How Are You? (Mental Health Thread)

[Goafer]

I see quite a few social media posts saying you should check on your friends once in a while and talk openly about things more, but very rarely do I see people actually doing its. So how are you all? Is everything ok, or is there something you're not happy with? Mental health is hugely important and I think we should all talk about it more.

To help ease people into it, I'll get the ball rolling. It's not the easiest thing for me to talk about, but I guess I need to lead by example right?

I'm fairly good overall, but it's not always been that way. It's taken my current state to realise how bad I was before. About 2 years ago, I left a dull, unfulfilling job where the owners of the company were always making the employees feel worthless and unvalued. It wasn't horrendous or abusive, it was just that subtle kind of belittlement that you can't call them out on because each incident is tiny, but it mounts up over time. Still, it wasn't awful and I was just fed up after 8 years.

I was unsure of the job I was moving to, but it paid more and I figured it couldn't be worse. I was very, very wrong. The boss/owner of the business started out nice, but he turned out to be a complete bully. It sounds childish to say that, but that's exactly what he was. He was clearly insecure or miserable in his own life, so had to spread the misery. And he was very good at it. My memory isn't great at the best of times, but the sheer volume and nature of the work made it very easy to miss things. Loads of little jobs that caused a very hectic working day. Everyone forgot things, even the boss himself, in fact him more than most. But my memory soon became a thing of ridicule.

He went through phases of giving certain employees a hard time. For a few weeks it would be me, then he'd move on until the cycle came back to me. When it was my turn, he'd constantly check that I was remembering things. Not in a helpful way, but in a completely mocking way. If I forgot anything, I'd get a comment such as "What's wrong with you, have you actually got a problem with your memory?". Again, not in a helpful way, but implying that I was useless. If there were no particular thing for him to point out, he'd just start random conversations asking if I had genuine problems with my memory. It was masked as concern, but he'd always do it in front of people to embarrass me. At one point, after I'd made a mistake, he even called over my coworker to help figure out what was wrong with me. As he was the owner of the company and I have a mortgage to pay, I couldn't simply respond "because there's too much fucking work and no other cunt actually bothers to answer the phones or see to the walk-in customers". I spoke to the coworker afterwards and even he felt it was like the owner called him over to gang up on me. He was as uncomfortable as I was.

He would also do things like text me after hours/at the weekends. One occasion that sticks in my mind is the time he sent me a text on a Saturday, whilst I was in town. A customer had emailed to complain that she hadn't received enough prints. I didn't have access to the emails, so I had no idea about it. The first I heard was from a coworker that pre-warned me as he could access the emails from his phone. The text I received from the boss was lengthy, but ended with "What's wrong with you, can you even do simple maths?". Again, I endured it, because I had to pay the mortgage.

To add to this, it was a fast paced, customer facing job, which stresses me out on it's own, even without the added bullshit.

All this put me in quite a dark place. I absolutely dreaded the drive into work and would have done anything to delay the inevitable arrival. Even times when I wasn't actually at work, I was almost terrified of the thought of going back. I was even scared to look at my phone every time I got a text or Facebook message, just in case it was the boss with another mistake I'd made.

I wouldn't say I had full on depression or anxiety, as I think people are far too quick to throw those terms around and it belittles the people that genuinely suffer from them, but looking back, I definitely wasn't in a good place. Even looking back through my texts to find the above quote makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. I felt my heart racing as I re-read it.

Somehow, after 9 months of working there, I managed to find the energy to apply for other jobs and the first interview I had lead to a job offer, which I accepted. It was quite risky, as it was working from home, which seemed too good to be true and the interview was in a hotel conference room, so I had never seen the actual office. Something just didn't feel right and I had a hard time believing such a job existed. I didn't care though, I knew I needed out of the job I was currently in ASAP. Firstly because it was clearly not good for me and secondly, because I feared I would get fired soon. There was always the constant fear of being fired, as he had a history of firing people via text with no notice period. I think that was just people on their probation period though. The person who phone to offer me the job did so at 5pm, as I was locking up. Everyone else had gone home and I was just going to the toilet before leaving. I had just finished peeing and the phone rang. I hadn't even had chance to wash my hands, but I recognised the number so I answered immediately. There I was, in a horrendously grotty toilet with unwashed hands and when I heard those words "We'd like to offer you the job", it was like a wave of positive emotions. I was free of this shithole. Event with the doubts about the new job, I was free. I smiled all the way home, knowing that even though I had to give a months notice, I didn't have to give a shit anymore. Nothing the boss could do could in that month could bring me down. Worst case scenario is he could fire me in that time, which would just result in an even earlier freedom.

