Do you really get over the first person you've Loved?

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

haha but love doesn't always have to be like that and shouldn't be like that, love means you support one another.

 

If my other half had an issue with money, I'd drop by clothes and help them out.

 

As it is I don't know her other than what you've said, so my opinion is very biased. But alot of the time when you question things you already know the answer is no you shouldn't be with her.

 

Yeah... You're... right. (oh, why couldn't she be more like you? ). The thing is, she has told me she was a true bitch back in her school days... slapping boys etc etc... But she knows she has cooled down since then... So I kind of have faith in her that maybe over time she would realise these things. But you definitely are on point, so thanks... I'll just how this goes I guess.

[nightwolf]

Yeah... You're... right. (oh, why couldn't she be more like you? ). The thing is, she has told me she was a true bitch back in her school days... slapping boys etc etc... But she knows she has cooled down since then... So I kind of have faith in her that maybe over time she would realise these things. But you definitely are on point, so thanks... I'll just how this goes I guess.

 

 

Your welcome, it's never easy because nobody can give you a definate answer because we don't know her and we don't love her.

 

It sounds like she just needs to realise that you notice these things, honesty is key otherwise it just goes down the pan.

[Guest bluey]

It sounds like she just needs to realise that you notice these things, honesty is key otherwise it just goes down the pan.

QFT. if you're serious about someone you gotta be 100% honest with them or they wont be able to make an informed decision about whether they really wanna be with YOU or not... they'll be going out with the abridged version of you... *nods*

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

Yeah... and for the most part I've told her all this minus the bill and sex thing lolol. I always strive to be honest, but Im not the kinda guy to be brutally honest - I pity people too much. Shes two years younger than me (20), and I believe during your early 20s is when your true personality is finally formed. (Like the cooling magma from a volcanic eruption). I will have faith, but I'm not stupid either so I will know what must be, must be. So if we were to finally split, I would just be proud of myself that I tried very hard till the end, perhaps giving me better 'endurance' for other relatonships.

[Babooo]

interesting question, one which i think fierce link answered for me. its gonna be hard to get over your first love, but I think its possible. just gonna take alot of time....gotta be patient and jus take it as it comes.

 

p.s was jus watching episode 4 of smallville.....it talks about this same issue....how clark can't get over lana.....and chloe can't get over clark. jus a coincidence. lol.

[Aimless]

I ended the relationship like last week cause of the communication issue. But then melted and reconciled. (am I an idiot people?) I KNOW that someone out there can treat me better, who may just be even more beautiful and sexy etc but the thought of being with someone else right now (and even for the week we were away) just seems undoable.

It's analogy time again: When you start driving your first set of wheels is inevitably rather basic; perhaps it has trouble starting when the weather is frosty, the passenger seat is stuck too far forward and there's a knack to opening the boot. It might not be soft-top sports car of your dreams, but it gets you from A to B and allows you to broaden your horizons. Now at some point perhaps it starts being more of a hindrance than a help — it won't start and constantly makes you late for work, you always seem to be paying for parts to be replaced, it burns fuel like a 4x4, etcetera — and that is when you have to say to yourself, "Right, this simply isn't worth it anymore, I just need to dump it and go without a vehicle until I come across something better."

 

However, when you've reached that point is something only you can say; other people can raise the possibility, but in the end it comes down to you. And there are things you can do other than running it into the ground: perhaps a bolt tightened here, or a spot of welding there could make everything work much more smoothly. And generally any car is better than no car.

 

Anyway, I think I've stretched that metaphor way beyond breaking point now. To summarise what I was trying to say: we can't tell you if it's time to move on, that's something you have to decide for yourself; if you don't try to fix things then they won't remedy themselves, and things that seem clear from your perspective might need to be brought to your partner's attention; if you're still getting something out of your relationship, you should ask yourself whether you'd really be better off with none at all.

 

That final point, the 'making do for a lack of anything better' part, might be a bit contentious. However, I'm an all or nothing kind of guy and... well, as a general rule I'm left with the latter, and it isn't that great. That's just the person that I am, but in the hope that you aren't like me — always a healthily optimistic approach — don't be so quick to deny yourself something positive just because it isn't as great as it could be. You aren't marrying this person or otherwise binding yourself to them in the long-term, so enjoy it for what it is rather than focus on what it is not.

[rokhed00]

Yes it happens and I think the best answer was flinky's. It's a difficult thing to let go off, espcially your first love, it can take a long time, but you can move on and love somebody else.

