Passive/Active

[jayseven]

 

Do you take the left road, or do you go straight ahead? Do you pull over and wait and see which way the other cars are going, and follow them - or purposefully pick the road least travelled? Do you drive down each road for a little way and see what it looks like ahead, or perhaps do you judge the correct route upon the scenery that each way seems to provide? Or do you just pull over and decide "this is my destination"..?

 

What if there are no other cars? How long do you wait? How can you be sure the immediate scenery is representative of the whole drive?

 

Do you stress out because, no matter what you do or what you try, you still go nowhere? Do you choose to sit there and not go anywhere at all?

 

When you play chess, do you take the most aggressive move or do you sit back and play it safe, awaiting your opponent's mistake that may never come?

 

I'm in a stupid place. In my late teens I was always taking the incentive, being the glue to keep my friends together, being the yes man and experiencing anything and everything. Life was, back then, relatively safe. I was in college, Uni was next, so I was cool. No worries.

 

But since then I went to uni and while I maintained my sponatious nature, disregarding previous similar experiences and deciding to let the new moment take precedence, while I maintained an almost hedonistic outlook on life, I slowly regressed into a passive state, depended too much on the waves of life to carry me and plonk me down wherever it deemed fit. Perfect opportunities would fall into my lap... But now it's different. Now I sit around, not exactly waiting for the next opportunity to tumble down but instead to slowly soak my experiences in... I wait for my receptors to carve and sculpt away until a vague form of the answer to What Next? is shaped and identifiable.

 

Endofrant.

 

Tl:dr = Are you passive or aggressive in life? Do you know what you want?

[Diageo]

Very passive, I never have any idea what I want. But I always get what I need given to me, so it has worked well so far. I have nothing to complain about.

[Paj!]

Side-note: I hate passive aggressive people. It's so OBVIOUS when they're saying something veiled in passiveness and I want to hit them. Come out with it, cunt.

 

In regards to the actual question...

 

I think I tend to either beat around the bush, telling myself and others that I will beat it eventually, don't worry - or I'm beating the bush excessively.

 

I can't really place my current situation into the question, as I'm still in first year at uni and so relatively "looked after", and on a definite path of new experiences and stuff to come, and that are happening currently.

 

Hmm.

 

Would an example be something like..

 

For our first project of my course, we were put into groups (no other project would be in groups). While I liked everyone in my group, as a team we were not particularly efficient. While I was seriously ill and recovering, no one else had done any work for the project, no one else had reserved equipment for us to use (and so hadn't put their name down as being liable for said equipment). So I ended up taking charge of the shit because when it's my neck (and reputation) on the line, I can't abide crap. So I had to organise our meetings, sign for ALL the equipment in my name (so if it was stolen or lost, it would be my £££) yada yada. I also ended up doing all the editing of our film, going in earlier and staying later in the editing suite. Without me, I don't think a piece would have been produced.

 

I just ended up doing most of the work and decisions about things because no one could be bothered accepting responsibility.

 

But then is that aggressively taking charge, or passively letting my team "walk all over me"/do nothing and get away with it (relatively..one guy on our team got a fail while the rest of us got a B-, as we were open about the fact he never turned up)?

[Aztec Rose]

To know what 'you' want, 'you' must be given a voice. 'You' must be alive and in control. 'You' must be allowed to think and feel and to decide what it is that will make 'you' happy. 'You' must want to live and to make things happen. If 'you' are in control, then the possibilities are endless.

[jayseven]

Would an example be something like..

 

For our first project of my course, we were put into groups (no other project would be in groups). While I liked everyone in my group, as a team we were not particularly efficient. While I was seriously ill and recovering, no one else had done any work for the project, no one else had reserved equipment for us to use (and so hadn't put their name down as being liable for said equipment). So I ended up taking charge of the shit because when it's my neck (and reputation) on the line, I can't abide crap. So I had to organise our meetings, sign for ALL the equipment in my name (so if it was stolen or lost, it would be my £££) yada yada. I also ended up doing all the editing of our film, going in earlier and staying later in the editing suite. Without me, I don't think a piece would have been produced.

 

I just ended up doing most of the work and decisions about things because no one could be bothered accepting responsibility.

 

But then is that aggressively taking charge, or passively letting my team "walk all over me"/do nothing and get away with it (relatively..one guy on our team got a fail while the rest of us got a B-, as we were open about the fact he never turned up)?

That's being aggressive. Passive would be waiting for someone to take charge and tell you what to do. You've weighed up the potential outcomes for both scenarios and you've decided to take action before it's 'too late' -- having a self-made definition of 'too late' that the others did not have. Other factors involved, such as the belief that it was doable, will affect when it is 'too late' for you. If you thought the task at hand was impossible then maybe you'd've rallied for a new leader instead?

To know what 'you' want, 'you' must be given a voice. 'You' must be alive and in control. 'You' must be allowed to think and feel and to decide what it is that will make 'you' happy. 'You' must want to live and to make things happen. If 'you' are in control, then the possibilities are endless.

I think I operate on a different timescale, though. I think it takes longer for 'me' to feel that the calculations are complete, and that it is probably a better option to take the risk and step inside that transporter.

 

I'll get there in the end and I'll think "well I knew that was the answer ages ago!", but others may have risked it sooner.

 

I said to you earlier; sometimes it's everyone else and their 'helpful' two cents that gets in the way. I start worrying about how my decision will affect them rather than focusing on what's best for me.

[Aztec Rose]

Fuck everyone else. Who cares. No judgement. No expectation. You are in control to decide exactly how you want to live your life. You are free.

[Goafer]

Meh, I just tend to go with whatever presents itself to me. Life's more fun that way. I guess that makes me passive?

