The fish Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 For your ammusement:laughing:: COWS AND POLITICS EXPLAINED FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need. FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment. MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate" and you never get the cows anyway. BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything. BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.. ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows. CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned. COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide. A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital. A TENNESSEE CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dieter Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute. I used to live in Arkansas >:-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The fish Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 Ok, I changed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dieter Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Ok, I changed it. Tool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike-zim Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 really quiet good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The fish Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 really quiet good. Surely "quite"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ford Prefect Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 I used to live in Arkansas >:-( SHOOT THE REDNECK! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The fish Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 SHOOT THE REDNECK! Don't, he's a reformed redneck... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike-zim Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 yes spelling is not my strong point. never quite spell things right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ford Prefect Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Don't, he's a reformed redneck... is that like a reformed chav? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shino Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Very nice, the first time my parents explained the concept of communism they used cows too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan_Dare Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 is that like a reformed chav? no, it's more like ben folds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mario114 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Seen it before, or something like it; still very funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Letty Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 I have one like that stuck on my door. It is quite amusing I agree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Stefkov Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 cows emit methane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supergrunch Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 cows emit methane ...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The fish Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 I think Stefkov is just in a random cow facts mood... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Konfucius Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Some very funny explanations there. Austria: You have two cows. You form a Comission to decide what should happen to the cows. After two years they reach the conclusion that everything should stay as it was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The fish Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Austria: You have two cows. You form a Comission to decide what should happen to the cows. After two years they reach the conclusion that everything should stay as it was. That should be applied to the EU as a whole... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshMat Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 There's one like this, using the "Shit Happens" statement Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The fish Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 A short guide to comparative religions, through the medium of "shit happens" Taoism: Shit happens Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit Happens" Buddhism: If shit happens, it really isn't shit Zen: What is the sound of shit happenig Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening Hinduism: This shit happened before Mormonism: This shit will happen again Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah Moonies: Only happy shit really happens Stoicism: This shit is good for me Protestanism: Let the shit happen to someone else Catholicism: Shit happens because you are BAD Calvinism: Shit happens when you dont work hard enough Seventh Day Adventism: No shit on Saturdays Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us? Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time Christian science: Shit is in your mind Atheism: Sheeit Unitarian Universalism: If shit happens, lets get together and disscuss it Existentialism: What is this shit, anyway? Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Odwin Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Mormonism: This shit will happen again I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haden Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Protestanism: Let the shit happen to someone else I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The fish Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Hey, I don't write this stuff... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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