Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

[Daft]

Aquaman is one of the lamest superheroes ever. In what circumstances is he needed? In case of a school of haddock get a little out of control? He is one of the reasons a Justice League film would be lame (along with Flash and Wonder Woman).

 

Even if his power set was lame - which it isn't since his Atlantean physiology means he can withstand pressures at the bottom of the Marianas Trench (That's over 8 tons of pressure per square inch) meaning he is offensively strong and beyond bullet proof - he is king of the seven seas. He literally rules over two thirds of the Earth. He's also married to one of the most kick-ass women in fictional history.

 

I'm embarrassed for you.

 

And don't even get me started on The Flash.

 

Now, I don’t know how many of you dogs of the scurviest sea read comics, but I do a big pile of comics. One thing that blows my mind is how completely insane the powers in the DC universe are. Look at Superman. This guy has more powers than French restaurants have ways to say “your taste in wine is atrocious”. He has powers to do with every part of his body and then some. He forgets powers sometimes. He can shoot heat rays out of his eyes, frost breath from his mouth and red son radiation from his ass. He’s that sort of crazy dude. All because he absorbs solar radiation.

 

Look at Batman. His power? The anti-power. Sure, he should be some tame, kung fun master of not much, but instead he’s the hottest shit to ever shit on a plate. You got a power? He’ll find your weakness and give you seizures or heart attacks. He’ll light you on fire when you’re sleeping or make you recharge your green lantern ring in the power outlet. Ten thousand volts of fuck you batman. That’s Batman.

 

But the fucking Flash, my god, my FUCKING GOD, this man has the greatest powers of all. If Superman’s powers are being sucked off by twin super models and batman coming home to discover your wife is not only bisexual but has two friends she wants you to ‘get in on’ then the Flash is an orgy with a thousand women who also want to pay your World of Warcraft billing. And click the mouse for you. This man is just that fucking hot. They have to power him down in the comics half the time just to keep him from doing everyone else’s job.

 

Ok first off, he can travel at lightspeed. Mother fuck! Not only does he travel at lightspeed, but time slows down for him. So he feels like he’s having a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are moving so fast you can hear him coming from Montana while he’s already gotten to Arizona. That’s fucking fast. But wait! The ability to move at Lightspeed just isn’t fucking enough!

 

I know! Christ this guy can punch you so many times in a second you’ve been hit five times in the cock and two times everywhere else. You think you’re about to fight the Flash and then it hits you, for the last split second he’s beaned your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm. But no, there’s more!

 

The Flash can also vibrate through walls. Now last I heard, you can not move so fast you can vibrate through walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the movement of his individual molecules and move them through other solid objects, phasing through solid matter like it ain’t no thing. I mean you think a guy who runs at lightspeed would run into shit but no, the Flash just goes right through them. To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream (which the Flash made in like a millisecond, fucker) he can selectively choose to cause objects to be “okay” afterwards or FUCKING EXPLODE. That’s right. He can run through you and make you blow up by transfering kinetic energy into you. Like Jesus. IT’s bad enough you can’t hit this guy, but he doesn’t even have to punch you. Now your testicles have exploded and you’re thinking you’re about to hit him. Jesus? Just give it up. He’s the fucking Flash.

 

Now imagine that somehow there’s someone who can get around the Flash blowing your balls up secret ninja technique. Ok. He can also control the flow of energy between objects. This power makes no sense but basically he can throw a rock at you, and you think it’s going slow and then he’s like WHOOHOOO WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS and bam it’s going at lightspeed. So he can throw seven million rocks at you in a second then make them all goes different speeds thus striking your nads with seven million rocks one after the other.

 

But wait! There’s more! He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of GOES FAST. The man is so fast he can make Flash pants that GOES FAST go right into. I don’t even start to understand the physics of that but basically SPEED == REALLY TIGHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR. You would think this is the end of it but ok let’s say Flash is fighting Superman and shit he’s going to lose and FUCK how is Superman THIS fucking strong? I don’t know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else ok to end it off the Flash can GO BACK OR FORWARD IN TIME ON COMMAND.

 

How do you beat this dude? You’re thinking you’re hashing him good, laying down the beatdown, missing your balls and suddenly BAM YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEARS AGO and there’s a dent in your forehead and Superman not thunk so gud no more. Actually she didn’t fall down the stairs the Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! Fuck you Flash! You moved the stairs to Soviet fucking russia! RUSH-A! Bitch.

