Arggghhh, help! >_<

[Dyson]

The original post is here, but the stupid situation I was in has been solved. TLDR, I was getting worried about the future. 'nuff said!

 

Hey, forum. I know I'm not as regular as I used to be but with any luck you'll remember what I was like just enough to be able to offer me advice for my predicament right now. It's taken a lot for me to decide to come here and ask for help as I've never before been sure if it's the right thing to do when regarding relationships - it seems like something you should work out yourself. But I'm genuinely struggling here.

 

To put it simply, I'm not entirely sure why but whilst talking to friends tonight, I had this massive realisation hit me regarding me and my girlfriend. We've been together for six months with little to no problems at all, things going very smoothly and what seemed to be an ideal situation. The only hitch is one that might seem petty but some but is in fact a core value - she's a vegetarian.

 

Now at the moment this isn't an issue in the slightest. She's a vegetarian for two reasons, one being that she has been brought up as one and the other being she believes it's not right. She is also a veterinary nurse which might explain her love for animals slightly more, but I digress. She doesn't mind me being a meat-eater, even eating in front of her. Whenever we go to a restaurant or order food in I'll eat normally and she'll get the veggie option. It's fine.

 

And then as previously mentioned I had a huge...moment. I realised that it won't last. She's not going to change her ways and I'm not going to change mine. And as stupid as it might seem everything hit a brick wall for me mentally there. I instantly became depressed and I know why - because in my head I know that there is no practical future for us with this situation, and I can't deal with that.

 

My situation lies in the simple fact that we both love each other, and I know I love her regardless of her personal choice. I just know that there can't be a long-term in this, and I don't know what to do now. I know she'll be devastated if I break up with her and honestly I think I will too, we've been through quite a bit emotionally together in the short six months we've spent with each other and I don't know if I can let that go.

 

Selfishly, I worry for myself on top of this. Having recently lost my job and having all my friends be at university, the only person I really see these days is indeed my girlfriend, and if I lose her? I don't know what I'd do with my spare time, who I'd see - especially whilst being unemployed.

 

Frankly I don't know why I'm still writing. I guess I'm asking for your help, advice, words of what you'd do in my situation, if you can possibly put yourself in my shoes. Do I split up with her because the future might not work, risking personal loneliness and friendship with her (and indeed her friends); or do I ride it out, enjoy it whilst I can and cross that bridge if and when I come to it?

 

If you've read the whole post, thanks for taking the time. I appreciate it, and anything you can say to help me out right now would be a huge help. (As a side note, I feel a bit like jayseven right now, writing all my thoughts and feelings down whilst ever so slightly intoxicated, but I've seen him get some brilliant responses in the past so I'm rolling with it :P)

Edited April 9, 2010 by Dyson

[Sheikah]

What is the issue? I kept waiting to read what the issue was in your post but never saw it.

[Dyson]

Oh, sorry, it wouldn't surprise me if I managed to evade the point completely.

 

Essentially I love her a lot. I don't want to break up with her but I have this niggle in my head now that is telling me I have to because there isn't a long term prospect, and neither of us are the type of people to have just a sexual relationship etc. I just want to get people to weigh in on what they might do in my situation, work on it, break it off, forget about it, whatever. If I don't do it now I'm just fairly certain I'll have to do it after we've been together even longer and it'll be harder to do.

[Sheikah]

Sorry, I still don't understand what the problem is. Why are you considering breaking up with her? If it's the fact that she's a vegetarian then I can only apologise that the nightmare that was Dynastygal has deeply scarred everybody mentally into avoiding vegan/vegetarian partners for life.

[Gizmo]

Are you for real Dyson? You don't see a future, because shes a vegetarian?

 

How many interracial couples are there? How many couples of different religion, country of origin, political alignment?

 

Just because your a protestant doesn't mean you can't fall in love with a catholic.

[Debug Mode]

Does she refuse a bit of porking from time to time?

 

Lame jokes at inappropriate times, me to a T.

 

Sounds to me like some drunken paranoia(dun dun dunnn). That or this is a massive troll that you want to break up with her because she's a vegetarian. So what if you have this nag that it wont last? It's a retarded idea if its because she eats teh veg, and even if it is the case, why end it? Keep going until it lasts.

[The fish]

It's a bit too late at night for me to think straight, but I suspect things may be going very well for the two of you, and as such you sub-consciously look for something that could cause things to go belly-up, and attempt to find a solution. It's pretty natural - I believe the medical term is being in love.

 

Does she refuse a bit of porking from time to time?

 

No offence, but that was sub-ReZ...

[Sheikah]

In all seriousness; if you're considering breaking up with her because of her beliefs then that is actually quite callous and immature. My ex-girlfriend, the heartless woman, would constantly pressure me into becoming vegan/vegetarian and on a number of occasions threatened to dump me if I didn't. If you're in the position where you could consider breaking up with someone over their beliefs then I can only say that you don't truly love that person. If you love someone, things like that shouldn't matter.

