The Confessions and Advice Thread

[Cube]

What are you trying to find out? Surely if you are trying to find out the chance of catching it with someone who has HIV then it would just be 1/3000?

 

I believe that's the chance of getting it from someone who may or may not have it. Essentially the chance of someone having it multiplied by the chance of getting it from someone who has it.

[Iun]

Two What ifs, basically.

 

What are the chances someone has HIV then if they have HIV what's the risk factor, need a round number encompassing both.

[MoogleViper]

I believe that's the chance of getting it from someone who may or may not have it. Essentially the chance of someone having it multiplied by the chance of getting it from someone who has it.

 

Yes but;

 

What is the actual percentage chance of contracting HIV from a HIV positive female during unprotected vaginal intercourse?

 

Isn't it a given that she's already positive? or are you working out a different statistic?

[Iun]

Different statistic, sorry :P

[MoogleViper]

Different statistic, sorry :P

 

So I found a little more information: something like 1 in 250 people in the "At Risk" group of people have HIV, and it's approximately 1 in 3000 chance of contracting it in an encounter NOT using protection.

 

Can someone with a maths brain better than mine -i.e. everyone, help me work out a statistic for this.

 

0.4% chance of person having it.

 

0.03% chance of you catching it from that person having unprotected sex.

 

Do you multiply the two together to get a statistical likelihood? It comes out as 0.013... Does that sound right?

 

Ok is statistic one is the chance of somebody having HIV, and statistic two is the chance of catching it when having sex with somebody who has HIV (you should check the wording of that to make sure that it is what the statistic is for).

 

Then yes you would multiply;

 

1/250 x 1/3000 = 1/750000

 

= 0.00013% (2sf)

 

That second statistic sounds far too low. I think that may be the statistic you actually want. Where did you get it from?

[Iun]

Ok is statistic one is the chance of somebody having HIV, and statistic two is the chance of catching it when having sex with somebody who has HIV (you should check the wording of that to make sure that it is what the statistic is for).

 

Then yes you would multiply;

 

1/250 x 1/3000 = 1/750000

 

= 0.00013% (2sf)

 

That second statistic sounds far too low. I think that may be the statistic you actually want. Where did you get it from?

 

The 1 i n 3000 comes from the Yahoo answer you gave me, rounding down from 3333.3(recurring) ie 3 in 10,000 and the 1/250 comes from a shed load of studies from the UN, HRW and even the CCP.

[flameboy]

Ok so want some advice and as its me. It's girl related. A few months back people may remember me going out with a girl who ended up being a total nutter, screaming and shouting at me down the streets and later found out she had been sleeping with a bloke in the army at the same time as me. So that all ended and such like...

 

Now prior to this I of course split up with my girlfriend and in the in between time did get friendly with another girl (called Eleanor) who I never went out with on a date or anything but we did text all the time and spend loads of time together and mutual friend made me aware of how Eleanor fancied me as well. I went for a few drinks with another girl (Clare) and we ended up kissing and that ended up being the girl who I saw for a few months and ended up being a cheating psycho...big mistake!

 

Since then I kinda made my peace with Eleanor and she knew that something had gone on between me and Clare and via a facebook chat I apologised and she said it was ok that she doesn't like to be made to feel second best. I never meant for her to be second best and I've later realised that Eleanor is the girl for me, I am crazy about her...We are closer than ever now and have totally made up and she even came to South Africa with me during my travels there. We are for all intents and purposes a couple just we're not we are really friends. We spend tons of time together, we've meet each others parents we go out of our way to do things for each other etc.. etc... but can I truly expect us to have any future beyond what this is because of what happened in the past? We weren't together but I know I made a serious error in my judgement and went for a girl who was flaunting it a bit more. Eleanor is very shy and having already been rejected once by me she is never going to decide to make a move. She does however seem all too keen to underline we are just friends when people question her etc...and today at our staff xmas dinner I said I thought she looked hot and she wasn't too impressed is this just her defence mechanisms coming up?

 

So what should I do? tell her how I feel and hope she's forgiven me for what I did before...the timing seems terrible I don't wanna wreck her xmas but it could be the making of us..or I could just be being totally stupid and should accept its not going to happen....how would I go about telling her? Face to face, try and kiss her, write her a letter? pop a note in her xmas card? ARGH!

[ReZourceman]

Hmmm, thats a tricky one.

[tapedeck]

First of all, if you really like Eleanor you MUST STOP seeing her as much...this will distance you from friendsville and make her realise how much she like(d) spending time with you (if you've been anything romantic, or THE MAN that is). It will also take away any power she may have over you. Yes she may be shy and reserved but she may be calculating and envisioning that she can play games with you. Who knows?! By making yourself scarce her 'needyness' (if she has any) will come to the fore. The ball will then be in your court - which it currently isn't.

