Posted April 17, 2009 That sucks SCG. Glad you're feeling alright about it though I'd post my story from a few months ago here but god knows that saga took up far too much of my time at the time anyway and I still don't truly know what happened Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 (edited) That sucks SCG. Glad you're feeling alright about it though I'd post my story from a few months ago here but god knows that saga took up far too much of my time at the time anyway and I still don't truly know what happened Yeah, and yes I am indeed feeling alright about it, infact I'm feeling good so it's fine. : peace: I know what you mean about not truly knowing what happened though, your example by the sounds of it is probably more involved but even from my - relatively light - example from yesterday, I'm still kind of trying to figure out what happened, even though I know lol anyway at least now I can start looking ahead so it's all good. Never try and be friends with a girl thinking that something might happen down the line. It won't. Do not think that being friends is some kind of gateway. I've experienced this twice in the last few weeks, and so now my approach has all changed. I've actually done a lot of learning on this kind of front recently and feel much better for it. It never seems to be as clean-cut when it's at work though because yes we did get on well at work but then I don't know if thats really classed as being friends as such because I get on well with a lot of my co-workers, or at least I like to think so anyway, I have suspicions that some of them are just being polite but *shrugs* that's work. So in that respect I never really went into it thinking friendship was a gateway or anything but at least we both know where we stand now and from the experience I'm now pretty certain that it would have turned out the same no matter how I'd asked her. Rejection is really a good thing to encounter in your life. Without rejection, you just assume that all the time you will succeed in your endeavors, regardless of effort or regardless of other factors. So, what I've learned from that is that all you can do is try your best. Then, if things work, they work. If they don't, then you probably deserve better. I agree with you Jim, it's definitely something that should be looked as a good thing - at least initially - it would have been so easy for me to go and get all down about it but truly that just isn't me as I realise that there is nothing to really be achieved from that so I'm just glad that I can take such a positive view on it. I've done my best, she isn't interested in anything other than friendship but... friendship is in many ways better tbh, the worst thing I could have done was reacted badly and made her feel bad because she doesn't deserve that, so now at least things won't be weird, if anything they will be more normal now if that makes sense... because before there were times when I wanted to ask her and that would result in me trying to maybe nudge the conversation in certain directions and it just wasn't good lol. So I'm just glad that I can look back and laugh on it allready and just moved on. I feel your pain man! But it makes you a stronger person, so it's all good in the end! Thanks Nintendohnut, this is exactly how I'm feeling now, stronger for asking her because each day that I didn't ask I would just feel weaker and more like an excuse for a person rather than an actual living entity, so it's good to be free of those feelings. Edited April 17, 2009 by S.C.G Automerged Doublepost Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 then she turns to her friand and does a "what do you think?" face her friend pulls a blaitent "urgh, what the hell are you thinking, hes a freak" face. ladies walk off, im stood alone. again. Friends, in clubs, are your worst enemy. If you're talking to a girl her friend will either, a) get jealous and drag the girl away, b) tell the girl she needs the toilet thus the girl has to go away too or c) pretty much any other excuse to drag the girl away unless you're absolutely ridiculous good looking guy. I'm not exactly an expert in any sense, but if you do go chatting up girls, talk to the one you aren't interested in first and the other will get jealous and then you talk to the other and can work your magic on her and the first won't feel left out. You can also try taking a wingman with you who's happy to take one for the team and go with the other one. theres also a night when i tried to chat up every girl in a club in sunderland. not a single possitive response. rejection is the new one night stand. in my defence, i was very drunk. No prizes for guessing why then. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 le SIGH may i talk about a different type of rejection?? the deli place that i had that horrible trial shift at just called and tole me (surprise surprise!) "no dice" via my voicemail. of course i'm bummed out that i still don't have a job, but i'm kinda relieved i dont have THAT job (course i would have taken it if they offered... it's money...) but i'm really thinking of calling this woman back and letting her know the way her staff are acting.. i know it wouldnt change the outcome of the job offer, but seriously - i was a shoe-in from the interviews ~ it went really well... i'm not just being awkward when i say that i think the way that girl acted messed up my chances entirely.... what do you think...? just to stay a little more on-topic of the relationship rejections thing... POOR ERIC!!! this guy named eric who sold me my phone contract ~ he was really lovely, bless him... we were having a nice chat while he processed my contract, then he says something like "uhm... i'll, uhh... give you my number. just