Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder?

[Beast]

A friend and I had yet another epic conversation that I would love to bring to N-E because I believe it would be quite a good discussion. We've all heard of the phrase in the thread title but the question is which do you favour? Outer beauty or inner beauty? In percentage, how much is one more important than the other? What are your views?

 

For me, I would say inner beauty is so much more important than outer beauty. I'd rather have someone who's real and genuine over someone who faffs around too much with their looks with no personality. As a percentage, I would say 75% inner beauty and 25% outer beauty.

 

You guys?

[Ellmeister]

I believe anyone that doesn't put at least 50% outer beauty is lying. People all have different standards/ things they find attractive of another person but I do not know anyone someone they believe I'd ugly but really nice on the inside.

 

Also, the capitals in the thread title hurt my eyes. Can we fix it pease?

[Beast]

I believe anyone that doesn't put at least 50% outer beauty is lying. People all have different standards/ things they find attractive of another person but I do not know anyone someone they believe I'd ugly but really nice on the inside.

 

Also, the capitals in the thread title hurt my eyes. Can we fix it pease?

 

I honestly don't believe outer beauty is as important as inner beauty. It's possibly through my own experiences though.

 

I'll try a better example: If you were looking for someone to date, would you think firstly about how they look or how they are as a person? What would be more important to you?

 

(Damn, why do I think of this shit later? That was what I meant to say!)

[Jonnas]

Those who are great people on the inside tend to have the most sincere, pleasant, beautiful smiles. I do think this is a direct correlation between both.

Then again, I tend to think that the ugliest people are those who remind me of those who wronged me before.

 

I suppose this means that my judgement of outer beauty is inevitably influenced by inner beauty, therefore, I have to give a greater weight to the latter.

 

I'll try a better example: If you were looking for someone to date, would you think firstly about how they look or how they are as a person? What would be more important to you?

 

Obviously someone who you just met is someone whose outer beauty is all they've shown you so far. On the other hand, you can figure out a few things from them just by exchanging a few words with them (are they talkative, open about their emotions, etc.)

 

Usually, those few words are more important than the first glance, whenever I feel like asking someone out.

[Ellmeister]

If you find someone unattractive you are not going to stick around to find out their inner beauty.

[Beast]

Of course, attraction must come into play but I'd much rather have a woman who's kind and loving rather than a complete bitchy bell-end.

[Happenstance]

I would certainly say that attraction plays a big factor but I have found that I've liked certain women's personalities so much that it has definitely made them seem more attractive to me than before.

[Ellmeister]

Of course, attraction must come into play but I'd much rather have a woman who's kind and loving rather than a complete bitchy bell-end.

 

The latter option is just an extreme though.

[Fierce_LiNk]

Hmm, I would argue that sometimes you are made to feel bad for valuing outer beauty as it may imply that you are shallow. Or, that you only care about looks. You also take to find certain crowds spouting the "inner beauty all the way" lines as they don't value themselves as "beautiful". If they're overweight, for example. A bit of a generalisation, I know.

 

Both are important. Why can't you have both? I wouldn't go on a date with somebody I didn't find attractive, and I wouldn't go on a date with somebody who was boring as fuck. I go for both. A boring personality puts me off, but I also need something that catches my eye in the first place.

[Ashley]

Obviously personality plays a part otherwise I wouldn't be single. Come on, look at me!

[MoogleViper]

You can't really divvy it up as if it's scales tipped either one way or the other. Both need to be satisfied, so it's not a case of one being more important than the other.

 

It would be like saying "What's a more important component of a car, the wheels or the engine?". Well without either the car isn't going to work.

[Magnus]

Obviously personality plays a part otherwise I wouldn't be single. Come on, look at me!

Wait, are you saying that you have a terrible personality?

[MoogleViper]

Wait, are you saying that you have a terrible personality?

 

[Goafer]

All personality and no looks = zero attraction, so just friends

All looks and no personality = At best a short term thing

Both = Winner

 

I think the reason so many people think that personality is more important than looks is that they're rating looks on a "could she be a model?" type of beauty. But everyone has different tastes, so when you see someone dating an ugly person we just assume they've chosen the uggo due to their personality. In actual fact, that's just their taste and they actually just find them physically attractive.

 

I'm sure we've all looked at people and thought they weren't conventionally beautiful, but we still find them attractive.

 

When people say they're only looking for personality, what I actually think they mean is that they've stopped caring what the general public finds attractive and are actually looking for someone with personality, but also a look they personally find attractive, even if it's not "media beautiful".

 

 

I personally find odd little physical quirks quite attractive. I'm not talking full on rhino horn or hammerhead eyes, but little interesting things that set people apart from the crowd.

[Magnus]

I think Ashley's personality is the real joke.

[Pestneb]

Yeah, it varies from person to person, but I don't think it can be quantified. I think generally a crappy interior needs an awesome exterior, and a crappy exterior needs an awesome interior. You need a balance between the two, regardless of who you are. I think beauty is based on self perception, if you think you are the best looking in the world you'll be pickier on the looks front, if you think you are butt ugly, you will lower expectations. What people think of themselves tends to vary to some extent from reality. Then you have motives - are people looking for true love? someone to have children with? a quick fling? someone looking for a short term relationship may have lower expectations than someone looking for a longer term relationship. Maybe they want to use a relationship as a bargaining chip for personal gain?

