Posted January 6, 2006 Also, if you need to edit the title, just PM a mod or admin and they'll do it for you. Except me, I'm not your bitch. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 6, 2006 Except me, I'm not your bitch. You're not?! Well, this definitely puts a spin on things. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 6, 2006 that was really good i was impressed with the way me and dukka dukka were killed off dukka dukka im sorry! keep up the good work looking forward to next chapter Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 8, 2006 I found one of the traps a bit hard to explain, so I made a quick picture in paint to give you a better idea of what it is. It's linked to in the actual story, when the trap is being described (It's underlined). I wouldn't be surprised if there are a lot of mistakes in this chapter, as I was very tired when I wrote it. RE Saw Chapter Three EEVILMURRAY slumped against the wall, grunting. He had already planned his revenge against the person who did this to him, and he knew just the person to carry it out for him. All he cared about at this moment was getting a smoke. He reached inside his jacket pocket; perhaps he still had a pack left. There were no cigarettes to be found, but he did find a cassette player. Intrigued, but at the same time not caring at all, he pressed the play button. “Hello EEVILMURRAY, I want to play a game. I’m sure being a casino owner you’re familiar with playing games. The only difference between us is there is a way to win the ones I create. For years you have been cheating people out of their money, and now, to win my game, you’re going to have to cheat someone out of their life. In your other pocket is a handgun loaded with one bullet, and a key. The key will open the door to the main room, but will not work on the trap door. It does have another use, but not one I wish to disclose to you. Use your gun to obtain your own key. Happy hunting.†This was all quite surreal to EEVILMURRAY, but if killing someone was what needed to be done to allow his escape, then so be it. He stepped out into a large circular room, which was a nice change from the previous cramped one. In the middle was a trap door, and next to it a man sitting down. “Hey, you a ‘contestant’ too?†Sarka turned round and looked EEVILMURRAY in the eyes. “Uh, yeah, apparently. I just woke up here, well not here, in that room over there. The names Sarka. Hey, have we met before? Your face seems familiar.†“Enough about you, I’m EEVILMURRAY. Anyone else around?†“What? Err, no, I don’t think so.†“You’ve got a key to this trap door, right?†“Well, yeah.†“Good.†EEVILMURRAY turned his back to Sarka and started to pull his gun out from his pocket, but then heard a door open. He quickly stashed the gun back into hiding and turned around to face the direction the sound came from, where a man in a suit was now standing, staring at him. “You. Why didn’t you have to do anything to get out of your room?†Sarka now turned to also face the mysterious man, “What, me?†“No. He’s talking about me. So you were the one who could see into my room? Interesting. What’s your name?†“My name? The Twilighter. And you are?†“EEVILMURRAY.†Something in Sarka’s mind clicked, but The Twilighter said it before he could. “Wait, aren’t you that guy who owns the casino being inspected for fraud? I read about you in the paper. What’s your casino called? Shamma? Sobba?†EEVILMURRAY whipped out his gun and shot The Twilighter right between the eyes. “Shabba.†“You just shot him. Oh my god, you just shot him.†“He deserved it.†Sarka was stunned. What he had just seen kept replaying in his head over and over. EEVILMURRAY walked up to the corpse he had just made, and started searching its clothes. “Come on, key, key where are you?†He felt an object, but it wasn’t a key. “Hmm. Sarka was it? You know how to use one of these?†EEVILMURRAY held up the lock pick he had just acquired, but received no response from Sarka. “Useless. You know if you didn’t act so shocked after seeing a little violence then you might actually stand a chance of getting out of here alive.†“A… A little violence? You killed the man!†“He was getting on my nerves. Shit. Maybe he left his key in his room.†EEVILMURRAY entered the room next to his; it looked identical, except there was a thin slab of concrete seemingly removed from the ground, and under where it would have been, a grate. He picked up the cassette player lying on the floor. “Greetings The Twilighter. How many people have you killed for a price now? I’ve lost count since I first started watching you. In your ‘profession’ you need a lot of concentration to be successful. Let’s put that to the test. There is a loose slab of concrete in the middle of your room, and under it is a grate. At the bottom of this grate is your key, but it’s too far away for you to reach. There should be a small metal pole with a hook at the end of it lying on the floor. I suggest you use this to grab the key. One thing you may need to worry about though, is the five hundred volts of electricity running through all the bars in the way of the it.†“Son of a bitch. He must have picked the lock and just ignored the trap.†Sarka watched as EEVILMURRAY walked back into the large room, gun in hand. EEVILMURRAY knew that he had no bullets remaining, but Sarka didn’t know that. He pointed the gun at Sarka’s head. “I’m going to need your help.†“What?†“Your help. I’m going to need it.