Sexuality Thread

[Dan_Dare]

Daft isn't a teen... :p

 

oh...well...grow up then!

[Daft]

you're fiiine... you just havent been hugged right yet! ^_^

 

I'm actually a fan of hugs. :p

 

He'll grow out if it. Everyone does. Besides, what's the point of keeping things private when you haven't got anyone to keep it private from?

 

I just don't find it necessary to tell people things. Why burden people with problems I have, to me that is pretty selfish. When people are upset they are told to talk about their problems to ease, basically dilute, the pain. So why should I do that to my private happiness?

 

Agreed. +1 vote for Nihilistic Teen syndrome...

 

I'm not nihilistic, I think nihilism is a terrifying idea in fact. I'm actually very optimistic. I find it liberating not depending or needing other people. I'm proud of my strength as an individual, I'm sure others wouldn't see it as a strength though.

Daft isn't a teen... :p

 

Thank god. Worst years of my life.

 

oh...well...grow up then!

 

I would if I were being immature.

[Dan_Dare]

maybe you shouldn't consider your thoughts as burdens on other people.

[Daft]

maybe you shouldn't consider your thoughts as burdens on other people.

 

What else would they be?

[Dan_Dare]

point is they might want to help you. that's part of being friends with somebody. It's not a negative quality to be able to open up to someone, you know.

[nightwolf]

Some people actually don't mind sharing thoughts and feelings or having them as a ''burden''. Espcially your loved ones and friends, they care about how you feel and whats upsetting you as much as you do them.

[Daft]

point is they might want to help you. that's part of being friends with somebody. It's not a negative quality to be able to open up to someone, you know.

 

Some people actually don't mind sharing thoughts and feelings or having them as a ''burden''. Espcially your loved ones and friends, they care about how you feel and whats upsetting you as much as you do them.

 

I have a real problem opening up. I actually can't even form the words in my mouth.

 

Also I'm not comfortable enough with anyone to tell them stuff. I have loads of friends but no one I'm that close to.

 

And I doubt they could help me...not that I actually think I need help.

[Jamba]

"Every form of happiness is private. Our greatest memories are personal, self-motivated, not to be touched. The things which are sacred or precious to us are the things we withdraw from promiscuous sharing. "

 

What's the point in having thoughts if they are not shared? It's like Science or any kind of knowledge, it just become invalid if it's not shared because you knowing alone means nothing. I can understand why you are saying what you do but tbh it sound like you just have a very overly evolved protection mechanism to stop yourself from getting hurt.

 

Sharing your feeling with a person allows you to have a context and an attachment to the metaphorical picture in which you find yourself. Without doing it, you are only half there.

[Dan_Dare]

You should try. not a bout stuff you need help with per se, just anything. I keep my cards pretty close to my chest myself but I know I have mates i can really count on to at least listen to me talk shit for a while. It's...liberating. You should try it...

[Ashley]

I have a real problem opening up. I actually can't even form the words in my mouth.

 

Also I'm not comfortable enough with anyone to tell them stuff. I have loads of friends but no one I'm that close to.

 

And I doubt they could help me...not that I actually think I need help.

 

I understand you, as some people seem perplexed. There are times when I just feel like if I tell someone something they won't care, won't understand, will judge me etc.

 

Once I open up I tend to feel better, but then I tend to open up to people semi-qualified in helping (ie my friend who is trained as a therapist and another whose trained as a social worker). But there are times, a lot of times, whereby I just keep it in. I know its apparently bad for you but life is full of vices.

[nightwolf]

I have a real problem opening up. I actually can't even form the words in my mouth.

 

Also I'm not comfortable enough with anyone to tell them stuff. I have loads of friends but no one I'm that close to.

 

And I doubt they could help me...not that I actually think I need help.

 

Oh my ex was like that, drove me mad...why? Because every so often all his feelings would come bubbling out and I'd never been able to rectify it because he'd never told anybody.

[Daft]

What's the point in having thoughts if they are not shared? It's like Science or any kind of knowledge, it just become invalid if it's not shared because you knowing alone means nothing. I can understand why you are saying what you do but tbh it sound like you just have a very overly evolved protection mechanism to stop yourself from getting hurt.

 

Sharing your feeling with a person allows you to have a context and an attachment to the metaphorical picture in which you find yourself. Without doing it, you are only half there.

