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Printers: The Global Conspiracy

Ginger_Chris

By Ginger_Chris
in General Chit Chat

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Ginger_Chris Newbie

Ginger_Chris

Posted
Posted

Printers are everywhere. At work, at school, even in your own home. But why is this so? Everybody knows that the second you need to print something off desperately, a essay 30 minutes before the deadline, map directions just before you leave on a long journey or the vitally important document your boss wanted yesterday, the printer fails.

 

They always fail.

 

Maybe it's low on ink, so you change the cartridge, and print a tester. The new cartidge doesn't work, leave smears everywhere or just decided not to print cyan.

Or possible paper jam. even when you remove the paper and theres nothing there. Sometimes it doesn't even warn you, and ends up chewing through 20 pages at once, making you essay look like its being attacked by a staffy.

Even better is when it just stops working for no apparent reason. The "lost communication with printer" message is usually the cause of hours of frustration. Along with the "your printer has reached end of its service life". What does that mean anyway? it was printing a second ago, its not falling appart and all the bit move where they are supposed to. Who let the printer decide it was going to stop working?

 

"sorry i don't feel like printing your page today, fuck off".

 

So why do they fail at the most inappropriate time. The answer is that they are sentient beings, that monitor your every move waiting for the perfect opportunity to not work. They lull you into a false sense of security, printing out four or five drafts, then fail inexplicably during the final version. The truth is that slowly, surely, they are demoralising the human race, quietly breaking our fragile spirts, so that when the printers rise up against us we'll be so happy that they are doing something, that we won't fight back.

 

If we don't act now we're all doomed. Everyone is doomed.

Guest Jordan

Guest Jordan

Posted
Posted

I had a printer that one day just died and ink started to literally leak from the bottom of it.

 

That wasn't fun.

Ramar Newbie

Ramar

Posted
Posted

I'm doing an essay now and the bastard is out of ink!! I managed to print 9 pages of Java coding, yet it wouldn't print 6 pages of Data Comms work.

 

Conspiracy I tell ya!

 

Edit- Now I have to go into Uni to print the bastard and their printers are big and scary.

Blackfox Newbie

Blackfox

Posted
Posted

I need to get one for uni, anyone recommend me one?

 

I'm thinking of an all in one, as for the extra you pay on it, it comes in handy to get a scanner.

ReZourceman Newbie

ReZourceman

Posted
Posted
I need to get one for uni, anyone recommend me one?

 

I'm thinking of an all in one, as for the extra you pay on it, it comes in handy to get a scanner.

 

I can tell you that, that is a very good idea. My mum had one like that and it was ;

 

A) Awesome

B) Cheap

AshMat Newbie

AshMat

Posted
Posted

This one i got atm was a bitcha t the start, it's a printer/copier/scanner. At first i couldn't get it to print, but i got it working. It won't scan to the PC at all, but it will make photocopies.. :/

 

The old one refused to work, even with new full ink, full paper tray, and compelte un/reinstall.

Konfucius Newbie

Konfucius

Posted
Posted

Everythings fails when you have to do something in the very last minute.

Whether it's the printer, the computer, the car or me.

 

Your surroundings sense your desperation and there's only one thing you can do about it. Don't show any weakness in front of your electronic devices - it's the only way you can stop it.

Supergrunch Newbie

Supergrunch

Posted
Posted

I did note the strange and twisted reality of printers about 5 years ago, but was under the impression that they've been better behaved recently.

 

Perhaps they are biding their time...

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