Luckily, the job turned out to be genuine and it's amazing. The people, from the lowest level all the way to the CEO, are amazing and there's a genuine concern for the staff. I've never had employee perks before, but this job seems to hand out genuinely thoughtful benefits. We have a Perkbox subscription for leisure stuff, but there's also more serious things like access to a mental health phoneline, if we feel the need to talk to someone. They're not huge things, but everything combined with the respect people give each other just makes a hugely positive atmosphere.

I still have the rare "dark days", but they're few and far between. I'm way more happy now than I've probably ever been. If I sit and think about things, there will always be areas that I want to improve in my life, but overall I think I'm happy. One thing that really hit home was when I went on holiday to Greece recently. I had previously been to Barcelona whilst working at the previous job and the flight home was just awful. I had had a great time and knowing that it was all over and I had to return to that hellish place was just soul destroying. The flight home from Greece was nothing like that. I enjoyed it and it was a shame that it was over, but I was still happy. There was absolutely no post-holiday blues and I had no issue with returning to work on Monday.

I am so incredibly thankful that I took the chance on my current job. Aside from being a great job, I feel it has helped my mental health immensely. I had so many doubts about it at various stages and it makes me almost nervous thinking about the times I almost turned it down. When they offered a phone interview, I forgot it was working from home and all I saw when I double checked the company was that their office was just over an hour away, so I almost turned it down due to the increased travel time. It was only my dread of the current job that forced me to keep my options open and see where it went. During the phone interview, they reminded me that it was working from home (fortunately without me having to reveal that I had forgotten), but even then it seemed like a fake job.

Whilst I was working at the hellish job, I really regretted leaving my previous job, but looking back on it all, the fear of that job lead me to my current one. For that reason, I don't regret a thing. I still occasionally drive the old route to the awful job, just to remind myself of that feeling of dread I felt every morning and to make me realise how lucky I now am. It's not a route I've ever had to drive for any other reason, so it will always be associated with that job.

I guess the lesson I learned is that happiness isn't something that will just come to you. You have to work for it. Even if it's just going out and actually doing something, anything, instead of just sitting around wondering what to do/feeling sorry for yourself. It's definitely not easy, but every step, no matter how insignificant will make a difference. Even if the first step you take is tiny and makes no difference to how you actually feel, it may just raise your energy level enough to make a slightly bigger step next time. I had absolutely zero energy and self worth, but my sheer dread of the job gave me just enough drive to apply for jobs. From there, I just went with the flow and luck was on my side.

So yeah, that's my story. I'm hoping that by opening up and sharing mine, others will follow suit and find it helpful. Anyone else care to share?

Edited September 2, 2018 by Goafer

[Esequiel]

Well done for sharing mate, not easy to talk about. I will one day, but today isn’t that day!

 

if you ever need someone to listen send me a PM

[Goafer]

1 hour ago, Esequiel said:

Well done for sharing mate, not easy to talk about. I will one day, but today isn’t that day!

 

if you ever need someone to listen send me a PM

Cheers, although I'm pretty good nowadays. I think it was more a direct reaction to the circumstances I was in, rather than an actual ongoing issue. As soon as I got that phone call saying I had the new job, I completely changed. 

But I guess that's a part of the whole mental health spectrum. Sometimes it is just temporary and easy to fix, other times it's not.

I mirror your offer though. Same goes for anyone. I'll happily listen to anyone and offer advice where I can. I'm hoping my original post will make it easier for others to speak about their experiences and get help. Those 9 months at that job were fucking dark at times and if anyone else is going through it now, or still having residual issues due to a previous dark time, I want to help.

[Beast]

Cheers, although I'm pretty good nowadays. I think it was more a direct reaction to the circumstances I was in, rather than an actual ongoing issue. As soon as I got that phone call saying I had the new job, I completely changed. 
But I guess that's a part of the whole mental health spectrum. Sometimes it is just temporary and easy to fix, other times it's not.
I mirror your offer though. Same goes for anyone. I'll happily listen to anyone and offer advice where I can. I'm hoping my original post will make it easier for others to speak about their experiences and get help. Those 9 months at that job were fucking dark at times and if anyone else is going through it now, or still having residual issues due to a previous dark time, I want to help.

