A Question of Pettyness.

[Rummy]

Right, I wanted a thread to put this in, but then realised there probably isn't one, and so I've made a new one. It'll lend into its own topic in a bit, but right now I need to be a bit egotistical.

 

I'm the youngest of 3, brother 3 years older than me, sister 3 years older than him. Me and my brother have never really gotten on, I mean, we're better than some, but I hazard a guess at being worse than most. I sometimes think I probably know my friends' brothers better than I know my own. I frankly feel like he has no respect for me, whenever we were little at family things he'd put me down in front of the cousins, always take a pop at me etcetc. I have some serious issues with him and his lack of respect, I guess, but I thought I'd gotten over them and grown out of it.

 

Until last night.

 

We moved(we being my mum and dad and I went with them) about 20 minutes walk away from the old house in december, my brother bought that house.

 

I was at work(1330-2130) when I get a text from my brother saying something along the lines of 'I have borrowed back my freeview box' around 2100. This is a freeview box which has been in the house since we moved, but I do know it is/was my brother's. When we got a new TV with built in freeview(plus our VM) I took his box and put it on my TV in my room(in January), considering it was sitting idle in our house. He knew this and didn't seem to take issue, cos I mentioned it to him in passing and said he could have it back if he wanted(also in January when I took it).

 

Anyway, I rang my mum and got her to ring me back on my mobile(I was actually on one to one obs with a patient so I had to use my mobile) and got her to go and check my room to see if there was still a box on top of my TV. There was not. At this point, I was rather livid(more angry than I've ever been in ages), and have been ever since. I kind of totally just exploded at my parents also. Am I being a twat or am I allowed to be upset? The reaction I got from my parents seems to make me question it.

 

 

tl;dr - Brother doesn't live in my house yet he came here and took something from my room and told me afterwards but I don't think that's cool. Very uncool, in fact.

Edited October 7, 2010 by Rummy

[Diageo]

It seems you told him he could have it back. So there was no wrong there. Although it would have been nicer if he asked first, instead of just taking it.

[MoogleViper]

I think you're letting past issues make a bigger deal out of something rather minor.

[Rummy]

That was like in January, though. It's been on my TV in excess of 8 months. This happened last night.

[Diageo]

That was like in January, though.

 

I don't know what you're trying defend here...

[Rummy]

Nevermind, it seems I'm just fucking crazy.

[MoogleViper]

All he did was re-take what was his. Yes he was a bit of a dick about it but it's still just a small thing. Don't let yourself get worked up about it.

[nightwolf]

I can see where you are coming from Rummy, it's not like you didn't ask him if he wanted it back in the first place and he could have given you a few more hours to replace the digibox in the first place.

 

My sister on the other hand, always takes what isn't hers originally, I've had clothes stolen, money, items I really wanted, she actually still has the coat that actually has my name written in it and still claims it's hers, but now she's moved/kicked out, I don't think I'll ever get it back, tshirts she's taken, stretched, filled with dirty smoke and horse smell (she owns her own horse you see.) it's so annoying and I'm tired of it, hopefully now it'll stop.

 

I can understand the fustration, to have something and then someone take it away, can be annoying, sure if it's warned in advance and if it is theirs, sure, but if you want something back or borrow, just bloody ask!

 

/rant.

[Rummy]

Yeah, he didn't ask, and it's not like he just popped into my room and borrowed it. He lives in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT house. I also don't like people coming into my room without permission anyway, so it just totally topped it off. He knows all this, too. So do my parents. I just feel totally helpless, like I'm never gonna be free.

[Iun]

...it's spelled "pettiness"...

[Jonnas]

Sometimes, it's the small things that tick you off. Because one tends to take little things for granted (like the privacy of your room, or a person's politeness). When a close person nonchalantly breaks those little codes you believe in, you feel like nothing is sacred anymore.

 

Your brother was a bit of a dick, taking his stuff so suddenly. The best thing you can do is tell him to warn you before he does something like that again. He might listen, or maybe not, but it's worth a shot.

 

But before, let go of your anger. Punch something, go to the gym, whatever works for you. You need to clear your thoughts, first.

[Cube]

...it's spelled "pettiness"...

 

Now that's just petty.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

Jonnas said it best, I think. While to us it seems like something minor, especially since you said he could have it back, the way he went about it, considering your history, I can easily understand your frustration. I don't know what's best to do, but I do know you should try to let go of your anger (or as much of it as you can) before doing anything about it. Otherwise things could escalate into something truly nasty, I believe.