[Dyson]

It's not the fact that she's vegetarian, as a matter of fact I respect the choice she and other vegetarians make to stick by their morals and their guns and restrict themselves to what they can eat. It's kinda inspiring. It's the fact that realistically I don't believe we could logistically live together with the two different eating habits. Right now there isn't an issue but in the future, there would be, for I know that I couldn't be a vegetarian (having tried and failed) and she wouldn't - and I wouldn't want her to - change her ways. The practicality of living with someone who has a completely separate diet is an issue that for some reason is stuck in my head all of a sudden. I wouldn't want to continue the relationship knowing this was going to be an issue which is why I'm thinking about it now and not in, say, a couple of years when things have gotten even more serious.

 

People might think I'm being silly thinking all of this through at such an early stage, and perhaps you're right. I don't know if it's stupid of me to be thinking these things or not.

[jayseven]

I have to (I think) agree with the above. Just because she's a veggie..?! You may find that, if you co-exist for a prolongued period of time, you will eat a little less meat - but you won't give it up, and she won't force you. Are you just thinking about how you'd feed the 'kids' or what?

 

I wanted to write a big post about why Ithink you 'realised' this wouldn't last, but frankly i'm too drunk and depressed to give a shit. My life is worse than yours so I can't possibly give you any sympathy.

[Paj!]

Why not just wait until/if these issues actually present themselves as real?

[jayseven]

EDIT: Eating habits! right. Well just pretend she has an allergy. It's not that hard. So long as she doesn't force you to eat like she does you'll find it's not a hassle. You may eat more vegetarian meals but you won't be able to ignore the steak forever, and she won't want to stop you. So stop fussing about that, unless you're whipped and generally not yourself around her because you're scared she won't like the real you anyway. In which case I strongly advise you buck up and be yourself.

 

EDIT AGAIN: Ok so these aren't real edits but attempts to conjoin with the automerge. Damn you all.

[Dyson]

It's a bit too late at night for me to think straight, but I suspect things may be going very well for the two of you, and as such you sub-consciously look for something that could cause things to go belly-up, and attempt to find a solution. It's pretty natural - I believe the medical term is being in love.

 

I honestly believe you've hit the nail on the head with this post. This post and Gizmo setting me straight over MSN seem to have done the trick, at least I now think I know why these thoughts are becoming more frequent.

Are you for real Dyson? You don't see a future, because shes a vegetarian?

 

How many interracial couples are there? How many couples of different religion, country of origin, political alignment?

 

Just because your a protestant doesn't mean you can't fall in love with a catholic.

 

This post is way off, however

 

 

Why not just wait until/if these issues actually present themselves as real?

 

As mentioned above, that could be a few years down the line. I'd hate to be right about something years in advance and fail to act on it.

Edited April 9, 2010 by Dyson
Automerged Doublepost

[Gizmo]

You big jessie.

[Dyson]

EDIT: Eating habits! right. Well just pretend she has an allergy. It's not that hard. So long as she doesn't force you to eat like she does you'll find it's not a hassle. You may eat more vegetarian meals but you won't be able to ignore the steak forever, and she won't want to stop you.

True say! Hadn't thought of it like that. All I've been thinking about is the serious, boring side of things. What will it be like, having to cook two meals or buying double the food etcetera. But it's not impossible to sort out, I certainly deal with it now so I don't know why it would be a problem in the future.

 

So stop fussing about that, unless you're whipped and generally not yourself around her because you're scared she won't like the real you anyway. In which case I strongly advise you buck up and be yourself.

 

I promise you this most certainly isn't the case jayseven. I've just stepped out of a situation where I was being dominated and this isn't one of those

[Haden]

Hey, forum. I know I'm not as regular as I used to be but with any luck you'll remember what I was like just enough to be able to offer me advice for my predicament right now. It's taken a lot for me to decide to come here and ask for help as I've never before been sure if it's the right thing to do when regarding relationships - it seems like something you should work out yourself. But I'm genuinely struggling here.

 

To put it simply, I'm not entirely sure why but whilst talking to friends tonight, I had this massive realisation hit me regarding me and my girlfriend. We've been together for six months with little to no problems at all, things going very smoothly and what seemed to be an ideal situation. The only hitch is one that might seem petty but some but is in fact a core value - she's a vegetarian.

 

Now at the moment this isn't an issue in the slightest. She's a vegetarian for two reasons, one being that she has been brought up as one and the other being she believes it's not right. She is also a veterinary nurse which might explain her love for animals slightly more, but I digress. She doesn't mind me being a meat-eater, even eating in front of her. Whenever we go to a restaurant or order food in I'll eat normally and she'll get the veggie option. It's fine.

And then as previously mentioned I had a huge...moment. I realised that it won't last. She's not going to change her ways and I'm not going to change mine. And as stupid as it might seem everything hit a brick wall for me mentally there. I instantly became depressed and I know why - because in my head I know that there is no practical future for us with this situation, and I can't deal with that.

 

My situation lies in the simple fact that we both love each other, and I know I love her regardless of her personal choice. I just know that there can't be a long-term in this, and I don't know what to do now. I know she'll be devastated if I break up with her and honestly I think I will too, we've been through quite a bit emotionally together in the short six months we've spent with each other and I don't know if I can let that go.