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Without having given it enormous amounts of thought (it's 2 o'clock in the morning and I should have gone to sleep at least an hour ago), I believe I was more passive when I was younger, thinking that I had my life ahead of me and that it would end up sorting itself out in time. As of fairly late, though, I have been hit by the sudden realisation that - surprise! - my time here on Earth is actually finite, and while I've always been bothered by the concept of wasting time, I've now developed an actual fear of missing opportunities in my life and ultimately ending up unhappy about how I lived it. This has led to me becoming more aggressive in nature, thinking more about what I actually want to do in my life and deciding to take matters into my own hands instead of expecting things to work out on their own.

[chairdriver]

Depends entirely on who's in my company.

[jayseven]

Goafer; you always struck my as an active person (I've changed the title :P) -- you go out hunting down derelict buildings, you have savings, you take any job until the right one turns up.

 

Chair; then that's passive :P In terms of what your personality is, in terms of how you approach your choices, depending on who is around you is about as passive as it gets.

[chairdriver]

Chair; then that's passive :P In terms of what your personality is, in terms of how you approach your choices, depending on who is around you is about as passive as it gets.

 

That's a different quality. It's the extent to which you are influenced by the presence of other people, which is a different thing to the extent to which you will assert yourself over other people.

 

I can be the most aggressive and assertive person around certain people, and the most withdrawn person around others.

[jayseven]

It's curious how you immediately bring other people into the equation. In my mind this topic was conceived based on the notion that ultimately it is you alone who has to face and make the choices that alter your life. I presume that your reply is forked to prick both my OP and Paj's situational posit, and if the latter is the case then certainly, group dynamics plays a great deal in how you behave in that instance.

 

I'm trying to get at your core. One's being tends to ebb one way more than the other. When I'm socialising I can be one of many different facets, constructed from one of many more reasons and/or stimuli.

 

To draw it back; put yourself in the shoes of the character in the comic in my first post. Do you immediately step into the transporter, or do you wait a while first? The strip's point is that waiting does nothing whatsoever externally, it only churns the internal cogs. The strip's only reference to any others is merely an expulsive decree that the right thing to do is to take a gamble, which is where the analogy specifically chooses to ignore true, unquantifiable context to which we really base our decisions upon.

 

The argument is that some people will immediately/fairly quickly step straight into the transporter, unafraid of the impact a difference in choice can create, whereas other people will sit and double-guess everything; is the label accurate? Am I truly safe here? While you can apply these concepts to individual social situations, to do so would truly be besides the point.

 

We face our greatest choices largely alone. The only antithesis to this is in the development of strong bonds - or love, if you will. But even this is not to be bound up with general social concoctions, in which there is no doubt we all act differently depending on who surrounds us.

[Oxigen_Waste]

Who is Aztec Rose? She gives me e-boners.

[ReZourceman]

Yes I am...

[Jonnas]

I'm passive, I suppose. I tend to wait for stuff to happen before acting on anything. Of course, I have my own decisions to make, and I would've chosen to enter the teleporter in that situation J7 posted, but if I had someone with me, I probably would've based my decision on that person (if someone I enjoy having around, I'd stick with him/her, and wherever he/she would choose to go. If not, I would make that decision as if I were alone)

 

In Paj's shoes, I would have taken the reigns of the group. If I were in the shoes of one of his teammates (and Paj had mentioned his disease), I would've taken the reigns, too. If Paj still wanted to organize things (and acted accordingly), I would've probably just let him become the "leader" unconsciously, without ever challenging what he wanted to do.

 

You could say I'm active when alone, but become submissive towards others when accompanied. But at the end of the day, that just means I still depend on outside interference to decide my actions.

 

I am fully aware of my passiveness, and have tried to become more active, but it's not easy to change who you are so easily.

[Shorty]

Are there really people who wouldn't just get straight in the transporter?

 

I'd be in there in a heartbeat. I've been training for this shit ever since Doom.

 

Who is Aztec Rose? She gives me e-boners.

It's my mate Jeff. He likes you too.

[Grazza]

It'd be dishonest of me if I said I wasn't passive/cautious. Regarding the comic strip, I'd probably spend a few days in the chamber, learning as much as I could about the surroundings and the teleporter itself. Perhaps I could test it with a bit of fruit or something? After I'd ruled out any other option, I'd probably use the teleporter.

 

And yes, I am cautious in real life, but you have to be assertive, otherwise you'll build up resentment about people walking all over you. At a guess, I'd say this is a big issue for a lot of teenagers, which is why you get the "EMO" concept of being quiet but resentful, or outright aggressive. Learning how to be assertive and decisive at the right time is just a normal part of growing up.

[nightwolf]

I'm completely 100% aggressive, I've always had an idea of what life will have for me. First it was college, I struggled and pushed my way into Uni, from there I want to finish this damn course, get a job and then get into the games industry and make my way to the top of the environment modellers in the bloody thing.

 

There have been times when I have sat around and waited, I used to do it to see what would happen, but life goes too slowly that way!

[Goafer]

Goafer; you always struck my as an active person (I've changed the title :P) -- you go out hunting down derelict buildings, you have savings, you take any job until the right one turns up.

 

I don't know then! I guess in that sense I am kind of active then. I still think I'm kind of passive though since I've never really chased a career (apart from photography, but that was only in the past year or so and I'd hardly say I'm tenacious about it). I think the correct term is actively aimless. I have no master plan, I just see stuff that looks interesting and see where it goes. I probably have A.D.D.

 

I've definitely become more active recently though. Although it's still only based on what opportunities present themselves to me. Extra Life was a great example. I did no research on it, nor did I actively find out about it. I just saw the post FlameBoy made and thought "fuck it, sounds fun", then became active about it.