That was extremely brave of you to share and horrible because I really can relate. I've faced that too in a few of my jobs. I thought it was me but when my co-workers also said "I've noticed it too", that was when I went. Over three jobs, I've had bullying due to my education (apparently I was "too thick" to ever be promoted from nothing more than a sales assistant. Also, something I've never said I don't think, I have needed extra help in most classes because sometimes I don't understand what people say when they explain things. They never knew but when I was constantly called 'thick', it brings back a lot), my sexuality (I'm straight but apparently, "I'm fooling nobody and it's embarrassing"), my body size (this was when I was about 19st with a binge eating problem when I was upset and stressed, which someone caught on and used against me) and, the worst one, my race (I'm mixed race and apparently "it's an abomination"- there's more incidents of this and it ended with me getting my assistant manager in a room I knew that never had cameras and putting him in a headlock...yes, it was my assistant manager. He never done it again but it always stuck with me). I joke about the amount of jobs I have now and I share the stories I have openly but back then, it was horrendous and I'm not trying to act like the Hulk but it was either leave or punch them. My anger and upset started to show in my personal life, it probably even did here to be honest. This was my only place to release my problems. The only place where people listened and never said "that's normal, quit your whingeing". It wasn't normal and I knew it so I leave these jobs because my health is far more important than a wage. There's thousands of jobs out there but there's only one of you and I understand there's bills and mortgages to pay but jobs are out there. Now I lie about my jobs but it's given me experience, which I'm grateful for. You done the right thing leaving that job!

I promise you I'll talk about mine but I haven't got time but I just wanted you to know you weren't alone in sharing.

Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Tapatalk

[Grazza]

4 hours ago, Animal said:

Over three jobs, I've had bullying due to my education (apparently I was "too thick" to ever be promoted from nothing more than a sales assistant. Also, something I've never said I don't think, I have needed extra help in most classes because sometimes I don't understand what people say when they explain things. They never knew but when I was constantly called 'thick', it brings back a lot), my sexuality (I'm straight but apparently, "I'm fooling nobody and it's embarrassing"), my body size (this was when I was about 19st with a binge eating problem when I was upset and stressed, which someone caught on and used against me) and, the worst one, my race (I'm mixed race and apparently "it's an abomination"- there's more incidents of this and it ended with me getting my assistant manager in a room I knew that never had cameras and putting him in a headlock...yes, it was my assistant manager. He never done it again but it always stuck with me).

 

These really are extremely rude things to say.  I'm sorry you've had to mix with such horrible people - never accept that it's normal or civil to speak like they have to you.

[Ashley]

I'm glad to hear things turned out well in the end @Goafer  I can remember you talking about the new (and if I'm getting the timing right, ultimately horrible) job when we were sorting out MM.  It's good to see you have got to a good place in the end.

I am by and large okay at the moment.  I was juggling a 3 day job with contracting 2+ days elsewhere (on top of this place and other responsibilities) and I've decided to start cutting back on those.  I've given up the contracting because even though it was better paid it was more of a hassle because of multiple clients, learning different setups, less control over work etc.  Decided to go 5 days at my 3 day place because its better the devil you know sometimes (currently that contract is being held up by the CIO but I'm going to assume it'll be fine...) but since it finished last week I've had that feeling of relief you know? When you're working towards something/waiting for something to be over and then it finally is and you just kind of let out a deep sigh of relief.  Also kind of feeling that about getting my braces out next month (I can enjoy bread again!)

I'm now finally getting back into the swing of the game creation thing and have a better sense of what I want to do so I'm working towards that.  Got an event at BAFTA next weekend and looking forward to that and I'm going to try and network (I hate doing that because I'm not great with speaking to strangers and my inability to remember names and faces doesn't help).

I'm in a good relationship even if it is long distance now although I still have times of panic that I'm just not good enough for a relationship/it isn't 'me'/imposters syndrome.

Mild guilt over barely having been home this year but I need to build up a distance between my family for my own mental welfare, even if that in turn adds to it a little...families eh?

[Beast]

  These really are extremely rude things to say.  I'm sorry you've had to mix with such horrible people - never accept that it's normal or civil to speak like they have to you.