 

 

First love is the easiest to get over usually, as it just some childish infatuation.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

First love is the easiest to get over usually, as it just some childish infatuation.

Ah, but is that the love in question? Sure, you can fancy many people during your lifetime and be infatuated by them, but real heartbeat-causing, sweattypalm-provoking, nervousness-inducing love doesn't come often. If we're talking about the latter, I don't think you get over it that easily. Flink nailed it IMO.

 

To add one element to Aimless' analogy, a factor to include in your weighing of good vs. bad things is your feelings for her. Like you said, the good things can be subjective. If you really do love her, you gotta try to make it work. I like your attitude towards the situation, but of course you need to be realistic.

[Ellmeister]

If its child infatuation you can't really call it your first love. I'm still kind of in love with mine, just with a few more complications.

 

Eventually people do get over anything though.

[Raining_again]

It's analogy time again: When you start driving your first set of wheels is inevitably rather basic; perhaps it has trouble starting when the weather is frosty, the passenger seat is stuck too far forward and there's a knack to opening the boot. It might not be soft-top sports car of your dreams, but it gets you from A to B and allows you to broaden your horizons. Now at some point perhaps it starts being more of a hindrance than a help — it won't start and constantly makes you late for work, you always seem to be paying for parts to be replaced, it burns fuel like a 4x4, etcetera — and that is when you have to say to yourself, "Right, this simply isn't worth it anymore, I just need to dump it and go without a vehicle until I come across something better."

 

However, when you've reached that point is something only you can say; other people can raise the possibility, but in the end it comes down to you. And there are things you can do other than running it into the ground: perhaps a bolt tightened here, or a spot of welding there could make everything work much more smoothly. And generally any car is better than no car.

 

Anyway, I think I've stretched that metaphor way beyond breaking point now. To summarise what I was trying to say: we can't tell you if it's time to move on, that's something you have to decide for yourself; if you don't try to fix things then they won't remedy themselves, and things that seem clear from your perspective might need to be brought to your partner's attention; if you're still getting something out of your relationship, you should ask yourself whether you'd really be better off with none at all.

 

That final point, the 'making do for a lack of anything better' part, might be a bit contentious. However, I'm an all or nothing kind of guy and... well, as a general rule I'm left with the latter, and it isn't that great. That's just the person that I am, but in the hope that you aren't like me — always a healthily optimistic approach — don't be so quick to deny yourself something positive just because it isn't as great as it could be. You aren't marrying this person or otherwise binding yourself to them in the long-term, so enjoy it for what it is rather than focus on what it is not.

 

All I can say is - wow

[nightwolf]

First love is the easiest to get over usually, as it just some childish infatuation.

 

 

I found my first actual love really difficult to get over, my first infuation was easy.

 

That is what I meant.

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

It's analogy time again: When you start driving your first set of wheels is inevitably rather basic; perhaps it has trouble starting when the weather is frosty, the passenger seat is stuck too far forward and there's a knack to opening the boot. It might not be soft-top sports car of your dreams, but it gets you from A to B and allows you to broaden your horizons. Now at some point perhaps it starts being more of a hindrance than a help — it won't start and constantly makes you late for work, you always seem to be paying for parts to be replaced, it burns fuel like a 4x4, etcetera — and that is when you have to say to yourself, "Right, this simply isn't worth it anymore, I just need to dump it and go without a vehicle until I come across something better."

 

However, when you've reached that point is something only you can say; other people can raise the possibility, but in the end it comes down to you. And there are things you can do other than running it into the ground: perhaps a bolt tightened here, or a spot of welding there could make everything work much more smoothly. And generally any car is better than no car.

 

Anyway, I think I've stretched that metaphor way beyond breaking point now. To summarise what I was trying to say: we can't tell you if it's time to move on, that's something you have to decide for yourself; if you don't try to fix things then they won't remedy themselves, and things that seem clear from your perspective might need to be brought to your partner's attention; if you're still getting something out of your relationship, you should ask yourself whether you'd really be better off with none at all.

 

That final point, the 'making do for a lack of anything better' part, might be a bit contentious. However, I'm an all or nothing kind of guy and... well, as a general rule I'm left with the latter, and it isn't that great. That's just the person that I am, but in the hope that you aren't like me — always a healthily optimistic approach — don't be so quick to deny yourself something positive just because it isn't as great as it could be. You aren't marrying this person or otherwise binding yourself to them in the long-term, so enjoy it for what it is rather than focus on what it is not.