 

short term relationships hinge more on looks - personality is hard to gauge, why invest that much into a short relationship?

long term relationships hinge more on personality - if you are going for the long haul you don't want a unpleasant individual.

[Diageo]

Like everyone's said, they're both important. While I would think physical attractiveness is more important to attraction and inner beauty is more important towards affection. While personality can change someone's perception of their physical attractiveness, physical attractiveness also changes people's perceptions of personality. The Halo effect being that people attribute good things to beautiful people, and are more likely to overlook flaws.

[yesteryeargames]

Would you say 99% of people who use dating sites are shallow ?

Edited December 30, 2013 by yesteryeargames

[Diageo]

Well you can't exactly advertise your personality on it.

[Zechs Merquise]

It's always a mix of both. Initial attraction comes from someone's looks. You then usually find out about the personality later when you've got to know them. But a relationship not based on some form of physical attraction is simply friendship.

 

I always find it curious when people say they don't go for 'looks'. I see this as a simply dropping your standards because you don't believe you can get something better.

 

Let's face it - right now, you may be forced to chase the chubby single mum from down the street, because she is your best option. But if you won the Euromillions, you wouldn't be wasting your time on her, you'd be sat off the coast of Monaco on your yacht deciding which model you were going to pleasure.

 

What's more, personality and looks simply don't correlate as people suggest. Good looking girls aren't all bitches, they just aren't going to present their best side to someone they don't want to be with.

 

If a girl I don't fancy approaches me, she might not like me as I'm hardly going to make that much effort. On the other hand if a ravishing beauty approaches me, I will be generous, kind, funny and charming. I go out of my way to be nicer because I'm looking to make that impression.

 

If you suddenly found yourself to be wealthy and powerful beyond your wildest dreams, I'm sure you would pretty soon be surrounded by beautiful women who all laughed at your jokes, listened intently to your stories and were all interested in doing plenty of stuff that you loved doing. Suddenly you would find yourself dating a beauty with an awesome personality, but one she wouldn't have presented to someone she didn't want to date.

 

Also @Diageo is right on this one, anyone that tries internet dating is obviously going off looks! You browse the pictures, you click on the ones you fancy and message them. And before anyone says they read the profiles and they are the important bit - that's nonsense. Those profiles are written to make everyone sound ten times more interesting than they really are and half of it is pure bullshit. No one clicks on a horrific looking bird hoping to find a great personality!

[Goafer]

Also @Diageo is right on this one, anyone that tries internet dating is obviously going off looks! You browse the pictures, you click on the ones you fancy and message them. And before anyone says they read the profiles and they are the important bit - that's nonsense. Those profiles are written to make everyone sound ten times more interesting than they really are and half of it is pure bullshit. No one clicks on a horrific looking bird hoping to find a great personality!

 

Well my experience of online dating is sort of like that, but not entirely. I'd say it mimics real life. The looks get the interest, then the personality (or profile in this case) keeps the interest enough to talk to/message them.

 

There were plenty of good looking girls that I didn't message, simply because their profiles were not to my taste (listed drinking as a hobby, spent the whole profile whinging about ex's etc).

 

I've also been on dates where the person wasn't exactly stunning in their photo, but their profile was interesting enough for me to at least give it a try. Admittedly, that person had messaged me first, so your last statement is true.

 

And finally, the girl I'm with now was chosen because of her personality. She viewed my profile, so out of curiosity I viewed hers (The thumbnails are too small to get a good look). Her photos were ok, but what made me message her was the fact that she had Two Best Friends as one of her interests. Obviously, that's not enough to base an entire relationship on, but it showed that her sense of humour matched mine and that she was genuinely into gaming (they're not exactly mainstream viewing to non-gamers) so I figured I'd get talking to her. Almost a year later and things are still going great.

 

Short version: You're probably right about the majority of people, but it's not true for everyone. Online dating is as varied as normal dating because it's populated by a wide variety of people, just like real life.

[Shorty]

We've all heard of the phrase in the thread title but the question is which do you favour? Outer beauty or inner beauty?

This really threw me. I don't really think that the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is about inner beauty vs. outer beauty in the first place. What the phrase means is that you can't declare something as absolutely beautiful, because beauty is subjective and exists in an individual's perception.

 

Not that you've not got a good thread point here, it just seems to hinge on the wrong opener.

[Kav]

Looks play a huge part in it because you need that initial attraction. With online dating I'll message anyone that I think is good looking. From there I'll then look at their personalities as a profile isn't always an accurate enough description of their personality, and then I'll date those I get on with... but initially I'll message every girl that's good looking, great profile or not so great profile.

[Fused King]

It's the outer beauty that catches your attention, but it is the inner beauty which keep you together.

 

I'd say 60-40 --- outer-inner.

 

I do like my women aesthetically pleasing.

[Emma]

I agree with most of what is said here. First it's looks, then personality. But I wouldn't go without either, both are important.

 

Also, how a person looks tells you a lot about who they are on the inside, such as how confidently they stand, or how clean they are:P.

 

@yesteryeargames What do you mean by shallow? Overall I'm going to go with no as your answer