 

 

Thanks[mention=3619]Grazza[/mention]. I used to think it was normal. I promised I'd share when I had time. I just got the time so here we go.

 

Job #1

The weird thing was that after a while, it started to feel like I'd always have things like this. I never left my first job but it was the first time I faced some sort of racial discrimination. It was back during the time the UK had riots all over the country. Well, the shopping park where I worked was targetted with everyone shutting up shops, evacuating customers to safety and what not. My supervisor, who didn't really take a liking to me, which I just accepted, said to me "this is all your fault, your lot can't even act human. It's no wonder you all haven't evolved". I was shocked more than anything but it kind of stuck with me. Like, it was the first time I couldn't let go of something like I usually could. It made me angry but then made me upset because I couldn't do anything about it as the management were so far up his arse. It got worse after that. Bit of a backstory before I go into this- you had to do 12 months before earning a permanent contract there so you were on probation for a year. Nobody ever made it past the 11th month. Back to the problem, there was a huge case made against me stating that I wrongly refunded over a thousand pounds worth of goods and apparently it had my signature on it. In a round-about way, they were accusing me of stealing the money. I can honestly say that some of the refunds I did (not stealing the money but the refunds were legit) but a lot of the refunds I genuinely never recalled. The woman was such a bitter cunt over it and added so much unneeded pressure. She asked why I did it and how I felt. I said "Right now, I feel intimidated" and they quickly jumped up and said "don't say that, you make us sound like we're bullying you when we're not!" and, being naive and not the gobby bloke I am today, I said "Okay, sorry" and they asked if it was because I was rejected by a girl I asked out. (This was another sales assistant. She was nice and I thought we hit it off but she never saw me that way and I accepted it and we both moved on). I asked what that had to do with anything and apparently, she was saying I was harrassing her about it (which wasn't the case at all as I asked her afterwards and she said "no way!" and even tried to have it out with her. I felt really bad and constantly asked her and apologised endlessly but she assured me I did nothing wrong. We still speak from time-to-time even now so I believe her, lmao). In the end, they dismissed me. I was left feeling so down, depressed, horrible thoughts ran through my head, I comfort ate but then I found Job #2.

 

Job #2

To be honest, Job #2 was okay. I was tougher and took no shit this time round. I made that promise to myself. I said that nobody would ever make me feel that bad ever again. You get customers who are arsy but that comes with the territory and I had the odd comment but I could handle it. I had the whole sexuality thing where people tried to "out me" and told me I'm convincing nobody. I always answered back the same thing I always say which is "It's not my fault you're jealous that I'm this comfortable and secure in myself and you're having to live an insecure life just so you don't lose your 'man card'". It was happening for a fair bit but it wore off eventually. It's a bit annoying because it still happens now but not so much. However, the main thing that never helped me mentally was this next bit. I constantly had a woman coming in who I knew to be my real mother's friend. I don't speak to my real mom at all. We haven't done for 12 years last week and honestly, I'm happy with that. I never will want to talk to her again and she feels the same about me. I don't really call her my mom but I refer to my step-mom as my mom....well, this will explain why. So this woman constantly came in and tried showing me photos of my mom all of the time. I said "I wasn't interested", kept it strictly business and asked if she needed shoes (this was the first shoe shop, by the way, lmao). She came in a few times and I'd go out back until she left. One day, I was sorting out the shoes on the shelf near the back of the shop when I saw, in the corner of my eye, a face looking in from the window. She just stared at me. I pretended I didn't notice and walked near the front to get a look. I blatantly turned to find it was my mom. At this point now, I hadn't seen her in 5 years. I was shocked but she looked at me with the worst look, like she stepped in dog shit, shook her head and walked off. At this point, I felt the emotions from the last job happen again. I was angry, hurt, upset, betrayed and I had all of these emotions I didn't know how to deal with. My mom's friend marched in the shop and started rowing on me out of nowhere. She said "If you only knew how much you hurt her! You have totally destroyed her life" and I asked "How? I was the child! Do you even know what happened or are you following the tune she plays?" but she just carried on. I wanted to tell her everything but then I thought why should I? It's my life and not this random woman I know nothing about. So I told her to sling her hook. My manager asked me "why did that woman in the window hate you so much?" and when I said "that's my real mom. I haven't seen her in 5 years and that's how she sees me now". My manager hugged me and told me to go out back and get my thoughts together. Funny thing is, I genuinely done nothing wrong. It just started out of nowhere. We got her friend banned from the shop and from coming near me in the shopping centre. Fun fact- even though I'm not there anymore, it still stands! Her picture is on the security wall, haha. It played on my mind for ages though. Why did she look at me like that? With such hate? I'll never forget that look forever and it's something I've thought about.

