 Those who tug shalst join Satan in his firey pit of impotentcy! Praise the lord, spare no jizz! Hallelujah!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaggle64 Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 I've never really tried to keep off it for any extended period of time - I like to keep things regular. If I don't at least once every couple of days, it becomes disturbingly difficult to concentrate on other things. I'm sure you understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jordan Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 I've never really tried to keep off it for any extended period of time - I like to keep things regular. If I don't at least once every couple of days, it becomes disturbingly difficult to concentrate on other things. I'm sure you understand. What you mean a couple of days? More like a few hours... I am indeed a slave to my own cock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaggle64 Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 The "couple of days" figure is purely an extreme maximum estimate, let me assure you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ford Prefect Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 well if it kills braincells offerman should be stone dead by now! well, actually half the forum should be dead by now. quite a coincidence that this thread started when it did, i was sat at work earlier (night shift) bored out of my skull. that usually means me thinking about all the stupid pointless shit like lack of a gf and other shit i can just bury away most of the time. this time it ended up leading onto me thinking "shit, how long have i been wanking? when did i start?" i can remember the first time i had a wank better than i can the first time i had sex scarily enough, just can't recall when. think i'm destined to be stuck with just wanking and no sex for some time too. all very irritating....... *goes back to reading thru "Loserz"* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dieter Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 I have only read the first post so far but just had to quote the following High time you read the rest of the thread then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 I feel ill.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The fish Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 Myth: Masturbation feels good.Reality:Is five seconds worth of imaginary pleasure really worth an Eternity in Hell? What? What what what??? I'm sorry, but you are confusing me with someone who was brainwashed by the curch into believing in heaven & hell. "Americans For Purity has called for the homes and cars of people who are caught Masturbating to be taken away without due process and auctioned off, with the money going to anti-Masturbation law enforcement." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a bunch of stupid, bible-bashing dickheads. How the hell do you catch someone having a wafty crank... Thats's why it's crafty, for fuck's sake! "Speech Therapy: Due to the widespread success of laws to make English the Official Language of certain States, many Conservatives are pushing for a Constitutional Amendment that would make the Southern Accent the Official Accent of the United States. We think this is a great idea because, as you've probably noticed, people with Southern Accents tend to be more Godly and Conservative than folks with Yankee accents. Our plan would require that all schoolchildren be taught by teachers with a Southern Accent, and that a Yankee accent should be considered a "speech impediment." President Bush is prepared to spend $2 Billion of Federal money to hire Speech Pathologists to treat children with Yankee accents." So they want America to be hated the people by "the west" as well as the Middle East(bar Israel)? Oh, wait a sec, they already are. Make that "even more hated"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcj metroid Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 http://www.americansforpurity.org/ Masturbation is more dangerous than smoking. Doctors of a generation ago knew this, but since the Sexual Revolution of the 1960's, this fact has been lost in the "if it feels good, do it" mentality. Myth: Masturbation is harmless. Reality: Medical science proves that chronic Masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness. Myth: There are bigger problems than Masturbation, like drugs and AIDS. Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month! Myth: Masturbation is not immoral. Reality: Read your Bible. God was so offended when Onan spilled his seed upon the ground that God struck Onan dead! God hates it when men waste sperm, no matter what the reason. Myth: Masturbation is a "Victimless Crime." Reality: Theological experts on Masturbation have come to the conclusion that Masturbation is what is known as a "gateway" sin. This means that Masturbation leads to more serious offenses. In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators. Myth: Americans value their "Freedom" and will never stand for Masturbation being outlawed. Reality: Masturbatory devices are already illegal in Texas, and the Police in San Antonio and Austin have aggressively enforced this law, even going as far as to torture clerks that worked in stores that sold indecently-shaped soap and candles, and there has been no public outcry. In the Post-9/11 world, Americans couldn't care less about "Freedom!" Myth: Masturbation feels good. Reality: The illusion of pleasure one experiences while Masturbating is actually caused by the simultaneous deaths of millions of brain cells. Is five seconds worth of imaginary pleasure really worth an Eternity in Hell? Myth: But everyone's doing it! Reality: Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don't Masturbate. i do honestly think this is bullshit of the highest order! Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month! who estimated this shite.how the hell can u possibly estimate lost productivity with wanking!AMERICANS! Reality: Read your Bible. God was so offended when Onan spilled his seed upon the ground that God struck Onan dead! God hates it when men waste sperm, no matter what the reason a lot of people like me think don't believe in god and will completely disregard that point!the bible is nothing but myth and probably no truer than the da vinci code.reality my arse! Reality: Theological experts on Masturbation have come to the conclusion that Masturbation is what is known as a "gateway" sin. This means that Masturbation leads to more serious offenses. In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators. Did u hear that? we are all going to turn out to be child rapists!It's more accurate than a horoscope Reality: The illusion of pleasure one experiences while Masturbating is actually caused by the simultaneous deaths of millions of brain cells. Is five seconds worth of imaginary pleasure really worth an Eternity in Hell? I will again bring u back to the fact that religion is myth,that means hell is too! Reality: Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don't Masturbate lol just lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haden Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 So they want America to be hated the people by "the west" as well as the Middle East(bar Israel)?Oh, wait a sec, they already are. Make that "even more hated"... Wow your so original. America is the evil! Dear god read some history and stop making rash judgements. a lot of people like me think don't believe in god and will completely disregard that point!the bible is nothing but myth and probably no truer than the da vinci code.reality my arse! Mjc Metroid its so obviously a joke. But that statement. Dear god again please do some reasearch into what you are talking about. Historically the Da Vanchi Code isn't in the same league as the Bible. Everyone talks of idiot racist americans but tbh the rection of some people to this thread which is obviously just a fun joke. Makes me depressed to be a 21st century European. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellfire Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 All these years I have been wrapped in an illusion of sin and decay. Now I am truly free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcj metroid Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 Wow your so original. America is the evil! Dear god read some history and stop making rash judgements. Mjc Metroid its so obviously a joke. But that statement. Dear god again please do some reasearch into what you are talking about. Historically the Da Vanchi Code isn't in the same league as the Bible. Everyone talks of idiot racist americans but tbh the rection of some people to this thread which is obviously just a fun joke. Makes me depressed to be a 21st century European. i knew it was a joke by dabookerman but some people actually have this View!U know taking the bible over serious etc.I think this is also a topic that annoys me.Lot of people say they don't need to at my school,they have grown out of it!AGH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The3rdChildren Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Beat masturbation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Letty Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Beat masturbation. That was possibley THE most terrifying online experience I have ever had thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spirited away Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Beat masturbation. Oh dear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zero Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Do you recognize this man? He was a successfull TV millionaire actor until he went to a movie theatre and while watching a Walt disney movie, he MASTURBATED in the theatre. He was arrested and now he is a criminal forever. Nobody likes him anymore because he did such an evil, sinful, hellbound thing. He MASTURBATED! Yeah im pretty sure thats why he went to jail. # Men - if you constantly wake up with an erection, you may have to take evasive action. The erection may be caused by the need to urinate. You can overcome this problem by inserting a small plastic tube into your penis and up into your bladder before going to bed at night. The air line from your fish tank will do fine. Run the open end of the tube into a plastic bag and secure the bag firmly with a rubber band. Your urine will run straight through from your bladder to the plastic bag. No need to urinate! No erection! Of course you may end up with a nasty infection in your urethra and bladder from a dirty plastic tube but don't worry. An infected urethra and bladder is very painful and the pain will also help discourage an erection. Or you could take a piss in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaq365 Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Beat masturbation. Great stuff - class! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haden Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 i knew it was a joke by dabookerman but some people actually have this View!U know taking the bible over serious etc.I think this is also a topic that annoys me.Lot of people say they don't need to at my school,they have grown out of it!AGH! Ah ok cool sorry I apologise if I came across as over harsh. Lets all get back to laughing at these pages Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Ninja0 Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Of course you may end up with a nasty infection in your urethra and bladder from a dirty plastic tube but don't worry. An infected urethra and bladder is very painful and the pain will also help discourage an erection. Nice!! I'm going to infect my urethra on purpose so that the pain discourages masturbation... GREAT!! Why haven't i thought of this before?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcj metroid Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Ah ok cool sorry I apologise if I came across as over harsh. Lets all get back to laughing at these pages oh no thats ok ur right i know shit all about this stuff!yeah lets laugh at everyone hehehe he said masterbation:santa: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bard Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 I have to say, Beat It has one hell of a masterful guitar solo. \m/Van Halen!!\m/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightendo Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 longest i've ever gone was six days when i was 24! hell on earth! i was doing one of those medical thingies to make a bit of cash when i was a student (which annoyed my christian year lecturer enough let me tell you!) and because i was locked away in a dorm with a bunch of other grown guys and girls there was no privacy whatsoever. i was seeing a girl at the time, but when i got out did i wait till i saw her? helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll no!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spirited away Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Nice!! I'm going to infect my urethra on purpose so that the pain discourages masturbation... GREAT!! Why haven't i thought of this before?? Rathe you than me :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcj metroid Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 longest i've ever gone was six days when i was 24! hell on earth! i was doing one of those medical thingies to make a bit of cash when i was a student (which annoyed my christian year lecturer enough let me tell you!) and because i was locked away in a dorm with a bunch of other grown guys and girls there was no privacy whatsoever. i was seeing a girl at the time, but when i got out did i wait till i saw her? helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll no!! oh no 6 days!i could never do that again.my longest is 7 days when we went on a school trip to france......I was staying in a room with another guy,What did u want me to do!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KKOB Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 hehe masterbations good, mmm kay! its my seed i'll waste it where, when and on who i want to :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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