in case you need to call me... you know... to um... ask about your tariff." it was SO cute. he took me to dinner at this fairly nice place in my town - we got on really well, he turned out to have seen and liked a few ghibli movies, even. BUT unfortunately for eric, this was about the time i'd met a certain other guy..and the friendship there was not-so-slowly evolving into something else... so i decided i'd have to let the guy down gently.... but i dont think i did a very good job... the phonecall went a little something like ~ him: i had a good time, shall we do it again? me: uhm.... i had a great time too, but......... him: ....ahh. so, not again....? me: i'm really sorry.................... you're nice! but.................. i got rejector's block. >___<! it's much harder to tell you we're not interested in as-nice-a-way-as-possible than you think, guys! have some consideration for the rejectors, rejectees. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 (edited) Try getting the 'lets be friends' speech after you've snogged and had a brilliant day together, with all thoughts of the next day being the beginning of something special. That's rejection. I woke up after such an experience, text this girl confidently about meeting up and just got shot down immediately. "Sorry about yesterday, i think we should be friends" - or something like that. Was a long time ago now. I'm so happy i found a great girl in my current girlfriend now as being single sucks. Not to rub it in! I feel for you, and i'm sure you'll find someone at some point if you keep trying like you did. That's the way to look at it. But even worse still, rejection at the first hurdle is the smallest kind. Almost everyone has been broken-up with at some point, and many have experienced divorces etc... so put it in perspective. You had a great day in retrospect! Edited April 17, 2009 by Jav_NE Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 I'm trying to think of rejection stories I have, but I can't really think of any... Then again I've never asked anyone out (never found anyone interesting enough, heh) and I've never really had to apply for a job or whatever. Sure there have been smaller rejections, where things I did (like art) weren't good enough, or people in primary school would usually pick me as one of the last few for on their team. *shrugs* =P I have had to reject people a few times though. It's never fun to do, and sometimes just plain awkward! Like when you don't really know the guy, but he seems to be all over you and makes weird comments. He never explicitly asked me out... though he did say a lot of things like he would take me to the cinema if I ever felt like it, or he'd teach me to drive, or other things. I'm not sure how I let him know I wasn't interested though... I think I just tried to ignore it. X3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 le SIGH may i talk about a different type of rejection?? the deli place that i had that horrible trial shift at just called and told me (surprise surprise!) "no dice" via my voicemail. what do you think...? it's much harder to tell you we're not interested in as-nice-a-way-as-possible than you think, guys! have some consideration for the rejectors, rejectees. Of course Bluey, this thread is for all forms of rejection, not merely limited to the relationship related kind on the front of the rejection from that Deli place, personally I think you deserve better than there, but at the end of it all I guess it's about the cash at the moment but look at it this way, at least you can try for that Sushi place that you mentioned, which sounds like a nicer place to work tbh, so fingers crossed for you that all goes well. : peace: And on the front of having to tell someone that you're not interested, I picked up on the fact that it wasn't easy for her to tell me and so I respect that she did tell me honestly in the end as it meant that we now both know where we stand and can move on as friends. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 Of course Bluey, this thread is for all forms of rejection, not merely limited to the relationship related kind on the front of the rejection from that Deli place, personally I think you deserve better than there, but at the end of it all I guess it's about the cash at the moment but look at it this way, at least you can try for that Sushi place that you mentioned, which sounds like a nicer place to work tbh, so fingers crossed for you that all goes well. : peace: Just sent the lady who interviewed me this email.... Hi Susi, Thank you for getting back to me regarding the outcome of my trial shift at the Westfield shopping centre last wednesday. I'd just like to say that i'm not at all surprised by the outcome; I wasn't aware that the manager had taken more than an initial glance at me so I'd be very interested to hear some actual feedback on how he thinks I faired during my shift. I was shocked by the rude and unprofessional behavior of the staff who were evaluating me, and think I should bring your attention to this. I was initially placed with a young man, and then passed on to a girl after being warned to "watch out for her - she's a lesbian". The Girl, Beth, was loudly and openly insulting the other staff members - at one point calling one of them an "asshole" in front of customers - and upper management (she pointed out the owner's son and informed me that he was a "self-righteous dickhead") before she went on to play with the spoon in the mint yoghurt dip and told me that this was the best way of pretending to work while she explained to me how much she hated her job, the customers and the management. As i'm sure you can imagine this made the trial shift rather awkward, I think it would be