 

In one aspect you are right, it is a method of protection but it is one that is really ingrained into me deeply. I was bundled off to a boarding school for five years. I hated the place, it was like being buried alive, a bad day that never ends. Sadly it has turned me into this.

 

On the other hand I find that keeping to myself things I enjoy heightens my enjoyment of the thing. The only example I can think of right now is music. If I find a band I really like I'll keep it to myself because seemingly me being the only one who knows makes my appreciation of the music more important. Its hard to explain and I probably haven't done it well. That quote I posted reflects what I mean a lot better.

 

You should try. not a bout stuff you need help with per se, just anything. I keep my cards pretty close to my chest myself but I know I have mates i can really count on to at least listen to me talk shit for a while. It's...liberating. You should try it...

 

I am trying. I've recently started writing letters as it is the only way, at the moment, that I can express myself.

 

I understand you, as some people seem perplexed. There are times when I just feel like if I tell someone something they won't care, won't understand, will judge me etc.

 

Once I open up I tend to feel better, but then I tend to open up to people semi-qualified in helping (ie my friend who is trained as a therapist and another whose trained as a social worker). But there are times, a lot of times, whereby I just keep it in. I know its apparently bad for you but life is full of vices.

 

I guess it is also another method of control. I'm always looking to better myself and I feel I can learn and grow by working through my own feelings and problems.

[Deathjam]

I have a real problem opening up. I actually can't even form the words in my mouth.

 

Also I'm not comfortable enough with anyone to tell them stuff. I have loads of friends but no one I'm that close to.

 

And I doubt they could help me...not that I actually think I need help.

 

Heh im the opposite. Like a book. Some stuff you keep to yourself, but other things, people can really help with, and I don't have that many friends (despite my friendliness )but the friends I do have, most of them are close, some like brothers and when I need help, they will be there for me, just like I will be for them.

[Jamba]

On the other hand I find that keeping to myself things I enjoy heightens my enjoyment of the thing. The only example I can think of right now is music. If I find a band I really like I'll keep it to myself because seemingly me being the only one who knows makes my appreciation of the music more important. Its hard to explain and I probably haven't done it well. That quote I posted reflects what I mean a lot better.

 

 

I had a crap time at boarding school but I got over it, because I found that life was too short and that I was fucking lonely being miserable.

 

The music example is a good one but a very special case. But using the same philosophy to cover everything in your life is dangerous. As I said before, if you don't connect with people then they will never know you. You will have no context and you will exist on the outside looking in as you will never be involved or interracting. The only explanation I can see for that is that you're worried what might happen when you do.

 

I'm glad to hear that you're trying to break through it though. Hell even talking to us about this is quite a step for you by the sound of it Has anyone ever told you anything that inspired you or stimulated you or been of any benefit for you at all? If so (which I'm guessing they have) then you can do exactly the same. Don't sell yourself short, you might have something to offer that people need. Even if it's just allowing people to know that you feel the same way about something as them.

[Dan_Dare]

well put Jamba.

[Daft]

I had a crap time at boarding school but I got over it, because I found that life was too short and that I was fucking lonely being miserable.

 

I'd consider myself "over it" but I can't deny it has changed me. Similarly being at university has changed me. I am now very approachable, I'm always up for doing new things (lest term I took up Scottish Country dancing and Korean drumming :p) and I'm always looking for people who I can connect with...I just haven't found anyone though. I wouldn't exactly say I miserable, I'm pretty content with who I am.

 

The music example is a good one but a very special case. But using the same philosophy to cover everything in your life is dangerous. As I said before, if you don't connect with people then they will never know you. You will have no context and you will exist on the outside looking in as you will never be involved or interracting. The only explanation I can see for that is that you're worried what might happen when you do.

 

I use that philosophy as a really general rule. I only really apply it to my interests and even then I'm not that protected about most things.

 

I'm glad to hear that you're trying to break through it though. Hell even talking to us about this is quite a step for you by the sound of it Has anyone ever told you anything that inspired you or stimulated you or been of any benefit for you at all? If so (which I'm guessing they have) then you can do exactly the same. Don't sell yourself short, you might have something to offer that people need. Even if it's just allowing people to know that you feel the same way about something as them.

 

I'm not really sure what you mean by inspired.

 

I'm always there for my friends. They know they can come to me whenever and often they do. I just don't feel I could have it the other way around.

 

On a side-note, Jamba you are great.

[Jamba]

Ah cheers guys! *feels fuzzy inside*

 

No probs Daft, I think you made it sound far worse than the situation really is anyway. Doesn't help that I'm having probs with my brother atm either in a similar yet different kind of way.....

