Nice

[Aimless]

Compliments are something of a one-way concept for me: I enjoy giving them out, but hand me one in return and I'll look at it like one of those plastic flowers that dance to music; I simply have no idea what I'm supposed to do with it. Nevertheless, the best thing anyone's ever said about me was when my ex-girlfriend used to introduce me as, "The nicest guy you'll ever meet."¹

 

The thing is, the more I think about it the more damning it sounds to me.

 

I am objectively a rather nice person. I'm not being arrogant when I say that — far from it, as I'll clarify later — it's just who I am and how I act. I'm that person that buries their car in the hedge to give way to oncoming traffic, the one that helps the old ladies reach items on the higher shelves in the supermarket, that rushes to hold doors open for the disabled and chases after people if they've dropped something in the street. I don't save lives, I'm not a saint, I'm just... nice. It's a predisposition, a subconscious effort to grease the wheels of the world in the hope that if everyone acted a bit nicer perhaps things would improve for everyone, myself included.

 

And therein lies the flaw. People — in the faceless, shuffling crowd sense — are not nice. A person can be nice, but generally speaking people aren't that way inclined. In fact they pounce upon niceness, abuse it and take advantage. A person can be a paragon of virtue; people are exploitative and selfish. Being nice is seen as an act of weakness, something to be preyed upon and ridiculed.

 

I've tried to be mild-mannered for so long. Perhaps I am weak, but being nice... it's not easy. And yet for all the hardship, the bitten tongues and pulled punches, I have nothing to show for it. I think it's fair to say that, in the end, being nice has only ever left me miserable.

 

This isn't a new realisation. I came to the same conclusion many years ago and nothing has changed. Why? Because despite all odds and reason, despite the glaringly obvious fact that this strategy simply isn't working, I don't want to change. I'm broken, flawed and set on a course of self-destruction, but... I like who I am.

 

I'm in an abusive relationship with an ideology, but no matter how much it knocks me about I end up holding the door wide open as it strides back into my life without so much as a curt nod.

 

So come all ye amiable, pleasant, considerate people. Share your grievances with an unjust world so that you might face it with a new smile tomorrow. You can't help yourselves, but maybe, just maybe, we can help each other with the terrible curse of niceness.

 

 

¹We can assume, given that she dumped me, she was either wrong or realised later that niceness isn't as attractive a quality as you might think.

[Brian Mcoy]

Mcoy is the same

[Fierce_LiNk]

Aimless, from the bottomest of my heart I can agree with you!

 

Helping ladies of old age with their shoping duties can be a pain, but you do it because they are old and need help. I am young and I am still flexbile with age, so I think I should help them do what they cannot do.

 

People have ideas that I am gay or have ulteror motives because I do these nice things. SCREW YOU! We do these things because we care.

 

I care. And you do. GO TEAM./

[Shino]

Aimless write good. Me feel dumb.

[Daft]

Be nice because you want to be. Do it for yourself, be selfish, you deserve it.

 

Selfishness is a virtue in the right people's hands, and since most people are c*nts stuck in their own little world, the right people are far and few.

[Jamba]

Aimless, I used to be the same and when I'm happy I still am but don't think of it as being in vain.

 

I think of it thusly: Every little nice thing you do is like dropping a stone in a pond (overused metaphor I know...) and what you do affects those around you. This makes them happier which in turn cheers up others. The ripple goes on gradually fades. You're just in a very big pond you know, so the sides aren't close enough to bounce the wave back.

 

Be nice because it's who you are man. 'swat I do anyway.

[LazyBoy]

I'm afraid I can't empathise with you, I'm actually a total c**t.

[Guest Stefkov]

I'm the same. I help people and be nice. I've come to not expect a thankyou so when hearing one I wonder what the hell just happened.

At the same time I'm a lazy bastard and turn people away a lot.

[Jamba]

I'm afraid I can't empathise with you, I'm actually a total c**t.

 

Yeah but the world needs people like you:

 

[tapedeck]

And therein lies the flaw. People — in the faceless, shuffling crowd sense — are not nice. A person can be nice, but generally speaking people aren't that way inclined. In fact they pounce upon niceness, abuse it and take advantage. A person can be a paragon of virtue; people are exploitative and selfish. Being nice is seen as an act of weakness, something to be preyed upon and ridiculed.

 

That's pretty much a perfect summing-up of my experiences in life (with others) thus far.

 

I feel that being nice is almost an obsessive-natural condition. It makes you aware of so much, too much at times. You give so much yet nothing is returned. Yet you don't want/crave returns (per se) but the realisation that not many people are nice means you feel that you suffer for it.

 

Someone once told me that because I am nice I am soft. And because I am soft, people are like parasites on me. They get what they want and then leave. I've been used so many times. And for what? This "niceness". It's all a bit broad I guess but like you said, people see you as a weakness...

 

I have incredible highs and moments of pure euphoria from nothing but the world but when I realise that the world is a pretty terrible place I dwindle into a total downer. (I guess we are all the same at times.)

 

I was brought up to believe that being nice got you things, whether it was the girl of your dreams, success, happyness...

 

Unfortunately, in this world it mostly feels like the complete opposite. (Especially when it comes to relationships!)