 

Then if she brings it up that you haven't been around much you can say that you have had to resist spending time with her because you were really starting to feel things all over again yet needed some space to find out if you really cared for her more than other girls (even if there aren't any in your life).

She will then be smitten, you can then let her know you will let her be your GF but her application will be under review after 6 months :P

 

Trust me, this works on so many levels.

 

Also: The past doesn't matter (it is only an issue if you make it one).

The fact you saw someone else will only make you more desirable as you've been a guy who has been with a girl and she couldn't 'have' you at that point in time.

Edited December 15, 2009 by tapedeck

[flameboy]

First of all, if you really like Eleanor you MUST STOP seeing her as much...this will distance you from friendsville and make her realise how much she like(d) spending time with you (if you've been anything romantic, or THE MAN that is).

Then if she brings it up that you haven't been around much you can say that you have had to resist spending time with her because you were really starting to feel things all over again yet needed some space to find out if you really cared for her more than other girls (even if there aren't any in your life).

She will then be smitten.

 

Trust me, this works on so many levels.

 

well not gonna see her a lot over xmas a lot at all. She doesn't really live around her and only lodges with a friend whilst she is working, so know we have broken up for xmas she is going back home to her parents, will see her briefly to exchange presents at the weekend but thats it till into January I reckon.

 

I'm not altogether sure should would mention I havn't been around theres been a few times when I've mentioned missing seeing her and she has been kinda dismissive. I'm again not sure if this is her way of protecting herself.

[tapedeck]

Protecting herself? Maybe she's being a cold hearted bitch? I'm just offering both sides - you obviously know her way more than I could ever know her.

 

Just let it cool over Christmas. If she likes you she will come to you. I know it's difficult but you can wait.

If she is doing what you would consider 'relationship' stuff don't respond to it. Make her earn you. It will be better in the long run.

In short just give it over Christmas OR....if you're in a hurry when you meet up with her ask her the following:

 

"I've got no Missletoe but out of interest, do you want to kiss me?"

If she says no, just say "Good, you just looked as if you had something on your mind"

If she says yes: BINGO!

If she says maybe....Do it.

[flameboy]

Protecting herself? Maybe she's being a cold hearted bitch? I'm just offering both sides - you obviously know her way more than I could ever know her.

 

Just let it cool over Christmas. If she likes you she will come to you. I know it's difficult but you can wait.

If she is doing what you would consider 'relationship' stuff don't respond to it. Make her earn you. It will be better in the long run.

In short just give it over Christmas OR....if you're in a hurry when you meet up with her ask her the following:

 

"I've got no Missletoe but out of interest, do you want to kiss me?"

If she says no, just say "Good, you just looked as if you had something on your mind"

If she says yes: BINGO!

If she says maybe....Do it.

 

lol the missletoe sounds like an awesome idea. I'd never have the guts to do that.

[MoogleViper]

How about talking to this mutual friend?

[Dan_Dare]

Exchange of presents you say?

 

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I know I suck at relationships, so I may be totally wrong here ... but I must say I feel tapedeck's methods are very ... manipulative. I do not doubt the efficiency of the methods, but is what you get a true relationship? Are the feelings real? Because to me it seems like you've just manipulated the person into wanting you.

 

Keep in mind that I really have no experience whatsoever to build this on. I'm simply stating my thoughts, and I could easily be completely wrong.

[tapedeck]

I know I suck at relationships, so I may be totally wrong here ... but I must say I feel tapedeck's methods are very ... manipulative. I do not doubt the efficiency of the methods, but is what you get a true relationship? Are the feelings real? Because to me it seems like you've just manipulated the person into wanting you.

 

Keep in mind that I really have no experience whatsoever to build this on. I'm simply stating my thoughts, and I could easily be completely wrong.

 

I think sometimes you have to play women at their own game. It's the thrill of the chase too...People don't want what is easy to obtain.

Imagine a girl throwing herself at you and saying "I've missed you" and "Do you want me?" etc...You'd run. (Eventually, after a fair few nights of passion.) Unless you had low self-esteem too, - whole other topic.

 

I just feel that if she knows your single and you've put a lot of energy into you and her then you need to sit back and see if she will come to you now you've laid some foundations. If she does, reward her but let her take YOU out for a coffee and a catch up. Then if she asks why the distance tell her you couldn't resist her and just didn't want to ruin your 'CUTE' friendship.

You'll be a challenge and she'll be extremely attracted to you.

[Epic fail]

Tbh i think you should be upfront even if she says no for whatever reason if you get on that well youll still be friends and there maybe a time she says yes

[Guest Captain Falcon]

I'm not sure if this is the correct thread for it but what the hey...

 

For some strange reason, I am able to set my smoke alarm off by walking under it and before anyone asks, I'm not on fire when it happens. Consequently, the smoke alarm is rapidly becoming the Captain Falcon Alarm.

 

It's not all the time I go past it but happens a couple of times a day usually.