 

Selfishly, I worry for myself on top of this. Having recently lost my job and having all my friends be at university, the only person I really see these days is indeed my girlfriend, and if I lose her? I don't know what I'd do with my spare time, who I'd see - especially whilst being unemployed.

 

Frankly I don't know why I'm still writing. I guess I'm asking for your help, advice, words of what you'd do in my situation, if you can possibly put yourself in my shoes. Do I split up with her because the future might not work, risking personal loneliness and friendship with her (and indeed her friends); or do I ride it out, enjoy it whilst I can and cross that bridge if and when I come to it?

 

If you've read the whole post, thanks for taking the time. I appreciate it, and anything you can say to help me out right now would be a huge help. (As a side note, I feel a bit like jayseven right now, writing all my thoughts and feelings down whilst ever so slightly intoxicated, but I've seen him get some brilliant responses in the past so I'm rolling with it :P)

 

Chillax man lol.

 

Don't throw something like this away especially as she doesn't care that you eat meat. If anything it would be her dumping you because she thinks you are evil eating meat. Why would you care that she doesn't if she lets you eat meat.

 

Look at it tommorow over a coffee and calmness and don't dump her.

[Sheikah]

Your future fridge will be able to hold all kinds of things. The only difference will be that when you cook something in a saucepan, you'll need two saucepans; one for meat, and one for the meat alternative. Or just meat alternative if she brainwashes you into becoming vegetarian. :p

[Supergrunch]

I don't see how this could ever be an issue so long as neither of you actively tries to convert the other. My girlfriend's vegetarian too, and it's never been a problem, despite the fact we live in the same house at term time. Would you think the same if you were going out with someone, who, say, wouldn't eat anything with potato in it? Because if you can agree to differ on ethical grounds, then this is basically the same thing.

 

And as an aside: having to think on my toes when cooking for my girlfriend (who's also allergic to nuts) is actually really fun, it makes me better at planning meals with limited resources. The logistics of it all ends up being enjoyable, but then I do like cooking.

[Dyson]

Your future fridge will be able to hold all kinds of things. The only difference will be that when you cook something in a saucepan, you'll need two saucepans; one for meat, and one for the meat alternative. Or just meat alternative if she brainwashes you into becoming vegetarian. :p

 

I still think people misunderstood my original point and think that the reason I was fretting was because she doesn't like meat. That's not it directly, it's just indirectly related to that

 

Anyway; the plan is to nut up and shut up. Might chat to her about it but it won't be a case of "fuuuuuuuuck we're screwed gotta end it", I'm hoping it'll just be a way for me to express my thoughts. And knowing her, she'll be totally cool with that.

 

 

Well, that's all I needed believe it or not. I feel like a complete tit having posted it, but..

Dyson says (02:40):

Righto

Thanks for helping me not be a massive tit

Gizmo says (02:40):

no more of your stupidity boy or i will bitchslap you

Dyson says (02:40):

Though I fear it is too late, and n-e already hates me

Gizmo says (02:40):

better than your gf hating you if you hadnt posted it

 

it's better than doing something I might have regretted tomorrow. Cheers people.

Edited April 9, 2010 by Dyson

[Wesley]

Dyson.

 

I have logged on.

 

For... the first time, in... a set... amount of time.

 

Defined by the last time I logged on.

 

Or rather when I pressed the log out button.

 

You Sir, are very loveable.

 

And I kind of want to tell you to break up so we.

 

You and I.

 

Can hook up.

 

Hook the fuck up.

 

To the max.

 

But you're also an idiot - a loveable idiot, don't get me wrong.

 

I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years now.

 

When we met she was a veggie, and now she's not.

 

She changed.

 

Because when together looooads of your values, opinions and... stuff, will change.

 

Not even just because it's a long time, but also because you have an influence on each other.

 

In fact.

 

When we first started going out I was into kids.

 

Now I'm just into.

 

You.

Edited April 9, 2010 by Wesley

[Paj!]

...

 

The way you type is beautiful.

[chairdriver]

U are big, U R beautiful.

[Dyson]

Dyson.

 

I have logged on.

 

For... the first time, in... a set... amount of time.

 

Defined by the last time I logged on.

 

Or rather when I pressed the log out button.

 

You Sir, are very loveable.

 

And I kind of want to tell you to break up so we.

 

You and I.

 

Can hook up.

 

Hook the fuck up.

 

To the max.

 

But you're also an idiot - a loveable idiot, don't get me wrong.

 

I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years now.

 

When we met she was a veggie, and now she's not.

 

She changed.

 

Because when together looooads of your values, opinions and... stuff, will change.

 

Not even just because it's a long time, but also because you have an influence on each other.

 

In fact.

 

When we first started going out I was into kids.

 

Now I'm just into.

 

You.

 

I still love Wesley.

[EEVILMURRAY]

Would you think the same if you were going out with someone, who, say, wouldn't eat anything with potato in it?

My girlfriend doesn't like potato

[MoogleViper]

Wait let me get this straight, Dyson was considering ending his relationship because his girlfriend won't eat his meat?

 

 

Sounds like reason enough to me.