A Question of Pettyness.

[Coolness Bears]

My sister (older than me and doesn't live with us) while I was away, leaving my room unguarded. Took my Tetris game.

 

If I had the emotion of anger in my body I would have T-blocked her in the face.

 

As it so happens I'm of the gentle nature and asked her politely to GIVE BACK MY GODDAMN GAME! :p

[Jonnas]

I realise it's a specific situation, but would any of you guys after effectively moving out go to the family home and take something from a sibling without asking, or from their room(regardless of ownership)? Would it make any difference if it was in my situation, the sibling in a new house you don't live in but they have something of yours/that you need? I am really questioning my world view on certain things, because I would have just thought that totally unacceptable, yet I get the impression here that people think it ok, but I would never do that to anyone. I have keys to my sister's house, and free license to come and go(admittedly agreed a while back, but I'd check with her before I did because it was a while ago) but I'd never just go round and take something I wanted. I am honestly finding it hard to believe that so many people seem to think it's so ok? Like I guess, quite literally, unbelievable?

 

Alternative scenario, if you had a friend who owed you £20, and you were in their house and in their room, in their presence, and they had £20 lying around, would you just take it and think it ok?

 

None of that is acceptable without their consent (unless there's an emergency). It doesn't matter how close you are, warn people before taking something from their house.

 

Obviously, your brother still thinks that the house you're living in is also his. Your parents sound like they're permissive enough to allow him to continue that way. But until you get your own house, confronting your brother about this is the best option. Tell him that some things are unacceptable.

(But definitely don't pay him in the same coin, that's just being equally disrespectful.)

[Aimless]

I am honestly finding it hard to believe that so many people seem to think it's so ok?

I don't think anyone's saying what he did was right, more that he had the right to take back what's his.

 

Question: did you appropriate the Freeview box before or after asking his consent?

[nightwolf]

I don't think anyone's saying what he did was right, more that he had the right to take back what's his.

 

Question: did you appropriate the Freeview box before or after asking his consent?

 

There's taking something back that is rightfully there's and taking something back that is rightfully yours in someone elses space and house and treating it like a hotel.

 

I find it infuriating that siblings are allowed to keep keys when they've moved out, it is not their house anymore, take the god damn keys away from them, after 4 years of my sister moving in and out my Dad has finally taken the keys of her, as he rightfully should, she doesn't live her anymore and should treat the place better, as should happen when I properly move out.

 

It's like how I ask if I can come home and my parents think it's silly to ask, but I know turning up unannounced is very very rude, as yes it's still partial my home, but I don't live there 90% of the time.

 

This subject pees me off more than it should..

 

/rant.

[Rummy]

Well, the box was in the house sitting idle so I put it upstairs(at first to test the aerial the lady left here, then I found an aerial socket on the wall anyway). He was around alot then because of helping moving, still bringing stuff back and forth etc, so I imagine at the time I didn't directly ask him as it was already in the house, but I'm pretty sure I let him know I had it to check if he was ok with it, and he didn't take any issue.

 

There's taking something back that is rightfully there's and taking something back that is rightfully yours in someone elses space and house and treating it like a hotel.

 

I find it infuriating that siblings are allowed to keep keys when they've moved out, it is not their house anymore, take the god damn keys away from them, after 4 years of my sister moving in and out my Dad has finally taken the keys of her, as he rightfully should, she doesn't live her anymore and should treat the place better, as should happen when I properly move out.

 

It's like how I ask if I can come home and my parents think it's silly to ask, but I know turning up unannounced is very very rude, as yes it's still partial my home, but I don't live there 90% of the time.

 

This subject pees me off more than it should..

 

/rant.

 

That's exactly what I think! When we all moved out of his, he took his keys off us! Including my parents!

[MoogleViper]

I am honestly finding it hard to believe that so many people seem to think it's so ok? Like I guess, quite literally, unbelievable?

 

We're not saying that it's ok. Just that you're making a mountain out of a very small molehill.

[Cube]

A few years ago (while I was at Uni), my sister let her best friend borrow most of my N64 stuff (games, controllers, expansion packs) without asking me. I never saw any of that stuff ever again. In the end I ended up throwing my N64 (well, my mum asked why I still needed it...with not being able to afford new controllers there was no good reason I could give).

 

Still, I get along with her just fine now.

[nightwolf]

We're not saying that it's ok. Just that you're making a mountain out of a very small molehill.

 

The only problem is, when you let a molehill slide it can soon become a mountain.

[Aimless]

There's taking something back that is rightfully there's and taking something back that is rightfully yours in someone elses space and house and treating it like a hotel.

At what point did it become 'rightfully' Rummy's? Is the coat with your name in it that your sister took now rightfully hers?

 

Well, the box was in the house sitting idle so I put it upstairs(at first to test the aerial the lady left here, then I found an aerial socket on the wall anyway). He was around alot then because of helping moving, still bringing stuff back and forth etc, so I imagine at the time I didn't directly ask him as it was already in the house, but I'm pretty sure I let him know I had it to check if he was ok with it, and he didn't take any issue.

So you took it and told him afterwards? Is that not what he did to you?

 

I'm not trying to paint you as the bad guy here, Rummy, merely have you look at the situation from another perspective, one free of the history of sibling rivalry.

 

Your brother's actions were inconsiderate, certainly, but the reason you were so angry about it was because of your long standing perception of your brother's attitude towards you. Obviously I'm in no position to tell you how valid or false that might be, I'm simply trying to help you step outside your vicious circle where you believe your brother to act malicious towards you, therefore you see malice in the inconsiderate and indifferent, enforcing your belief that you brother sets out to wrong you, and so on.

[nightwolf]

Really it is, because I know if I ever got it back I wouldn't wear it, although in my circumstances she stole it, in rummy's he old kept it because he didn't think his brother didn't want it back.

 

In both cases it could be handled better, my sister could have easily asked to borrow/have one of my coats as I regularly have to get rid of clothes as I have a habit of buying too many, a habit she knows of. In Rummy's case he could have mentioned before he took the digibox, neither side should have entered the others personally space without asking.

[Rummy]

A couple months ago in June I bought my dad a DVD for his birthday, my brother was around when I was at work and managed then to text me if he could borrow it, I told him it was Dad's DVD anyway. THAT time it wasn't even in my room. My issue here wasn't the property or appropriation of it, it was that I thought there was a very distinct and clear boundary between firstly, my room being my room, and secondly, my home being my home. When I took his freeview box, I took it from MY downstairs living room and put it in MY room in MY home. I did not go into HIS house and take it because it wasn't being used in HIS home. I informed him next time he was around the house and I saw him that I had it.

 

That's where for me, the biggest distinction is/was, that there was distinct boundaries on place of the fact that he did not live in this house. If I was to lend something to someone, regardless how good a friend I am with them and whatever access I had to their house, I would never take something back without telling/asking them first. Especially not from their bedroom.

[nightwolf]

Me being petty.

 

I didn't buy my sister a birthday present this year as my parents felt she didn't deserve it, she didn't even dare show her face at home anyway.

 

Sad face.