[Rummy]

I guess I did say he could have it back, but that was in passing and like 9 months ago, if it was last week and he'd done this I'd still be pissed off, but less so. I guess it didn't help with the stress of being at work at the end of a shitty shift when I get a text TELLING me he's taken it back. You don't borrow something and THEN tell someone, you ask then borrow. The biggest problem is him just coming and taking it from my home, my room no less, but it seems I'm the only person who holds my room so privately.

[Dannyboy-the-Dane]

However private other people consider their rooms, it doesn't matter. What matters is that he went into your room and took something without your permission, and it bothers you. I think you should confront him about it.

[Jimbob]

Well, you did say he could have it back. But he went the wrong way about getting it back, he really should have asked you before heading into your room and simply just "taking" it.

 

Take your anger out first, then go and let him know that he should have asked before taking back.

[ReZourceman]

I don't believe that your parents could produce a human being who is anything less than godly....

 

 

But seriously, I think your issue is pretty reasonable. If you're gonna steal/take someones digibox at least give them some god damn warning and also ask for it, not just take.

[Grazza]

Your brother was in the wrong, Rummy. If you want something back, you ask for it, you don't go into their room and take it.

[EEVILMURRAY]

He lives in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT house.

Did I read it right when you said he bought your old house?

 

How did he get in? Your mother didn't seem to know about it.

[Rummy]

Yes. My parents sold the old house to him because he had the means to buy it to an extent. If I had the means, I would have, but I don't/didn't, and so I am here.

 

My mum knew he was here, though she says she didn't know he took anything or that he didn't tell her. He comes and goes pretty frequently, and yeah sometimes he rings the doorbell, but he has a set of keys too that he just wanders in with sometimes.

 

Anyway, I thought the boundaries of not going into my room were firmly in place when we lived together in the same house anyway, I should have thought them pretty fucking solidly in place when he doesn't even live in this house(or ever sleep/stay in this house), and so I never felt the need to make it clear that it wasn't cool. That's what makes this feel so weird for me.

 

 

Anyhow, thank you all for your wise words and whatnot, I'm not going to confront him about it because it'll lead to an argument/fight which'll end with him telling me that this isn't my house, but my mum and dad's, so it's upto them. I've told them my thoughts and I'm leaving it with them.

 

 

 

This is now a thread about siblings, sibling rivalries, the petty shit they do that pisses you off, and for the only children among us, how do you feel about being an only child? tl;dr: discuss yo bruvvas and sistas or lack thereof

[EEVILMURRAY]

Petty this may be, but is there anything he has of yours you could swipe back?

[Grazza]

I have two lovely sisters, one older than me, one younger. As far as I know, they would never go in my room! I often wonder what it'd be like to have a brother, someone who like the same things as me, someone to play computer games with etc.

[Aimless]

He could have been more polite about reclaiming his property, but ultimately that's what he was doing: retrieving something of his.

 

Fair enough if that annoyed you, but don't turn it into a mountain. Likely one of the following scenarios matches up with reality:

1. Your brother needed a Freeview box and remembered he already owned one.
   
2. He didn't need the Freeview box and purely took it to spite you.
   

If the former is true his actions aren't entirely unreasonable, just a bit inconsiderate. If the latter is the case then he only took it to annoy you, in which case getting worked up about it is playing right into his hands.

 

In either case there's only one real takeaway from the situation: if you dislike someone, be they sibling or acquaintance, never allow yourself to be beholden to them or anything they own.

[Goafer]

tshirts she's taken, stretched, filled with dirty smoke and horse smell (she owns her own horse you see.) it's so annoying and I'm tired of it, hopefully now it'll stop.

 

[Rummy]

Petty this may be, but is there anything he has of yours you could swipe back?

 

Beyond a spider-man cup and his computer than he brings round here and just dumps for me to fix(this was a few weeks ago, it was just here and he didnt even ask my directly, my mum told me), there's little for me to swipe and I wouldn't even do that because it's petty and out of order. I am 23 and he is 26, I would have thought we'd be sensible and mature enough by now to act our age.

 

 

I realise it's a specific situation, but would any of you guys after effectively moving out go to the family home and take something from a sibling without asking, or from their room(regardless of ownership)? Would it make any difference if it was in my situation, the sibling in a new house you don't live in but they have something of yours/that you need? I am really questioning my world view on certain things, because I would have just thought that totally unacceptable, yet I get the impression here that people think it ok, but I would never do that to anyone. I have keys to my sister's house, and free license to come and go(admittedly agreed a while back, but I'd check with her before I did because it was a while ago) but I'd never just go round and take something I wanted. I am honestly finding it hard to believe that so many people seem to think it's so ok? Like I guess, quite literally, unbelievable?

 

Alternative scenario, if you had a friend who owed you £20, and you were in their house and in their room, in their presence, and they had £20 lying around, would you just take it and think it ok?