Iun

I dislike political correctness. It's a dangerous line between calling a spade a spade and calling it a wood/metal-hybrid manual digging device. I was brought up in a world without too much political correctness, but a respect for different races and cultures. I used the "N" word once and my mother damn near beat me to death. Yep, she really hated nephrologists.

That's EXTREMELY good advice. That's how I learned to jet ski and the reason I moved to China. By the by, girls in China be muy muy lovin' de non-Chinese guys, so... anyone who is lonely should consider getting a job out here.

There's supposed to be some kind of sound-based technique that can smash them into smaller pieces. However, my understanding is that there's nowhere in Shanghai that can do it. Not to worry though, I'm so masculine and beefy that passing a jagged lump of rock-solid calcium through my tiny pee-hole doesn't scare me in the least.

Hands up all those who were hospitalised last night? *raises hand foppishly* Turns out the cause of the bleeding and sickness was kidney stones after all, but somehow the first hospital missed them. 10pm last night I was peeing like a novelty fish pond gnome, with a lovely burning sensation to boot. Then at 2am this morning I had the mother of all pains in my left flank, and despite my best efforts to control the pain with my Jedi-like self-discipline, after an hour I woke up Mrs Iun who called an ambulance. You would not BELIEVE this pain, it's supposed to be like the worst agny your body can endure next to childbirth: but I was so manly about it at the hospital, all the Chinese people were like "wow, look at that handsome, sexually appealing English guy in his Garfield Pajamas and cheap bamboo slippers...he's clearly some kind of Urban Commando in the way he's standing upright and enduring the most excruciating pain without saying a word." They gave me pain killers which last all of thirty minutes, thanks to my hyperactive liver, but luckily the pain subsided after about two hours. What had happened was that a stone that has been in my left kidney for the last four years had grown so big and dropped into my bladder, that was the cause of the horrific pain. Now I have to pass a 1cm stone throug an opening that, to the best of my knowledge, is about 4mm when fully dilated. I am so looking forward to that.

I did like a ... like a little song there. Y'know? And you just follow it up with...with that... Why didn't you just put a horses head in her bed and have done with it?

I played Resident Evil 5 for 'bout twenty minutes... TALK ABOUT TWO STEPS FORWARD, FIFTY-FIVE MILLION STEPS BACK. Jeez laweez. It's a simple concept: Zombies. Guns. Scares. How is it possible to suck all the fun out of that? HOW? Resident Evil 4 was The Tits. Do you hear me? THE TITS. But somehow, somewhere, someone let a god-damn COMEDIAN into the Capcom office who decided that the best way to capitalise on the success of the AWESOME Resident Evil 4 was to make the next game UTTER, UTTER SHIT. *slow hand clap* Nice. Work. Anyway, the movies: entertaining enough. Actually the cream of the crop of video game movies. Laser scene in the first one was pretty cool, but the movie needed Colin Salmon in it longer. Like, for the entire film.

It's Raining_Again, Hallelujah! It's Raining_Again, Her special day! Short, blonde, hot as hell, Real good fun and sexy smiiiiiiiiile... God Bless Mother Nature! She gave us an angel, She rearranged the sky! So that every heregone forumite Could see her sexy smiiiiiiiiiiiiile... IT'S RAINING_AGAIN, YEAH! Sorry, best I can manage on two hours sleep. *cough*

My sincerest condolences Captain Falcon.

Falcon Punch?

Ah... Too late! Nevertheless, happy birthday to my favourite fellow staffer!

You kidding me? We had a Russian Fighting Hamster that lasted about two weeks... It was basically a circle of fur with razor-sharp teeth and a volcanic temper. It met it's end against a flint wall after it bit my father as he was trying to put fresh foo in the cage. And Odders, let's be honest, Esther hid something from you. You're not being a douche, the fact that she actively chose to conceal something from you SHOULD be disturbing for you. BUT: go in rationally, don't go in all "hell woman, whatchoo goin' done gettin' dem kids a ham-ster? Ain't I done said kids ain't havin' no ham-ster? You showin' me no respect here, woman!" Because that, while awesome, wouldn't be conducive to reasoned and fair discussion.

Yes, yes, I love you!

Yeah, acid comedowns are a bitch.

Doctors in general need punching in the ovaries/balls.

Jeebers, The Mother-Lovin' Goonies. That movie should be required viewing for all children aged 6-12 and all adults between 18 - 65. For that difficult 13 - 17 year old period, Children should not be permitted television.

We never see you here any more, you appear out of nowhere suddenly asking if anyone likes this band, and you're begging a room off somebody. Cheeky. I made a joke about it. Had anyone else done the same, my response would have been identical. Now that you don't feel so special, just get over it and move on.

I always say to my staff:if you can't turn up on time, don't turn up at all. I have lost so many staff members in the last few years...

I never "got" the Lion King. It seemed to me designed specifically to be a tearjerker without much other story in it, a little like Bambi.

Neverending Story - I really had it bad for the Child-Like Empress Karate Kid - At the heart a great father-son movie, superbly done by Pat Morita Star Trek II The Wrath of Khan - Teaches the importance and nobility of self-sacrifice. I can't watch the final Kirk/Spock scene without crying. Transformers The Movie - I bawled my eyes out when Prime died. Saw this at a friends' house and I ran the whole way home with tears in my eyes. For me that was the beginning of my understanding of death.

that's not how you say "go fuck your mother" in Chinese, you ignorant wretch. Your Chinese is worse than your taste in music.

As I understood it, the poor guy had Alzheimers for a while, and he had forgotten most his roles in things like Columbo. He was an enormously important feature of my childhood - my grandma loved Columbo, and later on when I was studying at Reading, the series was repeated and it was absolutely essential viewing for me and the housemates. You will be remembered, Peter, and that's all any of us can hope for. Rest in peace. ....but just one more thing...

A wild Hermione appears! Scratch Sand-attack Growl >Bone her silly

Why was he banned? Is it because he's black?

Thanks for the well-wishes, guys! I'm now working on a piece about Chinese "neo-colonialism" in Africa, as well as their decision to meet the man allegedly responsible for the genocide in Darfur.

I hit up the site. There's no chance of being approached unless you've already been recognized, then the chances are still slim because the pay is so poor. Most academics publish in quarterly journals these days, I'd love to get into one of those, there's a mint to be made in residual publishing dues as well as the posterity value. Hell, for the last essay I wrote I was reading guys who were publishing more than thirty years ago and they are still relevant today...how cool is that? Yep, that's me. Native American side of the family to blame.