 

Oh, and lastly his greatest power is he isn’t fast in bed. He takes it slow and gets all the ladies with his superpowers then actually satisfies them in the sack. Who the Hell is this guy? You’d think he could AT LEAST be a premature ejaculator since his penis is moving at lightspeed but NOOOO he’s even good in bed.

 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Wolverine sucks cock and should go die in a freak greasefire.

[Retro_Link]

lol at that Flash post :p

[Cube]

I think The Flash would be immensely toned down for a film. He'll be able to easily outrun a car, but he couldn't simply run around the entire Earth.

[Jon]

DC are obviously trying for a little of the love Marvel have experienced from the success of The Avengers films.

 

If Bale were to play Batman, I could see this doing very well. It's a bit dangerous to introduce a new actor to the role when the film isn't solely about him.

[Daft]

I think The Flash would be immensely toned down for a film. He'll be able to easily outrun a car, but he couldn't simply run around the entire Earth.

 

I think the problem with The Flash in the comic is that it's really hard to depict how much effort it takes for him to anything; he pretty much does everything effortlessly. On film, that isn't a problem. If they made him bullet around the Earth, it'd take a toll on him.

[Zechs Merquise]

Even if his power set was lame - which it isn't since his Atlantean physiology means he can withstand pressures at the bottom of the Marianas Trench (That's over 8 tons of pressure per square inch) meaning he is offensively strong and beyond bullet proof - he is king of the seven seas. He literally rules over two thirds of the Earth. He's also married to one of the most kick-ass women in fictional history.

 

I'm embarrassed for you.

 

And don't even get me started on The Flash.

 

 

Yes, he rules over the two thirds of the earth with no people! His subjects are sea creatures. And up until his 2012 reboot he couldn't be out of the water for too long without a protective water suit. Basically he was about as useful as a Dalek against a flight of stairs!

 

Also, considering all comic book women are drawn to be hot and sexy, if a comic book hero didn't get married to a hot bird he would be pretty lame. What's more if you had super powers and somehow ended up with some hamplanet with anxiety issues you would doing something seriously wrong.

[Cube]

Oh, he would still be able to run around the Earth. He'll be fast enough that, with the right shoes, he'll be able to run over water. But he would be unable to fight once he's done.

 

Not like how he can run around the Earth in a few seconds in order to build up extra speed in order to punch you in the face even harder and not even have a sweat.

 

Yes, he rules over the two thirds of the earth with no people! His subjects are sea creatures. And up until his 2012 reboot he couldn't be out of the water for too long without a protective water suit. Basically he was about as useful as a Dalek against a flight of stairs!

 

Daleks haven't had problems with stairs since 2005. Also, aren't there some absolutely colossal sea creatures in the DC universe?

[Jon]

I'd personally love a Flash film, he's my favourite DC superhero. I know Smallville sucked majority at time, but I thought the portrayal they did of him was pretty decent, the way they depicted his speed.

[Shorty]

I'd personally love a Flash film, he's my favourite DC superhero. I know Smallville sucked majority at time, but I thought the portrayal they did of him was pretty decent, the way they depicted his speed.

 

That first episode he appeared in, Run, was great, Smallville peaked right around there :p

 

"maybe start like a club or a league or something".

 

[bryanee]

Even if his power set was lame - which it isn't since his Atlantean physiology means he can withstand pressures at the bottom of the Marianas Trench (That's over 8 tons of pressure per square inch) meaning he is offensively strong and beyond bullet proof - he is king of the seven seas. He literally rules over two thirds of the Earth. He's also married to one of the most kick-ass women in fictional history.

 

I'm embarrassed for you.

 

And don't even get me started on The Flash.

 

 

 

Flash is also BOSS.

 

[Daft]

Yes, he rules over the two thirds of the earth with no people! His subjects are sea creatures. And up until his 2012 reboot he couldn't be out of the water for too long without a protective water suit. Basically he was about as useful as a Dalek against a flight of stairs!

 

Also, considering all comic book women are drawn to be hot and sexy, if a comic book hero didn't get married to a hot bird he would be pretty lame. What's more if you had super powers and somehow ended up with some hamplanet with anxiety issues you would doing something seriously wrong.