†They entered The Twilighter’s room, Sarka closely followed by EEVILMURRAY with the gun held up to his back. EEVILMURRAY handed Sarka the metal pole, still holding his gun up to him. “Get the key and I won’t kill you.†“Why can’t you get it?†“The bars are electrified.†“What?†“Just do it.†Sarka knelt down with the pole in his hands. He rotated it and slowly lowered it into the grate. Sweat was pouring of his face. He steadily turned the pole, navigating around one of the bars. One by one, he gradually made his way past the many hazards, to the bottom of the grate. He hooked the key onto the end of the pole and started to pull it up. His hands were shaking like there was no tomorrow, but he never touched a bar with the pole, not once. Triumph. Sarka grabbed the key and thanked the lord, despite being an atheist. “I did it. I actually did it.†“Ok, hand it over.†Sarka reached out to give it to EEVILMURRAY, but because of the large amount of sweat on his hands, it slipped out and fell right back into the grate. “Oh no no no.†“You IDIOT! What the hell is wrong with you?†“I don’t know, I mean, I was nervous and sweating and…†“Well try not being nervous!†“Maybe I wouldn’t be if there wasn’t a gun pointed at my face!†EEVILMURRAY pulled the gun away from Sarka’s head, and then sent it back at full speed, knocking him out. He grabbed the pole from Sarka’s hand and lowered it into the grate. He turned it, past the first bar and then- “ARRRRGH†His muscles tightened. The pain was unbelievable, yet he couldn’t move. He was stuck. EEVILMURRAY felt sick. Not because of the pain, or because he knew he was going to die. He felt sick because he knew he would never be able to get his revenge. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 8, 2006 wowee. Thats quite good. Its beginning to make sense, this story is. I had to read the first paragraph loads of times, but I'm not very good at understanding plots. Well done. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 8, 2006 I like how you link the characters in. You're doing a good job, keep it coming. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 8, 2006 thats ace, please let me be jigsaw, or woteva uv named him xD > Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 8, 2006 Great reading. Quite liked that Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 8, 2006 This is comming along great. And is it just me or do you find it funny readind a serious story with names like EEVILMURRAY and Dukkadukka. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 8, 2006 No no, this is all wrong. I'm supposed to win and start kicking arse and taking names! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 8, 2006 Sarka's the only one kicking ass and taking names! Hell yeah! Great chapter, much less grotesque, phew. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 9, 2006 I've just come up with another idea for a trap, and I'd like to give the part to Konfucius because he only just missed out on one before. Unless of course, he has a problem with being in the story. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 9, 2006 Keep going man! That's great. If Konfucius doesn't want to be in the story here's someone who would love to Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2006 RE Saw Chapter Four JonSt woke up, his arm aching from lying on it. This wasn’t his bedroom. “What the, where am I?†“Looks like you finally came to. You missed the ‘announcement’. Athriller says it’s some serial killer who likes to call himself Jigsaw.†“Who are you? How’d you know that?†“I’m Lazyboy, and he’s Athriller.†“Well how’d you know that it’s this Jigsaw guy then?†Athriller turned towards JonSt to reveal a black eye. “I saw it on the news. He traps his victims in secluded rooms and finds ways for them to kill each other.†“Well what the hell are we doing just sitting here then? We’ve got to escape!†JonSt gets up and tries to move forward, but falls over. He looks back to see a chain holding him back. “That’s why. We’ve all got one. We tried shouting for help but no one can hear us; all we can do is wait.†“What’s with the TV?†There was a TV in the middle of the three people, sitting on a wooden stand. “Hey, I can’t see the screen, what’s on it?†“Calm down… what was your name?†“JonSt.†“Well JonSt, there’s nothing on the TV. Not yet.†“Oh my god.†JonSt was now looking into the next room, where a body was lying on the floor. “Yeah, we aren’t the only people in here. Just be glad you weren’t awake to see what happened to him.†“What do you mean?†Athriller had an idea. He started looking for his cell phone, but instead came across a key. “Hey, I found a key.†“What? Where?†“Right here in my pocket.†“Well what’s it for?†Athriller tried to force it into the keyhole in his chain, but it didn’t fit. “Obviously not these chains.†â€I’ve got one too!†Both JonSt and Athriller looked over at Lazyboy as he unlocked the chain around his foot. “Yours works?†“Yeah.†“Chuck it over here.†“It won’t come out.†â€What?†“It’s stuck in the keyhole.†The small light on the TV turned from red to green, and a laugh could be heard. Not a real laugh, it sounded like one of those silly ones from a child’s toy. A white face with red swirls for cheeks flickered onto the screen, and turned its head to look at Athriller. It was a puppet. Its mouth opened, and the same voice that they heard on the speaker started to talk “Hello Athriller, Lazyboy, JonSt. I hope you’ve gotten properly acquainted with each other, because your situation will require teamwork. Lazyboy, you neglect your own daughter. What did she do to justify this? Are you willing to neglect the other two people in this room to save your own life? We’ll see. JonSt, you do not treat people of a different race to your own with respect. Will you be able to negotiate with two Asians and explain to them why you deserve to live more than them? Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you, Athriller. You lead a double life; in one you are a respectable accountant who has a wife and kids, but in the other, you are a grifter, a conman, or as I put it, a contemptible excuse for a human being. Will you be able to con JonSt and Lazyboy out of their lives? All three of you have a key, each with different uses. One of the keys fits into the trap door, one of them opens the door to the main room, and the other will unlock your chains. Be careful though, the key to your chains will become stuck after it is used, so I hope you all have convincing arguments as to who gets to utilise it. Only one of you is allowed to leave this room; if more than one attempts to, then you will all die. Good luck.†The screen turns off and the room falls into complete silence. “You… bastard.†“Well how was I meant to know that we could only use it once?†“No, this isn’t good enough, we’re going to die and you’re going to live because you were too stupid to think about the consequences of doing something before you did it.†“Guys, you’ve got to give me your keys so I don’t die as well.†“Why should we? You essentially killed us, I’d like to do the same to you.†“This isn’t my fault, it’s Jigsaw’s. He’s the one who put us here, not me.†Dabookerman watched the three men argue over their lives. He rewound the cassette and played it again. “Hello, Dabookerman. Religion is a powerful thing; it can change the way you think and act, but that’s not always a good thing. However strong your beliefs are, they don’t give your life a purpose. Just because another man doesn’t believe in the same things you do, doesn’t give you a right to kill him. Since you love your religion so much, I’ve decided to let you play God. In the next room are three people, but only one of them is allowed to escape. You may have a key to the trap door, but it will not open the door to the main room. The only way to open that door is to press the button on the controller in your pocket. When pressed, the door in the room you’re looking into will lock forever, and escape will become impossible for all those who are still inside. The button will only become active once one person has left the room. If you do not press it, then this room will become your tomb.†“No, there’s no way I’m giving him my key.†“The video said that if more than one of us attempts to leave the room, then we’ll all die. That means there has got to be a way for us to get these chains off.†“You’re not making any sense Lazyboy.†“Yes I am, listen to me for a second. Give me your keys and I’ll go outside and get some help. I won’t be gone for more than a minute. I will get you guys out of here, I promise.†For a few seconds, not a sound could be heard. “Alright, fine, you get the key to the door, but we’ll keep the other one until you come back, that way you can’t do a runner.†“Deal.†Lazyboy took the key and unlocked the door. He stepped outside into a circular room. “Hmm†He took another step, but he couldn’t see anyone else. SLAM. The door behind him shut, and at that very moment another one opened. A man stepped out. Lazyboy started thumping against the door with his body, trying to break it down. It wasn’t budging. Nothing could be done to save them now. “No…†----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This chapter was getting a bit too long, so I had to cut back on detail a bit. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2006 Great stuff Owario, its starting to get interesting. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2006 So there are more chapters? that fourth started to confuse me.. Still good though Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12, 2006 In total there should be six chapters. What confused you? I'd be more than happy to explain anything. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 16, 2006 CARRYYYY ONNNN!!! its ace so far Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2006 I made another (bad) drawing of a trap in this chapter. Look out for the underlined words. RE Saw Chapter Five Bluejay couldn’t open his eyes. He couldn’t move his arms, legs, or anything for that matter. He was awake, but he couldn’t do anything. What was going on? Out of nowhere, he heard a deep and chilling voice. “Hello Bluejay. For the majority of your life you’ve sat on the couch next to the TV, watching as the minutes, hours and even days pass by. Now you’re going to have to do the very same to escape. You can’t see it, but right now there is a shotgun pointed at your face. There are wires coming off of every part of your body, connecting to the trigger. If you move even an inch, the gun will go off, as well as your head. I’m a fair man, so I gave you a high dose of Suxamethonium chloride to paralyse you so that you wouldn’t budge until I enlightened you on your predicament. Don’t worry; the affects will wear off soon. In forty-five minutes, starting from when this message ends, the wires will become inactive without any indication, allowing you to escape. In forty-six minutes however, the gun will go off automatically, leaving you with a one minute margin to make your move. If all this isn’t too much for your brain to comprehend, then I suggest you start counting.