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Adverts That Blow: Summer 2008


EEVILMURRAY

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I absolutly fucking hate with a burning passion that new Halifax advert. Seriously, who the fuck thinks these adverts are even a good idea. They just make me want to violently shove pineapples up their rectums.

 

Btw, if you have no idea what advert I'm referring to, it's one with this annoying Asian **** called "Thomas" who sings in a eardrum-bursting voice about the Halifax bank.

 

If it makes you feel better we're "reviewing our television advertisment format"

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How about that Oat's and More [i think] that apparently isn't 'with it/hip/wicked' etc?

 

The main thing apart from the fact that the kid doesn't not know when to shut up is when he comes up with this cracking line "Those clusters look good". Clusters do not look good, they looked like deformed pieces of shit.

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There's a Nourkin hair bullshit advert, which some wrinkly old celeb I assume mentions that women don't think about hair thinning and hair loss. Now based on how much women buy beauty products and shit, I think it's one of the forefront things on their mind.

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With fantastic lyrics using the words "Funky. Monkey." she deserves a slap.

 

It's a lovely thing where she says her clothes fit her booty, buy some bigger ones you whale. Problem solved, then no need to waste shitloads on Slim Fast shit.

 

There's another advert about water retention I think, where this lass is trying to do the top button of her jeans, really giving it some zest pulling it up. Now for me that's a bit of a step backwards, because if you're pulling it up you're aiming for your stomach, which for me is more skin than my waist.

 

A woman's hips are wider than their stomach/waist. (Or they are supposed to be.)

 

But yeah the Slim Fast adverts are almost as shit as the product. When will fat women learn to exercise?

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But yeah the Slim Fast adverts are almost as shit as the product. When will fat women learn to exercise?

Women seem to be tricked into having these Special K bars ["Instead of having a lunchtime snack, have some of this Keollogs shit"], better still. Have nothing.

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Women seem to be tricked into having these Special K bars ["Instead of having a lunchtime snack, have some of this Keollogs shit"], better still. Have nothing.

 

What gets me is that there's loads of calories in them but because they are small and full of air people don't reslise. Like the maltesers advertising 15 cals per malteser. PER MALTESER!!! They're about a cm wide and are full of air.

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Its just so tough being a woman! ^___^

 

At the end of the day your fat cause you eat too much (I should know!)

 

So many people think these things will cure them of their fatness with very little work, but unfortunately you need to change your lifestyle, not a diet for 6 weeks. They are all a con :heh:

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The Nurofen one is hilarious; I have a headache! Now I can't make my car go at double the speed!

 

And then right at the end they even show two speeds - one at 80 and one at 160, JUSt so you understand what "twice the speed" meant!

 

 

Classic, has me in hysterics.

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Back to the adverts that blow...

 

SA....!

 

CLA!!!

 

Grrr!

What the fuck?

The Nurofen one is hilarious; I have a headache! Now I can't make my car go at double the speed!

 

And then right at the end they even show two speeds - one at 80 and one at 160, JUSt so you understand what "twice the speed" meant!

 

Classic, has me in hysterics.

That advert really pisses me off. From the beginning you can see it's a race, some old **** shouts "full speed!" because as everyone knows every race is a battle of slowness [not unlike the slow bicylce race you had at school]

 

Then she gets such a cracking headache she can't do anything except remove her headset and rub her head. The opponent is shitting on them at present. 5 seconds later she's taken the Nurofen, working twice as fast as the original, headset is back and pushes a turbo button, which alerts the driver, because he couldn't have done it otherwise, that s/he can go at the aforementioned 'full speed!'.

 

What I don't really understand is why this Nurofen Express exists. Saying it works twice as fast as normal Nurofen is basically shitting on their own product.

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What I don't really understand is why this Nurofen Express exists. Saying it works twice as fast as normal Nurofen is basically shitting on their own product.

 

Totally! There are so many ads like this. Now twice as fast, twice as awesome etc. So basically your last product was shite? Is that what your trying to tell us?! :shakehead

 

I think they have a lot of caffeine in them to make it work faster, I've noticed quite a lot of them around these days.

 

I imagine that they have the standard one for people who could be allergic to the contents of the ub3r fast one. Or people whose migraines get brought on by caffeine HMmmm!

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Totally! There are so many ads like this. Now twice as fast, twice as awesome etc. So basically your last product was shite? Is that what your trying to tell us?! :shakehead

 

So no company is allowed to improve their product and then tell people they have done so?

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So no company is allowed to improve their product and then tell people they have done so?

Most companies 'update' their product, saying it's more effective. They don't release a product saying don't buy the other thing we make because it's shit.

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That Slim Fast advert is just awful, I can't bare it, what a stupid bitch.

The one that annoys me the most though is them bloody Confused.com adverts, where everything is made of cardboard and they're just like "Im CONFUSED.COM" and it zooms in on their faces.

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The scala one is an advert for pesto, the guy hits a lot of things while saying sca! and la! while the camera zooms in on his face.

 

Don't know if Murray was saying what the fuck that he didn't know what I was on about, so here is the fucking monstrosity in all it's shitty glory

 

 

This is a much better version.

 

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Ah, Sacla. One of the many adverts that's recently come about where we have random noises being used to make a beat. Much like that car one.

 

I try to avoid all ads, but a good one I noticed was that teaching one where the student gloats to his teacher over the football score. (and the banter's not bad, either.)

 

Been there, done that. :)

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