 

Job #3

I've touched on this a little bit but this one is the one I seriously remember clear as day. Basically, I had this assistant manager who was a closet racist. The only reason why I know is because he's only told a very select few his true self. One of them being me. He told me horrible stuff and what I'm about to say was happening over roughly two years on and off. What I'm about to say are purely quotes and nothing more but if it's too much for here, message me and I'll edit asap. He nicknamed me Sandy, which I constantly told him not to numerous times in a very calm and collected manner. He said some racial slurs which I doubt I can repeat here. He said all black people were ugly to which I said "Oh, shut the fuck up, you ignorant cunt" and walked away. It was this last bit that got me riled up to the point of no return. We didn't always see eye-to-eye and we got along for the sake of the job because at the end of the day, it's a small shop, a small team and to put it in a way, the manager was fucking abysmal. She would always support anybody management which was clear when I had a problem with a supervisor. She chose what she wanted to see. So me and the assistant manager were out back just doing delivery when the conversation got on to me being mixed race. From the start, I said "Stop because this is going to be uncomfortable really fast" but he didn't. He proceeded to say "I think black people and white people getting together is disgusting. It's an abomination" to which I said "Okay, you've really gone there. I can't believe you've just said that and you're dumb enough to do it in front of a mixed race lad" and he said "It's true. Black people and white people should never have sex, it's disgusting and their babies are an abomination. They make very cute babies but it's still an abomination". I questioned if anybody else in the place knows his views on everything he's said and he said "One or two- including you". He carried on with being just vile and disgusting. I got mad but I calmed down and said "I'm going to lunch". I ate and went back to work. I went out back to see the manager and the assistant manager in the office looking at CCTV and heard the manager say "Ah, it's that black kid robbing again" (which I don't have a problem with), the assistant manager then said "It's always THEM lot". I RAGED, it was like everything that was happening just overloaded in my head so knocked on the door and asked if he could help me lift something heavy in the delivery room, which everyone knew wasn't CCTV'd. He followed me there when I closed the door, asked if he had a problem with me, he said yeah and said some stuff so I grabbed him in a headlock and said "Shut your vile fucking mouth up. You're a disgusting, weasly little cunt. If I ever hear you say anything remotely racist, we can take this outside and have it out. Now do you have a fucking problem with my skin colour?". He said "No, it was only a joke" and I said "it's not funny and you know it isn't. I've told you time and time again". I let him go and we had a bit of a heated conversation, I called him pathetic and said "I'll be civil to you because I need this job right now and I don't want the whole drama in this place but rest assured, I fucking hate your guts". Walked out the room but stayed in the job for another 3 months. Admittedly it wasn't my proudest moment that he got me to that point but we both dropped it. Probably because he knew he'd be in the shit a LOT more than I would. He tried to befriend me to which I just accepted his 'niceness' but it was that job I was exposed to proper racism.

 

It fucked with my mind massively. I know what I did was wrong but my mind just snapped after months of it. I used to be happy-go-lucky, a laugh a minute and always seeing the bright side to a bad situation. Experiencing all of that just fucked me up. Thinking of it now makes me so mad. At that time, I couldn't express my anger and it got to the point where it was so frustrating, I'd randomly cry.

 

I know this post is long and possibly everyone reading this may think "how have you not realised the world can be nasty?" but these were the first three jobs I ever had. I got better and now I'm mentally okay. Obviously I had a huge setback when my Grandad passed away and all that family drama- that can mess me up a little. It's always around this time of year too. From September to December.  It makes me a bit anxious and upset at times but I guess it comes with the territory. I just think he'd want me to be the best person I can be and he'd want me to achieve what I want to achieve in life, "As long as you love what you do, you'll never work".