[Ginger_Chris]

I'm a teacher, practically everything I do between 8:30am and 3:00pm is out of the goodness of my heart because they aren't grateful. That and a pay-check.

[Aimless]

Aimless write good. Me feel dumb.

It's all in the editing; think perseverance as opposed to skill. My posts take ages to write due to how many passes I give them. Besides, I only have one language to worry about.

 

You're just in a very big pond you know, so the sides aren't close enough to bounce the wave back.

Yeah, I know. The frustration of that is the key to this topic: I want people like tapedeck to vent so that being terminally nice might be that little bit easier.

 

I'm a flawed and rather pathetic person, but I still like who I am. Guess I have poor taste.

[tapedeck]

Yeah, I know. The frustration of that is the key to this topic: I want people like tapedeck to vent so that being terminally nice might be that little bit easier.

 

I'm a flawed and rather pathetic person, but I still like who I am. Guess I have poor taste.

 

I feel better already

 

Anyhoo, no need to beat yourself up, just bury your head in the sand and wait until something nice happens. : peace:

[Cube]

I generally consider all compliments I receive as sarcastic comments and totally dismiss them.

[Aimless]

Anyhoo, no need to beat yourself up, just bury your head in the sand and wait until something nice happens. : peace:

If I wasn't being self-effacing I might hurt someone else and then I'd feel far worse. By beating myself up I'm practically doing myself a favour.

 

I appreciate that it is annoying, though. I try to keep it constrained to jokes at my own expense rather than general moping. But I am fairly content with not being very good; it isn't the end of the world.

[Eenuh]

Meh, everyone is flawed really, so that's nothing to feel bad about.

 

But yes, nice people usually get treated like shit. I'm not sure I fall under the category of "nice person", but I do try to be as friendly/nice as possible. If someone needs help, I will try to offer it (like reading a label on a product to an old lady, or giving up my seat for someone). And sure you don't always get a thank you, but when you do get a smile or a nod or an actual "thank you", it feels great.

 

I know I kinda get taken advantage of sometimes, simply because it's hard for me to say no. It has actually brought me into some very annoying situations before as well. D:

 

But meh, being nice is something I will try to keep on doing as much as I can, even though I've come to expect that people don't give a shit about what you do.

[The fish]

I am very much like Aimless, which is nice, in an odd kind of way.

[Aimless]

But meh, being nice is something I will try to keep on doing as much as I can, even though I've come to expect that people don't give a shit about what you do.

But why? Why be nice if it causes you so much trouble?

 

I'm not suggesting you be nasty to everyone — a bitchy Eenuh might cause my world to crumble — I'm simply interested in what you think is the driving force.

 

I am very much like Aimless

My condolences.

[Eenuh]

But why? Why be nice if it causes you so much trouble?

 

I'm not suggesting you be nasty to everyone — a bitchy Eenuh might cause my world to crumble — I'm simply interested in what you think is the driving force.

 

 

My condolences.

 

Honestly I don't know why I keep doing it... maybe because it -does- make me feel a tiny bit better about myself, knowing I did something good? It's just the way I grew up, being nice to people (sure I have moments where I'm not nice, but that's usually just with my family and them being annoying or something).

 

I think if there weren't any nice people around, this world would be even worse to live in than it already is at times.

[Shino]

Maybe I'm just selective with my friends, but usually I find more nice people than bad.

[Jonnas]

I'm nice by nature. If I can help with something, I will.

It's what I want to do, so as long as I manage to help someone, I don't care what anybody else thinks.

 

But maybe I'm in the same position as Shino. I have yet to befriend someone who mocks/frowns upon nice people. And my friends are mostly nice people, too.

 

Anyway, the way I see it, there's nothing wrong with being nice.

[ViPeR]

I think there's a reason why the phrase "Nice guys/gals come last" actually exists and that has been pointed out several times in this thread. It's people as a collective. I'm sure Derren Brown did a study on people on this exact topic. He got a group of people and put them in a scenario where they had to help someone/do something good, and no-one did because they were waiting for someone else to react. It's this so called 'Sheep mentality'.

 

I've been in scenarios where I have acted, and some where I haven't. I try to be as nice and friendly as I can to people and I don't expect anything in return. It does make me wonder do we subconsciously look to a 'leader figure' within the group when said scenarios happen? Someone else to make the tough decision for us? I know I've fallen for this at times, mainly when I don't know the solution. I guess it really depends on situation you're in. I've slightly strayed from the original topic of individuals being nice. What I'm trying to say is even though I am a nice person I will look for other nice people to do the deed for me.

[Jav_NE]

I like to believe i'm a nice person, and i would like to make more friendly gestures than i currently do, but it's hard when others don't reciprocate. Makes me feel like a loser when i go up to talk to somebody so much in the office and they never retrun the favour. So i feel resentment and end up not bothering anymore.

 

People suck.

[Guest Jordan]

Thats the problem with being nice, unless you're with other nice people you just feel like you're been taken for a ride.

 

I'm stupidly nice to people... >_>

[Gaijin von Snikbah]

The only answer is to be an egoistic bastard to people who dont treat you the same way you treat them.

 

I mean sometimes the border between nice and too nice gets so blurry that the only way you can feel good about yourself is to be nice. And possibly you will regret it later.

 

Damned if you do, damned if you dont. Egoism is the cure for these braindestroying questions. Try it now.