difficult for anyone to perform impressively under those circumstances. Thank you for your time. Becky maybe it's a little rash, hasty, bitter.... immature, even... to email something like that. i should probably just let it go, right? but what the hell do i have to lose!! i'll let you know if i get any reply Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 Just sent the lady who interviewed me this email.... maybe it's a little rash, hasty, bitter.... immature, even... to email something like that. i should probably just let it go, right? but what the hell do i have to lose!! i'll let you know if i get any reply Tbh all I have to say is wtg for sending that e-mail : peace: I think it's good that you were honest, plus it looks like they have a few problems with their current staff there so maybe this will cause the management to review stuff - or rather staff - and so they may look on you favourably for e-mailing them. And if not, well as you say, what do you have to lose? At least you've tried your best and hopefully have no regrets. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 ahh i dont think this would change the outcome of the job offer in any way. i wouldnt expect it to - i'm just enjoying NOT staying quiet for a change. i'm still having to hold my tongue over how my boss went about letting me go (he STILL hasn't so much as called me!!! grr!) so it's kinda nice to let my hair down and complain for a change ....jamba don't you say a word! for a change. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 also on the rejectio subject, some job rejections would be nice, is it so hard for them to write back and say "no thanks"? employers, a bunch of cunts. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 ^ i actually prefer it when they dont email... i've had two today and it's just getting depressing... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 ^ i actually prefer it when they dont email... i've had two today and it's just getting depressing... At least you know where you stand. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 ^ i actually prefer it when they dont email... i've had two today and it's just getting depressing... *hugs* try not to let it get you down, I remember what it was like for me when I was first trying to get a job, I have a whole file somewhere 'full' of rejection letters, some didn't even write back though but then I guess they didn't really need to as I knew the answer. I say the best thing to do with rejection letters is just file & forget... or y'know just chuck them - or delete if e-mails - phone ones can be annoying, I once applied for a job in a tea-room literally right up the road from where I live, I didn't hear back from them for a few days so I called up to ask and it turns out the guy who interviewed me had left it to his partner to call to tell me I hadn't got the job, only apparently she called, didn't get through and just left it >< so that kind of sucked. Soon after that though things looked up as I got a job at a theme park for a season which was fun and then after my time was over there I literally handed in my CV to my local supermarket the next day totally on-spec and got an interview within days. O.o Now a few years on and I'm still working there, but in a different department, cooking stuff which is more what I wanted to do in the first place, sure it still has its 'moments' all jobs do but for me it's the best place in the store I could possibly be. Hmm I kind of went off on a tangent there but well it just made me think that looking back, I'm glad that I didn't get that job in the tea rooms as I'm happier where I am now, so although getting lots of rejections does suck, when you eventually get a job or another job then it usually means that not getting the other jobs was for the best, even if it may not seem that way atm. Keep at it though Becky and we will keep our fingers crossed for you getting another job soon. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 also on the rejectio subject, some job rejections would be nice, is it so hard for them to write back and say "no thanks"? employers, a bunch of cunts. Agreed. Especially when they don't reply after the hot job centre chick says that your CV is impressive and that you're easily employable. Perhaps I should ask her for a job. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 Agreed. Especially when they don't reply after the hot job centre chick says that your CV is impressive and that you're easily employable. Perhaps I should ask her for a job. The blind man wearing a watch(wtf?) said i was very employable. 5 months later i had the last laugh. or not. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 the phonecall went a little something like ~him: i had a good time, shall we do it again? me: uhm.... i had a great time too, but......... him: ....ahh. so, not again....? me: i'm really sorry.................... you're nice! but.................. i got rejector's block. >___<! it's much harder to tell you we're not interested in as-nice-a-way-as-possible than you think, guys! have some consideration for the rejectors, rejectees. Oh come on! Just saying something on the lines of "but I was already seeing someone else", would make a world of a difference. Now the guy is probably still picking up his heart pieces from around the room. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 It's hard to say this without making it seem harsh. If it does, then just read it again and replace 'you' with 'he' and pretend you're a psychiatrist. I think you still creeped her out. IF she was feeling awkward then it's no impression on the way she feels about you -- i mean she likes you as a friend and she just needs those "five minutes" to scrub her mental hands clean; really she's just worried she'll offend/upset you, hence the pleasantries. You practically interrogated her before she left, by a stream of questions that she felt she HAD to answer. You established with her a firm time/date/place to which she will HAVE to see you again, and insinuated that by then she had better sort herself out and either go back to normal or go out with you. (I have a problem with the word 'comfort', I have discovered.) Personally, I've never had the guts to do what you did. Asking a girl out is a huge thing; a huge scary thing that is scary and scares me because it is scary. And is huge. So massive respect for that. I would probably end up accidentally bumping into her or hitting her or knocking her books out of her hands or offend someone standing near-by that she actually knows blah blah blah. Girls are made of win and sex. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 Oh come on! Just saying something on the lines of "but I was already seeing someone else", would make a world of a difference. Now the guy is probably still picking up his heart pieces from around the room. nah it was quite a while ago ~ i know i'm a stunning catch but i doubt he'd be THAT heartbroken and i wasn't seeing someone else at the time... i was just interested in someone else... so i didnt think it fair to lead the guy on - i didnt know how to tell him he wasn't interesting enough to hold my attention in a nice way... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 I think you still creeped her out. IF she was feeling awkward then it's no impression on the way she feels about you -- i mean she likes you as a friend and she just needs those "five minutes" to scrub her mental hands clean; really she's just worried she'll offend/upset you, hence the pleasantries. You practically interrogated her before she left, by a stream of questions that she felt she HAD to answer. You established with her a firm time/date/place to which she will HAVE to see you again, and insinuated that by then she had better sort herself out and either go back to normal or go out with you. Hmm you may be right Jay, it's not as if I simply asked it out of the blue though, I can think of several times where I 'thought' she had hinted she may be interested in me but at the time I maybe didn't think of it in that way as much, but it's when the next 'hint' comes along thats when you get to thinking that the previous one may have been what you thought it was. :/ And so it goes on and if I had not asked her when I did, then god knows how much longer it would have been before I eventually got around to it, so instead I asked her, got rejected pretty early on in my work shift and then thought about it and what to do next until near the end of my shift which was a good three hours later... If I had just left then I 'know' that I would have seen her on Saturday anyway as we both work on that day and it will have probably been awkward, so instead I apologised before I left and she gave me the 'just a friend' line, I could see that she was trying to think of how to let me down gently, anyway she said it and I made it clear that I was ok with that, we shook hands to show that there were no hard feelings and the only thing I could think to say after that was the obvious 'see you on Saturday?' because we both know that we work on that day. *shrugs* I'm not expecting her to have changed her mind or anything by then she made it pretty obvious that it was just friendship that she wanted and I accepted that, so hopefully things will be normal now. Personally, I've never had the guts to do what you did. Asking a girl out is a huge thing; a huge scary thing that is scary and scares me because it is scary. And is huge. So massive respect for that. Thanks, as I said before, it wasn't easy... I may have actually said those words as confidently as I could at the time but inside I was like 'oh shit' and immediately after I was even thinking 'did I actually just do that?' and after I realised that I'd most probably made her uncomfortable - even if that wasn't my intention that's not the point - I had to apologise to her before I left, the fact that she explained to me why was just a bonus really but it did make things a lot easier and like I say, hopefully things will be normal now. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 I've got too many regrets where I havn't asked girls out because I wasn't confident enough, and you're right, it suck! Join the ****ing club.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 I've got too many regrets where I havn't asked girls out because I wasn't confident enough, and you're right, it suck! Join the ****ing club.. nvm guys, I've had my fair share of regrets as well, hence I did what I did - and still can't quite believe it :/ - regrets aren't easy to live with but some of them do heal over time. *Regret hug* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 nvm guys, I've had my fair share of regrets as well, hence I did what I did - and still can't quite believe it :/ - regrets aren't easy to live with but some of them do heal over time. *Regret hug* Then use those regrets to make sure you never repeat the same mistake again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 17, 2009 Then use those regrets to make sure you never repeat the same mistake again. Good advice, I intend to go down the road of rejection rather than regret from now on based on my aforementioned experience as the former is better than the latter in retrospect, I just hope that it truly does get easier because I have a feeling that it may be something thats gonna become an all too familiar occurance for me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