 

 

I guess I made this post because I want people to know that there's always light even in the darkest of times It's done no favours to my mental health. I have OCD (and no, it's not me having the need to clean every 10 seconds like most people love telling me it is -_-) but with me, it's over-checking and doing rituals. I'm a lot better now but it has been known for me to not leave the house or leave the shop. Luckily, I've got a couple of people who know how to deal with me and I've done CBT which has helped loads. The darkness never lasts forever and there's always a choice of climbing out of that darkness. I promised myself I'd never put myself in that situation again nor would I ever put up with anything like that for anyone or any job. I want my life filled with love and laughter. Like I said[mention=4083]Goafer[/mention], you were so right leaving when you did. I'm happier now than ever but with my knee, I feel worried and anxious because I hope it's not permanent. 

 

Sorry for the long post but thank you if you've read it.

 

 

[sumo73]

I'll keep it short-

Rule 4 : Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrZ4JiFA2OQ

[Iun]

How am I? Quickly disappearing over the Madness Horizon and still accelerating.

[Charlie]

On 09/09/2018 at 5:26 PM, sumo73 said:

I'll keep it short-

Rule 4 : Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrZ4JiFA2OQ

Also don't compare yourself to who someone else is in general. You only see the best part of their life, you don't see any internal battles that might have going on.

 

While my mental health is largely fine I've been helping someone else who is struggling with depression and we've both agreed the resources out there provided by the NHS and in general are terrible. We were directed to a Glasgow based website where the GP said that you can sign up for group and (short) individual sessions. The closest group sessions were 2 months away and absolutely no mention of the 121s. The resource PDFs they have, which do provide good information, constantly mentioned websites that no longer existed. The NHS Mental Health website is terrible too.

It's really made me consider building a new mental health resource that answers all the questions that these public ones don't. How do you talk to work about it? What do you actually do if you get signed off work because of a mental health problem? Who do you talk to in a crisis? It really feels like we're missing so much vital information and it is costing lives.

[Grazza]

1 hour ago, Charlie said:

While my mental health is largely fine I've been helping someone else who is struggling with depression and we've both agreed the resources out there provided by the NHS and in general are terrible. We were directed to a Glasgow based website where the GP said that you can sign up for group and (short) individual sessions. The closest group sessions were 2 months away and absolutely no mention of the 121s. The resource PDFs they have, which do provide good information, constantly mentioned websites that no longer existed. The NHS Mental Health website is terrible too.

 

I saw a proposal to actually put a mental health worker in each GP practice.  It would make a huge difference, in my opinion.  When people are suffering with their mental health they are at their weakest, and the thought of getting to a distant location (eg. a hospital) can be too much.

[Jimbob]

I'm so so regarding my mental health.  Finally moving into a place with my partner has certainly lifted my mood, and i feel so much better once again having the freedom to do what i want (within legal reasons) instead of being restricted within the confines of my parents house and rules.

The side that still dragging me down is the work side, which is probably the worst.  From 2015 right through to February 2018, i've been sitting on the edge, not being able to do much.  Basically, i've been on the receiving end of the disciplinary action of my place, and it's not the most ideal situation to be in.  No matter what evidence you provide to defend yourself, the panel just dismiss it and go ahead with their decision and the route they want to take.  The only time they back down is when you have provided evidence to prove you have done nothing wrong, then (with the union rep with you to back you up) go down the route of taking things to a tribunal, which results in most cases being dropped.  Which you shouldn't have to do, but it does feel the only way at times.  Because of the action being taken on me, it hits you hard and impacts your performance in the office.  Because the disciplinary action is right on the front of your mind, and due to reasons you can't discuss with anyone bar an official rep or the panel about the case.  So you can imagine how that feels, it brings you right into a deep pit of negativitiy and you do feel worthless.

Then, you have certain managers who feel they need to target you and make you feel worthless, sort of big themselves up to progress themselves.  Which resulted in a 2nd course of disciplinary action hitting me due to a manager not liking me, and using it as a chance to attempt to get rid of the waste to get themselves promoted.  And because of how you feel, you can't challenge it because of the 1st instance still on file.  And yet, other members of staff can literally shout and stuff at managers and get away with it, even getting a new job out of it (where-as me being quiet and focusing on getting a new job get's it taken from me)

It took me a year (2017 to 2018) to finally have the courage to stand up for myself, and proceed to filing complaints against the individuals who made me feel like crap.  But, it's not all positive.  I've gone from a job where i had responsibility to a job where all i do is upload emails all day every day.  And job rejections left right and centre isn't helping me, and making me feel worse than i need to.  I'm in serious consideration on going on long-term sick just to get out of here because i can't take much more.