 

Anybody care to offer any suggestions?

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I think sometimes you have to play women at their own game. It's the thrill of the chase too...People don't want what is easy to obtain.

Imagine a girl throwing herself at you and saying "I've missed you" and "Do you want me?" etc...You'd run. (Eventually, after a fair few nights of passion.) Unless you had low self-esteem too, - whole other topic.

 

I just feel that if she knows your single and you've put a lot of energy into you and her then you need to sit back and see if she will come to you now you've laid some foundations. If she does, reward her but let her take YOU out for a coffee and a catch up. Then if she asks why the distance tell her you couldn't resist her and just didn't want to ruin your 'CUTE' friendship.

You'll be a challenge and she'll be extremely attracted to you.

I understand all that, and it makes perfect sense, but I'm talking about the whole deal with applying "tactics" and the like to it. It makes relationships seem like a game. Maybe I've been deluded so far, but I thought relationships were about being in love with each other, not making the other want you.

 

(I'm not claiming to be right, by the way. I know you've had waaay more experience than me. I'm simply trying to learn something and challenge my perceptions of things.)

 

I'm not sure if this is the correct thread for it but what the hey...

 

For some strange reason, I am able to set my smoke alarm off by walking under it and before anyone asks, I'm not on fire when it happens. Consequently, the smoke alarm is rapidly becoming the Captain Falcon Alarm.

 

It's not all the time I go past it but happens a couple of times a day usually.

 

Anybody care to offer any suggestions?

This post was really funny to read. :p I unfortunately don't have a solution to your problem.

[tapedeck]

Tbh i think you should be upfront even if she says no for whatever reason if you get on that well youll still be friends and there maybe a time she says yes

 

I would say it is difficult to go from friends to being in a relationship. I'm not saying it's not possible because it obviously is, but in my experience it is easier to go straight into a relationship first rather than be friends for a while and then go into a relationship.

 

And with women (who generally define themselves by the quality of the relationships they have in their life), being the 'friend' who could be more is a wierd and somewhat fruitless place to be if one person is wanting more.

 

Danny:

 

I agree. Relationships are all about trust etc..

But in the 'dating' game it's a whole different beast. It's about building attraction, the thrill of the chase etc...

Think of it like this:

 

Men are goal based - they see something and they aim for it. Women are much more illogical to men as they 'test' what they want - they need to be SURE that what they want is what they want. In relationships you could argue that women NEED to ensure a man will be what they are looking for. So they 'test' men to see if you really are the man they want.

You could argue that women are emotional and thus, if you engage their emotions they will be attracted to you.

 

The badboy who teases women = causes emotional response and is challenging.

The rockstar who needs taming = causes emotions and is challenging.

The guy who sucks up to her and will do anything = unnatractive.

Edited December 15, 2009 by tapedeck

[Epic fail]

I'm not sure if this is the correct thread for it but what the hey...

 

For some strange reason, I am able to set my smoke alarm off by walking under it and before anyone asks, I'm not on fire when it happens. Consequently, the smoke alarm is rapidly becoming the Captain Falcon Alarm.

 

It's not all the time I go past it but happens a couple of times a day usually.

 

Anybody care to offer any suggestions?

 

Buy a new one?

[flameboy]

I'm not sure what I make of your tactics tapedeck...I'm usually a straight down the middle guy. I'm just dithering this time because I'm not sure she feels the same way...she did go all the way to Africa with me randomly literally deciding to come a few days before I went. I'm sure we had "moments" there but don't know if she was the same....

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Danny:

 

I agree. Relationships are all about trust etc..

But in the 'dating' game it's a whole different beast. It's about building attraction, the thrill of the chase etc...

Think of it like this:

 

Men are goal based - they see something and they aim for it. Women are much more illogical to men as they 'test' what they want - they need to be SURE that what they want is what they want. In relationships you could argue that women NEED to ensure a man will be what they are looking for. So they 'test' men to see if you really are the man they want.

You could argue that women are emotional and thus, if you engage their emotions they will be attracted to you.

 

The badboy who teases women = causes emotional response and is challenging.

The rockstar who needs taming = causes emotions and is challenging.

The guy who sucks up to her and will do anything = unnatractive.

I see your point, but are all women and men really like that? Those seem like some awfully big generalisations to me. And I dunno, I just have a hard time believing that it's that "simple". Surely what we want from our partner is very subjective, no?

[Guest Captain Falcon]

Buy a new one?

 

It's not like it doesn't detect smoke as well because it does so I can't really label it as defective. But it doesn't happen to anyone else in the house either so it must be something to do with me.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

It's not like it doesn't detect smoke as well because it does so I can't really label it as defective. But it doesn't happen to anyone else in the house either so it must be something to do with me.

It's because you're smoking hot!

 

... i.e. I have no clue. Maybe you smell like smoke?