 

Another brilliant post.And I don't see your viewpoint as contentious as I guess its just being realistic.

[Rummy]

You're a fiend, V! I was going to post a very similar thread to this at some point, but laziness never got me round to it. I'm also about to nap and short pressed for time, so I'm gonna read through this whole thread(only read a few posts so far) then post a nice long response. Currently I'll stick with my short response, which is yes you get over them and no you don't, both at the same time.

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

To add one element to Aimless' analogy, a factor to include in your weighing of good vs. bad things is your feelings for her. Like you said, the good things can be subjective. If you really do love her, you gotta try to make it work. I like your attitude towards the situation, but of course you need to be realistic.

 

Yeah, thats how I feel. Try to work on it, which corresponds to Aimless' bolt and nut analogy. I couldn't really move on knowing I never done all I could to secure the relationship. And if one had that attitude of leaving as soon as things get low in your first loving relationship, I think it would only get worst as one may not have the patience anymore.

 

So many things about my girl annoys me, but I shouldn't really be expecting to be with a person that fits an ideal I have created in my mind - that isn't fair.

 

You're a fiend, V! I was going to post a very similar thread to this at some point, but laziness never got me round to it. I'm also about to nap and short pressed for time, so I'm gonna read through this whole thread(only read a few posts so far) then post a nice long response. Currently I'll stick with my short response, which is yes you get over them and no you don't, both at the same time.

 

^^

 

I've really been on topic mode these days... anyway multiple topic switching is making my ears hurt, so I'll be lazy too.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

So many things about my girl annoys me, but I shouldn't really be expecting to be with a person that fits an ideal I have created in my mind - that isn't fair.

Nor is it fair to you if she treats you like shit. She may not be your ideal woman (no one really is), but don't just accept everything she trows at you. Remember, it takes two to tango, and likewise the respect and altruism in a relationship should be mutual.

 

Keep working on it. Tell her about your concerns. If she argues reasonably against them (and by reasonably I don't mean with feelings, but with solid facts!), you may have to rethink your expectations. But if she gets mad and starts shouting at you without actually arguing reasonably against your points, it is likely she is aware of her own behavioural problems. With what you have described, though, I hardly think your expectations are too high. On the contrary, I think you put up with too much from her.

 

But as I said, keep working on it!

[Ashley]

If we're apparently discluding childhood love (which im not sure why because hell, its closest I've ever been to love (and closest I'd imagine I'll ever get...maybe)...and what age does one stop being a child as I was around 14 and in a relationship for over a year and it sure did feel like love) than I've been in love. So I'm doomed it seems :p

[Ellmeister]

Well you can obviously be in love then, but usually around childhood from experience and knowledge of other's experiences its just infatuation.

 

Theres always someone for everyone, you just need to work hard to find them :p and then work harder to keep them.

[Guest bluey]

First love is the easiest to get over usually, as it just some childish infatuation.

 

*sigh* ...captain planet didnt even know i existed

[Goron_3]

Eugh, first love.

It ended badly with me and my first love; we were friends before and we never really talk anymore. It hurts me, a lot. I mean, I think about her everyday...It's so strange to think that we broke up almost 18 months ago and it'll never be the same again. I've realised recently that even though we do try and make small talk and even though i want us to be close again, it's not going to happen. It's about time I realise that sometimes things like this happen and that I should just forget about her.

 

Am I over her? Yes, i don't feel for her in that way anymore..haven't for a long time actually (that said, she was fit as, occasionally she does pop into my head and sexy thoughts are flying all over the place). But for now, a part of me still yearns for her touch (i see her at the bus stop for school everyday), but i will never go hug her simply because it's an empty hug; there's nothing there anymore. I do wonder sometimes, does she think about me? I mean, it's not like there's a chance either of us would ever get feelings for each other, but we were such important people in each others lives. Yes, you do get over the first person you've loved but i think a part of you will still always think about them because it's such a learning curve your first love.

 

Eugh, women.

[Dyson]

...no. At the moment, I don't think I ever will.

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

Nor is it fair to you if she treats you like shit. She may not be your ideal woman (no one really is), but don't just accept everything she trows at you. Remember, it takes two to tango, and likewise the respect and altruism in a relationship should be mutual.

 

Keep working on it. Tell her about your concerns. If she argues reasonably against them (and by reasonably I don't mean with feelings, but with solid facts!), you may have to rethink your expectations. But if she gets mad and starts shouting at you without actually arguing reasonably against your points, it is likely she is aware of her own behavioural problems. With what you have described, though, I hardly think your expectations are too high. On the contrary, I think you put up with too much from her.