†Konfucius rode along the street on his bicycle, the air hitting his face as he peddled faster and faster. He could only see one person: a little girl lying on the ground. He hit the breaks as he approached her, and got off his bike. “Are you ok?†“I can’t find my Mummy.†Konfucius looked around, this time he could see a tall woman in the distance, obviously looking for something. “Come with me, I’ll take you to her.†He tried to reach out to grab her hand, but nothing happened. He looked at his shoulders; his arms were missing. “You’ve got to follow me, come on.†“I’m scared.†The ground began to shake. There was a crack in the ground, and it started to get bigger; it was separating Konfucius from the little girl. He started to panic. “You have to come with me, I can take you to your Mummy.†“Help me.†“I... I can’t†Konfucius separated himself from his slumber and looked at the floor beneath him. He was hanging at the top of a small room, his head fitted into a metal contraption attached to the wall. His feet were also immobile, but he couldn’t see if it was the same sort of device holding him back. On the floor was a TV, positioned so that he could clearly see it. His arms were tied behind his back, and in his left hand was some sort of object with a button on it. Without thinking about it, he pressed the button. He felt a slight jolt, and then he began his descent. He heard a buzzing noise. A white face appeared on the TV, grinning. “Well hello there, Konfucius. A few weeks ago your career in thievery took quite a turn. Usually you prey on the weak and defenceless, but the target you had chosen this time turned out to not be quite as fragile as you had originally suspected. She wouldn’t give you her money, would she? This was no good to you. You weren’t going to let all your careful planning go to waste. You shot her. You killed the only person that had the guts to stand up to you. And then you took her purse. You’re a very low man, Konfucius. When you pressed the button in your hands you triggered what could be seen as a metaphor of your life: slowly going downhill until your inevitable corruption. Although you can’t see it, you will be able to hear the large circular saw you’re being lowered into, which at the rate you’re currently dropping, will make first contact with your flesh in around four minutes. Like you offer your victims however, I am giving you a choice. You can either refuse to cooperate and die a slow and agonizing death, or you can pay me to let you go free. But the currency isn’t money, oh no. It’s pain. The key to the chain keeping your arms behind your back and the device holding your head and feet in place is above you. All you have to do to be able to reach it is press the button in your hands again. Be warned though, that isn’t the only thing it will do. Live or die, make your choice.†The TV, which had previously lit up the room, shut off. Konfucius tried to break the chains holding his hands behind his back, but they were too strong. The ground was getting closer and closer. He wanted to ponder on what pressing the button again would do, but he didn’t have time for that. He pushed it. His head started to move up the wall, but his feet stayed where they were. Soon he was at an angle to the ground, but he didn’t stop moving up. He could now see directly in front of himself, as if he were on stilts. While his head was moving up, he heard another voice, different to the one from the TV. “This is detective Millers of the police. Can you hear this? There’s no sound output so you’ll have to indicate by waving your arms.†Konfucius realised that there must be other people here, as the detective obviously wasn’t talking to him. “We’re trying to locate the source of these cameras. Stay put and don’t do anything stupid.†He felt the key hit his hands. He dropped the control and grabbed it, and was now trying to fit it into the lock. His head was now moving towards his feet, and he started to get pains in his back. “Oh God...†He heard several cracking sounds, all coming from his own body. He unlocked his chains and started fumbling around trying to find the keyhole in his head device. “ARGHHH†Konfucius screamed as his back broke, but he didn’t let that deter him from freeing his head from the wall. Because his feet were still locked into place, he swung down and hit his head on the floor, knocking him out. Konfucius awoke to the sight of blood as the circular saw ripped through his skin and into his vital organs. He was drooling blood now, and was feeling drowsy. He still had an excruciating pain in his back. As he lay there, he couldn’t help but wish that he could go back into the dream he was previously in. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2006 Very nice, can't wait for the last chapter. The bit with the 3 people confused me but i read it a second time and understood it then Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2006 Nice, looking forward to the next one, and I'm still alive. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 17, 2006 lol, that was a pretty sick trap you had goin their, carry on :P Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 18, 2006 Wow another genius chapter and I'm really surprised to show up in the story. I thought I was too late - thanks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 28, 2006 I'm really sorry that the last chapter is taking so long, but it is quite hard to concentrate on anything after having two teeth extracted. It should be up tomorrow. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