[Charlie]

1 hour ago, Grazza said:

 

I saw a proposal to actually put a mental health worker in each GP practice.  It would make a huge difference, in my opinion.  When people are suffering with their mental health they are at their weakest, and the thought of getting to a distant location (eg. a hospital) can be too much.

I hadn't heard that (probably England and Wales only, Scotland do their own thing in regards to health*) and it seems like a great idea. A lot of issues come from a person in need has to make the first step and if that first step is a phone call to some service where you don't really know what to say it can be really, really daunting for them as depression is often a package deal with anxiety. 

Having someone in a GP surgery is who specifically trained to deal with mental health issues would be a really positive step. From my experience a lot of GPs don't really seem to care that much about it.

*SNP have just announced £250m towards mental health services which is great. I think a lot of this is for children as one of the big announcements was a mental health officer in schools.

"Child mental health waits are the worst on record, it emerged on Tuesday, with more than 3000 youngsters unable to secure treatment within the 18-week target." 

An 18-week target... that's a 4 month target time for someone who could be suicidal to receive treatment. It should be a 4 day target.

Edited September 12, 2018 by Charlie

[Ashley]

7 hours ago, Charlie said:

Also don't compare yourself to who someone else is in general. You only see the best part of their life, you don't see any internal battles that might have going on.

 

While my mental health is largely fine I've been helping someone else who is struggling with depression and we've both agreed the resources out there provided by the NHS and in general are terrible. We were directed to a Glasgow based website where the GP said that you can sign up for group and (short) individual sessions. The closest group sessions were 2 months away and absolutely no mention of the 121s. The resource PDFs they have, which do provide good information, constantly mentioned websites that no longer existed. The NHS Mental Health website is terrible too.

It's really made me consider building a new mental health resource that answers all the questions that these public ones don't. How do you talk to work about it? What do you actually do if you get signed off work because of a mental health problem? Who do you talk to in a crisis? It really feels like we're missing so much vital information and it is costing lives.

 

5 hours ago, Grazza said:

 

I saw a proposal to actually put a mental health worker in each GP practice.  It would make a huge difference, in my opinion.  When people are suffering with their mental health they are at their weakest, and the thought of getting to a distant location (eg. a hospital) can be too much.

Work has introduced mental health first aiders. Not been to the training or really heard much about it (it's a voluntary position) but the concept is basically someone in each department is trained on helping someone with mental health (although I assume it's mostly signposting) if they approach them.

The NHS provisions are overstretched though. Someone I know was referred after several suicide attempts but still had to wait several months to see anyone.

[Ashley]

I think one thing that has helped me lately is treating random days off like a holiday day. I'm getting better at not beating myself up for not working on my own stuff all day and just going out to sit down for lunch to relax, or take a book to a cafe or something like that. 

I know I'm afforded the opportunity because I'm working three days a week, but even when I go back to five soon I think I'll book odd days to do this. 

I'm currently sat outside in the Barbican having lunch and a beer and feeling super relaxed.

[Goafer]

21 hours ago, Ashley said:

 

Work has introduced mental health first aiders. Not been to the training or really heard much about it (it's a voluntary position) but the concept is basically someone in each department is trained on helping someone with mental health (although I assume it's mostly signposting) if they approach them.

My workplace has signed up for something with Bupa. I can't quite remember what the arrangement is, but we've basically all been given a number to call if we ever want to talk about anything. It's anonymous, with my company only knowing how many people are using it per month (probably for billing purposes), but not who is using it or why.

I haven't used it, but it seems a pretty good system. Saves having to talk to someone you know about potentially embarrassing issues.

[martinist]

So my GP put me on this online cognitive behavioral therapy course because it was either this or antidepressants. Why would you take antidepressants for anxiaty?

First session was kinda standard, atleast I don't have to deal with talking to people this way, I always seem to freeze up and end up not saying much even if what I'm trying to say is improtant.

I'll see how it goes anyway.

[bob]

So my GP put me on this online cognitive behavioral therapy course because it was either this or antidepressants. Why would you take antidepressants for anxiaty?
First session was kinda standard, atleast I don't have to deal with talking to people this way, I always seem to freeze up and end up not saying much even if what I'm trying to say is improtant.
I'll see how it goes anyway.

My wife did CBT and found it pretty useful (she didn't want to go on medication either). The only issue is that it didn't last for very long and now she doesn't have the time to go back on it.