 

But as I said, keep working on it!

 

For a guy your age (sorry, I hate to mention age), you pretty much are on point and seem to know what you want, which is great to see. Even with everything though, I still think she is special and so that just motivates me to work on it. I've probably made her sound worst than what she really is. She can be very loving and sensual, but there are elements of a Jekyll and Hyde personality (or does that go for all women? )

 

Depends on how hot she is to be honest.

 

You know, first few times I saw her, I thought nothing of her lol. Shes pretty and has a nice figure but... you know, so do a few billion other women. Thats really why i'm happy, because it wasn't really an attraction 100% based on her appearance.

 

...no. At the moment, I don't think I ever will.

 

Damn man... It might feel good to let it all out...

[jayseven]

Jekyll & Hyde pretty much goes for every person ever. It's something that goes both ways - getting to know who someone really is means you'll be revealing yourself too. First loves are usually fuelled by "omg I can't believe someone actually likes me this much! Especially someone as cool as them! I must be so lucky... I must therefore act as if I am walking on ice and tip-toe around them until the pressure builds and I have to confront them with an entire list of things I hate about them"...

 

Rokhed's comment about infactuation is along these lines, I'd say. My first love was some mega-hot chick, whose personality was pretty damn wrong for me. But once someone lets you in, you treat that as a reason for love, rather than the stuff you find within them, which you may not like at all and convince yourself it's something you can put up with because you don't think you'll ever have as much sex ever again.

 

My first love stole a bit of my heart. Some say I gave it to her willingly, but I think it was all part of her master plan. She's probably got a pile of heart chunks, and spends all her nights trying to piece them together to make herself a proper, blood-pumping heart to replace the stone-cold one that does nothing but make her a-- .... yeah. Yeah I'm over her. She's stupidly skinny now, too.

 

The next one is always better.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

For a guy your age (sorry, I hate to mention age), you pretty much are on point and seem to know what you want, which is great to see. Even with everything though, I still think she is special and so that just motivates me to work on it. I've probably made her sound worst than what she really is. She can be very loving and sensual, but there are elements of a Jekyll and Hyde personality (or does that go for all women? )

 

 

 

You know, first few times I saw her, I thought nothing of her lol. Shes pretty and has a nice figure but... you know, so do a few billion other women. Thats really why i'm happy, because it wasn't really an attraction 100% based on her appearance.

 

 

 

Damn man... It might feel good to let it all out...

Thank you for the nice comment.

 

About the Jekyll and Hyde thing ... once a month, dude ... once a month ... :p

 

Jekyll & Hyde pretty much goes for every person ever. It's something that goes both ways - getting to know who someone really is means you'll be revealing yourself too. First loves are usually fuelled by "omg I can't believe someone actually likes me this much! Especially someone as cool as them! I must be so lucky... I must therefore act as if I am walking on ice and tip-toe around them until the pressure builds and I have to confront them with an entire list of things I hate about them"...

 

Rokhed's comment about infactuation is along these lines, I'd say. My first love was some mega-hot chick, whose personality was pretty damn wrong for me. But once someone lets you in, you treat that as a reason for love, rather than the stuff you find within them, which you may not like at all and convince yourself it's something you can put up with because you don't think you'll ever have as much sex ever again.

 

My first love stole a bit of my heart. Some say I gave it to her willingly, but I think it was all part of her master plan. She's probably got a pile of heart chunks, and spends all her nights trying to piece them together to make herself a proper, blood-pumping heart to replace the stone-cold one that does nothing but make her a-- .... yeah. Yeah I'm over her. She's stupidly skinny now, too.

 

The next one is always better.

That's one heck of a metaphor, dude.

 

I still don't think infatuation and love is the same thing. I definitely know I can feel the difference - but maybe they're not always easily extinguished?

[Falcon_BlizZACK]

I still don't think infatuation and love is the same thing. I definitely know I can feel the difference - but maybe they're not always easily extinguished?

 

I agree. I mean, I've had year long crushes at school and my most recent crush lasted a good two years LMAO. A good two years of going to a certain area at a certain time I know she'll be there just to see her walk past... Freaky I know. But even still, that infatuation does not compare to love, especially when you stand back and compare the two.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

I've been infatuated with lots of girls. Some more than others. But I've only ever really felt in love with one girl. It lasted for 3-4 years, and she still has a special place in my heart, though I think most of the feelings have subsided.