 

Are you kidding? Atlantis is the most technologically advance nation in the world. Combine its technology with an army of Atlanteans with similar physiology to Aquaman and you've got a force that literally cracked the planet in two during Flashpoint.

 

 

Not to mention other cities like Xebel where Mera, Arthur's wife, is from and Lemuria. No people? Hilarious.

 

I didn't say Mera was sexy, I said she was kick-ass.

 

Your ignorance is flawless. Seriously, stop. You obviously know nothing. Your basing your argument on nothing and you're just speaking shit. Why you insist on trying to argue with me when you have no idea what you are talking about, is beyond me. It is futile.

 

 

MOTHERFUCKIN AQUAMAN!!

Edited July 22, 2013 by Daft

[Happenstance]

Flash is also BOSS.

 

 

Best Flash moment ever

[Daft]

[ReZourceman]

Idea from 4chan about the post-credits scene

 

 

Stunning. Absolutely stunning. I honestly got a boner and practically started crying that was so beautiful. The perfect after credits scene.

 

They've hinted (via a quote and a logo) that it is based on the Frank Miller story The Dark Knight Returns.

 

He flat out said on stage that they are NOT adapting that story. It won't be versus at all, it'll be (as mentioned) a buddy movie, with an inevitable conflict at some point.

 

Aquaman is one of the lamest superheroes ever. In what circumstances is he needed? In case of a school of haddock get a little out of control? He is one of the reasons a Justice League film would be lame (along with Flash and Wonder Woman).

 

This is why, since the dawn of time, you have been, you are currently and you will always be my arch-nemesis.

 

Yes, he rules over the two thirds of the earth with no people! His subjects are sea creatures. And up until his 2012 reboot he couldn't be out of the water for too long without a protective water suit. Basically he was about as useful as a Dalek against a flight of stairs!

 

Beyond embarrassing.

 

Also, considering all comic book women are drawn to be hot and sexy, if a comic book hero didn't get married to a hot bird he would be pretty lame. What's more if you had super powers and somehow ended up with some hamplanet with anxiety issues you would doing something seriously wrong.

 

Inexcusable display of ignorance.

[Mokong]

[Daft]

Batman vs. Superman: Jeffrey Dean Morgan for Batman?

 

 

I'd actually love this. I think Jeffrey Dean Morgan is highly underrated.

[Happenstance]

I heard they wanted to go for an older, more grizzled Batman and if that is the case then I think Jeffrey Dean Morgan would be great.

[bryanee]

Lots of rumours they'll go for an older guy but I doubt it. They want some who's going to be atleast contracted for three separate Batman films and the Justice League.

[Retro_Link]

There were rumours of an older actor, then a few days later rumours of Ryan Gosling... so who knows.

 

Also it's annoying that if they want an older actor they won't just persuade Bale back (IMO anyway).

[Daft]

I sometimes wonder if they might actually pull a surprise and actually have Bale come back.

 

 

Mark Strong And Bryan Cranston Both Rumoured For The Role Of Lex Luthor

 

I'd be SO fucking happy if Mark Strong played Lex Luthor. He's a brilliant actor and, apart from the action sequences, the only thing not dysentery-causing in the Green Lantern film.

[bryanee]

I just keep thinking that this time next year we'll have trailers. I'm making the wait hard.

[Shorty]

Misread that last sentence, thought you were looking forward to this film a little too much.

[bryanee]

It is making me har.... *leaves*

[bryanee]

So erm Ben Affleck is the new Batman.........

 

http://variety.com/2013/film/news/ben-affleck-is-the-new-batman-1200586881/

 

I don't know what to say..I am for the first time lost for words. Hes a good actor and an even better director but...its Ben Affleck. Daredevil....

 

*leaves*

 

edit -

 

Ok I'm back. I remember saying what the fuck at Heath Ledger being cast as the Joker and well that turned out awesome. I'm on board. If turns out to be the wrong choice Zack Snyder should run and hide because I'll hunt that mother fucker down.

Edited August 23, 2013 by bryanee

[Happenstance]

I will try and reserve judgement until I see the movie given how well Heath Ledger turned out as the Joker but casting Ben Affleck as the new Batman is a weird choice.