 

*looks up at thread title*

 

Buuuuut we are getting a little away from the subject. Lets celebrate with a naked chicken dance:

 

*insert chicken dance video from scrubs which i can't find right now *

[Daft]

Yeah well, tbh I never really said I had a big problem. I just think other people think I do.

[Ashley]

Buuuuut we are getting a little away from the subject. Lets celebrate with a naked chicken dance:

 

*insert chicken dance video from scrubs which i can't find right now *

 

The whole trust/opening up thing is a big part of relationships, and that has a big part in this thread so fret not young sir.

[mcj metroid]

I have a real problem opening up. I actually can't even form the words in my mouth.

 

Also I'm not comfortable enough with anyone to tell them stuff. I have loads of friends but no one I'm that close to.

 

And I doubt they could help me...not that I actually think I need help.

 

really because i have plenty of friends to open up to..You should have an idea in your head who is trustworthy and who isn't.

 

Some of your friends are friends you share an interest with for example(and i'm assuming) gaming..

Most of the time i find these type of friends are not really THAT healthy being close and not trustworthy....Hard to explain and i'm trying my best.

 

Everyone needs to open to someone though i'd be mad without it.

 

 

 

(and i realise i haven't posted here in a while but whatever)

[Eenuh]

Actually Daft, I kind of feel the same way like you. It's not like I don't want to share things with people, but I don't feel I have anyone worth sharing things with. I only have two/three people who are kind of friends in real life, but not close ones. When talking to them, it's usually about really general stuff, not even about my interests. Because I feel they wouldn't care.

 

So in a way, I keep things private. I seem to talk more about myself online than I do in real life, which is really kind of sad. But unless I find someone worth sharing things with, I don't think this is going to change.

[Owen]

Oh my ex was like that, drove me mad...why? Because every so often all his feelings would come bubbling out and I'd never been able to rectify it because he'd never told anybody.

 

To be fair, some people find it hard to say there inner feelings...me for one, no-one really knows me...they think they do...but oh no...

 

I can see your point of view though, cause you wanted to help him and couldn't!

[nightwolf]

To be fair, some people find it hard to say there inner feelings...me for one, no-one really knows me...they think they do...but oh no...

 

I can see your point of view though, cause you wanted to help him and couldn't!

 

apprently I used to be just as irratating (the guys a total **** now btw and i hate him but for different reasons)

 

My dad still says I'm the same, it takes quite abit for me really tell anyone everything, that I'm like a bottle and every once in a well I let it all out and it scares everyone :awesome:

[Daft]

really because i have plenty of friends to open up to..You should have an idea in your head who is trustworthy and who isn't.

 

Some of your friends are friends you share an interest with for example(and i'm assuming) gaming..

Most of the time i find these type of friends are not really THAT healthy being close and not trustworthy....Hard to explain and i'm trying my best.

 

Everyone needs to open to someone though i'd be mad without it.

 

It isn't really about who is trustworthy it is just I still don't feel that comfortable opening up to them.

 

Actually Daft, I kind of feel the same way like you. It's not like I don't want to share things with people, but I don't feel I have anyone worth sharing things with. I only have two/three people who are kind of friends in real life, but not close ones. When talking to them, it's usually about really general stuff, not even about my interests. Because I feel they wouldn't care.

 

So in a way, I keep things private. I seem to talk more about myself online than I do in real life, which is really kind of sad. But unless I find someone worth sharing things with, I don't think this is going to change.

 

Yes, thats exactly it. But it isn't that they wouldn't care, it is that I don't want them to know because they wouldn't understand and I'd never expect them to. Even if they could it is a conscious choice I have made to keep it to myself.

 

When I talk to my friends I talk without actually saying anything.

[Eenuh]

 

Yes, thats exactly it. But it isn't that they wouldn't care, it is that I don't want them to know because they wouldn't understand and I'd never expect them to. Even if they could it is a conscious choice I have made to keep it to myself.

 

When I talk to my friends I talk without actually saying anything.

 

Well I don't know if they would care or not, but the fact they don't ask about more personal stuff tells me that they're fine knowing what they know.

Thing is though, I know that once I graduate, I will probably not hear from them again, and I'll end up with no friends at all. I'd change things but there's nothing I can do about it, since school is really the only place where we talk. They still care more/most about their secondary school friends anyway.